Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job ,but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future.Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is widely recognized that young people now have a vast array of career options at their disposal. Opinions remain divided on whether they should choose occupations that align their interests and passions, or adopt a realistic approach, focused on holistic and long-term prospects. This essay will closely examine both views before showing my final thoughts.

Supporters of the passion-driven careers claim that following one’s interests can lead to greater job satisfaction and overall happiness, which are crucial for long-term commitment and individual growth. It has been increasingly common to see a trend of job hopping among young individuals due to the lack of resilience when faced with challenges. Therefore, such fulfillment derived from pursuing dream careers is believed to significantly encourage young people to stick with their chosen fields longer, even in the face of challenges. Additionally, advocates of this view argue that young people should avoid getting trapped in the rat race as external and materialistic focus potentially stifles individuality, innovation and creativity, thereby impeding personal development and fostering a homogenous society.

On the other side of the spectrum, opponents worry that young people often lack the hands-on experience to foresee the long-term challenges of certain careers. For instance, while some may excel in artistic fields, the reality of building a career in the arts often involves heavy customer demand, financial instability and fierce competition, which may not fully align with their immediate passions. A purely passion-based choice, therefore, can result in disillusionment. Another ground for detractors of real-world considerations is that young adults now are often characterized by a lack of financial accumulation, potentially leading to delayed major life milestones and missed opportunities for self-growth. Thus, a pragmatic approach incorporating a comprehensive assessment of job security, salary growth, and long-term career prospects, might help them to build a solid financial foundation, ultimately enabling them to meet their future needs and aspirations.

Upon weighing both views, I believe that a combination of personal freedom and realism is crucial in the decision-making process of young people regarding their occupations. By thoughtfully evaluating the idealistic and realistic facets of career prospects, they can make informed decisions that lead to fulfilling and sustainable careers. This not only nurtures personal aspirations and fosters individuality but also lays a strong foundation for future endeavors, reducing the risk of regrettable career choices.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"young people now have a vast array of career options at their disposal" -> "young individuals currently have a wide range of career options available to them"
Explanation: Replacing "vast array" with "wide range" and "at their disposal" with "available to them" refines the phrase to sound more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.
"Opinions remain divided" -> "Opinions are divided"
Explanation: Removing "remain" simplifies the sentence structure, making it more direct and formal, which is preferred in academic writing.
"adopt a realistic approach, focused on holistic and long-term prospects" -> "adopt a pragmatic approach, centered on holistic and long-term prospects"
Explanation: Replacing "realistic" with "pragmatic" and "focused on" with "centered on" enhances the formality and specificity of the language, aligning better with academic style.
"Supporters of the passion-driven careers" -> "Advocates of passion-driven careers"
Explanation: Replacing "Supporters" with "Advocates" provides a more formal and precise term, suitable for academic discourse.
"It has been increasingly common to see a trend of job hopping" -> "It has become increasingly common to observe a trend of job hopping"
Explanation: Changing "see" to "observe" elevates the formality of the language, and "has become" is a more precise temporal indicator than "has been."
"due to the lack of resilience" -> "due to a lack of resilience"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "lack" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more formal and correct.
"such fulfillment derived from pursuing dream careers" -> "such fulfillment derived from pursuing dream careers"
Explanation: This is a minor correction to maintain parallel structure and clarity in the sentence.
"On the other side of the spectrum" -> "On the other hand"
Explanation: "On the other hand" is a more formal and commonly used transitional phrase in academic writing compared to "On the other side of the spectrum."
"young people often lack the hands-on experience" -> "young individuals often lack hands-on experience"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "hands-on experience" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more concise and formal.
"the reality of building a career in the arts often involves" -> "the reality of building a career in the arts frequently involves"
Explanation: Replacing "often" with "frequently" provides a more precise frequency term, enhancing the academic tone.
"which may not fully align with their immediate passions" -> "which may not fully align with their immediate passions"
Explanation: This is a minor correction to maintain parallel structure and clarity in the sentence.
"young adults now are often characterized by a lack of financial accumulation" -> "young adults are often characterized by a lack of financial accumulation"
Explanation: Removing "now" corrects the tense consistency and enhances the formality of the statement.
"potentially leading to delayed major life milestones and missed opportunities for self-growth" -> "potentially leading to delayed major life milestones and missed opportunities for personal growth"
Explanation: Replacing "self-growth" with "personal growth" uses a more formal and commonly accepted term in academic writing.
"By thoughtfully evaluating the idealistic and realistic facets" -> "By carefully evaluating the idealistic and realistic aspects"
Explanation: Replacing "thoughtfully" with "carefully" and "facets" with "aspects" refines the language to be more precise and formal, suitable for academic discourse.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether young people should pursue their passions or take a more realistic approach to career choices. The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives, and the body paragraphs provide balanced discussions of each viewpoint. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of passion-driven careers, while the second explores the potential pitfalls of such an approach. This comprehensive treatment of the prompt demonstrates a strong understanding of the task.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could incorporate more specific examples or case studies to illustrate the points made. For instance, mentioning specific careers that exemplify the challenges of pursuing passion versus practicality could provide a richer context and strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position, advocating for a balance between personal freedom and realism in career choices. This stance is articulated in the conclusion, which synthesizes the arguments presented and reinforces the author’s opinion. The transition from discussing both views to presenting a personal opinion is smooth and logical, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could benefit from a more explicit statement of the author’s opinion in the introduction. A direct assertion of the preferred approach at the outset would guide the reader more effectively through the subsequent arguments.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The use of phrases like "supporters of the passion-driven careers claim" and "opponents worry" effectively introduces the differing viewpoints. However, while the ideas are well-supported, some points could be further elaborated. For example, the mention of "job hopping" could be expanded with statistics or studies that highlight this trend among young people.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should consider incorporating more empirical evidence or real-world examples. This could involve referencing studies on job satisfaction or career longevity, which would provide a more robust foundation for the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with each paragraph contributing to the overall discussion of career choices for young people. The author does not deviate from the main question, ensuring that all content is relevant and contributes to the argument. The structure is logical, with clear transitions between the discussion of both views and the author’s conclusion.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central question. For instance, when discussing the challenges of pursuing passion, it could be beneficial to explicitly link these challenges back to the consequences for young people’s future, reinforcing the relevance of the discussion to the prompt.

In summary, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively addresses the prompt. By incorporating more specific examples, enhancing the clarity of the position in the introduction, and providing additional supporting evidence, the essay could achieve an even higher level of excellence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured in a clear and logical manner. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and presents both sides of the argument. Each viewpoint is discussed in separate paragraphs, which helps maintain clarity. For example, the first body paragraph focuses on the benefits of passion-driven careers, while the second addresses the concerns of a more pragmatic approach. This clear delineation of ideas enhances the reader’s understanding of the contrasting perspectives.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit signposting within paragraphs. For instance, phrases like "Firstly," "Moreover," or "In contrast," can guide readers through the argument’s progression and emphasize the relationship between ideas. Additionally, a brief summary at the end of each body paragraph could reinforce the main point before transitioning to the next idea.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for coherence. Each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with relevant examples and explanations. The introduction and conclusion are also well-defined, framing the discussion effectively. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother; while the ideas are distinct, a clearer connection could enhance the flow.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph not only presents a distinct idea but also includes transitional sentences that link the paragraphs. For example, at the end of the first body paragraph, a sentence that hints at the challenges of passion-driven careers could serve as a bridge to the second paragraph, making the transition more fluid.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand," "additionally," and "for instance," which help to connect ideas and provide clarity. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, while the essay employs some cohesive devices effectively, there is room for a broader range of connectors to enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more varied linking words and phrases. For example, using alternatives like "conversely," "furthermore," or "in addition" can add depth to the argumentation. Additionally, employing some more complex structures, such as relative clauses or participial phrases, could enhance the fluidity of sentences and create a more engaging reading experience.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, achieving a high band score. By focusing on enhancing transitions, diversifying cohesive devices, and providing clearer connections between paragraphs, the writer can elevate their writing to an even higher level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, employing terms such as "vast array," "job satisfaction," "materialistic focus," and "disillusionment." These choices reflect an ability to articulate complex ideas effectively. However, some phrases could be more varied. For instance, the repeated use of "young people" could be substituted with synonyms like "youth" or "young adults" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To elevate the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "young people," you might use "the youth" or "the younger generation." Additionally, exploring idiomatic expressions or less common words could further enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, such as "job hopping" and "financial instability," which convey the intended meanings well. However, the phrase "external and materialistic focus" could be clearer. It may confuse readers as it lacks context regarding what "external" refers to in this scenario.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, ensure that all terms are clearly defined or contextualized. For example, you could clarify "external focus" by specifying it as "external pressures" or "societal expectations." This would help the reader grasp the intended meaning more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words like "individuality," "innovation," and "pragmatic" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, to maintain this standard, it is advisable to engage in regular reading and writing practice. Additionally, utilizing tools like spell checkers and proofreading can help catch any potential errors in future essays.

In summary, the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Lexical Resource due to its effective use of a wide range of vocabulary and generally precise language. To improve further, focus on enhancing lexical variety, ensuring clarity in vocabulary usage, and maintaining spelling accuracy through consistent practice.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Supporters of the passion-driven careers claim that following one’s interests can lead to greater job satisfaction and overall happiness" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "a purely passion-based choice, therefore, can result in disillusionment," showcases the writer’s ability to express hypothetical scenarios. However, there are instances of less varied structures, particularly in the introductory and concluding paragraphs where simpler constructions are more prevalent.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more compound-complex sentences and varied introductory phrases. For example, instead of starting with "It is widely recognized that," the writer could use a more engaging opening like "In today’s rapidly evolving job market, it is imperative that…" This would not only diversify sentence beginnings but also add depth to the argument.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "the lack of resilience when faced with challenges," which could be more clearly articulated as "the lack of resilience in facing challenges." Additionally, the use of commas is generally effective, but there are instances where they could enhance clarity, such as in the phrase "innovation and creativity, thereby impeding personal development," where a comma before "thereby" could improve readability.
- How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on refining sentence clarity and punctuation. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on complex sentence structures and punctuation rules, would be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for clarity and flow can help identify areas where rephrasing or punctuation adjustments could enhance the overall quality of the writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By incorporating these suggestions, the writer can work towards achieving an even higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely recognized that young individuals currently have a wide range of career options available to them. Opinions are divided on whether they should choose occupations that align with their interests and passions, or adopt a pragmatic approach, centered on holistic and long-term prospects. This essay will closely examine both views before presenting my final thoughts.

Supporters of passion-driven careers claim that following one’s interests can lead to greater job satisfaction and overall happiness, which are crucial for long-term commitment and individual growth. It has become increasingly common to observe a trend of job hopping among young individuals due to a lack of resilience when faced with challenges. Therefore, such fulfillment derived from pursuing dream careers is believed to significantly encourage young people to remain in their chosen fields longer, even in the face of difficulties. Additionally, advocates of this view argue that young people should avoid getting trapped in the rat race, as an external and materialistic focus potentially stifles individuality, innovation, and creativity, thereby impeding personal development and fostering a homogenous society.

On the other hand, opponents worry that young individuals often lack hands-on experience to foresee the long-term challenges of certain careers. For instance, while some may excel in artistic fields, the reality of building a career in the arts frequently involves heavy customer demand, financial instability, and fierce competition, which may not fully align with their immediate passions. A purely passion-based choice, therefore, can result in disillusionment. Another concern for detractors of real-world considerations is that young adults are often characterized by a lack of financial accumulation, potentially leading to delayed major life milestones and missed opportunities for personal growth. Thus, a pragmatic approach, incorporating a comprehensive assessment of job security, salary growth, and long-term career prospects, might help them build a solid financial foundation, ultimately enabling them to meet their future needs and aspirations.

Upon weighing both views, I believe that a combination of personal freedom and realism is crucial in the decision-making process of young people regarding their occupations. By carefully evaluating the idealistic and realistic aspects of career prospects, they can make informed decisions that lead to fulfilling and sustainable careers. This not only nurtures personal aspirations and fosters individuality but also lays a strong foundation for future endeavors, reducing the risk of regrettable career choices.