Đề 6: Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that dangerous sporting activities should be forbidden, while others believe that people should have the right to engage in any type of sports. While the risks associated with certain extreme sports might be apperent, I believe that the prohibition of them may be impracticable, and that people should be allowed to participate in these activities.
On the one hand, I understand that such a ban could be a sensible argument. The primary reason why some hazardous sports should be banned lies in their potential risks. A regulation, therefore, should be introduced to safeguard the well-being of people involved in these activities and protect them from inherent risks of dangerous sports. In fact, some reports have shown that there have been cases of serious injuries or even deaths after doing such sports as bungee jumping, one of the most popular adventure games among younger people. Although protective gear is often available in these games for a safety reason, it may always be risky if people fail to comply with the policy or the equipments do not work properly. In light of this, the risks of involving in dangerous sports could be minimized if governments put a stop to them.
On the other hand, I side with those who believe that people should be entitled to play their favourite sports. This is partly because it would be extremely challenging to enforce this kind of ban. Many sports, like rock climbing and cave diving, often take place in rural or mountainous areas where there is hardly any supervision of police patrol. As a result, law enforcement officers may have difficulty in identifying and preventing violations of the new law. In addition, those who take part in extreme sports are often informed of the involved risks and aware about safety regulations in advance. Thus, people are always equipped with knowledge about potential hazards or even trained carefully to do these sports. For example, sky-diving is another adventure game which is often done by professional people, and those at the beginner’s level can only skydive in the presence of experienced divers.
In conclusion, while a case could be made for prohibiting people from taking part in extreme sports, I believe that it would be better for people to choose their preferred sports.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"dangerous sporting activities" -> "high-risk sporting activities"
Explanation: The term "high-risk" is more precise and academically appropriate than "dangerous," which can be seen as overly emotive and vague in an academic context.
"the risks associated with certain extreme sports might be apperent" -> "the risks associated with certain extreme sports are apparent"
Explanation: Correcting "might be apperent" to "are apparent" fixes a grammatical error and enhances clarity, aligning with formal writing standards.
"the prohibition of them may be impracticable" -> "the prohibition of these activities may be impractical"
Explanation: Replacing "them" with "these activities" clarifies the reference and maintains the formal tone.
"people should be allowed to participate" -> "individuals should be permitted to participate"
Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal term than "people," and "permitted" is more precise than "allowed" in an academic context.
"hazardous sports should be banned" -> "high-risk sports should be prohibited"
Explanation: "Prohibited" is a more formal synonym for "banned," and "high-risk" is a more precise term than "hazardous" in this context.
"A regulation, therefore, should be introduced" -> "Therefore, a regulation should be implemented"
Explanation: "Implemented" is more specific and formal than "introduced" in the context of policy or law.
"protective gear is often available" -> "protective equipment is frequently available"
Explanation: "Equipment" is more specific and formal than "gear" in this context, and "frequently" is more precise than "often."
"the equipments do not work properly" -> "the equipment does not function properly"
Explanation: "Equipment" should be singular to match the singular verb "does," and "function" is more formal than "work."
"involving in dangerous sports" -> "participating in dangerous sports"
Explanation: "Participating" is the correct verb form for the context, replacing the incorrect "involving."
"entitled to play their favourite sports" -> "entitled to engage in their preferred sports"
Explanation: "Engage in" is more formal than "play," and "preferred" is more precise than "favourite."
"extremely challenging to enforce this kind of ban" -> "extremely difficult to enforce such a ban"
Explanation: "Difficult" is more formal than "challenging," and "such a ban" is more concise and formal than "this kind of ban."
"hardly any supervision of police patrol" -> "little to no police supervision"
Explanation: "Little to no" is a more precise and formal way to express the absence of supervision.
"law enforcement officers may have difficulty" -> "law enforcement agencies may face challenges"
Explanation: "Agencies" is more specific and formal than "officers," and "face challenges" is a more formal expression than "have difficulty."
"those at the beginner’s level can only skydive in the presence of experienced divers" -> "beginners can only skydive under the supervision of experienced divers"
Explanation: "Beginners" is more formal than "those at the beginner’s level," and "under the supervision of" is more precise than "in the presence of."

These changes enhance the academic tone and precision of the essay, aligning it with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether dangerous sports should be banned or if individuals should have the freedom to participate in them. The first paragraph outlines the perspective for banning dangerous sports, citing risks and potential injuries as key reasons. The second paragraph presents the counter-argument, emphasizing personal freedom and the challenges of enforcing such a ban. This balanced approach demonstrates a thorough understanding of the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could include a more explicit mention of the implications of each viewpoint. For instance, discussing the societal or economic impacts of banning dangerous sports could provide a deeper analysis. Additionally, integrating more examples or statistics could strengthen the argument for both sides.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear position throughout the essay, favoring the idea that individuals should have the freedom to participate in extreme sports. This stance is articulated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be smoother, as the shift from discussing the ban to supporting personal freedom feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and flow, the author could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the arguments. For example, after discussing the risks, a phrase like "Despite these concerns, I believe…" could help guide the reader more clearly into the author’s perspective.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the discussion of the challenges of enforcing a ban on dangerous sports. The mention of specific sports like bungee jumping and skydiving adds credibility to the arguments. However, some points could be further developed. For instance, the assertion that "people are always equipped with knowledge about potential hazards" could benefit from additional examples or evidence to substantiate this claim.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on key points with more detailed examples or data. Including statistics on injury rates in extreme sports or testimonials from participants could provide a more robust support for the arguments made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate surrounding dangerous sports. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, the mention of protective gear is relevant, but it could be more directly tied to the argument about the effectiveness of a ban.
- How to improve: To maintain a stronger focus on the topic, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central question of whether dangerous sports should be banned. This can be achieved by consistently linking examples back to the implications of the ban or the importance of personal freedom.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the task response criteria, with clear arguments and a well-structured approach. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the author could elevate their score even further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. Each paragraph logically follows the previous one, with the first paragraph outlining the argument for banning dangerous sports and the second presenting the counterargument. For example, the transition from discussing the risks of extreme sports to the impracticality of enforcing a ban is smooth and maintains the reader’s understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between ideas within paragraphs. For instance, when transitioning from discussing risks to the enforcement challenges, phrases like "However," or "Conversely," could strengthen the connection between these points. Additionally, summarizing key points at the end of each paragraph could reinforce the logical progression of the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct viewpoint. The first body paragraph discusses the reasons for banning dangerous sports, while the second addresses the argument for personal freedom. This clear separation aids readability and comprehension.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, consider ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence explicitly stating the argument for banning dangerous sports, which would help set the stage for the supporting details that follow. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a concluding sentence that ties back to the overall thesis could further enhance coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "In addition," and "For example," which help guide the reader through the arguments. These devices effectively link ideas within and between paragraphs, contributing to the overall cohesiveness of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more complex structures, such as "Despite this," or "Nevertheless," to introduce contrasting ideas. Additionally, varying the placement of cohesive devices can enhance the flow; for example, starting a sentence with a cohesive device can create a smoother transition. Furthermore, using synonyms or rephrasing can prevent repetition of phrases like "dangerous sports" and maintain reader engagement.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "hazardous," "regulation," "safeguard," and "entitled." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "dangerous sports" and "extreme sports," which could benefit from more variation. For instance, using synonyms such as "high-risk activities" or "adventurous sports" could enhance the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms to avoid redundancy. Creating a list of alternative phrases before writing could help in diversifying vocabulary usage throughout the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "safeguard" and "compliance." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "the risks of involving in dangerous sports," which could be better expressed as "the risks associated with dangerous sports." Additionally, "the prohibition of them may be impracticable" could be more clearly stated as "the prohibition may be impractical."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity in phrasing. Reviewing sentences for potential ambiguities and ensuring that each term conveys the intended meaning accurately will help. Engaging in exercises that emphasize context-specific vocabulary can also be beneficial.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "apperent" (apparent) and "equipments" (equipment). These mistakes detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and maintaining a personal list of challenging terms can help reinforce correct spelling in future writing tasks.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria for IELTS Task 2 essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "While the risks associated with certain extreme sports might be apparent" and "Although protective gear is often available in these games for a safety reason" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider using a wider range of introductory phrases and varying the order of clauses. For example, instead of consistently starting with "On the one hand" or "On the other hand," you could rephrase to "Conversely" or "In contrast" to introduce opposing viewpoints. Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence lengths can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some noticeable errors that affect clarity. For example, "the prohibition of them may be impracticable" could be more clearly stated as "the prohibition of such sports may be impractical." Additionally, the phrase "the inherent risks of dangerous sports" is slightly awkward and could be streamlined for better flow. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are minor issues, such as missing commas that could improve readability, particularly in complex sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on refining awkward phrases and ensuring clarity in expression. Regularly reviewing common grammatical structures and practicing sentence rephrasing can help. For punctuation, pay attention to the placement of commas in complex sentences, especially before conjunctions and in lists. Reading the essay aloud can also assist in identifying areas where punctuation might enhance clarity.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially moving towards a Band 8 score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people argue that high-risk sporting activities should be banned, while others believe that individuals should have the freedom to engage in any type of sport. While the risks associated with certain extreme sports are apparent, I believe that the prohibition of these activities may be impractical, and that people should be permitted to participate in them.

On the one hand, I understand that such a ban could be a sensible argument. The primary reason why some dangerous sports should be prohibited lies in their potential risks. Therefore, a regulation should be implemented to safeguard the well-being of those involved in these activities and protect them from the inherent dangers of extreme sports. In fact, some reports have shown that there have been cases of serious injuries or even fatalities after participating in activities like bungee jumping, one of the most popular adventure sports among younger people. Although protective equipment is frequently available for safety reasons, it may still be risky if individuals fail to comply with safety policies or if the equipment does not function properly. In light of this, the risks associated with participating in dangerous sports could be minimized if governments were to impose a ban.

On the other hand, I side with those who believe that individuals should be entitled to engage in their preferred sports. This is partly because it would be extremely difficult to enforce such a ban. Many sports, like rock climbing and cave diving, often take place in rural or mountainous areas where there is little to no police supervision. As a result, law enforcement agencies may face challenges in identifying and preventing violations of the new law. Additionally, those who take part in extreme sports are often informed of the risks involved and are aware of safety regulations beforehand. Thus, participants are usually equipped with knowledge about potential hazards and may even be trained carefully to engage in these sports. For example, skydiving is another adventure sport that is typically undertaken by professionals, and beginners can only skydive under the supervision of experienced divers.

In conclusion, while a case could be made for prohibiting people from participating in extreme sports, I believe that it would be better for individuals to have the freedom to choose their preferred activities.