some people think that newly built houses should follow the style of the old houses in the local areas. others think that people should have freedom to build houses of their own style. Discuss and give opinion

Nowadays, there is a hot topic about whether buildings for people to use should stay with the conventional pattern or they need to be customized with the owners' opinion. In my perspective, I totally recommend the latter statement.
It is still a great idea to follow the traditional housing that has been designed for so long. One of the reasons is for everyone to maintain the tradition and culture of their own countries. There are numerous houses over the world, which are very old and often get refined to represent the past time's constructions. Thus, the natives might want the architect to design their accomodations in such way to inherit the predecessors' legacy. Furthermore, following theold style can enhance the building convenience, mostly for the elderly. They have lived for such long time under these houses so they definitely find them easy to be used.
On the other hand, giving the freedon to build everyone's own houses is more favourable. The major benefit for this is to encourage their creativity in building their home. They would want to balance the convenience and the uniqueness, such as how they want a distinguish living place that so far satisfy all the neccesities for a human being. In addition, introducing new types of facilities into houses can improve tthe quality of life. For example, there is a recent concept name IoT, which is Internet of Things and includes the application of high-tech advancement in households. Several infrastructures and apartments have adapted this term and it is brilliantly succesful.
In general, applying new housing technique will be the key to a more modern society. Despit that fact, people ought to conserve the old methods in designing houses since it shares an important role to the culture.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"hot topic" -> "contemporary issue"
Explanation: "Contemporary issue" is a more formal and precise term that avoids the colloquialism of "hot topic," which is typically used in informal contexts.
"In my perspective" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is the correct idiomatic expression, enhancing the formal tone and clarity of the statement.
"I totally recommend" -> "I strongly advocate"
Explanation: "I strongly advocate" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "I totally recommend," which is somewhat informal and emphatic.
"It is still a great idea" -> "This approach remains viable"
Explanation: "This approach remains viable" is a more formal and precise way to express the ongoing relevance of a strategy, avoiding the colloquial "it is still a great idea."
"for everyone to maintain" -> "to preserve"
Explanation: "To preserve" is a more concise and formal term that effectively conveys the idea of maintaining traditions without the redundancy of "for everyone."
"over the world" -> "globally"
Explanation: "Globally" is a more precise and formal term than "over the world," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"often get refined" -> "are frequently restored"
Explanation: "Are frequently restored" is a more accurate and formal way to describe the process of renovating old buildings, replacing the vague and less formal "often get refined."
"accomodations" -> "accommodations"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error to "accommodations."
"following theold style" -> "adhering to traditional styles"
Explanation: "Adhering to traditional styles" is more precise and formal than "following theold style," which is awkward and informal.
"giving the freedon" -> "granting freedom"
Explanation: "Granting freedom" is the correct term, replacing the misspelling "freedon."
"more favourable" -> "more advantageous"
Explanation: "More advantageous" is a more formal and precise term than "more favourable," which is slightly less formal.
"distinguish living place" -> "distinct living space"
Explanation: "Distinct living space" is grammatically correct and more formal than "distinguish living place."
"so far satisfy all the neccesities" -> "currently meet all the necessities"
Explanation: "Currently meet all the necessities" corrects the spelling error and uses a more formal temporal reference.
"improve tthe quality of life" -> "enhance the quality of life"
Explanation: Corrects the typo "tthe" to "the" and uses "enhance" which is more formal than "improve" in this context.
"Internet of Things" -> "Internet of Things (IoT)"
Explanation: Adding parentheses around "IoT" clarifies that it is an acronym, enhancing readability and formality.
"brilliantly succesful" -> "remarkably successful"
Explanation: "Remarkably successful" is a more formal and precise adverbial phrase than "brilliantly succesful," which contains a spelling error and is overly informal.
"applying new housing technique" -> "implementing new housing technologies"
Explanation: "Implementing new housing technologies" is more specific and formal, replacing the vague and less formal "applying new housing technique."
"Despit that fact" -> "Despite that fact"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "Despit" to "Despite."
"shares an important role to the culture" -> "plays a significant role in culture"
Explanation: "Plays a significant role in culture" is grammatically correct and more formal, replacing the awkward and incorrect "shares an important role to the culture."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether newly built houses should follow traditional styles or allow for personal expression. The author presents the viewpoint in favor of traditional styles in the first body paragraph and then discusses the benefits of allowing individual styles in the second body paragraph. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the implications of each viewpoint and a clearer conclusion that synthesizes these perspectives.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should ensure that each part of the question is thoroughly explored. This could involve providing more detailed examples or evidence for both sides of the argument and explicitly stating the implications of each viewpoint. Additionally, a concluding paragraph that summarizes the discussion and clearly states the author’s opinion would strengthen the overall response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author states a clear preference for allowing individual styles in the introduction and reiterates this in the conclusion. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, while the author acknowledges the merits of traditional styles, this acknowledgment could be framed in a way that emphasizes the author’s overall stance against them.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should consistently link back to their main argument in each paragraph. Phrases such as "While I acknowledge the importance of traditional styles, I believe…" can help reinforce the author’s stance. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument will enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of tradition and the benefits of modern design. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For example, the mention of the Internet of Things (IoT) is intriguing but lacks sufficient explanation or examples of how it enhances living conditions. The essay also contains some vague statements that could be more specific.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the author should aim to provide specific examples and elaborate on the implications of their points. For instance, explaining how IoT can transform daily life with concrete examples would strengthen the argument. Additionally, using data or studies to support claims about the benefits of modern design could enhance credibility.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the debate between traditional and modern housing styles. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of the elderly’s convenience, which could be more directly tied to the main argument. The conclusion also introduces the idea of conserving old methods without clearly linking it back to the author’s opinion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central question of the essay. Each paragraph should clearly connect back to the main argument, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize the key points made in the essay while reinforcing the author’s position. Avoiding tangential ideas will help keep the essay cohesive and on topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of traditional housing, while the second paragraph focuses on the advantages of modern, customized homes. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the two main ideas could be more explicit, as the shift from discussing tradition to modernity feels somewhat abrupt. The conclusion reiterates the importance of both perspectives but lacks a strong synthesis of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "Conversely" or "In contrast" can help guide the reader through the argument shifts. A more developed conclusion that summarizes the key points and offers a final thought or recommendation would also strengthen the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the discussion, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more internal structure. For example, the first body paragraph introduces multiple reasons for maintaining traditional styles but does not clearly delineate these points, making it harder for the reader to grasp the argument fully.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. Consider using bullet points or numbered lists for complex ideas to enhance clarity. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph ends with a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand" and "In addition," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel disjointed due to a lack of appropriate linking words. For instance, the transition between discussing the benefits of traditional housing and the advantages of modern styles could be smoother.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "Conversely," and "As a result." This will help create smoother transitions between ideas and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, varying sentence structures can also contribute to better cohesion, making the writing more engaging.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "conventional pattern," "customized," and "creativity." However, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the phrase "houses" is used multiple times without synonyms, which could enhance the richness of the text. Additionally, terms like "the old style" and "new housing technique" could be expressed with more varied language to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "houses," alternatives like "dwellings," "residences," or "abodes" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "traditional architecture" or "modern designs" can add variety and depth to the discussion.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the past time’s constructions" is awkward and unclear; a more precise expression would be "historical architecture." Similarly, "the elderly" could be better articulated as "older adults" or "senior citizens" to enhance clarity. The phrase "the freedon to build" contains a spelling error that detracts from the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately convey their intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that terminology aligns with the context. Additionally, proofreading for spelling errors and awkward phrases is crucial for maintaining clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that impact readability and professionalism. Examples include "accomodations" (should be "accommodations"), "theold" (should be "the old"), "freedon" (should be "freedom"), "neccesities" (should be "necessities"), "tthe" (should be "the"), and "succesful" (should be "successful"). These errors detract from the overall impression of the essay and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a systematic proofreading process. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors, using spell-check tools, and reviewing common spelling rules. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focusing on these areas will enhance the overall quality and clarity of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "it is still a great idea" and "the major benefit for this is" indicates a tendency towards straightforward constructions. While there are attempts at more complex structures, such as "which are very old and often get refined to represent the past time’s constructions," these are not used consistently or effectively throughout the essay. The overall lack of complex sentence forms limits the grammatical range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences. This can be achieved by using relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of saying "There are numerous houses over the world," the writer could say, "There are numerous houses around the world that have stood the test of time." Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings and using different grammatical forms can add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity and professionalism. For instance, "theold style" should be "the old style," and "freedon" should be corrected to "freedom." There are also instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the predecessors’ legacy," which could be more clearly articulated. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, also occur, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion. For example, the phrase "such as how they want a distinguish living place that so far satisfy all the neccesities for a human being" is convoluted and lacks proper punctuation.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work to catch spelling errors and awkward phrases. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also be beneficial. Additionally, studying common grammatical structuresand practicing writing with a focus on correct punctuation will help. For example, breaking down long sentences into shorter, clearer ones can enhance readability and reduce the likelihood of errors.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant discussion on the topic, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, there is a contemporary issue regarding whether newly built houses should adhere to traditional styles or if individuals should have the freedom to design homes according to their personal preferences. From my perspective, I strongly advocate for the latter approach.

It is still a commendable idea to follow the traditional housing designs that have been established for many years. One of the primary reasons for this is that it allows everyone to preserve the traditions and culture of their respective countries. There are numerous houses around the world that are very old and are frequently restored to represent the architectural styles of the past. Thus, locals may wish for architects to design their accommodations in such a way that honors their predecessors’ legacy. Furthermore, adhering to the old style can enhance the convenience of the buildings, particularly for the elderly. Having lived in such houses for a long time, they find these designs easier to navigate.

On the other hand, granting individuals the freedom to build their own houses is more advantageous. The major benefit of this approach is that it encourages creativity in home design. Homeowners can strive to balance convenience with uniqueness, creating a distinct living space that meets all the necessities of modern life. Additionally, implementing new types of facilities into houses can remarkably enhance the quality of life. For example, there is a recent concept known as the Internet of Things (IoT), which involves the application of high-tech advancements in households. Several infrastructures and apartments have adopted this concept, and it has proven to be remarkably successful.

In general, implementing new housing technologies will be key to fostering a more modern society. Despite that fact, people ought to preserve traditional methods in designing houses, as they play a significant role in culture.