Many employees can now do their work from home using modern technology. However, this change may only benefit workers, not the employers.

In contemporary society, a growing number of employees have a tendency to work from a long distance or at home thanks to the support of modern technological gadgets. While some argue that this trend is only beneficial to the workforce, I personally believe that the advantages of working from home are for both employees and employers.
On the one hand, there are reasons to say that remote work has a lot of benefits for employees. Chief of these is that those who work for enterprises might arrange suitable time schedule for the job and work whenever and wherever they prefer. By working in a comfortable environment with taking advantage of modern gadgets, employees can concentrate on tasks in jobs better and process data quickly in order to get a higher work productivity. Secondly. working from a long distance is likely to save a large amount of time commuting back and forth to work. For example, white collars can work in a satisfactory working environment instead of waiting in traffic with a heavy traffic congestion in Vietnam
On the other hand, there is a high possibility that remote work not only provides employees with convenience and satisfaction but also helps their bosses get a high revenue in the company. Firstly, applying modern technology for remote working can foster office computer skills for both individuals and businesses, even help them utilize proficient applications such as Excel, PowerPoint, and Word. When they improve their computer skills to support the company, employers can grow a business to get a competitive edge in the market. Furthermore, they can have more job opportunities to interact and communicate with their national customer and business partners. this approach can lead to breakthroughs in job opportunities when the company has national contracts with large revenues, leading to career promotion.
In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I believe that working from home with modern technological devices brings favor to both employees and bosses.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"a growing number of employees have a tendency to work from a long distance or at home" -> "an increasing number of employees tend to work remotely or from home"
Explanation: "Tend to work remotely or from home" is more concise and uses more precise terminology ("remote" instead of "a long distance") that is commonly used in academic and professional contexts.
"thanks to the support of modern technological gadgets" -> "thanks to the support of modern technology"
Explanation: "Technology" is a more general and formal term than "technological gadgets," which sounds informal and vague.
"I personally believe" -> "I contend"
Explanation: "I contend" is a more formal and assertive academic expression than "I personally believe," which is somewhat informal and subjective.
"the advantages of working from home are for both employees and employers" -> "the benefits of remote work accrue to both employees and employers"
Explanation: "Accrue" is a more precise and formal term than "are," and "remote work" is a more commonly used term in academic and professional contexts than "working from home."
"Chief of these is that" -> "The primary advantage is that"
Explanation: "The primary advantage is that" is more formal and direct than "Chief of these is that," which is awkward and less commonly used in formal writing.
"those who work for enterprises might arrange suitable time schedule for the job" -> "employees may schedule their work hours flexibly"
Explanation: "Schedule their work hours flexibly" is more precise and formal than "arrange suitable time schedule for the job," which is awkward and unclear.
"work whenever and wherever they prefer" -> "work at any time and from any location"
Explanation: "At any time and from any location" is more formal and precise than "whenever and wherever," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"taking advantage of modern gadgets" -> "utilizing modern technology"
Explanation: "Utilizing modern technology" is more formal and specific than "taking advantage of modern gadgets," which is informal and imprecise.
"process data quickly in order to get a higher work productivity" -> "process data efficiently to enhance productivity"
Explanation: "Process data efficiently to enhance productivity" is more concise and uses more formal vocabulary than "process data quickly in order to get a higher work productivity."
"Secondly. working from a long distance is likely to save a large amount of time commuting back and forth to work" -> "Secondly, working remotely can significantly reduce commuting time"
Explanation: "Working remotely can significantly reduce commuting time" is more concise and uses more precise terminology than "working from a long distance is likely to save a large amount of time commuting back and forth to work."
"white collars can work in a satisfactory working environment" -> "white-collar professionals can work in a satisfactory work environment"
Explanation: "White-collar professionals" is a more formal and specific term than "white collars," and "work environment" is more commonly used than "working environment."
"help their bosses get a high revenue in the company" -> "benefit their employers financially"
Explanation: "Benefit their employers financially" is more formal and precise than "help their bosses get a high revenue in the company."
"foster office computer skills for both individuals and businesses" -> "enhance office computer skills for both individuals and organizations"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal synonym for "foster," and "organizations" is a more formal term than "businesses."
"help them utilize proficient applications such as Excel, PowerPoint, and Word" -> "assist them in utilizing proficient software such as Excel, PowerPoint, and Word"
Explanation: "Assist them in utilizing" is more formal and precise than "help them utilize," and "software" is more specific than "applications" in this context.
"grow a business to get a competitive edge in the market" -> "enhance business competitiveness in the market"
Explanation: "Enhance business competitiveness" is a more concise and formal expression than "grow a business to get a competitive edge."
"have more job opportunities to interact and communicate with their national customer and business partners" -> "have increased opportunities for interaction and communication with national customers and business partners"
Explanation: "Increased opportunities for interaction and communication" is more formal and precise than "have more job opportunities to interact and communicate."
"this approach can lead to breakthroughs in job opportunities when the company has national contracts with large revenues" -> "this approach can lead to significant job opportunities when the company secures national contracts with substantial revenues"
Explanation: "Secures national contracts with substantial revenues" is more formal and precise than "has national contracts with large revenues."
"leading to career promotion" -> "resulting in career advancement"
Explanation: "Resulting in career advancement" is a more formal and precise phrase than "leading to career promotion."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits of remote work for employees and employers. The introduction clearly outlines the writer’s position, stating that the advantages are mutual. The first body paragraph focuses on the benefits for employees, such as flexible scheduling and increased productivity, while the second body paragraph discusses how employers can also gain from remote work through improved skills and potential revenue growth. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the question.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the writer could include more specific examples or statistics to substantiate claims about productivity and revenue. For instance, citing studies that quantify productivity increases from remote work would strengthen the argument. Additionally, addressing potential counterarguments regarding the drawbacks for employers could provide a more nuanced perspective.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that both employees and employers benefit from remote work. The writer consistently supports this stance with relevant points in each paragraph. However, the transition between discussing employee benefits and employer benefits could be smoother to reinforce the connection between the two perspectives.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and cohesion, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly link the benefits for employees to those for employers. For example, phrases like "In addition to these employee benefits, employers also stand to gain…" would help create a more seamless flow between ideas.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits of remote work, such as increased productivity and skill enhancement. However, some points could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the mention of improved computer skills is a good start, but it could be expanded to explain how these skills translate into tangible benefits for the company.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on key points by providing specific examples or case studies. For instance, discussing a company that successfully transitioned to remote work and saw measurable improvements in productivity or employee satisfaction would provide stronger support for the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of remote work for both employees and employers. However, there are moments where the language could be clearer, such as the phrase "white collars can work in a satisfactory working environment instead of waiting in traffic with a heavy traffic congestion in Vietnam," which could be more concise and directly related to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence directly supports the main argument. Simplifying complex sentences and avoiding unnecessary details will help keep the writing clear and on topic. Additionally, ensuring that examples are relevant and directly tied to the benefits discussed will reinforce the essay’s coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating more specific examples, improving transitions, and elaborating on key points, the writer can enhance the effectiveness of their response even further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs for both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, while the body paragraphs follow a logical progression from the benefits for employees to the advantages for employers. However, the transition between the two main points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing employee benefits to employer advantages feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking statement that would guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the two sides of the argument. For example, after discussing employee benefits, a sentence like "However, the advantages of remote work extend beyond just the employees" could serve as a bridge to the next paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easy for the reader to follow. However, the second paragraph contains a sentence fragment ("Secondly. working from a long distance…") that disrupts the flow and clarity of the argument. Additionally, the conclusion is somewhat repetitive, reiterating points made earlier without adding new insights.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph contains complete sentences and that transitions between ideas are clear. In the conclusion, aim to synthesize the main points rather than restate them verbatim. This could involve summarizing the key arguments and emphasizing the overall significance of the discussion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to delineate contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences lack clear connections, making the text feel disjointed at times. For example, the phrase "this approach can lead to breakthroughs in job opportunities" could benefit from a clearer reference to what "this approach" entails, as it may confuse readers.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely," and "As a result." Additionally, ensure that pronouns and references are clear to avoid ambiguity. For instance, clarify what "this approach" refers to by restating the specific action or idea it relates to.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, attention to transitions, sentence structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and flow, potentially raising the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "contemporary society," "modern technological gadgets," and "high revenue." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "working from a long distance" and "modern technology." The use of synonyms or varied expressions could enhance the essay’s lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer could incorporate more varied expressions and synonyms. For instance, instead of repeating "working from a long distance," alternatives like "remote working" or "telecommuting" could be used. Additionally, using phrases like "flexible work arrangements" instead of "suitable time schedule" would enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "take advantage of modern gadgets" is somewhat vague and could imply misuse rather than beneficial use. Additionally, "white collars" is an informal term that may not fit the academic tone of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should choose words that convey their intended meaning more clearly. For instance, instead of "take advantage of," a more precise phrase like "leverage modern technology" would be more appropriate. Furthermore, replacing "white collars" with "office workers" would maintain a formal tone and clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "satisfactory working environment" (which should be "satisfactory work environment") and "this approach can lead to breakthroughs" (the ‘t’ in "this" should be capitalized at the beginning of a sentence). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling commonly used academic vocabulary can enhance overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "While some argue that this trend is only beneficial to the workforce, I personally believe that the advantages of working from home are for both employees and employers" effectively combine clauses to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of variety in the use of subordinate clauses, which can detract from the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more introductory phrases or clauses, such as "Despite the advantages," or "In contrast," to begin sentences. Additionally, varying the placement of adverbial phrases could create more dynamic sentence openings. Practicing the use of different conjunctions and transition words can also help in creating more complex sentence forms.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good command of grammar and punctuation, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the sentence "Secondly. working from a long distance is likely to save a large amount of time commuting back and forth to work" contains a punctuation error; it should be "Secondly, working from a long distance…" The use of "this approach can lead to breakthroughs in job opportunities when the company has national contracts with large revenues, leading to career promotion" is somewhat awkward and could be restructured for clarity. Additionally, there are issues with capitalization, such as "this approach" which should begin with a capital ‘T’.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for punctuation errors, particularly the correct use of commas and periods. It may be beneficial to practice sentence diagramming to better understand the structure of complex sentences. Furthermore, reviewing rules for capitalization and ensuring that each sentence begins appropriately will enhance overall clarity. Engaging with grammar exercises that focus on common pitfalls can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, attention to sentence variety and meticulous proofreading for grammatical and punctuation errors will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, an increasing number of employees tend to work remotely or from home thanks to the support of modern technology. While some argue that this trend primarily benefits the workforce, I contend that the advantages of remote work accrue to both employees and employers.

On the one hand, there are several reasons to assert that remote work offers significant benefits for employees. The primary advantage is that individuals can schedule their work hours flexibly, allowing them to work at any time and from any location. By working in a comfortable environment and utilizing modern technology, employees can concentrate on their tasks more effectively and process data efficiently to enhance productivity. Secondly, working remotely can significantly reduce commuting time. For example, white-collar professionals can work in a satisfactory work environment instead of enduring heavy traffic congestion in Vietnam.

On the other hand, there is a strong possibility that remote work not only provides employees with convenience and satisfaction but also benefits their employers financially. Firstly, utilizing modern technology for remote work can enhance office computer skills for both individuals and organizations, assisting them in utilizing proficient software such as Excel, PowerPoint, and Word. As employees improve their computer skills to support the company, employers can enhance business competitiveness in the market. Furthermore, remote work can lead to increased opportunities for interaction and communication with national customers and business partners. This approach can result in significant job opportunities when the company secures national contracts with substantial revenues, ultimately leading to career advancement.

In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I believe that working from home with modern technological devices brings advantages to both employees and employers.