the diagrams below show the Marlton gallery before and after it was renovated. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the diagrams below show the Marlton gallery before and after it was renovated.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams describe how a gallery called Marlton has changed after being reformed
Overall, the gallery has undergone a number of dramatic changes, the most important of which is the expansion in the space of the gallery. Furthermore, from a two-stories building with five rooms and a rooftop garden, the gallery has become a three-stories building with seven rooms and a new car park.
Looking at the top, there used to be a green space, but it has been then converted into the third floor, with a media room and an education center. The cafe on the right of the second floor has remained, while a special exhibition has been built, replacing the media room on the left.
Turning to the first floor, the special exhibition has been removed to make room for a new car park beneath the coffee shop. On the opposite side, there has been a number of changes, with the front desk has been divided into a smaller once next to the lift and a coast room, and a new stairs has been erected on the left of the gift shop. In the center of the gallery, an elevator has been enlarged, connecting directly from the first floor to the top of the building.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"after being reformed" -> "after undergoing renovations"
Explanation: "Reformed" is vague and informal in this context. "Undergoing renovations" is more precise and aligns better with academic language.
"a number of dramatic changes" -> "several significant changes"
Explanation: "A number of" is overly general and informal. "Several significant" provides clarity and a more formal tone.
"the space of the gallery" -> "the gallery’s space"
Explanation: "The space of the gallery" is unnecessarily wordy. "The gallery’s space" is more concise and maintains clarity.
"two-stories building" -> "two-story building"
Explanation: "Two-stories" is incorrect; it should be "two-story" to correctly describe the building’s structure.
"has become a three-stories building" -> "has become a three-story building"
Explanation: Similar to the previous point, "three-stories" should be "three-story" for grammatical accuracy.
"Looking at the top" -> "At the top"
Explanation: "Looking at" is informal and unnecessary. "At the top" is more direct and academic.
"it has been then converted" -> "it has since been converted"
Explanation: "Then" is informal and suggests a sequence that is not necessary here. "Since" indicates a change that has occurred over time, which is more appropriate.
"the cafe on the right of the second floor has remained" -> "the café on the right side of the second floor has remained"
Explanation: "Cafe" should be spelled "café" for proper usage, and "on the right side" is clearer than "on the right."
"has been built, replacing the media room" -> "has been constructed, replacing the media room"
Explanation: "Built" is informal; "constructed" is more precise and formal.
"the special exhibition has been removed to make room for a new car park" -> "the special exhibition has been relocated to accommodate a new car park"
Explanation: "Removed" implies disposal, while "relocated" suggests a change of position. "Accommodate" is a more formal term than "make room for."
"beneath the coffee shop" -> "beneath the café"
Explanation: Consistency in terminology is important; "café" should be used throughout for clarity.
"there has been a number of changes" -> "there have been several changes"
Explanation: "There has been" is incorrect for plural "number of changes." "There have been" is grammatically correct.
"the front desk has been divided into a smaller once" -> "the front desk has been divided into a smaller unit"
Explanation: "Once" is a typographical error; "unit" is a more formal and precise term.
"a coast room" -> "a coat room"
Explanation: "Coast" is a misspelling; "coat" is the correct term for a room where outer garments are stored.
"a new stairs has been erected" -> "a new staircase has been erected"
Explanation: "Stairs" is plural and should be "staircase" for grammatical accuracy.
"enlarged, connecting directly from the first floor to the top of the building" -> "enlarged, providing direct access from the first floor to the top of the building"
Explanation: "Connecting directly" is vague; "providing direct access" is clearer and more formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes made to the gallery, including the addition of a third floor and a car park. It also highlights some key features, such as the new education center and the relocation of the special exhibition. However, the essay does not fully extend all of the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the cafe on the right of the second floor has remained, but the diagram shows that the cafe has been moved to the left of the second floor.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed information about the changes made to the gallery. For example, the essay could mention the specific types of rooms that have been added or the size of the car park. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate information about the changes made to the gallery. For example, the essay could clarify that the cafe has been moved to the left of the second floor, not the right.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the description of the gallery before and after renovation. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences may be faulty or mechanical, such as in the transition between the first and second floors. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the flow of information could be improved for better clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving transitions between ideas and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring they are applied appropriately will also help. Furthermore, organizing the information in a more logical sequence, perhaps by grouping related changes together, would contribute to a clearer progression throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "converted," "exhibition," and "enlarged," but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing, such as "the front desk has been divided into a smaller once." Additionally, there are errors in word formation, such as "new stairs" instead of "new staircase," and "coast room," which appears to be a typographical error for "coat room." While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and sophistication of the language used.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding awkward phrases and ensuring correct word forms. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions could elevate the essay’s quality. Proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors would also help improve clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the accuracy of these constructions is inconsistent. There are noticeable grammatical errors, such as "the front desk has been divided into a smaller once" (should be "one") and "a new stairs has been erected" (should be "stair"). These errors do not significantly impede communication, but they do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures. This can be done by proofreading for common errors and ensuring that subject-verb agreement and noun forms are correct. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of complex sentences with correct punctuation would enhance the overall grammatical range and accuracy. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and precision will also be beneficial.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagrams describe how a gallery called Marlton has changed after being renovated. Overall, the gallery has undergone a number of dramatic changes, the most significant of which is the expansion of the gallery space. Furthermore, from a two-story building with five rooms and a rooftop garden, the gallery has transformed into a three-story building with seven rooms and a new car park.

Looking at the top, there used to be a green space, but it has now been converted into the third floor, which includes a media room and an education center. The café on the right side of the second floor has remained, while a special exhibition area has been constructed, replacing the media room on the left.

Turning to the first floor, the special exhibition has been removed to make way for a new car park beneath the coffee shop. On the opposite side, there have been several changes, with the front desk divided into a smaller area next to the lift and a coat room, and a new staircase has been erected on the left of the gift shop. In the center of the gallery, an elevator has been enlarged, providing direct access from the first floor to the top of the building.