13. It is predicted that with the development of technology, people in the 21st century have much more free time. To what extent has the prediction come true

It is forecast that 21st-century people will have more spare time due to advancements in the technological field. I do not think that it is a possible scenario.
Proponents of the prediction that technologies will leave people more time might argue that people can entrust electronic devices and robots with minor daily tasks, such as doing house chores or walking dogs, allowing people to channel greater time allocations to deal with more important affairs associated with family and work. However, this thinking is deeply flawed as it glosses over the fact that these technological equipment often entail high prices, barring the access of most low and medium-income individuals to the convenience of such devices. As a result of this, most people in society still have to perform minor tasks on a daily basis, leading to no significant idleness as predicted.
The argument against forecasts that breakthroughs in technologies can bring about more leisure time is further strengthened by the fact that technologies by no means lead to a reduction in the amount of work. They would merely shift a wide range of jobs to more computer-based ones. That said, people might not engage in physically demanding occupations but participate more in ones that necessitate higher critical and logical thinking skills, which, to some extent, require more time allotment. For example, the diminished needs for manual labor in manufacturing factories would be synonymous with the rise of other jobs, such as machine technicians or production chain supervisors, which warrant high professional commitment. This is a testament to why the possibility of technologies creating more freedom for people can hardly be feasible.
In conclusion, due to the lack of universal access to highly intelligent technologies and the emergence of other jobs in the wake of jobs lost by technologies, I would contend that people will not possess more free time, if not be more occupied with occupations created by technological advancements.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is forecast that" -> "It is predicted that"
Explanation: "Predicted" is a more precise and formal term than "forecast" in this context, aligning better with academic language by emphasizing the act of forecasting or predicting future events.
"21st-century people" -> "people in the 21st century"
Explanation: "People in the 21st century" is more grammatically correct and formal, avoiding the awkward and less common phrase "21st-century people."
"I do not think that it is a possible scenario." -> "I do not believe this scenario is plausible."
Explanation: "I do not believe this scenario is plausible" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the contraction "it is," which is less appropriate in academic writing.
"Proponents of the prediction that" -> "Advocates of the prediction that"
Explanation: "Advocates" is a more precise term than "proponents" in this context, as it specifically refers to individuals who actively support or promote an idea.
"entrust electronic devices and robots with minor daily tasks" -> "delegate minor daily tasks to electronic devices and robots"
Explanation: "Delegate" is a more formal and precise verb than "entrust," which is slightly less common in this context.
"channel greater time allocations" -> "allocate more time"
Explanation: "Allocate more time" is a more direct and formal expression, avoiding the awkward construction "channel greater time allocations."
"barring the access of most low and medium-income individuals" -> "excluding most individuals of low and medium income"
Explanation: "Excluding" is more direct and formal than "barring," and rephrasing "the access of" to "individuals of" improves clarity and formality.
"leading to no significant idleness as predicted" -> "resulting in no significant reduction in leisure time as predicted"
Explanation: "Resulting in no significant reduction in leisure time" is more specific and formal, clarifying the outcome of the lack of access to technological devices.
"by no means lead to a reduction in the amount of work" -> "do not necessarily reduce the amount of work"
Explanation: "Do not necessarily reduce" is a more precise and formal way to express the conditional nature of the statement, avoiding the colloquial "by no means."
"participate more in ones that necessitate" -> "engage more in tasks that require"
Explanation: "Engage more in tasks that require" is more formal and precise than "participate more in ones that necessitate," which is awkward and less commonly used.
"diminished needs for manual labor" -> "reduced demand for manual labor"
Explanation: "Reduced demand" is a more precise and formal term than "diminished needs," which is less specific and slightly informal.
"highly intelligent technologies" -> "advanced technologies"
Explanation: "Advanced technologies" is a more commonly accepted and formal term in academic discourse, avoiding the vague and potentially misleading "highly intelligent."
"be more occupied with occupations created by technological advancements" -> "be more engaged in occupations created by technological advancements"
Explanation: "Be more engaged in" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of being involved in or affected by technological advancements, improving the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the prediction that technological advancements will lead to more free time in the 21st century. The author presents a clear counterargument, emphasizing that technology may not necessarily result in increased leisure time for everyone, particularly low and medium-income individuals. The analysis of the socio-economic implications of technology is relevant and well-articulated. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides of the argument, as it predominantly focuses on the negative aspects without acknowledging any potential benefits of technology.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could include a brief discussion of how technology might create free time for certain groups or in specific contexts. This would provide a more nuanced view and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the notion that technology will lead to more free time. The author consistently reinforces this stance throughout the essay, using phrases like "I do not think that it is a possible scenario" and "this is a testament to why the possibility of technologies creating more freedom for people can hardly be feasible." This clarity strengthens the overall argument.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the author could further enhance the essay by explicitly restating their position in the conclusion, perhaps by summarizing the key reasons that support their viewpoint. This would reinforce the argument and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the economic barriers to accessing technology and the shift in job types due to technological advancements. The use of examples, such as the transition from manual labor to more skilled jobs, effectively supports the argument. However, some points could be elaborated further to strengthen the overall analysis.
- How to improve: To improve the depth of the argument, the author could provide more specific examples or data to support claims, such as statistics on job displacement or studies that illustrate the impact of technology on work-life balance. This would add credibility and depth to the analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of whether technological advancements lead to more free time, consistently addressing the prompt throughout. The author avoids introducing irrelevant information, which helps maintain clarity and coherence in the argument.
- How to improve: To further ensure that the essay stays on topic, the author should be cautious of overly complex sentences that may distract from the main argument. Simplifying some of the language could enhance readability and keep the focus sharp.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-reasoned argument. By incorporating a more balanced exploration of the topic, providing additional supporting evidence, and refining the clarity of expression, the author could elevate their score even further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that technological advancements will lead to increased free time. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression. The first paragraph introduces the counterargument regarding the delegation of tasks to technology, while the second paragraph elaborates on the shift in job types due to technological changes. However, the transition between these ideas could be smoother. For instance, the connection between the high costs of technology and the assertion that most people still perform daily tasks could be more explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing the high costs of technology, a phrase like "Consequently," could lead into the discussion of how this affects people’s daily routines. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essayis structured into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are distinct, which aids readability. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from more focused topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that directly states the argument against the prediction of increased free time due to technology.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that summarizes the main point. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they cover multiple ideas. This can help maintain clarity and focus, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "that said," and "as a result," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are moments where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the transition from discussing the shift in job types to the conclusion could be more fluid, as the current phrasing feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "on the other hand." This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can enhance cohesion and reduce repetition.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on enhancing logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, employing terms like "forecast," "proponents," "entail," and "critical thinking skills." This variety enhances the overall quality of the writing and showcases the writer’s ability to express complex ideas. For instance, the phrase "channel greater time allocations" effectively conveys the intended meaning with sophistication.
- How to improve: While the vocabulary range is strong, there are moments where more varied synonyms could enhance the essay further. For example, instead of repeating "technologies," consider using alternatives like "innovations" or "advancements" in different contexts. This will not only reduce redundancy but also enrich the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "high prices" and "minor daily tasks" clearly conveying the intended meanings. However, there are instances of slightly imprecise usage, such as "the convenience of such devices," which could imply that the devices themselves are convenient rather than the tasks they perform.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, consider rephrasing to clarify the intended meaning. For example, instead of saying "the convenience of such devices," you might say "the convenience offered by these devices." Additionally, ensure that phrases like "more important affairs" are specific; consider specifying what these affairs entail (e.g., "more important family and work commitments").
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "forecast," "entail," and "commitment" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To maintain this level of accuracy, it is advisable to continue practicing spelling through regular writing exercises and proofreading. Consider utilizing spelling tools or apps that can help identify any potential errors in future essays. Additionally, reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling and familiarize the writer with various vocabulary forms.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource with a broad vocabulary range and correct spelling. To achieve an even higher score, the writer should focus on enhancing precision in vocabulary usage and further diversifying word choices to avoid redundancy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, phrases like "that said" and "which warrant high professional commitment" showcase an ability to connect ideas effectively. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence patterns, particularly in the use of subordinate clauses, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and lengths. For example, using introductory phrases or clauses can create a more dynamic flow. Additionally, integrating more compound sentences and varying the placement of dependent clauses can help maintain reader interest and improve overall coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "the convenience of such devices" is correctly used, but there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "if not be more occupied," which should read "if not more occupied." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are a few places where commas could enhance clarity, particularly in complex sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for awkward constructions and ensuring that all phrases are grammatically correct. Pay particular attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of conditional structures. Additionally, revising punctuation usage, especially in longer sentences, can help clarify meaning and improve readability. For example, consider breaking down overly complex sentences into shorter, clearer ones to avoid confusion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is predicted that with the development of technology, people in the 21st century will have much more free time. However, I do not believe this scenario is plausible.

Advocates of the prediction that technology will provide people with more leisure time might argue that individuals can delegate minor daily tasks to electronic devices and robots, such as doing house chores or walking dogs. This would allow people to allocate more time to focus on more important matters related to family and work. However, this perspective is deeply flawed as it overlooks the fact that these technological devices often entail high costs, excluding most individuals of low and medium income from accessing such conveniences. As a result, many people in society still have to engage in daily tasks, leading to no significant reduction in leisure time as predicted.

The argument against forecasts that advancements in technology will lead to more free time is further strengthened by the fact that technology does not necessarily reduce the amount of work. Instead, it tends to shift a wide range of jobs to more computer-based roles. While people may not engage in physically demanding occupations, they may become more involved in tasks that require higher critical and logical thinking skills, which, to some extent, necessitate more time allocation. For example, the reduced demand for manual labor in manufacturing would coincide with the rise of other jobs, such as machine technicians or production chain supervisors, which require a high level of professional commitment. This illustrates why the possibility of technology creating more freedom for people is hardly feasible.

In conclusion, due to the lack of universal access to advanced technologies and the emergence of new jobs resulting from technological advancements, I contend that people will not possess more free time; rather, they may find themselves more engaged in occupations created by these advancements.