decribe your family

My family is very happy. There are 4 people in my family: my mother, my father, my younger sister and me. My father is 46 years old, a bit short but very handsome and responsible for the family. He is a farmer. Next is my mother. My mother is very industrious, a gentle responsible woman and cooks very well. With me, my mother is the most beautiful. Next is my younger sister. she is a student. she studies very well and hardly. In our free time, we always help my parents to do housework. And the last person in my family is me. I am a student accounting. I love numbers and logics of them, so I choose this job. I will try to make my dream job come true. That is my family. I comfortable when I am at home, is the safest place. My family always unity, trust and support another. I love my family very much, a place where I confide, share happy and sad stories and receive the right advice from own family. I hope my family will always cheerful, happy together. I love my family.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"My family is very happy." -> "My family is quite content."
Explanation: Replacing "very happy" with "quite content" softens the emotional tone and aligns better with the formal tone expected in academic writing.
"There are 4 people in my family" -> "There are four members in my family"
Explanation: Using "four members" instead of "4 people" formalizes the language and avoids the use of numbers in text, which is generally less formal.
"my younger sister and me" -> "my younger sister and I"
Explanation: Correcting "me" to "I" is necessary for subject-verb agreement in the sentence.
"a bit short but very handsome" -> "relatively short but quite handsome"
Explanation: "Relatively short" is a more precise and formal way to describe height, and "quite handsome" is a more academically appropriate phrase than "very handsome."
"responsible for the family" -> "responsible for the family’s well-being"
Explanation: Adding "well-being" clarifies the extent of responsibility, making the phrase more specific and formal.
"My mother is very industrious, a gentle responsible woman" -> "My mother is industrious and a responsible individual"
Explanation: "Industrious" is sufficient to describe her work ethic, and "individual" is more formal than "woman," which can be seen as too specific and less formal.
"cooks very well" -> "is an accomplished cook"
Explanation: "Is an accomplished cook" is a more formal and precise way to describe someone’s culinary skills.
"With me, my mother is the most beautiful" -> "In my opinion, my mother is the most beautiful"
Explanation: Adding "In my opinion" clarifies that this is a subjective statement, which is necessary in academic writing to maintain objectivity.
"she is a student. she studies very well and hardly" -> "she is a diligent student"
Explanation: "Diligent student" is a more concise and formal way to describe someone who studies hard and consistently.
"I love numbers and logics of them" -> "I have a fondness for numbers and their underlying logic"
Explanation: "Have a fondness for" is more formal than "love," and "their underlying logic" is a more precise and academic way to describe the appeal of numbers.
"I will try to make my dream job come true" -> "I aim to achieve my dream career"
Explanation: "Aim to achieve" is more formal and specific than "try to make," and "career" is a more formal term than "job."
"I comfortable when I am at home" -> "I feel most comfortable at home"
Explanation: "Feel most comfortable" is grammatically correct and more formal than "I comfortable."
"is the safest place" -> "is the safest environment"
Explanation: "Environment" is a more formal term than "place" in this context, fitting better in an academic essay.
"My family always unity, trust and support another" -> "My family is always united, trusting, and supportive"
Explanation: "Is always united, trusting, and supportive" corrects grammatical errors and uses more formal adjectives.
"I love my family very much" -> "I have a deep affection for my family"
Explanation: "Have a deep affection for" is a more formal and sophisticated way to express love and attachment.
"a place where I confide, share happy and sad stories and receive the right advice from own family" -> "a sanctuary where I confide, share both happy and sad stories, and receive guidance from my family"
Explanation: "Sanctuary" is a more formal term than "place," and "both happy and sad stories" corrects the awkward phrasing. "Guidance" is also more formal than "advice."
"I hope my family will always cheerful, happy together" -> "I hope my family will always remain cheerful and happy together"
Explanation: "Will always remain cheerful and happy" corrects the grammatical structure and uses more formal vocabulary.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to describe the family, mentioning the number of family members and providing brief descriptions of each. However, it lacks depth in addressing the prompt fully. For instance, while the writer introduces each family member, the descriptions are quite superficial and do not explore their personalities or relationships in detail. The essay also does not provide any context about the family dynamics or activities they engage in together, which could enrich the description.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should expand on each family member’s role and personality. Including anecdotes or specific examples of family interactions or traditions would provide a more comprehensive picture. Additionally, discussing how these relationships contribute to the overall family dynamic would enhance the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a generally positive view of the family, emphasizing love and support. However, the position is somewhat muddled by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as "I comfortable when I am at home," which detracts from the clarity of the message. The writer’s enthusiasm for their family is evident, but the lack of coherence in some sentences makes it difficult to maintain a clear position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should focus on using straightforward and grammatically correct sentences. Ensuring that each sentence logically follows the previous one will help in presenting a consistent viewpoint. Additionally, using transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the writer’s thoughts more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents basic ideas about each family member but fails to extend or support these ideas effectively. For example, while the writer states that the mother is "industrious" and "cooks very well," there are no examples or details to illustrate these traits. The essay lacks depth and does not provide sufficient support for the claims made about each family member.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include specific examples or stories that illustrate each family member’s characteristics. For instance, describing a family meal prepared by the mother or a fun activity shared with the sister would provide context and make the descriptions more vivid. Additionally, using descriptive language can help paint a clearer picture for the reader.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the family. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, such as when the writer mentions their aspirations for a career in accounting, which feels somewhat out of place in a family description. This deviation can confuse the reader about the main focus of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all content directly relates to the family and its dynamics. If personal aspirations are to be included, they should be tied back to the family context, perhaps by discussing how the family supports these goals. Keeping the content relevant to the prompt will help maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on expanding their ideas, providing specific examples, and ensuring grammatical accuracy. This will lead to a more engaging and comprehensive response to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents information about the family in a generally logical sequence, starting with an introduction of family members and then providing brief descriptions of each. However, the transitions between sentences and ideas could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "Next is my mother" could be better connected to the previous sentence to enhance the flow. The conclusion reiterates the writer’s feelings about the family but lacks a clear summarization of the main points discussed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that outline what will be discussed. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Moreover" can help to create smoother connections between ideas. A concluding sentence that summarizes the main points about each family member would also strengthen the overall structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which makes it difficult to distinguish between different ideas and family members. Each family member’s description is presented in a single block of text rather than in separate paragraphs. This can lead to confusion for the reader, as it is not immediately clear when one idea ends and another begins.
- How to improve: The writer should consider dividing the essay into distinct paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on one family member or aspect of family life. For example, one paragraph could be dedicated to the father, another to the mother, and a third to the sister. This would not only improve readability but also allow for more detailed descriptions and a clearer structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Next is" and "And the last person in my family is," but these are somewhat repetitive and simplistic. The use of "but" and "and" is frequent, which can make the writing feel monotonous. Additionally, there are instances where cohesive devices are missing, leading to abrupt shifts in ideas, such as the transition from discussing the sister to the writer’s own aspirations.
- How to improve: To diversify the range of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases. For example, using "In contrast," "On the other hand," or "Additionally" can help to create more nuanced connections between sentences. Furthermore, varying sentence structures and lengths can enhance the overall flow of the essay. The writer could also consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help to avoid repetition and improve coherence.

By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the coherence and cohesion of their essay, potentially improving their band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary suitable for the topic. Words like "happy," "industrious," "responsible," and "beautiful" are used to describe family members effectively. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the use of "my family" and "my mother." The phrase "I love my family" appears multiple times, which detracts from the overall variety of expression.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "my family," they could use "my loved ones" or "my household." Additionally, introducing more descriptive adjectives and verbs would enrich the essay. For example, instead of "very happy," one could say "extremely joyful" or "content."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For instance, the phrase "I am a student accounting" should be "I am an accounting student." The use of "hardly" in "she studies very well and hardly" is also incorrect; it implies the opposite of what is intended. Furthermore, "I comfortable when I am at home" lacks a verb and should be "I feel comfortable when I am at home."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure that phrases convey the intended meaning. Practicing sentence construction and reviewing grammar rules can help. Additionally, using a thesaurus to find more accurate words can aid in expressing ideas more clearly.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "family" (spelled correctly), but "logics" should be "logic," and "unity, trust and support another" should be "support one another." The phrase "I comfortable" is missing a verb, and "cheerful" is used correctly but could be better placed in context.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should practice writing and proofreading their work. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay provides a basic description of the family, improving vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of sentence structures, primarily consisting of simple and compound sentences. For instance, sentences like "My family is very happy" and "There are 4 people in my family" are straightforward and effective in conveying information. However, there is a noticeable lack of complex sentences, which limits the overall grammatical range. For example, the sentence "I am a student accounting" could be improved by rephrasing it to "I am studying accounting" to enhance complexity. Additionally, the use of phrases such as "a gentle responsible woman" could be restructured for clarity and variety, perhaps as "a gentle and responsible woman."
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of stating "My mother is very industrious," the writer could say, "Although my mother is very industrious, she always finds time to spend with us." Practicing the combination of simple, compound, and complex sentences will enhance the essay’s overall grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, the phrase "I comfortable when I am at home" should be corrected to "I feel comfortable when I am at home." Additionally, the use of lowercase letters at the beginning of sentences, such as "she is a student," detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "my family always unity," which should be revised to "my family is always united." Furthermore, punctuation is inconsistent, particularly with comma usage, which could help clarify the relationships between ideas.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence fragments. It is also advisable to review punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas to separate clauses and items in a list. Engaging in grammar exercises and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can help reinforce these concepts and lead to more polished writing.

Overall, while the essay successfully communicates the writer’s feelings about their family, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will contribute to a higher band score in the IELTS assessment.

Bài sửa mẫu

My family is quite content. There are four members in my family: my mother, my father, my younger sister, and I. My father is 46 years old, relatively short but quite handsome, and he is responsible for the family’s well-being. He works as a farmer. Next is my mother. My mother is industrious and a responsible individual who is also an accomplished cook. In my opinion, my mother is the most beautiful person in the world.

Then there is my younger sister. She is a diligent student who studies very well and works hard. In our free time, we always help our parents with housework. The last member of my family is me. I am a student of accounting. I have a fondness for numbers and their underlying logic, which is why I chose this field. I aim to achieve my dream career.

I feel most comfortable at home, as it is the safest environment for me. My family is always united, trusting, and supportive of one another. I have a deep affection for my family; it is a sanctuary where I can confide, share both happy and sad stories, and receive guidance from them. I hope my family will always remain cheerful and happy together. I truly love my family.