Bùi Hồng Quỳnh – Task 1 – Vol 2 _ Test 2 The graph below compares figures for the production and consumption of energy in the US from 1950 to 2000. It also predicts figures for 2025. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Bùi Hồng Quỳnh – Task 1 – Vol 2 _ Test 2
The graph below compares figures for the production and consumption of energy in the US from 1950 to 2000. It also predicts figures for 2025.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below compares the appreciation among female and male costumers of a sport club’s activities, facilities and opening hours. In general, this city sport club is quite a good place for both sexes to participate in because each kind have its own favoritism from man or women.
While range of activities in this club claims more satisfied with male members that just 5% answer in survey unhappy, women’s reaction about this quite more neutral that very satisfies, satisfied and not satisfied rate is respectively 35%, 35% and 30%. About the opening hours, women seem very satisfied with this genre that only 3% unpleased, opposite to 72% delighted. In contrast, 37% men do not like the club’s opening hours, accounted for the highest dislike rate in this survey table although the satisfied rate is nearly half a percent.
Club facilities here seems superb that both male and female members rate this at almost equal number: 64% and 63% satisfied, about 25% satisfies and 10% unsatisfied.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "female and male costumers" -> "female and male customers"
   Explanation: The correct term is "customers," not "costumers," which is a misspelling and less commonly used in formal English.

2. "this city sport club" -> "this sports club in the city"
   Explanation: The phrase "this city sport club" is awkward and unclear. "This sports club in the city" clarifies the location and is more grammatically correct.

3. "each kind have its own favoritism" -> "each type has its own preferences"
   Explanation: "Favoritism" is incorrect in this context; "preferences" is the appropriate term to describe individual likes and dislikes. Additionally, "each kind" should be "each type" for grammatical correctness.

4. "claims more satisfied with" -> "report a higher satisfaction rate"
   Explanation: "Claims more satisfied with" is awkward and unclear. "Report a higher satisfaction rate" is more precise and formal.

5. "just 5% answer in survey unhappy" -> "only 5% of respondents expressed dissatisfaction"
   Explanation: "Just 5% answer in survey unhappy" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Only 5% of respondents expressed dissatisfaction" is grammatically correct and more formal.

6. "women’s reaction about this quite more neutral" -> "women’s reactions are more neutral"
   Explanation: "Reaction about this quite more neutral" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Reactions are more neutral" corrects these issues and improves readability.

7. "very satisfies, satisfied and not satisfied rate is respectively" -> "the rates of very satisfied, satisfied, and not satisfied are respectively"
   Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and adheres to formal academic style.

8. "opposite to 72% delighted" -> "in contrast, 72% are delighted"
   Explanation: "Opposite to" is incorrect; "in contrast" is the correct transitional phrase. Also, "are delighted" corrects the verb agreement.

9. "men do not like the club’s opening hours" -> "men dislike the club’s opening hours"
   Explanation: "Do not like" is too informal and verbose; "dislike" is more concise and suitable for academic writing.

10. "accounted for the highest dislike rate" -> "accounted for the highest level of dissatisfaction"
    Explanation: "Highest dislike rate" is somewhat informal and vague. "Highest level of dissatisfaction" is more precise and formal.

11. "Club facilities here seems superb" -> "The club facilities here seem superb"
    Explanation: "Seems" should be "seem" to agree with the plural subject "facilities," and "The" is needed for grammatical correctness.

12. "at almost equal number" -> "to a similar extent"
    Explanation: "At almost equal number" is awkward and unclear. "To a similar extent" is more precise and formal.

13. "about 25% satisfies and 10% unsatisfied" -> "25% are satisfied and 10% are unsatisfied"
    Explanation: "Satisfies" is incorrect as it is a verb form; "are satisfied" corrects this. Also, "unsatisfied" should be "unsatisfied" for consistency in verb form.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 1

Band Score: 1

Explanation: The essay does not address the task. The essay is about a sport club, not about energy production and consumption in the US. The essay does not summarise the information in the graph, nor does it make comparisons.

How to improve: The essay needs to be rewritten to address the task. The essay should summarise the information in the graph, highlighting the main features and making comparisons where relevant. The essay should also be written in a clear and concise style, using appropriate vocabulary and grammar.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the satisfaction levels of male and female customers regarding activities, facilities, and opening hours, the structure is somewhat disjointed. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion in the relationships between ideas. For example, phrases like "this genre" and "about the opening hours" are vague and do not clearly connect to the previous sentences. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, as the essay does not clearly separate different aspects of the comparison, which affects the overall coherence.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the essay into clear paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific aspect of the comparison (activities, facilities, and opening hours). Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and logical progression will improve the overall clarity of the essay. Finally, avoiding vague language and ensuring precise referencing will strengthen the connections between sentences and ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. While there are attempts to use some less common vocabulary (e.g., "favoritism," "unpleased"), the overall word choice is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation (e.g., "costumers" instead of "customers," "genre" instead of "aspect"), which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, phrases like "this genre" and "accounted for the highest dislike rate" are awkwardly constructed, further detracting from clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary and use a wider range of lexical items accurately. Focusing on precise word choice and improving grammatical structures will enhance clarity. Additionally, reducing spelling errors and ensuring correct word forms will help in conveying the intended message more effectively. Engaging with more complex sentence structures and varying vocabulary can also contribute to a more sophisticated lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences and occasionally attempting more complex forms. However, the accuracy of these attempts is inconsistent, leading to frequent grammatical errors that can cause some difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "each kind have its own favoritism from man or women" and "women seem very satisfied with this genre that only 3% unpleased" contain grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas and incorrect plural forms. Overall, while the writer conveys some information, the grammatical issues hinder clarity and coherence.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

1. Variety in Sentence Structures: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentences and subordinate clauses to demonstrate flexibility in grammar.
2. Proofreading for Errors: Carefully review the essay for grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing, ensuring that sentences are clear and correctly structured.
3. Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to improve the overall readability of the text.
4. Clarity of Expression: Aim for clearer expression of ideas, ensuring that comparisons and data are presented in a straightforward manner.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table below compares the appreciation among female and male customers of a sports club’s activities, facilities, and opening hours. In general, this city sports club is a favorable place for both sexes to participate, as each gender has its own preferences.

Regarding the range of activities, male members express higher satisfaction, with only 5% indicating dissatisfaction in the survey. In contrast, women’s responses are more neutral, with the rates for very satisfied, satisfied, and not satisfied being 35%, 35%, and 30%, respectively. Concerning the opening hours, women appear to be very pleased, with only 3% expressing dissatisfaction, compared to 72% who are delighted. In contrast, 37% of men do not favor the club’s opening hours, which represents the highest rate of dissatisfaction in this survey, although the satisfaction rate is nearly half a percent.

The club’s facilities are rated highly by both male and female members, with satisfaction levels being almost equal: 64% for males and 63% for females. Additionally, about 25% of respondents are satisfied, while 10% express dissatisfaction.