23) Some people indicate that apartments are the best type of housing, while others argue that private houses in the street are better. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

Some individuals are of the opinion that the optimal type of accommodation is apartments. In contrast, others think that residing in a private house on the street is a superior option. Although both schools of thought offer merit, I agree more with the view that the final decision should be made based on the actual needs of each household.
On the one hand, there are some major rationales that explain why some people think that apartments have the potential to be the best accommodation type. On the same area of land, the construction of apartments would generally yield a larger number of housing units compared to what can be achieved if private houses are built. Also, the shared facilities and amenities would reduce the demand for travel, further cutting down the cost of living. Thus, the affordability makes apartments suitable to people with lower means of living, which generally makes up the largest parts of our population.
On the other hand, opponents of the previous view claim that private houses on the street are a better form of accommodation. The close proximity with other people, which is common in apartment complexes, may disrupt the personal living space. For houses on the street, such an issue could be mitigated better due to better insulation from the outside environment. Also, the value of private houses on the street has been proven to increase better compared to apartments, making them a worthy form of investment that yields more value in the future.
In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions on determining the best forms of accommodation, I believe that the ultimate decision needs to be made according to the demand and financial conditions of each household. If a family values privacy and has an interest in investment, a private house on the street is a superior option. In contrast, the lower cost of living associated with apartments is inevitably the best option for people with lower levels of income.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals are of the opinion" -> "Some individuals hold the view"
Explanation: "Hold the view" is a more concise and formal expression that is commonly used in academic writing to indicate a belief or opinion.
"optimal type of accommodation" -> "ideal type of accommodation"
Explanation: "Ideal" is more precise and academically appropriate than "optimal" in this context, as it directly relates to the suitability or quality of the accommodation.
"residing in a private house on the street" -> "living in a private house on the street"
Explanation: "Living" is a more natural and commonly used verb in this context than "residing," which can sound overly formal or archaic.
"On the one hand" -> "On one hand"
Explanation: "On one hand" is a more concise and formal way to introduce contrasting ideas in academic writing.
"major rationales" -> "significant reasons"
Explanation: "Significant reasons" is more precise and academically appropriate than "major rationales," which can be vague and less commonly used in formal writing.
"would generally yield a larger number of housing units" -> "typically yields a greater number of housing units"
Explanation: "Typically yields" is more precise and formal than "would generally yield," which is less direct and less formal.
"the shared facilities and amenities would reduce the demand for travel" -> "shared facilities and amenities reduce travel demand"
Explanation: "Reduce travel demand" is a more direct and formal way to express the impact of shared facilities and amenities on travel.
"further cutting down the cost of living" -> "further reducing the cost of living"
Explanation: "Reducing" is more precise and formal than "cutting down," which can be seen as colloquial.
"people with lower means of living" -> "individuals with lower incomes"
Explanation: "Individuals with lower incomes" is a more specific and formal way to describe economic status compared to "people with lower means of living."
"which generally makes up the largest parts of our population" -> "which comprises the majority of our population"
Explanation: "Comprises the majority of our population" is more precise and formal, avoiding the vague "makes up the largest parts."
"opponents of the previous view claim" -> "those opposing the previous view argue"
Explanation: "Those opposing the previous view argue" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone.
"better insulation from the outside environment" -> "better insulation from external environments"
Explanation: "External environments" is a more formal and precise term than "the outside environment," which is somewhat vague.
"has been proven to increase better" -> "has been shown to increase more"
Explanation: "Has been shown to increase more" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone, whereas "increase better" is grammatically incorrect.
"a worthy form of investment that yields more value" -> "a worthwhile investment that yields greater value"
Explanation: "A worthwhile investment that yields greater value" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone.
"inevitably the best option" -> "inevitably the most suitable option"
Explanation: "Most suitable" is a more precise and formal term than "best," which can be subjective and less formal in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the preference for apartments versus private houses. The writer presents arguments supporting both sides, such as the affordability and shared amenities of apartments and the privacy and investment potential of private houses. However, while the essay discusses both perspectives, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of each viewpoint, as the arguments for apartments are slightly more developed than those for private houses.
- How to improve: To enhance the balance, the writer could provide additional supporting details or examples for the private house perspective. For instance, discussing specific scenarios where private houses may be more advantageous, such as family size or lifestyle preferences, would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position, stating that the best accommodation depends on individual household needs. This position is reiterated in the conclusion, which effectively summarizes the argument. However, the transition from discussing both views to the personal opinion could be smoother to reinforce the stance.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the discussion of both views to their conclusion. For example, phrases like "Ultimately, it is important to consider…" can help guide the reader more clearly to the author’s opinion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the discussion of apartments, where the writer cites affordability and shared amenities as key benefits. However, the support for the private house argument is less robust, lacking specific examples or data that could enhance the claims made.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should consider including specific examples or statistics related to housing trends, such as average price increases for private houses versus apartments. Additionally, elaborating on the emotional or lifestyle benefits of private houses could provide a more compelling argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing both types of housing and the factors influencing their desirability. There are no significant deviations from the prompt, and the conclusion effectively ties back to the main question.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt. For example, the mention of "the largest parts of our population" could be clarified to specify how this demographic relates to the discussion of apartments versus private houses. This would enhance the relevance of the argument and ensure that every point made is directly tied to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some enhancements in balance, clarity, and supporting details, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, effectively discussing both viewpoints regarding apartments and private houses. The introduction sets up the discussion well, stating the two perspectives and the writer’s stance. Each body paragraph is dedicated to one viewpoint, which enhances clarity. For instance, the first paragraph outlines the advantages of apartments, while the second addresses the benefits of private houses. This logical organization helps the reader follow the argument easily.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between ideas within paragraphs. For example, when transitioning from discussing the advantages of apartments to the disadvantages of living in them, phrases like "However," or "Conversely," can help signal shifts in the argument more clearly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for coherence. Each paragraph has a clear focus, with the first discussing apartments and the second discussing private houses. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer’s opinion.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, consider ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the first sentence of the second body paragraph could explicitly state that it will discuss the drawbacks of apartment living, which would enhance the reader’s understanding of the paragraph’s focus right from the start.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a good range of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," and "In conclusion," which guide the reader through the argument. These devices help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the essay. However, there is some repetition of phrases, particularly "the best type of accommodation," which could be varied for a more sophisticated approach.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly referring to "the best type of accommodation," you could use terms like "ideal living situation" or "preferred housing option." Additionally, incorporating more transitional phrases within paragraphs can enhance the flow of ideas, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In contrast," to connect sentences more fluidly.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, further solidifying its effectiveness in communicating the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "optimal," "accommodation," "superior option," and "insulation." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "best type of accommodation" and "better form of accommodation." This limits the lexical variety that could enhance the essay’s overall quality.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "accommodation," alternatives like "housing," "dwelling," or "residential options" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "living arrangements" or "housing solutions" could add depth to the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its ideas clearly, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the affordability makes apartments suitable to people with lower means of living" could be more accurately expressed as "the affordability makes apartments suitable for individuals with lower incomes." The use of "means of living" is somewhat awkward and less common in academic writing.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using more commonly accepted phrases and terms. Reviewing academic sources or high-scoring IELTS essays can provide insight into more precise vocabulary. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing sentences can help in selecting the most fitting words for specific contexts.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "the largest parts of our population," where "parts" should be "part." This type of error can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing. However, the majority of the vocabulary is spelled correctly, indicating a solid understanding of basic spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that might be overlooked when reading silently. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can be beneficial for future writing tasks.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will help elevate the score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Although both schools of thought offer merit, I agree more with the view that the final decision should be made based on the actual needs of each household" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures in "If a family values privacy and has an interest in investment, a private house on the street is a superior option" showcases an ability to express hypothetical scenarios. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, particularly in the second paragraph, where phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" are used consecutively, which could benefit from more varied transitions.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the introductory phrases. For example, instead of starting consecutive sentences with "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," you might use alternatives like "Conversely" or "In contrast" to introduce opposing views. Additionally, integrating more relative clauses could enhance the complexity and depth of your arguments.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "the affordability makes apartments suitable to people with lower means of living" could be refined to "suitable for people with lower means of living" for improved grammatical correctness. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are a few instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which generally makes up the largest parts of our population," where a comma after "living" would help delineate the clause.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is advisable to review the use of prepositions, particularly in phrases like "suitable to" versus "suitable for." Additionally, revisiting punctuation rules regarding clauses can help clarify complex sentences. Practicing with exercises focused on comma usage in compound and complex sentences can further solidify these skills. Lastly, proofreading for minor errors before submission can help catch and correct such issues.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the writer can further enhance their writing proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals hold the view that the ideal type of accommodation is apartments. In contrast, others argue that living in a private house on the street is a superior option. Although both perspectives have merit, I agree more with the view that the final decision should be made based on the actual needs of each household.

On one hand, there are significant reasons why some people believe that apartments can be the best type of accommodation. On the same area of land, the construction of apartments typically yields a greater number of housing units compared to what can be achieved if private houses are built. Additionally, the shared facilities and amenities in apartment complexes reduce the demand for travel, further reducing the cost of living. Thus, the affordability of apartments makes them suitable for individuals with lower incomes, which comprises the majority of our population.

On the other hand, those opposing the previous view argue that private houses on the street are a better form of accommodation. The close proximity to other residents, which is common in apartment complexes, may disrupt personal living space. For houses on the street, such an issue could be mitigated better due to better insulation from external environments. Furthermore, the value of private houses on the street has been shown to increase more compared to apartments, making them a worthwhile investment that yields greater value in the future.

In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions on determining the best forms of accommodation, I believe that the ultimate decision needs to be made according to the demands and financial conditions of each household. If a family values privacy and has an interest in investment, a private house on the street is inevitably the most suitable option. In contrast, the lower cost of living associated with apartments is the best option for people with lower levels of income.