The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction between many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In contemporary society, online communication via social media platforms has replaced physical interaction among individuals. This essay will dissect why the benefits of this phenomenon are overshadowed by its drawbacks.
Notably, social media furnishes noteworthy advantages in our lives. The primary benefit is that social media platforms facilitate online users’ interaction and communication. Indubitably, it offers numerous free and convenient applications for communication, which can potentially maintain people’s connection from different places and eliminate geographical barriers, forging and cementing their family bonds and social rapports. Another inherent upside is time- and cost-efficiency. Doubtless, as individuals only need to access the internet connection to communicate with their friends, co-workers, and partners, this probably lessen commuting costs.
Nonetheless, this phenomenon does more harm than good. The first effectual downside is that social media could presumably make digital users diminish soft skills, especially including interpersonal skill. Irrefutably, people increasingly utilize online platforms to interact with others, proportionally, which might likely make them become more reliant on these communicational tools, as a result, losing some necessary skills such as communication and presentation ones in real life. Another prominent drawback is that it can wreak havoc on digital users’ wellbeing. Undoubtedly, people pour a substantial proportion of their time into social media instead of engaging in physical conversations, hence, which presumably leads to the increase of screen time and sedentary lifestyle, consequently, exerting severely adverse impacts on both mental and physical wellbeing.
In conclusion, in light of the aforementioned reasoning, while the use of social media instead of physical interactions can offer certain noticeable benefits, I am of the opinion that such upsides are eclipsed by the drawbacks.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In contemporary society" -> "In the contemporary society"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "contemporary society" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more formal and precise.
"has replaced" -> "has largely replaced"
Explanation: Adding "largely" provides a more nuanced and accurate description of the extent to which social media has replaced physical interaction.
"Notably" -> "Notably, however"
Explanation: Adding "however" after "Notably" introduces a contrast, which is more appropriate for academic writing, signaling that the following statement contrasts with the previous one.
"furnishes noteworthy advantages" -> "offers significant advantages"
Explanation: "Furnishes" is less common in this context and can be replaced with "offers," which is more direct and clear in academic writing.
"free and convenient applications" -> "free and convenient communication tools"
Explanation: "Communication tools" is a more specific and accurate term than "applications," which is too broad and informal for this context.
"potentially maintain" -> "potentially maintain"
Explanation: Removing "people’s" corrects the grammatical structure, aligning with the passive voice used in the sentence.
"eliminate geographical barriers" -> "overcome geographical barriers"
Explanation: "Overcome" is a more precise and formal verb than "eliminate" in this context, suggesting a more active and successful achievement.
"doubtless" -> "undeniably"
Explanation: "Undeniably" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "doubtless," which can sound overly colloquial.
"this probably lessen" -> "this may reduce"
Explanation: "May reduce" is more precise and formal than "probably lessen," which is less commonly used in academic writing.
"soft skills" -> "interpersonal skills"
Explanation: "Interpersonal skills" is a more specific and academically recognized term than "soft skills," which can be vague and informal.
"Irrefutably" -> "Undoubtedly"
Explanation: "Undoubtedly" is more commonly used in academic writing to express certainty, whereas "Irrefutably" is less typical and can sound overly dramatic.
"proportionally" -> "correspondingly"
Explanation: "Correspondingly" is more precise and formal than "proportionally," which is typically used in mathematical contexts.
"losing some necessary skills" -> "neglecting essential skills"
Explanation: "Neglecting" is a more precise verb than "losing," which implies a more active and intentional disregard for skills.
"wreak havoc" -> "have a detrimental impact"
Explanation: "Have a detrimental impact" is a more formal and precise phrase than "wreak havoc," which is colloquial and dramatic.
"pour a substantial proportion of their time" -> "devote a significant amount of their time"
Explanation: "Devote" is more formal and precise than "pour," which is metaphorical and less suitable for academic writing.
"exerting severely adverse impacts" -> "exerting severe adverse impacts"
Explanation: "Severe" is more appropriate as an adjective modifying "adverse impacts," aligning with the formal tone of academic writing.
"I am of the opinion" -> "I believe"
Explanation: "I believe" is a more direct and formal expression in academic writing, avoiding the slightly informal tone of "I am of the opinion."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media as a replacement for face-to-face interaction. The introduction clearly states the intention to dissect the benefits and drawbacks, which aligns well with the question. The advantages presented include enhanced communication and cost-efficiency, while the disadvantages focus on the decline of interpersonal skills and negative impacts on well-being. However, while the essay mentions both sides, it could benefit from a more explicit comparison of the advantages and disadvantages to clearly establish whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the essay could include a more explicit evaluation of the advantages versus disadvantages. For instance, after discussing the benefits, the writer could directly contrast them with the drawbacks to clarify their stance more effectively. A concluding statement summarizing this comparison would also strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the disadvantages of social media outweigh its advantages. This stance is consistent throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the clarity of this position could be improved by more explicitly stating the thesis in the introduction and reiterating it in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should ensure that the thesis statement in the introduction is direct and unequivocal. Additionally, reinforcing this position in each body paragraph—perhaps by summarizing how each point relates back to the main argument—would enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas regarding both the advantages and disadvantages of social media. For example, the discussion on how social media facilitates communication and the potential loss of interpersonal skills are both relevant and supported by logical reasoning. However, some points could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to substantiate the claims made, such as statistics on screen time or studies linking social media use to mental health issues.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should incorporate specific examples, data, or studies that illustrate the points made. For instance, citing research on the impact of social media on mental health or providing anecdotal evidence of lost interpersonal skills would add depth to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of social media and its impact on face-to-face interactions. The discussion is relevant and does not stray from the prompt. However, some phrases, such as "which might likely make them become more reliant on these communicational tools," could be more concise and focused.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should aim for clarity and conciseness in their language. Avoiding overly complex phrases and ensuring that each sentence directly supports the main argument will help keep the essay tightly aligned with the topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in clarity, support, and explicit comparisons, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The transition from discussing the benefits of social media to its drawbacks is logical and follows a cause-and-effect pattern. For instance, the essay begins by outlining the advantages, such as maintaining connections and cost-efficiency, before moving to the disadvantages, which include the decline of interpersonal skills and negative impacts on wellbeing. However, the organization could be improved by ensuring that each point is fully developed before transitioning to the next, as some ideas feel slightly rushed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using topic sentences that clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point is elaborated upon with sufficient examples or explanations before moving on to the next point. This will help to create a more cohesive argument and allow readers to follow the writer’s thought process more easily.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, with the first paragraph discussing advantages and the second addressing disadvantages. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer internal structure; for example, the second paragraph could be divided into two distinct paragraphs—one for the advantages and another for the disadvantages—to provide a more balanced discussion.
- How to improve: Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones, especially when discussing multiple points within the same paragraph. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, supported by relevant details. This will not only improve clarity but also enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "notably," "indubitably," and "nonetheless," which help to connect ideas and signal transitions. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and the essay relies heavily on a few phrases. This can make the writing feel repetitive and less engaging. For instance, the repeated use of "undoubtedly" and "presumably" could be varied to improve the flow.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "on the other hand," and "consequently." This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and maintain the reader’s interest.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By addressing these aspects, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument, potentially achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, employing terms such as "furnishes," "indubitably," "time- and cost-efficiency," and "wreak havoc." These choices reflect a good command of English and an ability to articulate complex ideas. However, some phrases, such as "make digital users diminish soft skills," could be expressed more naturally. The use of "effectual downside" is somewhat awkward and could be simplified to "significant downside."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "social media" frequently, you could use alternatives like "digital platforms" or "online networks." Additionally, ensure that phrases are idiomatic and flow naturally in context.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "this probably lessen commuting costs" should be "this probably lessens commuting costs." The term "interpersonal skill" should be pluralized to "interpersonal skills" to accurately convey the intended meaning. The phrase "exerting severely adverse impacts" could be simplified to "having severe negative impacts," which would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that vocabulary is not only varied but also precise. Review the essay for grammatical accuracy and ensure that terms are used in their correct forms. Reading more academic texts can help in understanding the nuances of word usage and improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no glaring errors that would impede understanding. However, the phrase "wellbeing" is often spelled as "well-being" in formal writing. Additionally, "rapport" is correctly spelled, but it is a less common term and may not be as familiar to all readers.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider using spell-check tools and proofreading your work carefully. Familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and practice writing them in context. Reading widely can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-edited texts.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with a good range and mostly accurate usage, there are opportunities for refinement in precision and natural expression. By focusing on these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Notably, social media furnishes noteworthy advantages in our lives" and "Doubtless, as individuals only need to access the internet connection to communicate with their friends, co-workers, and partners, this probably lessen commuting costs" showcase the writer’s ability to construct sentences that convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, such as "which might likely make them become more reliant on these communicational tools," further illustrates the writer’s proficiency in varying sentence types. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and redundancy, such as "the increase of screen time and sedentary lifestyle," which could be streamlined for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words to connect ideas more fluidly. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Another," the writer could use phrases like "In addition to this," or "Furthermore," to introduce new points. Additionally, practicing the use of passive voice or inversion in some sentences could add further complexity and interest to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "this probably lessen commuting costs" should use "lessens" to agree with the singular subject "this." Furthermore, the sentence "hence, which presumably leads to the increase of screen time and sedentary lifestyle" contains an unnecessary comma after "hence," which disrupts the flow and clarity of the sentence. Overall, the punctuation is mostly correct, but there are moments where clarity could be improved with better punctuation choices.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that all verbs are correctly conjugated. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common pitfalls can help solidify these skills. Additionally, revising sentences for unnecessary commas and ensuring that clauses are correctly punctuated will enhance clarity. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing or grammatical errors that may have been overlooked during the writing process.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on refining sentence structure variety and ensuring grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to an even higher standard.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, online communication via social media platforms has largely replaced physical interaction among individuals. This essay will dissect why the benefits of this phenomenon are overshadowed by its drawbacks.

Notably, social media offers significant advantages in our lives. The primary benefit is that social media platforms facilitate online users’ interaction and communication. Indubitably, it provides numerous free and convenient communication tools, which can potentially maintain people’s connections from different places and overcome geographical barriers, forging and cementing their family bonds and social rapports. Another inherent upside is time and cost efficiency. Doubtless, as individuals only need to access an internet connection to communicate with their friends, co-workers, and partners, this probably reduces commuting costs.

Nonetheless, this phenomenon does more harm than good. The first effectual downside is that social media could presumably make digital users diminish soft skills, especially interpersonal skills. Irrefutably, people increasingly utilize online platforms to interact with others; correspondingly, this might make them more reliant on these communication tools, resulting in the loss of necessary skills such as communication and presentation in real life. Another prominent drawback is that it can wreak havoc on digital users’ well-being. Undoubtedly, people devote a significant amount of their time to social media instead of engaging in physical conversations; hence, this presumably leads to an increase in screen time and a sedentary lifestyle, consequently exerting severe adverse impacts on both mental and physical well-being.

In conclusion, in light of the aforementioned reasoning, while the use of social media instead of physical interactions can offer certain noticeable benefits, I believe that such upsides are eclipsed by the drawbacks.