SCHOOLS HAVE THE SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY TO DISCOURAGE CHILDREN FROM EATING JUNK FOOD. OTHERS THINK IT IS THE PARENT’S RESPONSIBILITY. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION. WRITE ABOUT 250 WORDS.

Nowadays, with the increasing growth of fast food, some people believe that school has the social responsibility to talk students out of consuming it. Meanwhile, others reckon that it is the parent’s task that prevents children from overeating junk food. In this essay, I will delve into both sides before presenting my idea.

On the one hand, it is schools that are in charge of limiting children’s consumption of fast food. As most kids now spend all day long at school, schools play a vital role in educating and navigating children about a healthy diet. Hence, lessons about the detrimental consequences of junk food must be put into the curriculum for students. Moreover, stimulating them to participate in extra-curricular activities about mighty lifestyle is also a great solution that schools should do.

On the other hand, parents are supposed to be responsible for discouraging children from eating unhealthy foods. It is because parents are the dearest and nearest of students, therefore, it could be easier for them to advise them not to overeat that kind of food. Furthermore, under the supervision of parents, children might be likely obedient to them and create their suitable diet. For example, some children today tend to adhere to their parents rather than schools. Therefore, without care from family, they often call for fast food on the streets or online market, leading to deteriorated health.

In conclusion, the question of whether schools or parents will be put in charge of persuading children not to eat junk food is controversial. From my perspective, the combination of these is the best way to help them have a better life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"talk students out of consuming" -> "discourage students from consuming"
Explanation: "Discourage" is a more formal and precise term than "talk out of," which is colloquial and less appropriate for academic writing.
"reckon" -> "believe"
Explanation: "Believe" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "reckon," which is informal and colloquial.
"it is the parent’s task that prevents" -> "it is the parents’ responsibility to prevent"
Explanation: "Responsibility" is more formal and precise than "task," and "to prevent" is grammatically correct compared to "that prevents."
"delve into both sides" -> "examine both perspectives"
Explanation: "Examine" is more formal and academically precise than "delve into," which can be seen as informal.
"all day long" -> "throughout the day"
Explanation: "Throughout the day" is a more formal expression than "all day long," which is colloquial.
"mighty lifestyle" -> "healthy lifestyle"
Explanation: "Mighty" is incorrectly used here; "healthy" is the correct term to describe a lifestyle that promotes well-being.
"stimulating them to participate" -> "encouraging their participation"
Explanation: "Encouraging their participation" is more direct and formal than "stimulating them to participate," which is awkwardly phrased.
"supposed to be responsible" -> "should be responsible"
Explanation: "Should be responsible" is a more direct and formal expression than "supposed to be responsible," which is less direct and slightly informal.
"the dearest and nearest of students" -> "the closest and most influential figures in students’ lives"
Explanation: "The closest and most influential figures in students’ lives" is a more precise and formal way to describe parents’ relationship with children.
"might be likely obedient" -> "may be more likely to comply"
Explanation: "May be more likely to comply" is grammatically correct and more formal than "might be likely obedient," which is awkward and informal.
"create their suitable diet" -> "develop a suitable diet"
Explanation: "Develop a suitable diet" is grammatically correct and more formal than "create their suitable diet," which is awkwardly phrased.
"call for fast food" -> "order fast food"
Explanation: "Order" is a more precise verb in this context than "call for," which is less specific and slightly informal.
"on the streets or online market" -> "from street vendors or online platforms"
Explanation: "From street vendors or online platforms" is more specific and formal than "on the streets or online market," which is vague and informal.
"deteriorated health" -> "poor health"
Explanation: "Poor health" is a more direct and formal term than "deteriorated health," which is somewhat redundant and less commonly used in academic writing.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether schools or parents should discourage children from eating junk food. The introduction clearly outlines the twoperspectives, and each viewpoint is discussed in separate paragraphs. However, the conclusion could be more explicit in summarizing the arguments presented, which would enhance the overall clarity of the response.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, ensure that the conclusion not only states your opinion but also briefly reiterates the main points discussed for both sides. This will provide a clearer summary and reinforce your argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in the conclusion, advocating for a combination of both schools and parents in discouraging junk food. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For example, while the discussion of both viewpoints is balanced, the author could emphasize their stance more explicitly in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, consider using transitional phrases that signal your opinion throughout the essay. For instance, after discussing each viewpoint, you could add phrases like "While this perspective is valid, I believe…" to clearly indicate your stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both schools and parents effectively, with some supporting details. However, the development of these ideas could be deeper. For instance, while the essay mentions that schools should include lessons about healthy diets, it does not elaborate on how this could be implemented or its potential impact.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, provide more specific examples and explanations. For instance, you could discuss specific programs or initiatives that schools could adopt to promote healthy eating, or provide statistical evidence on the effectiveness of parental guidance in dietary choices.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the responsibilities of schools and parents regarding children’s diets. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the mention of children calling for fast food online could be seen as slightly tangential to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, ensure that every point made directly relates back to the responsibilities of schools and parents. Avoid introducing ideas that, while interesting, do not directly support the main argument. Consider using a more structured approach to ensure each point ties back to the central question.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could potentially achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the two perspectives on the responsibility of discouraging junk food consumption. Each body paragraph addresses one viewpoint, which helps maintain clarity. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for instance, the connection between the roles of schools and parents could be more explicitly stated to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing schools, you could introduce the parental perspective with a phrase like "Conversely," or "In contrast," to signal a shift in focus. Additionally, summarizing key points at the end of each paragraph can reinforce the logical progression of your argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct viewpoint. The first paragraph discusses the role of schools, while the second addresses parental responsibility. This division aids readability and comprehension. However, the conclusion could be more robust, as it currently feels somewhat abrupt and lacks a strong summary of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by briefly summarizing the main points discussed inthe body paragraphs. For example, you could restate the importance of both schools and parents in guiding children’s dietary choices, thereby reinforcing the argument made throughout the essay. Consider also using a concluding statement that reflects on the implications of the discussion or suggests a way forward.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to delineate contrasting views. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. For instance, while there are attempts to use conjunctions, the essay could benefit from more varied cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. Phrases like "Additionally," "Furthermore," and "In addition" could be used to link ideas within paragraphs more effectively.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, when introducing examples or additional points, use phrases like "For instance," "Moreover," or "This illustrates that." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence in your writing. Practicing with different types of cohesive devices in your writing can help you become more versatile in their application.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments. By focusing on enhancing logical connections, strengthening paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, you can further improve thecoherence and cohesion of your writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "detrimental consequences," "extra-curricular activities," and "supervision." However, there are instances of repetition and a lack of variety in word choice. For example, the phrase "eating unhealthy foods" could be replaced with synonyms like "consuming junk food" or "indulging in processed foods" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should practice using synonyms and related terms. Engaging with a thesaurus while drafting could help identify alternative expressions. Additionally, reading a variety of texts can expose the writer to different vocabulary usages.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are moments where word choice could be more accurate. For instance, the phrase "talk students out of consuming it" could be more effectively expressed as "educate students about the risks of consuming it." The phrase "mighty lifestyle" is also vague and does not clearly convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on context when selecting words. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and specificity can help. Additionally, reviewing vocabulary in context—such as through example sentences—can aid in understanding the nuances of word meanings.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with few errors. However, there are minor mistakes, such as "therefore, it could be easier for them to advise them not to overeat that kind of food," where the phrase "that kind of food" could be more clearly stated as "junk food" for clarity and precision.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should consistently proofread their work, focusing on commonly misspelled words and phrases. Utilizing spelling check tools and practicing writing can also help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words can be beneficial for targeted practice.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to a stronger performance in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, sentences like "As most kids now spend all day long at school, schools play a vital role in educating and navigating children about a healthy diet" effectively combine clauses to convey complex ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures, such as "It is because parents are the dearest and nearest of students," which could be rephrased for greater variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider using more varied sentence openings and incorporating more complex clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with "It is because," you could rephrase to "Given that parents are the closest figures in a child’s life, they are in a unique position to guide their dietary choices." Additionally, using participial phrases or relative clauses can add complexity and variety.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are a few errors that detract from clarity. For instance, "schools play a vital role in educating and navigating children about a healthy diet" could be improved to "educating children about a healthy diet and guiding them in making healthy choices." Additionally, punctuation is mostly correct, but the phrase "the combination of these is the best way" could benefit from a comma before "is" for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For example, "the social responsibility to talk students out of consuming it" could be rephrased to "the social responsibility to discourage students from consuming it." Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can also help identify and correct common errors. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding clauses and lists, will enhance clarity in your writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy but could benefit from further diversification of sentence structures and a closer attention to grammatical details.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Currently, with the increasing prevalence of fast food, some people believe that schools have a social responsibility to discourage students from consuming it. Meanwhile, others argue that it is the parents’ responsibility to prevent children from overeating junk food. In this essay, I will examine both perspectives before presenting my opinion.

On the one hand, schools should play a significant role in limiting children’s consumption of fast food. As most kids now spend the majority of their day at school, educational institutions are crucial in teaching children about a healthy lifestyle. Therefore, lessons on the detrimental consequences of junk food should be integrated into the curriculum. Moreover, encouraging their participation in extra-curricular activities focused on promoting a healthy lifestyle is another effective strategy that schools can implement.

On the other hand, parents should be responsible for discouraging their children from eating unhealthy foods. Since parents are the closest and most influential figures in students’ lives, they may be more likely to guide them towards making better dietary choices. Furthermore, under the supervision of their parents, children might be more inclined to comply with advice and develop a suitable diet. For instance, many children today tend to listen to their parents rather than school authorities. Consequently, without proper guidance from their families, they often order fast food from street vendors or online platforms, which can lead to poor health.

In conclusion, the question of whether schools or parents should take charge of persuading children not to eat junk food is indeed controversial. From my perspective, a collaborative approach involving both schools and parents is the best way to support children in leading healthier lives.