A ban on all forms of advertising is beneficial to society because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A ban on all forms of advertising is beneficial to society because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are some opinions that they should delete all advertising because it brings harm and damage to people. For me, I totally disagree with this opinion.
We are living in a developed world, there are many inventions and new things happening around us everyday. We can’t receive the best experience if the advertisements are banned. There are many brand far from us but they provide better products so the only way for us to know about them is the media. For example, if your family want to buy a car, it is necessary to reference preliminary through advertisements to make the best decision. There are many people who live in rural areas. Banning all types of advertising means removing their chance to get a better life. Furthermore, with the develop of social media and technology nowadays, forbidding advertising is impossible. If any country or city does this, they are preventing the advancement of society.
Next, a country that wants to become richer needs enterprise and trading become stronger everyday. Banning all forms of advertising makes the economy underdeveloped. We can’t ignore the fact that we have to approach with advanced products to solve problems and get a better life using advertisements. For example, we feel bored with the domestic goods we are using, so we can buy products of foreign brands that we only know though advertisements to get a better experience.
In conclusion, there are no reason of banning all types of advertising because it can’t bring people any benefits.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "There are some opinions that they should delete all advertising" -> "There is a viewpoint advocating for the complete elimination of advertising"
   Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat redundant and lacks precision. "There are some opinions that they should delete" can be condensed into "There is a viewpoint advocating for", and "all advertising" can be specified as "the complete elimination of advertising" for clarity and formality.

2. "For me, I totally disagree with this opinion." -> "Personally, I strongly disagree with this stance."
   Explanation: "For me" is too colloquial for academic writing. "Totally disagree" can be replaced with "strongly disagree" for a more formal tone.

3. "We are living in a developed world, there are many inventions and new things happening around us everyday." -> "We reside in a developed society characterized by continuous innovations and advancements."
   Explanation: The original phrasing lacks sophistication and clarity. "Developed world" can be replaced with "developed society" for formality. "Everyday" can be changed to "continuous" for a more precise description.

4. "the only way for us to know about them is the media" -> "the primary means for us to learn about them is through media channels"
   Explanation: "The only way" is overly definitive; "primary means" is more precise. "The media" can be specified as "media channels" for clarity.

5. "it is necessary to reference preliminary through advertisements" -> "it is essential to initially reference advertisements"
   Explanation: "Preliminary through" is awkward phrasing. Simplifying to "initially reference" maintains clarity.

6. "there are many people who live in rural areas" -> "a significant portion of the population resides in rural areas"
   Explanation: The original phrase is too general. "Many people" can be specified as "a significant portion of the population" for more precision.

7. "with the develop of social media and technology nowadays" -> "with the development of contemporary social media and technology"
   Explanation: "Develop" should be in its noun form, "development." "Nowadays" is too informal; "contemporary" is a more suitable alternative.

8. "Banning all forms of advertising makes the economy underdeveloped." -> "Prohibiting all forms of advertising hampers economic development."
   Explanation: "Makes the economy underdeveloped" is a simplistic statement. "Hampers economic development" is a more precise and formal alternative.

9. "we have to approach with advanced products to solve problems and get a better life using advertisements" -> "we must engage with advanced products advertised to address challenges and enhance our quality of life"
   Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and precision. "Approach with" is awkward phrasing and can be replaced with "engage with." "Using advertisements" can be changed to "advertised" for clarity and conciseness.

10. "For example, we feel bored with the domestic goods we are using, so we can buy products of foreign brands that we only know though advertisements to get a better experience." -> "For instance, if we find our current domestic goods uninspiring, we may opt for foreign brands, which we learn about solely through advertisements, to enrich our consumer experience."
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks cohesion and clarity. Replacing "we feel bored with" with "we find our current domestic goods uninspiring" enhances clarity. Additionally, restructuring the sentence and specifying "which we learn about solely through advertisements" adds clarity and coherence to the example.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the stance ("I totally disagree with this opinion") and provides some reasoning behind this disagreement. However, the essay could benefit from a more thorough exploration of the implications of banning advertising and a deeper analysis of potential benefits or drawbacks.
  • How to improve: To enhance the completeness of the response, consider delving deeper into the consequences of a ban on advertising, exploring various perspectives, and providing more specific examples to support your arguments. This will demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the proposed ban on advertising. The stance is explicitly stated in the introduction ("I totally disagree with this opinion") and reiterated throughout the essay. However, there are instances where the argument could be more tightly focused to avoid potential confusion or ambiguity.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, ensure that each paragraph and supporting point directly reinforces the main argument against the ban on advertising. Additionally, consider anticipating and addressing potential counterarguments to further strengthen your position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, including the importance of advertising for product awareness, its role in economic development, and the impossibility of banning advertising in today’s society. However, these ideas are somewhat underdeveloped and lack sufficient elaboration and support.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and development of ideas, provide more detailed explanations, examples, and evidence to bolster your arguments. This could involve citing specific studies, statistics, or real-world examples to illustrate the impact of advertising on consumer behavior, economic growth, and societal progress.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the implications of banning advertising and arguing against it. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the development of social media and technology. While relevant to the overall theme, these tangential points could be more tightly connected to the central argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points raised directly relate to the central theme of the essay and contribute to the overall argument against banning advertising. Consider integrating related ideas more seamlessly into the main discussion to avoid any perceived digressions.

Overall, while the essay effectively conveys a clear stance against the ban on advertising and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of argumentation, development of ideas, and coherence. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction stating the writer’s disagreement with the idea of banning advertising, followed by two main paragraphs presenting arguments against the ban. However, the flow of ideas could be improved for better coherence. Some ideas are presented abruptly, and there is a lack of smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider outlining the essay before writing to ensure a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. Additionally, use transitional phrases or sentences to connect ideas between paragraphs and ensure a smoother transition from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into three paragraphs: introduction, body paragraph 1, and body paragraph 2. Each paragraph addresses a different aspect of the argument, which is a good start. However, the structure within the paragraphs could be refined. For instance, the second paragraph encompasses multiple ideas about the importance of advertising, which could be better organized into separate paragraphs for clarity.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing a clear structure within each paragraph. Start with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph, followed by supporting details and examples. Ensure that each paragraph discusses only one main point to avoid confusion. Consider breaking down lengthy paragraphs into smaller ones to maintain coherence and improve readability.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("this opinion," "it"), conjunctions ("furthermore"), and transitional phrases ("in conclusion"). However, their usage is somewhat limited, and there is a need for more varied cohesive devices to strengthen the coherence of the essay. Additionally, some transitions between ideas feel abrupt, affecting the overall flow.
  • How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices such as synonyms, parallel structures, and linking words (e.g., "however," "therefore," "for instance") to establish logical connections between ideas. Ensure that transitions between paragraphs are seamless to maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in organizing information logically, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve greater clarity, coherence, and overall effectiveness in conveying the writer’s arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is some variety in word choice, such as "inventions," "preliminary," "enterprise," and "underdeveloped." However, there is a reliance on basic vocabulary in several instances, like "better life," "developed world," and "foreign brands." Additionally, some phrases could be further diversified to enhance lexical richness and sophistication.
  • How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more diverse synonyms and idiomatic expressions. Instead of repeatedly using common phrases like "better life," explore alternatives such as "enhanced quality of life" or "improved standard of living." Additionally, strive to integrate specialized terminology or advanced vocabulary relevant to the topic, which can elevate the essay’s lexical complexity.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some precision in vocabulary usage, particularly in conveying basic ideas. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise or nuanced. For example, the phrase "better products" could be elaborated upon to specify the qualities or features that make them superior. Additionally, some terms like "domestic goods" and "foreign brands" lack specificity, which could be clarified for greater precision.
  • How to improve: Aim for greater specificity in vocabulary choice to precisely convey intended meanings. Instead of using general terms like "better products," specify the attributes that contribute to their superiority, such as "innovative features" or "enhanced durability." Similarly, refine terms like "domestic goods" and "foreign brands" by providing examples or descriptions to enhance clarity and precision in communication.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "develop" instead of "development" and "though" instead of "through." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, enhancing spelling accuracy can contribute to the overall professionalism and clarity of the essay.
  • How to improve: Review the essay carefully for spelling accuracy, paying attention to commonly misspelled words and proofreading for errors before finalizing the text. Additionally, consider utilizing spell-check tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct any overlooked spelling mistakes. Developing a habit of meticulous proofreading can help ensure consistently accurate spelling in future writing endeavors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. It employs simple, compound, and complex sentences, though with limited complexity. For instance, there is a mix of simple declarative sentences ("There are some opinions that they should delete all advertising because it brings harm and damage to people."), compound sentences ("We are living in a developed world, there are many inventions and new things happening around us every day."), and complex sentences ("If any country or city does this, they are preventing the advancement of society."). However, there is a tendency towards simpler structures, with some repetitive sentence patterns throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence constructions such as using relative clauses, conditional sentences, and parallel structures. Varying the length and structure of sentences can improve readability and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, pay attention to transitions between sentences to ensure coherence and cohesion in the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally accurate but basic command of grammar and punctuation. There are instances of grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("a country that wants to become richer needs enterprise and trading become stronger everyday") and awkward phrasing ("there are many brand far from us but they provide better products so the only way for us to know about them is the media"). Punctuation is mostly correct, although there are occasional errors or missing punctuation marks.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it’s essential to review and practice grammar rules, particularly focusing on verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Utilize resources such as grammar guides or language learning websites to reinforce grammar concepts. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully can help identify and correct punctuation errors, ensuring clarity and coherence in communication. Pay attention to sentence construction to avoid awkward phrasing and ensure smoother expression of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a viewpoint advocating for the complete elimination of advertising, asserting that it brings harm and damage to people. Personally, I strongly disagree with this stance.

We reside in a developed society characterized by continuous innovations and advancements. There are many inventions and new things happening around us every day. It is through media channels that we primarily learn about these advancements. Therefore, it is essential to initially reference advertisements.

For instance, if your family wants to buy a car, it is necessary to reference preliminary through advertisements to make the best decision. Moreover, a significant portion of the population resides in rural areas. Banning all types of advertising means removing their chance to get a better life.

With the development of contemporary social media and technology, forbidding advertising is impossible. If any country or city does this, they are preventing the advancement of society.

Prohibiting all forms of advertising hampers economic development. A country that wants to become richer needs enterprise and trading to become stronger every day. We must engage with advanced products advertised to address challenges and enhance our quality of life.

For example, if we find our current domestic goods uninspiring, we may opt for foreign brands, which we learn about solely through advertisements, to enrich our consumer experience.

In conclusion, there are no reasons for banning all types of advertising because it can’t bring people any benefits. Instead, advertising serves as a vital tool for societal progress and economic growth.