Some people believe that schools should focus more on teaching practical skills that are relevant to everyday life, such as financial literacy, cooking, and basic home repairs, while others argue that traditional academic subjects like math, science, and literature are more important for students’ intellectual development. Which approach do you think is more beneficial for students, and why? Use specific examples and reasoning to support your position.

Some people believe that schools should focus more on teaching practical skills that are relevant to everyday life, such as financial literacy, cooking, and basic home repairs, while others argue that traditional academic subjects like math, science, and literature are more important for students' intellectual development. Which approach do you think is more beneficial for students, and why? Use specific examples and reasoning to support your position.

I believe that both practical skills and traditional academic subjects are important, and we should not focus on just one. There is no research showing that practical skills will help students develop their intellect more than traditional academic subjects, so it is not right to say that. Each skill approaches a different aspect of students' development, and if we look closely, they are all related to each other.
For example, financial literacy helps student know how to manage their own currency, understand the value of money, but can they do that if they didn’t know about math? When we talk about calculating, isn’t that related to math? Additionally, it’s true that financial not just one plus one equal what, it’s about earn, use, save, and the future of money that we keep, that is statistical probability and it’s an advanced form of mathematics. At the end of the day, the foundation of finacial literacy is math and finacial literacy is a real-life math problems, isn’t it?
Next, let’s talk about basic home repairs, one of the most important life skills we need when we live by ourselves. I think that we learn how to fix lights, plumbing issues, furniture, and so on. It’s mean that we maybe will work with electricity so it’s of course to know about the safety. Beside of things that we wear, tools that we use , isn’t it safer to know about the concepts that help us avoid electric shock? And that is something we expect to learn on physic on secondary school? It’s about our lives, so I believe we shouldn’t just learn from experience like with other life skills. It’s a basic knowlegde to protect ourself and it should be a subject taught in school before we attempt these tasks. That way, when we start repairing things, at least we know what we should and shouldn’t do.
In conclusion, both practical skills and traditional academic subjects are related to each other. Focus on the learning process to develop a solid foundation, through which you can apply that knowledge to real life to improve the quality of your life

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "I believe" -> "It is argued"
   Explanation: Replacing "I believe" with "It is argued" shifts the statement from a personal opinion to a more objective, academic tone, which is more suitable for formal writing.

2. "practical skills and traditional academic subjects" -> "practical skills and traditional academic disciplines"
   Explanation: Using "disciplines" instead of "subjects" enhances the formality and specificity of the term, aligning better with academic language.

3. "it is not right to say that" -> "it is not accurate to assert"
   Explanation: "Assert" is a more formal synonym for "say," and "not accurate" is a more precise term than "not right," which is somewhat colloquial.

4. "help students develop their intellect" -> "enhance students’ cognitive abilities"
   Explanation: "Enhance" is a more precise verb than "help," and "cognitive abilities" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "intellect," which can be vague.

5. "financial literacy helps student know" -> "financial literacy enables students to understand"
   Explanation: "Enables" is a more formal verb than "helps," and "students" should be plural to match the context. "Understand" is also more precise than "know" in this context.

6. "isn’t that related to math?" -> "is not that related to mathematics?"
   Explanation: Removing the contraction "isn’t" and replacing it with "is not" aligns with formal writing standards, and "mathematics" is the more formal term.

7. "financial not just one plus one equal what, it’s about earn, use, save, and the future of money that we keep" -> "financial literacy is not simply about basic arithmetic; it involves earning, using, saving, and managing money"
   Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the explanation, avoiding the informal and vague original phrasing.

8. "real-life math problems" -> "real-world mathematical applications"
   Explanation: "Real-world mathematical applications" is a more precise and formal way to describe practical uses of mathematics.

9. "It’s mean that" -> "It means that"
   Explanation: Correcting the contraction "It’s" to "It means" maintains grammatical accuracy and formality.

10. "Beside of things that we wear, tools that we use, isn’t it safer to know about the concepts" -> "Besides the tools and clothing we use, isn’t it safer to understand the underlying concepts"
    Explanation: "Besides" is the correct preposition, and "understand" is more precise than "know" in this context, which deals with abstract concepts.

11. "basic knowlegde" -> "basic knowledge"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "knowlegde" to "knowledge" ensures accuracy and professionalism.

12. "it should be a subject taught in school" -> "it should be an integral part of the curriculum"
    Explanation: "Integral part of the curriculum" is a more formal and precise way to describe the inclusion of a subject in educational programs.

13. "when we start repairing things, at least we know what we should and shouldn’t do" -> "when we begin repairing, we will at least be aware of what we should and should not do"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure and uses "aware" instead of "know," which is more appropriate for the context of understanding safety guidelines.

14. "to improve the quality of your life" -> "to enhance the quality of one’s life"
    Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal synonym for "improve," and "one’s" is the possessive form appropriate for formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both practical skills and traditional academic subjects, indicating a balanced view. The writer argues that both are important and provides examples such as financial literacy and basic home repairs. However, the response could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which is only briefly mentioned. The argument that practical skills are related to academic subjects is valid, but it lacks depth in exploring the implications of this relationship.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly outline the benefits of both approaches in separate paragraphs. Acknowledging the strengths of traditional academic subjects in a more detailed manner, along with specific examples, would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that both practical skills and traditional subjects are important. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The writer occasionally shifts focus, particularly when discussing practical skills, which may lead to some confusion about the primary argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should restate their main argument in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, using transitional phrases to connect ideas more smoothly can help reinforce the central argument throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of financial literacy and home repairs, but the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the connection between financial literacy and math is made, it could be elaborated further with more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. The discussion on home repairs also lacks depth, as it does not fully explore the implications of not having these skills.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to extend each idea with more detailed explanations and examples. Incorporating real-life scenarios or statistics could provide stronger support for the arguments made. Additionally, discussing the potential consequences of lacking these skills would add depth to the analysis.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relevance of practical skills and traditional subjects. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly convoluted, particularly in the explanation of financial literacy, which could confuse readers. The phrasing and structure of some sentences detract from the clarity of the argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the main argument. Simplifying complex sentences and avoiding overly intricate phrasing will help keep the discussion clear and on-topic. Regularly revisiting the prompt throughout the essay can also help maintain relevance.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in clarity, depth of argumentation, and structured support for ideas will enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance that both practical skills and traditional academic subjects are important, which is a strong position. The argument is structured with a logical flow, moving from the introduction to examples supporting the thesis. However, the connections between ideas could be clearer. For instance, while discussing financial literacy, the transition to how it relates to math is somewhat abrupt. The essay does attempt to link practical skills to academic subjects, but the connections could be more explicitly articulated to enhance understanding.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that outline the main idea. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the argument and clarify how each point relates to the overall thesis.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point related to the thesis. However, some paragraphs could be better structured. For example, the paragraph discussing financial literacy mixes several ideas without clear separation, making it harder to follow. The second paragraph on home repairs also contains multiple ideas that could be broken down into smaller sections for clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant examples. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, and follow up with supporting details. This will help maintain focus and enhance readability.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "additionally," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed. For instance, the phrase "isn’t it related to math?" lacks a formal transition, which could make the argument feel less cohesive. Additionally, there are instances of repetition, such as the repeated use of "it’s about," which can detract from the overall flow.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Consequently," "On the other hand," and "As a result." This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas and reinforce the connections between different points. Additionally, varying sentence structures can improve the overall flow and coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument, focusing on enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will significantly improve coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication. For instance, terms like "financial literacy," "basic home repairs," and "traditional academic subjects" are appropriate but are repeated without much variation. Phrases such as "important life skills" and "we should not focus on just one" are somewhat simplistic and could be enhanced with more nuanced vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "important," you could use "crucial," "essential," or "vital." Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to the topics discussed—like "pragmatic skills," "curricular balance," or "intellectual enrichment"—would enhance the essay’s depth.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that may confuse the reader. For example, the phrase "financial not just one plus one equal what" is unclear and lacks grammatical coherence. Additionally, the term "statistical probability" is used in a context that does not accurately reflect its meaning. The phrase "it’s about earn, use, save, and the future of money" lacks clarity and grammatical structure.
  • How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. Instead of "financial not just one plus one equal what," you could say, "financial literacy encompasses more than basic arithmetic; it involves understanding complex financial concepts." Ensure that terms are used in their correct context, and consider rephrasing sentences for clarity and grammatical accuracy.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "finacial" (should be "financial"), "knowlegde" (should be "knowledge"), and "physic" (should be "physics"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider using spell-check tools or proofreading the essay multiple times. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling. Reading more academic texts can also expose you to correctly spelled vocabulary in context, which can aid retention.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and improving spelling accuracy—the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of conditional phrases ("if they didn’t know about math") and rhetorical questions ("isn’t it related to math?") adds some complexity. However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences follow a similar structure, which can make the writing feel repetitive. Additionally, some sentences are overly long and convoluted, which can obscure meaning.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentences with subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. Incorporating more transitional phrases can also help in creating a smoother flow between ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "I think that," the writer could alternate with phrases like "It is essential to note that" or "Moreover." This will not only diversify the structures but also strengthen the argument.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "financial not just one plus one equal what" is grammatically incorrect and confusing. Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "we learn how to fix lights, plumbing issues, furniture, and so on," where "we learn" should be followed by a clearer subject or action. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect spacing (e.g., "Beside of things that we wear, tools that we use , isn’t it safer…"), also hinder readability.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly concerning subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. For punctuation, the writer should pay attention to comma placement, especially in complex sentences, and ensure that there are no unnecessary spaces before punctuation marks. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for revisions that enhance clarity and coherence.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument and attempts to engage with the topic, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

I believe that both practical skills and traditional academic subjects are important, and we should not focus solely on one. There is no research indicating that practical skills will help students develop their intellect more than traditional academic subjects, so it is not accurate to assert that one is superior to the other. Each skill addresses a different aspect of students’ development, and upon closer examination, they are all interconnected.

For example, financial literacy enhances students’ cognitive abilities by teaching them how to manage their finances and understand the value of money. However, can they achieve this understanding without a foundation in mathematics? When we discuss calculations, isn’t it related to math? Additionally, financial literacy is not simply about basic arithmetic; it involves earning, using, saving, and managing money, which encompasses statistical probability and represents an advanced form of mathematics. Ultimately, the foundation of financial literacy is math, and financial literacy presents real-world mathematical applications, doesn’t it?

Next, let’s consider basic home repairs, which are among the most essential life skills we need when living independently. I believe that we should learn how to fix lights, address plumbing issues, and repair furniture, among other tasks. This means that we may work with electricity, making it crucial to understand safety precautions. Besides the tools and clothing we use, isn’t it safer to comprehend the underlying concepts that help us avoid electric shock? This knowledge is something we expect to learn in physics during secondary school. It pertains to our lives, so I believe we shouldn’t rely solely on experience for such important skills. It is basic knowledge that protects us, and it should be an integral part of the curriculum before we attempt these tasks. That way, when we begin repairing things, we will at least be aware of what we should and should not do.

In conclusion, both practical skills and traditional academic subjects are interrelated. We should focus on the learning process to develop a solid foundation, through which students can apply that knowledge to real life to enhance the quality of their lives.