Some people believe more actions can be done to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done. Discuss both views.

People have different views on having many ways to prevent crime or opposite .In this essay, the two opinions will be dicussded.
Many people believe that any way can not combat crime and it is mean that all ways will failure.When criminals are property or unemployment, that make them breaking the law to survive. Because number of job will not enough for all people, each job have differrent requirements to having the best quality. Besides, the government can not solve all problems, so it is hard that having way to reduce crime.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"People have different views on having many ways to prevent crime or opposite" -> "Individuals hold diverse perspectives on various methods of crime prevention or its opposite"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"the two opinions will be dicussded" -> "the two perspectives will be discussed"
Explanation: "Dicussded" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "discussed." Additionally, "perspectives" is more precise and formal than "opinions" in this context.
"any way can not combat crime and it is mean that all ways will failure" -> "no method can effectively combat crime, implying that all methods will fail"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning, using more precise language.
"When criminals are property or unemployment" -> "When criminals are driven by poverty or unemployment"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammar, providing a more precise and formal expression.
"that make them breaking the law to survive" -> "which forces them to break the law to survive"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"Because number of job will not enough for all people" -> "Because the number of jobs is insufficient for all individuals"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and informal. The revision corrects the grammar and uses more formal vocabulary.
"each job have differrent requirements to having the best quality" -> "each job has different requirements to achieve the highest quality"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning, using more precise language.
"the government can not solve all problems, so it is hard that having way to reduce crime" -> "the government cannot solve all problems, making it challenging to find ways to reduce crime"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning, using more formal and precise language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by presenting two opposing views regarding crime prevention. However, it fails to adequately discuss both perspectives. The first viewpoint is mentioned, but the second viewpoint is not clearly articulated. The phrase "any way can not combat crime" lacks clarity and does not effectively represent the opposing view. Additionally, the essay does not provide a balanced discussion of both sides, which is essential for a comprehensive response.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should clearly outline both views in separate paragraphs. Each perspective should be elaborated upon with specific examples or reasoning. For instance, one paragraph could discuss the belief that crime can be prevented through various measures, while another could present the viewpoint that little can be done. This structure will ensure that both sides are adequately represented.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and consistent position. While it hints at the belief that crime cannot be effectively prevented, this stance is not firmly established or maintained throughout the essay. The introduction states that both opinions will be discussed, but the subsequent content does not reflect a balanced examination. The lack of a definitive position weakens the overall argument.
- How to improve: The writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases that indicate the writer’s stance and by summarizing the position in the conclusion. For example, if the writer believes that more can be done to prevent crime, they should consistently support this view with relevant arguments.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For instance, the claim that "criminals are property or unemployment" is vague and does not provide a clear connection to crime rates. Additionally, the assertion that "the government cannot solve all problems" is a broad statement that requires further elaboration and examples to be convincing.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should provide specific examples or statistics that illustrate their points. For instance, discussing successful crime prevention programs or policies could strengthen the argument. Each idea should be presented clearly, followed by explanations or evidence that extend the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the topic. While it begins by addressing the prompt, it quickly shifts focus to general statements about unemployment and government limitations without directly linking these ideas back to crime prevention. This lack of focus detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that each paragraph remains focused on the topic of crime prevention. This can be achieved by consistently referring back to the prompt and ensuring that all statements contribute to the discussion of the two views on crime prevention. A clear topic sentence for each paragraph can help maintain focus.

In summary, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on clearly addressing both sides of the argument, maintaining a consistent position, developing and supporting ideas with specific examples, and staying on topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents two opposing views regarding crime prevention, but the organization lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the introduction is vague and does not clearly outline the two perspectives. The body paragraphs do not effectively separate the arguments for and against crime prevention, leading to confusion. The transition from discussing the belief that nothing can be done to addressing the reasons behind crime feels abrupt and lacks a clear connection.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, start with a clear introduction that explicitly states the two views. Each paragraph should focus on one view, clearly delineating the arguments. For example, one paragraph could discuss the belief that more can be done to prevent crime, while the next could address the opposing view. Additionally, use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not effectively utilize paragraphs, as it appears to be a single block of text. This makes it difficult for readers to follow the flow of ideas. The lack of distinct paragraphs leads to a muddled presentation of arguments, reducing the overall clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: Implement a clear paragraph structure. Start with an introduction, followed by separate body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and conclude with a summary or personal opinion. Each paragraph should contain a single main idea, supported by relevant examples or explanations. For instance, the first body paragraph could focus on the belief that crime can be prevented, while the second could discuss the reasons why some believe it cannot.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows limited use of cohesive devices, which hinders the flow of ideas. Phrases such as "besides" and "because" are used, but there is a lack of variety and sophistication in the cohesive devices employed. This results in a disjointed reading experience, as the connections between sentences and ideas are not clearly established.
- How to improve: To improve cohesion, incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices such as "however," "on the other hand," "furthermore," and "in addition." These can help clarify relationships between ideas and enhance the overall flow. For example, when transitioning from discussing the belief that crime cannot be prevented to the reasons behind crime, use phrases like "Conversely" or "In contrast" to signal the shift in perspective.

By addressing these areas—logical organization, effective paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices—the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. Phrases such as "many ways to prevent crime" and "all ways will failure" indicate a reliance on basic vocabulary. The use of terms like "criminals," "property," and "unemployment" is relevant but lacks variety and sophistication. Additionally, the phrase "having way to reduce crime" is awkward and does not reflect a broader lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and more complex phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "ways," you could use "methods," "strategies," or "approaches." Expanding the vocabulary related to crime prevention and societal issues will enrich the essay. Reading more academic texts or articles on crime prevention could provide useful terminology.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. The phrase "all ways will failure" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. Instead of "that make them breaking the law," a more precise expression would be "that leads them to break the law." The term "having way" is also vague and improperly structured.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Practicing sentence structure and grammar will help in forming clearer expressions. For example, rephrasing "it is mean that all ways will failure" to "this suggests that all methods may ultimately fail" would enhance clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "dicussded" (discussed), "differrent" (different), and "having the best quality" (which is awkwardly phrased). These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a moment to read through the essay carefully or use spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic words and terms related to the essay topic can help reinforce correct spelling. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the overall quality of the essay can be significantly improved, potentially raising the band score for Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited variety in sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance clarity and engagement. For example, the sentence "Because number of job will not enough for all people, each job have differrent requirements to having the best quality" is a run-on and lacks proper conjunctions or transitions to connect ideas effectively. The use of phrases like "that make them breaking the law" also indicates a need for more varied grammatical forms.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate complex sentences that combine independent and dependent clauses. For instance, instead of saying "Many people believe that any way can not combat crime," the writer could say, "While many people believe that no measures can effectively combat crime, others argue that proactive strategies can make a significant difference." Practicing the use of subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, because, since) can help in creating more complex sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "that make them breaking the law" should be "that leads them to break the law," and "all ways will failure" should be "all ways will fail." Additionally, punctuation is often missing or misused, such as in "or opposite," which should be "or the opposite." The essay also lacks appropriate capitalization and has spelling errors, such as "dicussded" instead of "discussed" and "differrent" instead of "different."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. Furthermore, proofreading for spelling and punctuation errors before submission is crucial. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting mistakes.

By addressing these areas, the writer can improve their grammatical range and accuracy, ultimately leading to a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

People hold diverse perspectives on the various methods of crime prevention or, conversely, the belief that little can be done. In this essay, the two viewpoints will be discussed.

Many individuals believe that no method can effectively combat crime, implying that all approaches will ultimately fail. When criminals are driven by poverty or unemployment, they may feel compelled to break the law to survive. Because the number of jobs is insufficient for all individuals, each job has different requirements, making it challenging for everyone to achieve the highest quality of life. Furthermore, the government cannot solve all problems, which complicates efforts to find effective ways to reduce crime.

In conclusion, while some argue that more actions can be taken to prevent crime, others maintain that little can be done due to underlying societal issues. Both perspectives highlight the complexities involved in addressing crime effectively.