A few languages are increasingly spoken in different countries, while the use of others is rapidly declining. Is it a positive or negative development?

Throughout history, civilisation has witnessed the dominance of some languages along with the loss of several others. From my perspective, there are both beneficial and detrimental impacts associated with this trend.

On the one hand, an increase in the number of users of a popular language indicates the strive to a better life and a positive sign for maintaining world peace. First of all, a second language which is used by people worldwide may offer the user an access to an enormous and diverse source of qualified information including books, papers and reference materials published by foreign universities. Such an academic advantage and the fact that employers tend to favor bilingualists who can communicate with foreign colleagues and negotiate with international business partners without experiencing a language breakdown means higher chances of landing a job for users of a major language. Individuals who wish to achieve better academic performance and later occupy a well-paid job, thus enjoy a proper standard of living may recognise the prerequisite of having a good command of a popular language. Moreover, once a language is widespread enough to become a global lingua franca, world peace will be established. Speakers will be able to understand the message conveyed by the other thoroughly, thus lessening cases of diplomatic disagreement and possible wars.

On the other hand, the declining popularity of several languages can result in the undesirable disappearance of cultures. Frankly speaking, language is at the heart of a culture. People can only transmit precisely the intellectual and cultural knowledge native to them via their mother tongue, whose lexical and grammar structures have evolved to serve the use of a specific local community. Thereby, the depletion of a language can create a notable damage to the inheritance of indigenous collective knowledge. To illustrate, the ancient Egyptian language along with a wealth of mathematical, medical, astronomical and religious knowledge encapsulated in it was assimilated during British colonial rule several hundred years ago. Modern historians and Egyptologists now struggle to translate ancient documents into understandable languages, thus reveal these hidden intellectual treasures originated from the glorious Nile civilisation to be utilised for the future development of humankind.

In conclusion, while the rise of certain languages is a positive sign of improving social living standards and established world peace, the fall of several others poses a threat to global culural diversity. Henceforth, I believe that the the stimulation of popularity growth and the preservation of linguistic diversity should be simultaneously maintained at a balanced rate.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Throughout history, civilisation has witnessed" -> "Throughout history, civilization has witnessed"
Explanation: The correct term is "civilization," not "civilisation," as it is the standard spelling in American English, which is commonly used in academic writing.
"the dominance of some languages along with the loss of several others" -> "the dominance of certain languages alongside the decline of others"
Explanation: "Alongside" is more formal and precise than "along with," and "decline" is a more accurate term than "loss" in the context of language usage.
"an increase in the number of users of a popular language" -> "an increase in the number of speakers of a widely spoken language"
Explanation: "Speakers" is more specific and appropriate than "users," which can be vague and informal in this context. "Widely spoken" is also more precise than "popular."
"the strive to a better life" -> "the aspiration for a better life"
Explanation: "Aspiration" is more formal and appropriate than "strive," which is less commonly used in this context.
"a second language which is used by people worldwide" -> "a second language widely used globally"
Explanation: "Widely used globally" is more concise and formal than "which is used by people worldwide."
"Such an academic advantage and the fact that employers tend to favor" -> "Such academic advantages and the fact that employers often favor"
Explanation: "Advantages" should be plural to match the plural context, and "often" is more precise than "tend to" in formal writing.
"higher chances of landing a job" -> "greater likelihood of securing employment"
Explanation: "Greater likelihood of securing employment" is more formal and precise than "higher chances of landing a job."
"Individuals who wish to achieve better academic performance and later occupy a well-paid job" -> "Individuals seeking improved academic performance and subsequent well-compensated employment"
Explanation: "Seeking improved academic performance and subsequent well-compensated employment" is more formal and avoids the informal phrasing of "wish to achieve."
"a proper standard of living" -> "a satisfactory standard of living"
Explanation: "Satisfactory" is more formal and academically appropriate than "proper," which can be vague and informal.
"the undesirable disappearance of cultures" -> "the undesirable loss of cultural heritage"
Explanation: "Loss of cultural heritage" is a more precise and formal term than "disappearance of cultures."
"Frankly speaking" -> "It is evident"
Explanation: "It is evident" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "Frankly speaking," which is conversational.
"the depletion of a language" -> "the decline of a language"
Explanation: "Decline" is a more precise term than "depletion" in the context of language usage.
"a notable damage to the inheritance of indigenous collective knowledge" -> "significant damage to the preservation of indigenous collective knowledge"
Explanation: "Significant damage to the preservation of indigenous collective knowledge" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the impact on the preservation rather than the inheritance.
"the stimulation of popularity growth" -> "the promotion of language growth"
Explanation: "Promotion of language growth" is more specific and formal than "stimulation of popularity growth."
"the preservation of linguistic diversity" -> "the conservation of linguistic diversity"
Explanation: "Conservation" is a more precise term in the context of preserving cultural and linguistic heritage.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both aspects of the prompt by discussing the positive impacts of the rise of certain languages and the negative consequences of the decline of others. The first body paragraph presents the benefits of a popular language, such as improved job prospects and global communication, while the second body paragraph highlights the cultural loss associated with language decline. The writer successfully balances the discussion of both sides, which is crucial for a comprehensive response.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the writer could explicitly state the overall stance on whether this trend is positive or negative in the introduction, as well as in the conclusion. This would provide a clearer framework for the reader and strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that acknowledges both the benefits and drawbacks of language dominance and decline. However, the conclusion could be more definitive in stating whether the writer ultimately views the trend as positive or negative. While the conclusion mentions the need for balance, it could clarify the writer’s preference or recommendation more explicitly.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that their position is consistently reinforced throughout the essay. This can be achieved by reiterating the main argument in each paragraph and making a decisive statement in the conclusion that reflects their overall viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents well-developed ideas, particularly in the first body paragraph, where the advantages of a popular language are articulated with supporting examples. The second paragraph also provides a strong argument regarding cultural loss, using historical context to illustrate the point. However, some ideas could benefit from further elaboration or additional examples to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more specific examples or data to support their claims, particularly in the second body paragraph. For instance, discussing contemporary examples of endangered languages or the impact of language loss on specific communities could enhance the depth of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the implications of language rise and decline without deviating into unrelated areas. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, maintaining relevance to the prompt.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central question of whether the trend is positive or negative. This could involve explicitly linking each point back to the main argument, reinforcing the relevance of each discussion point to the overall thesis.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and presents a balanced view of the topic. To achieve an even higher band score, the writer should focus on clarifying their position, providing more detailed examples, and ensuring that all points are directly linked to the central argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the author’s perspective. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument, with the first paragraph focusing on the positive impacts of language popularity and the second on the negative consequences of language decline. However, while the ideas are generally well-organized, some points within paragraphs could be more logically sequenced. For instance, the discussion about the benefits of a second language could be more effectively linked to the idea of world peace, as they are somewhat disjointed in their presentation.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using topic sentences that clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph and ensure that supporting details follow a logical progression. Additionally, connecting ideas between paragraphs with transitional phrases can help reinforce the overall argument and improve coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear focus, and the transitions between them are generally smooth. However, the first paragraph could benefit from a clearer distinction between the benefits of language popularity and the implications for world peace. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more impactful by reiterating the significance of both sides of the argument.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, consider using concluding sentences that tie back to the thesis statement, reinforcing the overall argument and providing a sense of closure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "moreover," and "on the other hand," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For example, the phrase "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" is used effectively to contrast ideas, but varying the language used for transitions could enhance the essay’s sophistication.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "conversely," "for instance," and "as a result." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, consider using referential pronouns (e.g., "this," "these") to connect sentences and ideas more fluidly.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced argument, but improvements in logical flow, paragraph clarity, and the variety of cohesive devices can elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "civilisation," "bilingualists," "lingua franca," and "cultural knowledge." These choices reflect an understanding of the topic and an ability to express complex ideas. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "language" and "popular" could be replaced with synonyms like "tongue" or "widely spoken" to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "language," consider using "dialect," "linguistic system," or "communication medium" in different contexts. This will not only enrich the vocabulary but also demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "academic advantage" and "cultural knowledge" effectively conveying the intended meanings. However, there are moments of imprecision, such as "the strive to a better life," where "striving for" would be more appropriate. Additionally, the phrase "notable damage to the inheritance" could be more precisely articulated as "significant loss to cultural heritage."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should review their sentences for clarity and correctness. It may be beneficial to practice rephrasing sentences to ensure that the intended meaning is conveyed accurately. Engaging in exercises that focus on synonyms and context can also help in choosing the most appropriate words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with few errors. However, there are notable mistakes such as "culural" instead of "cultural" and "the the" which detract from the professionalism of the writing. Such errors can undermine the reader’s confidence in the writer’s command of the language.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Regular writing practice, combined with careful revision, will help in minimizing spelling errors in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource with a band score of 7, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "an increase in the number of users of a popular language indicates the strive to a better life" and "the declining popularity of several languages can result in the undesirable disappearance of cultures" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. Additionally, the essay employs a range of linking words and phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "Moreover," "To illustrate") to connect ideas smoothly. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied; for example, the repeated use of "may" in several sentences could be diversified with synonyms or rephrasing to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more conditional sentences, participial phrases, or even varying the placement of clauses. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Individuals who wish to…," you could begin with a dependent clause or an introductory phrase that captures the reader’s attention. Experimenting with different sentence openings can add dynamism to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For example, the use of articles ("a second language," "the depletion of a language") and subject-verb agreement is mostly correct. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies, such as "the the stimulation of popularity growth," which contains a typographical error (repetition of "the"). Additionally, the phrase "thus reveal these hidden intellectual treasures originated from the glorious Nile civilisation" could be rephrased for clarity; it should read "thus revealing these hidden intellectual treasures that originated from the glorious Nile civilization." Punctuation is used effectively, but there are a few instances where commas could enhance clarity, particularly in longer sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully to catch typographical errors and ensure that all phrases are grammatically coherent. Additionally, practicing the use of participial phrases and ensuring correct verb forms in complex sentences can help enhance overall grammatical precision. Consider revising sentences that may be overly complex to ensure clarity and correctness, and utilize punctuation marks like commas to break up lengthy clauses for better readability.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will further enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Throughout history, civilization has witnessed the dominance of some languages alongside the decline of several others. From my perspective, there are both beneficial and detrimental impacts associated with this trend.

On the one hand, an increase in the number of speakers of a popular language indicates the aspiration for a better life and is a positive sign for maintaining world peace. First of all, a second language that is used by people worldwide may offer the user access to an enormous and diverse source of qualified information, including books, papers, and reference materials published by foreign universities. Such academic advantages and the fact that employers often favor bilingual individuals who can communicate with foreign colleagues and negotiate with international business partners without experiencing a language breakdown mean a greater likelihood of securing employment for users of a major language. Individuals who wish to achieve better academic performance and later occupy a well-paid job, thus enjoying a satisfactory standard of living, may recognize the prerequisite of having a good command of a popular language. Moreover, once a language is widespread enough to become a global lingua franca, world peace will be established. Speakers will be able to understand the messages conveyed by one another thoroughly, thus lessening cases of diplomatic disagreement and possible wars.

On the other hand, the declining popularity of several languages can result in the undesirable loss of cultures. Frankly speaking, language is at the heart of a culture. People can only transmit precisely the intellectual and cultural knowledge native to them via their mother tongue, whose lexical and grammatical structures have evolved to serve the needs of a specific local community. Thereby, the decline of a language can cause significant damage to the preservation of indigenous collective knowledge. To illustrate, the ancient Egyptian language, along with a wealth of mathematical, medical, astronomical, and religious knowledge encapsulated in it, was assimilated during British colonial rule several hundred years ago. Modern historians and Egyptologists now struggle to translate ancient documents into understandable languages, thus revealing these hidden intellectual treasures that originated from the glorious Nile civilization to be utilized for the future development of humankind.

In conclusion, while the rise of certain languages is a positive sign of improving social living standards and established world peace, the decline of several others poses a threat to global cultural diversity. Henceforth, I believe that the promotion of language growth and the conservation of linguistic diversity should be simultaneously maintained at a balanced rate.