Ngô Minh Ngọc – VOL 3 – TEST 4 – TASK 1 The charts below show the percentage of monthly household income spent on various items by two different groups in one European country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

Ngô Minh Ngọc – VOL 3 – TEST 4 – TASK 1
The charts below show the percentage of monthly household income spent on various items by two different groups in one European country.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words.

From the two pie charts depicted, some of the patterns in spending habits in varied European households is observed. The first graph is dedicated to the low income group while the latter is reserved for the higher income one.
To begin with, regarding the low income group, it can be seen that food and drink together with fuel take up over half of the money spent, with each of them being 29% and 24% respectively. And with a considerable amount of 18% being used for miscellaneous, little was left for purchasing clothes or booking hotels and restaurants which are only around 4-5%.
On the chart of the high earning group, there are certain differences in the spending distributions. Firstly, miscellaneous accounts for the highest spending of 23%, followed by recreational and cultural activities with 21%. On the contrary, fuel and clothing combined account for only just a little more than a tenth of the total money spent monthly.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "some of the patterns in spending habits in varied European households" -> "variations in spending habits among European households"
   Explanation: The phrase "some of the patterns" is vague and informal. "Variations in spending habits among European households" is more precise and maintains an academic tone by specifying the type of patterns and the scope of the households.

2. "is dedicated to" -> "pertains to"
   Explanation: "Is dedicated to" can be replaced with "pertains to" to enhance the formality and specificity of the description, aligning better with academic language.

3. "low income group" -> "low-income group"
   Explanation: In academic writing, it is more appropriate to use hyphenated compound adjectives like "low-income" to denote a group characterized by a specific attribute.

4. "it can be seen that" -> "it is evident that"
   Explanation: "It can be seen that" is a bit informal and tentative; "it is evident that" is more assertive and suitable for academic writing.

5. "And with a considerable amount of 18% being used for miscellaneous" -> "Additionally, 18% is allocated to miscellaneous expenses"
   Explanation: "And with a considerable amount of" is informal and wordy. "Additionally, 18% is allocated to miscellaneous expenses" is more concise and formal.

6. "little was left for purchasing clothes or booking hotels and restaurants" -> "a relatively small proportion was allocated to clothing and dining"
   Explanation: "Little was left for" is informal and vague. "A relatively small proportion was allocated to" is more precise and formal, suitable for an academic context.

7. "On the chart of the high earning group" -> "In the high-income group"
   Explanation: "On the chart of the high earning group" is awkward and unclear. "In the high-income group" is clearer and more direct, avoiding redundancy.

8. "there are certain differences in the spending distributions" -> "there are notable differences in the spending patterns"
   Explanation: "Certain differences" is vague; "notable differences" provides a stronger, more descriptive term. "Patterns" is also more specific than "distributions" in this context.

9. "On the contrary" -> "In contrast"
   Explanation: "On the contrary" is somewhat informal and less precise. "In contrast" is a standard academic phrase that provides a clear transition between ideas.

10. "just a little more than a tenth" -> "only slightly more than 10%"
    Explanation: "Just a little more than a tenth" is informal and imprecise. "Only slightly more than 10%" is quantifiable and maintains a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends or differences between the two groups. For example, the essay states that "there are certain differences in the spending distributions" but does not go on to explain what these differences are. The essay also does not make comparisons between the two groups in a clear and concise way.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends and differences between the two groups. The essay could also be improved by making more comparisons between the two groups. For example, the essay could state that the low-income group spends a significantly higher proportion of their income on food and drink than the high-income group. The essay could also state that the high-income group spends a significantly higher proportion of their income on recreational and cultural activities than the low-income group.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from discussing the low-income group to the high-income group. However, while the organization is generally logical, there are instances where the flow could be improved, particularly in the transitions between ideas. The use of cohesive devices is evident but may come across as mechanical at times, and there are moments where referencing could be clearer. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through the different sections.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic would also help. Additionally, refining transitions between ideas and ensuring that referencing is clear and appropriate will contribute to a more cohesive essay overall.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "dedicated," "considerable," and "distributions," but there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and phrasing, such as "the latter is reserved for the higher income one," which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are some errors in word formation and spelling, such as "fuel take up over half of the money spent," which could be more effectively phrased as "fuel accounts for over half of the money spent." These errors do not severely impede communication, but they do detract from the overall lexical resource.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with more precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring that word choices are contextually appropriate. Additionally, practicing the correct formation of words and varying sentence structures can help to convey ideas more fluently and flexibly. Engaging with more complex vocabulary and ensuring that less common lexical items are used correctly will also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. There are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, such as "the patterns in spending habits in varied European households is observed" (should be "are observed") and "which are only around 4-5%" (should be "which account for only around 4-5%"). These errors do not significantly impede communication, but they do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and punctuation. This can be done by proofreading for common errors and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of complex sentence structures and ensuring that they are used correctly would enhance the grammatical range. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and coherence will also help in producing more error-free sentences.

Bài sửa mẫu

The two pie charts illustrate the percentage of monthly household income allocated to various items by two distinct income groups in a European country. The first chart focuses on the low-income group, while the second pertains to the high-income group.

To begin with, in the low-income group, it is evident that food and drink, along with fuel, account for over half of the total expenditure, with each category representing 29% and 24%, respectively. Additionally, a significant portion of 18% is spent on miscellaneous items, leaving little for clothing or dining out, which each constitute only around 4-5% of the total spending.

In contrast, the chart for the high-income group reveals notable differences in spending patterns. Firstly, miscellaneous expenses account for the largest share at 23%, followed closely by recreational and cultural activities at 21%. Conversely, fuel and clothing combined represent just over 10% of the total monthly expenditure.