Many people go to the university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to the vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. To extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals argue that academic institutions should be prioritized, others believe that vocational training courses as electricians or plumbers are of paramount importance. In my opinion, while knowledge-base students are essential, it should motivate students to attempt occupational training for some reason that I will discuss in this essay.

Training in vocational courses is essential for balancing the workforce in general. It is clear that each project needs to be a person who executes from theory to practical situations. For instance, constructional design is made from engineers and then it would be built through qualified workers. In addition, the big building or bridges should be maintained and checked per year so this will need a large number of workers with a high ability and skills. This also helps to reduce unemployment gradually in the long run. A prosperous nation requires a harmonious blend of intellectual and manual labor to ensure sustainable growth.

It is evident that not everyone will match with the academic environment. There are many students that have been skilled in the field of manual jobs as construction workers or electricians, so career training courses were born for them. To illustrate this, people who are inclined technically will be developed outstanding as a blue-collar worker. Moreover, manual labor is getting more and more high paying salaries nowadays.

In conclusion, the evidence presented clearly indicates that the government should support vocational courses in the sustainable development of countries and help students to develop their desirable value.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals argue" -> "Some scholars argue"
Explanation: Replacing "individuals" with "scholars" elevates the formality and specificity of the subject, aligning better with academic discourse.
"others believe" -> "others contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "believe," which is typically less formal and more subjective.
"knowledge-base students" -> "students with a knowledge-based focus"
Explanation: "Knowledge-base students" is unclear and awkward. "Students with a knowledge-based focus" clarifies the meaning and maintains academic tone.
"it should motivate students to attempt occupational training" -> "it is essential to encourage students to pursue vocational training"
Explanation: "It is essential to encourage" is more formal and precise than "it should motivate," and "pursue vocational training" is more specific than "attempt occupational training."
"for some reason that I will discuss in this essay" -> "for reasons that I will elaborate on in this essay"
Explanation: "Elaborate on" is more formal and precise than "discuss," and it better fits the academic style.
"It is clear that each project needs to be a person who executes from theory to practical situations" -> "It is evident that each project requires a professional who can translate theoretical concepts into practical applications"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the meaning and uses more precise language suitable for an academic context.
"constructional design is made from engineers and then it would be built through qualified workers" -> "constructional designs are created by engineers, which are then executed by qualified workers"
Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the sequence of events, enhancing the formal tone.
"the big building or bridges" -> "large buildings or bridges"
Explanation: "Large" is a more precise and formal adjective than "big," which is less formal.
"checked per year" -> "inspected annually"
Explanation: "Inspected annually" is more formal and specific than "checked per year."
"This also helps to reduce unemployment gradually in the long run" -> "This also contributes to reducing unemployment over the long term"
Explanation: "Contributes to reducing" is more formal and precise than "helps to reduce," and "over the long term" is a more academic phraseology.
"not everyone will match with the academic environment" -> "not all individuals may thrive in the academic environment"
Explanation: "Thrive" is a more precise and formal term than "match," and "may thrive" acknowledges uncertainty more appropriately in academic writing.
"There are many students that have been skilled in the field of manual jobs" -> "Many students have developed skills in manual occupations"
Explanation: "Developed skills" is more precise and formal than "have been skilled," and "manual occupations" is a more formal term than "manual jobs."
"career training courses were born for them" -> "career training programs were designed for them"
Explanation: "Designed" is more precise and formal than "born," which is an incorrect and informal expression.
"people who are inclined technically will be developed outstanding as a blue-collar worker" -> "those inclined towards technical fields will excel as blue-collar workers"
Explanation: "Inclined towards technical fields" is more precise and formal, and "excel" is a more academic term than "developed outstanding."
"manual labor is getting more and more high paying salaries nowadays" -> "manual labor is increasingly being compensated with higher salaries"
Explanation: "Increasingly being compensated with higher salaries" is more formal and avoids the awkward and informal construction "getting more and more high paying salaries."
"the government should support vocational courses in the sustainable development of countries" -> "governments should support vocational training programs in national sustainable development"
Explanation: "Governments" is more precise and formal than "the government," and "national sustainable development" is a more specific and formal term than "the sustainable development of countries."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of vocational training in contrast to academic study. However, it does not fully engage with the specific phrasing of the question, which asks to what extent the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. The position taken is somewhat vague and lacks a clear stance on whether more people should be encouraged to pursue vocational training. The phrase "it should motivate students to attempt occupational training for some reason that I will discuss in this essay" suggests an intention to elaborate, but the essay does not explicitly state the extent of agreement or disagreement.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. A more direct response to the prompt, such as "I strongly agree that more people should pursue vocational training," would provide clarity. Additionally, the essay should include a discussion on the balance between academic and vocational training to fully engage with the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position. While it mentions the importance of vocational training, it does not consistently reinforce this viewpoint throughout the text. Phrases like "while knowledge-base students are essential" introduce ambiguity, suggesting a dual focus that detracts from a strong, singular argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should avoid introducing opposing views without a strong rebuttal. Each paragraph should reinforce the main argument, and transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the writer’s reasoning. A clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main argument will help maintain focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the necessity of vocational training and the benefits it brings to the workforce. However, the support for these ideas is limited. For instance, the example of construction workers is relevant but lacks depth and specificity. The essay mentions "high paying salaries" but does not provide data or examples to substantiate this claim.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include specific examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the benefits of vocational training. Each point made should be elaborated upon to show its relevance and importance. Utilizing more concrete evidence will strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing vocational training and its significance. However, some sentences, such as "A prosperous nation requires a harmonious blend of intellectual and manual labor," introduce broader themes that may distract from the main argument. The focus on the balance between academic and vocational training could be more tightly aligned with the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the argument regarding the encouragement of vocational training. Avoiding tangential statements and ensuring that each paragraph ties back to the central thesis will help keep the essay on topic.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should clearly state their position, provide more detailed support for their ideas, and ensure that all parts of the question are comprehensively addressed. Additionally, staying focused on the topic and avoiding ambiguity will enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the importance of vocational training alongside academic education. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs provide supporting points. However, the logical flow could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing the need for vocational training to the specific skills of manual workers is somewhat abrupt. The relationship between the points could be made clearer.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, ensure that each point builds on the previous one by using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Consequently" to guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each one focusing on a distinct idea. However, the second paragraph could be split into two to better separate the discussion of the necessity of vocational training and the specific skills required for manual jobs. This would enhance readability and clarity.
- How to improve: Consider dividing longer paragraphs into smaller ones, especially when introducing a new idea or example. Each paragraph should ideally contain a single main idea, supported by evidence or examples. This structure not only improves clarity but also helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "In addition" and "Moreover," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be made more explicit. For example, the phrase "for some reason that I will discuss in this essay" is vague and could be replaced with a more specific indication of what will be discussed.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "On the other hand," "For instance," "As a result," and "In contrast." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device used clearly indicates the relationship between ideas, enhancing the overall flow of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially improving the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of vocational training and academic study. Terms such as "vocational training," "qualified workers," and "manual labor" are appropriately used. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety, with phrases like "big building" and "high ability and skills" lacking sophistication. The use of "paramount importance" is a strong choice, but overall, there is a tendency to repeat simpler phrases.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. For instance, instead of "big building," consider using "large-scale infrastructure" or "major construction projects." Additionally, using synonyms for "important" such as "crucial," "vital," or "integral" can diversify the language used throughout the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "to attempt occupational training for some reason" is vague and could be more clearly articulated. The term "constructional design" is not commonly used; "architectural design" would be more appropriate. The phrase "it should motivate students" lacks clarity regarding who should motivate them.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity. Instead of saying "for some reason," they could specify the benefits of vocational training. Additionally, replacing "constructional design" with "architectural design" would enhance the accuracy of the terminology used. Ensuring that each term is appropriate for the context will strengthen the overall argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good spelling, but there are a few errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "to extent" should be "to what extent," and "this will need a large number of workers with a high ability and skills" could be more effectively phrased. The term "constructional" is also incorrectly used in this context, as mentioned earlier.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, paying attention to commonly confused phrases and terms. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing writing can help in identifying and correcting such errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common academic phrases and their correct forms will improve overall spelling and usage.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards a higher band score in Lexical Resource, enhancing both the range and precision of vocabulary used in their essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "In my opinion, while knowledge-base students are essential, it should motivate students to attempt occupational training for some reason that I will discuss in this essay" show an attempt to convey nuanced ideas. However, the essay also contains simpler structures that could be further diversified. For example, phrases like "It is clear that each project needs to be a person who executes from theory to practical situations" could benefit from more complex constructions to enhance clarity and sophistication.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound and complex sentences. For example, instead of "It is evident that not everyone will match with the academic environment," you could say, "While many thrive in academic settings, it is evident that others may find their strengths lie in practical, hands-on environments." This not only adds variety but also improves the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "to the vocational training" should be corrected to "to vocational training." Additionally, the sentence "it should motivate students to attempt occupational training for some reason that I will discuss in this essay" is awkwardly phrased and could be clearer. Punctuation is generally used correctly, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as after introductory phrases.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For example, revise "the big building or bridges should be maintained" to "large buildings or bridges should be maintained." Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially around clauses and lists, will help improve clarity. Reading essays aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that academic institutions should be prioritized, while others contend that vocational training courses, such as those for electricians or plumbers, are of paramount importance. In my opinion, while students with a knowledge-based focus are essential, it is crucial to encourage students to pursue vocational training for reasons that I will elaborate on in this essay.

Training in vocational courses is essential for balancing the workforce overall. It is evident that each project requires a professional who can translate theoretical concepts into practical applications. For instance, construction designs are created by engineers, which are then executed by qualified workers. In addition, large buildings or bridges must be maintained and inspected annually, necessitating a significant number of skilled workers. This also contributes to reducing unemployment over the long term. A prosperous nation requires a harmonious blend of intellectual and manual labor to ensure sustainable growth.

It is evident that not all individuals may thrive in the academic environment. Many students have developed skills in manual occupations, such as construction work or electrical work, which is why career training programs were designed for them. To illustrate this, those inclined towards technical fields will excel as blue-collar workers. Moreover, manual labor is increasingly being compensated with higher salaries nowadays.

In conclusion, the evidence presented clearly indicates that governments should support vocational training programs in national sustainable development and help students to develop their valuable skills.