Employers should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year to help employees perform better in their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The ongoing debate surrounding the offer of 4-week vacation a year has garnered much interest in the public eye recently. Some people hold the notion that employees should be given this to foster their working performance; while others are in favor of not doing this. From my perspective, I am in complete accordance with the veracity of the latter statement and this essay aims to endeavor to elucidate the rationale behind this standpoint.
First and foremost, a holiday lasting for 4 weeks or more can pose a dangerous threat to the operation of the constitutions. In many industries, especially private and small corporations, some workers play a crucial role in running the firm; therefore, if they take a month off, the link in the whole chain might be missing, potentially disturbing the workflow. For instance, when a bank consultant takes a 4-week holiday, the bank would be understaffed, procrastinating deadlines and delivering slower service to the customers, hence dissatisfaction in clients. Not only do the companies have to encounter revenue degradation and substantial losses, but also, in the long run, a decline in economic prosperity. This tendency can be hindered if the employees are not offered with prolonged vacation.
Furthermore, embracing that long vacation for workers is beset with hidden risks for themselves. As, after returning from an extended period away from work, they are required to catch up with the missed information to blend in with the current progress and regain their previous level of productivity, significantly disrupting the individuals’ working consistency. Consequently, the efficiency at work offices might decelerate, giving rise to the downward salary they receive. Recent research in China reported that most stress in the workplace revolves from the overwhelming amount of work that employees have to be updated after vacation and also the cut-off income when they do not meet that requirement. This suggests that offering a month-long holiday can indirectly affect the productivity and health of workers.
Grantedly, decision-makers should not turn a blind eye to the benefits that people can reap. Arranging time for vacation for workers encourages proper rest, helping them to recharge their batteries and prevent burnout from stress or other health-related problems. However, due to their desire to climb the career ladder and pursue their dream position with a generous income to enjoy life to the fullest, some people are not willing to lose their working momentum, therefore, unwilling to trade their career for enjoying a month-long vacation.
To draw a conclusion, employees should not be given an extended vacation as it negatively impacts on both constitutions and themselves. I hold my belief that the responsibility lies upon the governmental and authorized bodies’ shoulders to bring in appropriate rule for offering holiday time.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The ongoing debate surrounding the offer of 4-week vacation a year" -> "The ongoing debate regarding the provision of a four-week annual vacation"
Explanation: "Regarding" is more formal than "surrounding," and "provision" is more precise than "offer." Additionally, "four-week" is more formal than "4-week," and "annual" clarifies the frequency of the vacation.
"Some people hold the notion that" -> "Some individuals believe that"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "believe" is a more academic term than "hold the notion that."
"I am in complete accordance with the veracity of the latter statement" -> "I fully support the validity of the latter argument"
Explanation: "Fully support" is more direct and formal than "in complete accordance with," and "validity" is more specific than "veracity" in this context.
"endeavor to elucidate" -> "endeavor to explain"
Explanation: "Explain" is more straightforward and commonly used in academic writing than "elucidate," which can be overly formal and less clear.
"pose a dangerous threat to the operation of the constitutions" -> "pose a significant threat to the functioning of the organizations"
Explanation: "Constitutions" is incorrectly used here; "organizations" is the correct term. "Significant" is also more precise than "dangerous," which can imply extreme danger.
"the link in the whole chain might be missing" -> "a critical link in the chain might be missing"
Explanation: "Critical" specifies the importance of the link, enhancing the clarity and precision of the statement.
"procrastinating deadlines" -> "delaying deadlines"
Explanation: "Delaying" is a more formal and precise term than "procrastinating," which can imply intentional avoidance.
"delivering slower service to the customers" -> "providing slower service to customers"
Explanation: "Providing" is more formal and appropriate in this context than "delivering," which is typically used for tangible goods.
"beset with hidden risks for themselves" -> "complicated by hidden risks for themselves"
Explanation: "Complicated by" is a more accurate description of the challenges faced, as "beset" can imply a more immediate and intense situation.
"catch up with the missed information" -> "catch up on the missed information"
Explanation: "Catch up on" is the correct idiomatic expression for referring to getting up to date with information.
"regain their previous level of productivity" -> "regain their previous level of performance"
Explanation: "Performance" is a more specific and formal term than "productivity," which can be broader and less precise in this context.
"the downward salary they receive" -> "a reduction in their salary"
Explanation: "A reduction in their salary" is more formal and precise than "the downward salary they receive," which is awkward and unclear.
"Grantedly" -> "Granted,"
Explanation: "Grantedly" is not a standard adverb and is likely a typographical error; "Granted," is the correct form.
"not willing to lose their working momentum" -> "not willing to sacrifice their momentum at work"
Explanation: "Sacrifice their momentum at work" is more specific and formal than "lose their working momentum," which is somewhat vague.
"negatively impacts on both constitutions and themselves" -> "negatively affects both organizations and themselves"
Explanation: "Affects" is the correct verb for this context, and "organizations" is the correct term, replacing the incorrect "constitutions."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument against the provision of a 4-week holiday for employees. The writer discusses potential negative impacts on businesses and individual productivity, which are relevant to the question. However, while the essay acknowledges the opposing viewpoint regarding the benefits of vacation, it does not fully explore this perspective or provide a balanced discussion. The mention of benefits is somewhat superficial and lacks depth.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider providing a more thorough examination of the opposing viewpoint. This could involve discussing specific benefits of extended holidays in greater detail, such as improved employee morale or creativity. Additionally, incorporating examples or evidence supporting these benefits would create a more balanced argument and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the idea of a 4-week holiday, stating that it poses risks to both businesses and employees. However, the phrase "I am in complete accordance with the veracity of the latter statement" is somewhat awkward and could confuse readers. The position is generally consistent, but the language used to express it could be clearer.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should use more straightforward language to express their stance. Phrases like "I completely disagree" or "I firmly believe" would be more effective. Additionally, reinforcing the position throughout the essay with clear topic sentences and concluding statements would help maintain focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the potential disruption to workflow and the personal challenges employees face after returning from a long holiday. However, some points are not fully developed. For instance, the discussion about the negative impact on productivity after returning from vacation could benefit from more specific examples or data to support the claims made.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with detailed examples or statistics. For instance, citing specific studies or providing anecdotal evidence from personal experience could enhance the argument. Additionally, organizing ideas into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences would improve the overall structure and coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of a 4-week holiday for employees. However, there are moments where the discussion strays slightly, such as when mentioning the desire for career advancement. While this is relevant, it could be more tightly linked to the main argument to maintain focus.
- How to improve: To ensure that the essay remains focused, the writer should consistently relate all points back to the main argument. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases that connect ideas directly to the topic of holiday impact, and by avoiding tangential discussions that do not directly support the central thesis.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of opposing views, clearer expression of the writer’s position, more detailed support for ideas, and tighter focus on the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the provision of a 4-week holiday for employees, structured around several key points. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, outlining the opposing views and clearly stating the author’s position. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, such as the impact on company operations and individual productivity. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between the second and third paragraphs feels abrupt, as the discussion shifts from the negative implications of long vacations to the potential benefits without a smooth segue.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument more fluidly. For example, after discussing the risks of long vacations, a sentence like "Despite these concerns, it is important to acknowledge the potential benefits of vacation time" could help bridge the gap between contrasting ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point related to the main argument. The first two paragraphs are particularly strong in presenting the author’s viewpoint clearly. However, the third paragraph, which introduces the benefits of vacations, feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding arguments. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the main argument but could benefit from a more comprehensive summary of the points made.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph not only presents a single idea but also connects back to the overall thesis. In the third paragraph, consider explicitly linking the benefits of vacations to the earlier discussion by acknowledging that while vacations can be beneficial, they may not outweigh the risks discussed previously. This will create a more cohesive structure throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "furthermore," and "grantedly," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the phrase "this suggests that" is used effectively, but the essay could benefit from additional connectors that indicate contrast or concession, particularly when discussing the benefits of vacations.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, when transitioning from the discussion of risks to benefits, consider using phrases like "on the other hand" or "however" to clearly indicate the shift in focus. Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "not only… but also," can enhance the sophistication of the writing and improve coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving logical transitions, enhancing paragraph connections, and diversifying cohesive devices, the overall coherence and cohesion can be further strengthened, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "constitutions," "revenue degradation," and "burnout" showcasing an ability to express complex ideas. However, some phrases are somewhat repetitive or awkward, such as "the link in the whole chain might be missing," which could be more elegantly phrased. The use of "endeavor to elucidate" is a strong choice, but the overall variety could be improved by incorporating more synonyms and nuanced expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to use synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "vacation," alternatives like "leave," "time off," or "holiday" could be used. Additionally, incorporating more idiomatic expressions or collocations relevant to the workplace could enrich the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the operation of the constitutions" is unclear; it seems the writer intended to refer to "organizations" or "companies." Additionally, "the downward salary they receive" is awkward and could be better expressed as "a decrease in their salary." The phrase "the overwhelming amount of work that employees have to be updated after vacation" could also be clearer.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should carefully consider the context of their vocabulary choices. Using simpler, more direct terms can often convey the intended meaning more effectively. For instance, replacing "constitutions" with "organizations" or "companies" would clarify the argument. Furthermore, reviewing phrases for clarity and coherence before finalizing the essay can help ensure that the vocabulary accurately reflects the intended message.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with few errors. However, there are minor mistakes, such as "Grantedly," which is not a standard English word; the correct term is "Granted." Additionally, "beset with hidden risks" could be misinterpreted, as "beset" typically means to trouble or harass, which may not fit the intended meaning in this context.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, possibly using spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud to catch errors. Familiarizing themselves with commonly misspelled words and their correct forms can also be beneficial. Furthermore, ensuring that the vocabulary used is appropriate and commonly accepted in English will help avoid confusion and enhance overall clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of vocabulary and its application, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can elevate their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For instance, phrases like "if they take a month off" and "as, after returning from an extended period away from work" showcase an ability to construct sentences that convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the offer of 4-week vacation a year" which could be more fluidly expressed as "the offer of a 4-week vacation each year." The use of phrases like "this essay aims to endeavor to elucidate" is overly complex and could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, starting sentences with adverbial clauses (e.g., "Although many argue for longer vacations, the potential drawbacks cannot be ignored") can enhance variety. Additionally, simplifying overly complex phrases will improve readability and effectiveness.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "the link in the whole chain might be missing" is somewhat unclear and could be better articulated. Additionally, the sentence "This tendency can be hindered if the employees are not offered with prolonged vacation" contains a preposition error; it should be "offered prolonged vacation" without "with." Punctuation is mostly correct, but the use of commas could be improved for better flow, particularly in complex sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as preposition usage and clarity in phrasing. Practicing the correct use of commas, especially in complex sentences, will also help improve readability. For example, revising sentences to ensure they are concise and direct can prevent confusion. Engaging in grammar exercises focused on common pitfalls can further solidify understanding and application of grammatical rules.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on simplifying complex structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The ongoing debate surrounding the offer of a 4-week vacation a year has garnered much interest in the public eye recently. Some people hold the notion that employees should be given this to foster their working performance, while others are in favor of not doing this. From my perspective, I fully support the validity of the latter argument, and this essay aims to endeavor to elucidate the rationale behind this standpoint.

First and foremost, a holiday lasting for 4 weeks or more can pose a significant threat to the operation of organizations. In many industries, especially private and small corporations, some workers play a crucial role in running the firm; therefore, if they take a month off, a critical link in the chain might be missing, potentially disturbing the workflow. For instance, when a bank consultant takes a 4-week holiday, the bank would be understaffed, delaying deadlines and providing slower service to customers, hence leading to dissatisfaction among clients. Not only do the companies have to encounter revenue degradation and substantial losses, but also, in the long run, a decline in economic prosperity. This tendency can be hindered if the employees are not offered prolonged vacations.

Furthermore, embracing a long vacation for workers is complicated by hidden risks for themselves. After returning from an extended period away from work, they are required to catch up on the missed information to blend in with the current progress and regain their previous level of performance, significantly disrupting the individuals’ working consistency. Consequently, the efficiency at work might decelerate, giving rise to a reduction in their salary. Recent research in China reported that most stress in the workplace revolves around the overwhelming amount of work that employees have to update after vacation and also the cut-off income when they do not meet that requirement. This suggests that offering a month-long holiday can indirectly affect the productivity and health of workers.

Granted, decision-makers should not turn a blind eye to the benefits that people can reap. Arranging time for vacation for workers encourages proper rest, helping them to recharge their batteries and prevent burnout from stress or other health-related problems. However, due to their desire to climb the career ladder and pursue their dream position with a generous income to enjoy life to the fullest, some people are not willing to sacrifice their momentum at work; therefore, they are unwilling to trade their career for enjoying a month-long vacation.

To draw a conclusion, employees should not be given an extended vacation as it negatively affects both organizations and themselves. I hold my belief that the responsibility lies upon the government and authorized bodies to bring in appropriate rules for offering holiday time.