Some people believe that young people should adhere to societal traditions, while others argue that youth should have the freedom to express themselves as individuals. Discuss both perspectives and give your opinion.

In the integrated and modern life, the controversial opinion which has been raised is whether youth should share individual perspective or continuously follow societal traditions. In my opinion, they should balance both sides of this argument. So, I will clarify my stance in the upcoming paragraphs.
On the one hand, I support the idea that the young should express their perspective more. Nowadays, they are facilitated for approaching the development of technology and internet as well as knowledge and diverse cultures, thus, they want to express their opinion as well as apply their intelligence to practical work and social life. Typically, the young do not hesitate to argue about the strategy of a project with their boss or they are willing to face challenges, reject a permanent job to pursue their passions. For young people, they have a self-love mindset in which they respect and take care of themselves, allow themselves to heal whenever they feel tired or even try their best to achieve goals. In addition, they show their individuals through fashion, makeup look, lifestyle and even their perspectives. For example, they speak up about the common social problem of body shaming to protect themselves as well as those around them.
On the other hand, although pursuing freedom and individualism, the young people still have to respect and obey some societal traditions, such as respecting and caring for other people, maintaining and developing national cultural identity. To be more specific, despite having their own passion, unfortunately, if they are prevented by their parents, they should explain clearly, try their best to prove to their parents that their choices are right and completely suitable instead of arguing with them or even doing negative actions. Or simply, they are willing to help an old man cross the road or do many charity projects. In addition, Vietnamese people always pride for patriotism, therefore, they want the youth to appreciate, uphold, and foster this noble tradition. So, thanks to technology proficiency, they have created many trends to convey widely the spirit of patriotism and solidarity or the young, who have a passion for music, have produced and remade many songs to preserve traditional music genres and reach more young audiences.
In conclusion, both of two statements have their own right perspectives, and it is important that today’s youth balance and develop both of them.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In the integrated and modern life" -> "In the modern and interconnected world"
Explanation: The phrase "integrated and modern life" is vague and awkward. "Modern and interconnected world" provides a clearer and more precise description of contemporary society, enhancing the academic tone.
"the controversial opinion which has been raised" -> "the contentious issue that has been raised"
Explanation: "Controversial opinion" is redundant as "opinion" inherently implies controversy. "Contentious issue" is more precise and academically appropriate, focusing on the nature of the debate rather than the opinion itself.
"balance both sides of this argument" -> "consider both perspectives"
Explanation: "Balance both sides of this argument" is colloquial and slightly imprecise. "Consider both perspectives" is more formal and accurately reflects the academic process of weighing different viewpoints.
"facilitated for approaching" -> "facilitated in accessing"
Explanation: "Facilitated for approaching" is grammatically incorrect. "Facilitated in accessing" corrects the preposition and improves the flow of the sentence.
"they want to express their opinion as well as apply their intelligence" -> "they seek to express their opinions and apply their intellect"
Explanation: "Want to" is too informal for academic writing. "Seek to" is more formal and precise. Also, "intelligence" is too broad; "intellect" is more specific and appropriate in this context.
"the young do not hesitate to argue about the strategy of a project with their boss" -> "young individuals do not hesitate to discuss project strategies with their supervisors"
Explanation: "The young" is too vague and informal; "young individuals" is more precise. "Boss" is informal; "supervisors" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"they are willing to face challenges, reject a permanent job to pursue their passions" -> "they are willing to confront challenges and opt for alternative career paths that align with their passions"
Explanation: "Face challenges" and "reject a permanent job" are somewhat informal and vague. "Confront challenges" and "opt for alternative career paths" are more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"they have a self-love mindset" -> "they exhibit self-acceptance"
Explanation: "Self-love mindset" is an informal and potentially misleading term. "Exhibit self-acceptance" is more precise and appropriate for academic discourse, focusing on the positive aspect of self-acceptance rather than the potentially negative connotation of "self-love."
"show their individuals through fashion, makeup look, lifestyle and even their perspectives" -> "express their individuality through fashion, makeup, lifestyle, and perspectives"
Explanation: "Show their individuals" is awkward and unclear. "Express their individuality" is more natural and precise, and removing "look" after "makeup" corrects the grammatical error.
"despite having their own passion, unfortunately" -> "despite their passion"
Explanation: "Despite having their own passion" is redundant. "Despite their passion" simplifies the sentence and maintains the formal tone.
"they should explain clearly, try their best to prove to their parents" -> "they should clearly articulate their reasons and demonstrate their suitability to their parents"
Explanation: "Explain clearly, try their best to prove" is informal and vague. "Clearly articulate their reasons and demonstrate their suitability" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better.
"Or simply, they are willing to help an old man cross the road" -> "Alternatively, they may choose to assist an elderly person across the road"
Explanation: "Or simply" is informal and lacks specificity. "Alternatively" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. Also, "an old man" is informal; "an elderly person" is more respectful and formal.
"they want the youth to appreciate, uphold, and foster this noble tradition" -> "they encourage young people to appreciate, uphold, and promote this noble tradition"
Explanation: "Want" is too informal; "encourage" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. "Youth" is vague; "young people" is more specific and respectful.
"thanks to technology proficiency" -> "thanks to their technological proficiency"
Explanation: "Technology proficiency" is vague and lacks subject specificity. "Their technological proficiency" clarifies the subject and enhances the sentence’s precision.
"they have created many trends to convey widely the spirit of patriotism and solidarity" -> "they have developed various initiatives to widely disseminate the spirit of patriotism and solidarity"
Explanation: "Created many trends" is vague and informal. "Developed various initiatives" is more specific and formal, and "disseminate" is a more precise

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both perspectives regarding whether young people should adhere to societal traditions or express their individuality. The first body paragraph discusses the importance of self-expression and individualism, citing examples such as the youth’s engagement with technology and social issues like body shaming. The second body paragraph presents the counterargument, emphasizing the necessity of respecting societal traditions and cultural identity. However, while both sides are discussed, the balance could be improved, as the argument for individualism is more developed than the case for tradition.
- How to improve: To enhance the balance, the writer could provide more concrete examples and elaboration on the importance of societal traditions. This could include discussing specific traditions that benefit society or how they contribute to community cohesion. Additionally, integrating more nuanced arguments about the potential conflicts between individualism and tradition would provide a deeper analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer states their position in the introduction, advocating for a balance between individual expression and adherence to traditions. However, the clarity of this position could be strengthened. The essay sometimes shifts focus between the two perspectives without consistently reinforcing the idea of balance. For instance, the conclusion reiterates the importance of balancing both sides but does not clearly articulate how this balance can be achieved in practice.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should consistently refer back to the concept of balance throughout the essay. This could be achieved by explicitly linking points made in each paragraph back to the central thesis. Additionally, a more definitive statement in the conclusion about how youth can navigate these two aspects would solidify the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to both perspectives, with some examples provided to support these ideas. For instance, the discussion about how young people express themselves through fashion and social issues is relevant and well-articulated. However, some ideas, particularly in the second paragraph regarding traditions, lack depth and specific examples, which weakens the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, when discussing societal traditions, the writer could elaborate on specific traditions that young people might struggle with or embrace, providing context and relevance. Additionally, integrating statistics or quotes from relevant sources could further substantiate the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirements. However, there are moments where the focus drifts slightly, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the discussion of patriotism feels somewhat tangential to the main argument about balancing individualism and tradition. The examples provided, while relevant, could be more directly tied back to the central theme of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain tighter focus, the writer should ensure that every example and argument directly relates back to the prompt. This could involve explicitly stating how each example supports the idea of balancing individual expression with societal traditions. Additionally, reviewing the essay for any off-topic statements or examples that do not directly contribute to the argument will help maintain clarity and relevance.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. With more balanced development of ideas, clearer articulation of the position, and tighter focus on the topic, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets up the topic and states the writer’s opinion. Each body paragraph addresses a distinct perspective, which aids in logical progression. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother; the connection between the ideas is somewhat abrupt, which can disrupt the flow. For instance, the shift from discussing individual expression to societal traditions lacks a clear linking sentence that ties the two ideas together.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning or end of paragraphs to link ideas. For example, phrases like "Conversely" or "In contrast" can help signal shifts in perspective. Additionally, summarizing the main idea of one paragraph before transitioning to the next can reinforce the connection between the points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the importance of individual expression, while the second addresses the necessity of adhering to societal traditions. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly defined with topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. Some sentences within the paragraphs are lengthy and could be broken down for clarity.
- How to improve: Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. This will help guide the reader and enhance understanding. Additionally, consider breaking longer sentences into shorter ones to improve readability and maintain the reader’s attention.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where more varied connectors could enhance the text’s fluidity. For example, the use of "In addition" is repeated, which can make the writing feel formulaic.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "In addition," consider alternatives like "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "Additionally." Also, using pronouns and synonyms can help maintain cohesion without redundancy, making the writing more engaging.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, but with attention to transitions, paragraph structure, and a broader range of cohesive devices, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases like "controversial opinion," "self-love mindset," and "maintaining and developing national cultural identity." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. For example, the phrase "the young" is used repetitively; synonyms like "youth," "youngsters," or "adolescents" could enhance the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "the young," consider varying it with "youth," "young individuals," or "teenagers." Engaging with vocabulary lists related to the topic can also help expand options.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are areas where word choice could be more accurate. For example, the phrase "share individual perspective" could be better expressed as "express individual perspectives." Additionally, "self-love mindset" may not convey the intended meaning clearly and could be replaced with "self-acceptance" or "self-care."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on the context in which words are used. Reviewing vocabulary in context and practicing paraphrasing can help. For instance, rephrasing "they want to express their opinion" to "they seek to voice their opinions" would provide clearer meaning.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with few errors. However, there are some minor mistakes, such as "individuals" being incorrectly referred to as "individuals" in one instance, and "the young" could be more consistently pluralized as "young people" or "youth."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and ensuring consistency in pluralization. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing writing can also help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and ensuring spelling accuracy will help elevate the score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "In my opinion, they should balance both sides of this argument" and "despite having their own passion, unfortunately, if they are prevented by their parents" showcases an ability to construct nuanced sentences. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "they" to refer to young people, which can lead to a lack of variety in sentence beginnings.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using different introductory phrases or clauses. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "they," you could use phrases like "Many young individuals," "This generation," or "In contemporary society." Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence lengths and types (e.g., questions, exclamations) can make the writing more engaging.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the controversial opinion which has been raised is whether youth should share individual perspective" should be "individual perspectives" to ensure subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences or confusion about where one idea ends and another begins. For instance, "To be more specific, despite having their own passion, unfortunately, if they are prevented by their parents, they should explain clearly" could be clearer with better punctuation.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors such as subject-verb agreement and pluralization. Practicing sentence diagramming can help clarify complex structures and improve punctuation use. Furthermore, consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy, showcasing a more sophisticated command of the English language.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the modern and interconnected world, the contentious issue that has been raised is whether young people should share their individual perspectives or continuously adhere to societal traditions. In my opinion, they should strive to balance both sides of this argument. I will clarify my stance in the upcoming paragraphs.

On the one hand, I support the idea that young individuals should express their viewpoints more freely. Nowadays, they are facilitated in accessing the development of technology and the internet, as well as diverse knowledge and cultures. Consequently, they seek to express their opinions and apply their intellect to practical work and social life. Typically, young people do not hesitate to discuss project strategies with their supervisors, and they are willing to confront challenges, even rejecting permanent jobs to pursue their passions. They exhibit self-acceptance, respecting and caring for themselves, allowing for healing whenever they feel tired, and striving to achievetheir goals. Furthermore, they express their individuality through fashion, makeup, lifestyle choices, and their perspectives. For example, they actively speak out against the common social issue of body shaming to protect themselves and those around them.

On the other hand, despite their pursuit of freedom and individualism, young people still need to respect and uphold certain societal traditions, such as caring for others and maintaining national cultural identity. To be more specific, despite their passions, if they face opposition from their parents, they should clearly articulate their reasons and demonstrate their suitability for their choices, rather than arguing or resorting to negative actions. Alternatively, they may choose to assist an elderly person across the road or engage in various charitable projects. Additionally, Vietnamese people take pride in their patriotism; therefore, they encourage young people to appreciate, uphold, and promote this noble tradition. Thanks to their technological proficiency, they have developed various initiatives to widely disseminate the spirit of patriotism and solidarity. For instance, young individuals passionate about music have produced and remade many songs to preserve traditional music genres and reach a broader audience.

In conclusion, both perspectives hold valid points, and it is essential for today’s youth to balance and develop both individual expression and respect for societal traditions.