A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not well-managed. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Tourism is essential for the economy in many areas, but it can also bring about problems if not carefully managed. Nevertheless, I firmly hold the view that the drawbacks pale in comparison with the benefits that this trend provides.
There are many reasons why many people think that the travel industry can cause serious problems when not properly regulated. Firstly, the pollution in tourist areas is the result of the enhancement of tourism. Many visitors throw trash carelessly, therefore, it both pollutes the environment and diminishes the visual attractiveness of there. Too much rubbish can also put pressure on the government to tackle this problem. Secondly, residents may feel unsafe when there are numerous domestic and international visitors. Because of a lot of visitors, the authorities cannot control it strictly. This situation creates opportunities for malefactors to carry out their illegal activities.
However, I believe that tourism has more benefits.The first benefit is that by leveraging the large number of tourists, it boosts and develops the tourism industry, subsequently creating more job opportunities. Thanks to this change, the rate of unemployment reduces dramatically and the unemployed can earn an income to make a living. Besides, it also lowers government social welfare costs by decreasing jobless rates. The second is that tourism contributes to showcasing the cultural heritage and natural attractions of a nation. Tourists have a tendency to take photos or record videos to share their experiences on social networking platforms. This trend will make tourist destinations more widely known.
In conclusion, it seems to me that we gain more than we lose from the developed that tourism brings to our country.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Tourism is essential for the economy in many areas" -> "Tourism is crucial to the economies of many regions"
Explanation: The phrase "crucial to the economies of many regions" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone by specifying the geographical scope and emphasizing the importance of tourism economically.
"it can also bring about problems if not carefully managed" -> "it can also pose significant challenges if not properly managed"
Explanation: "Pose significant challenges" is a more formal and precise way to describe the potential difficulties associated with tourism, replacing the more casual "bring about problems."
"the drawbacks pale in comparison with the benefits" -> "the drawbacks are outweighed by the benefits"
Explanation: "Are outweighed by" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express that the disadvantages are less significant than the advantages.
"the enhancement of tourism" -> "the growth of tourism"
Explanation: "The growth of tourism" is a more accurate and commonly used term in academic contexts, replacing the less precise "enhancement of tourism."
"Many visitors throw trash carelessly" -> "Many visitors carelessly dispose of trash"
Explanation: "Carelessly dispose of trash" is a more precise and formal way to describe the careless behavior of visitors, enhancing the academic tone.
"therefore, it both pollutes the environment and diminishes the visual attractiveness of there" -> "therefore, it both pollutes the environment and diminishes the aesthetic appeal of the area"
Explanation: "Diminishes the aesthetic appeal of the area" is more specific and formal than "diminishes the visual attractiveness of there," which is awkwardly phrased and less formal.
"Too much rubbish can also put pressure on the government to tackle this problem" -> "Excessive waste can also place significant pressure on the government to address this issue"
Explanation: "Excessive waste" and "place significant pressure" are more precise and formal terms, improving the academic tone and clarity of the sentence.
"Because of a lot of visitors, the authorities cannot control it strictly" -> "Due to the large number of visitors, the authorities find it challenging to maintain strict control"
Explanation: "Find it challenging to maintain strict control" is a more formal and precise way to describe the difficulties faced by authorities in managing large numbers of visitors.
"This situation creates opportunities for malefactors to carry out their illegal activities" -> "This situation presents opportunities for criminals to engage in illegal activities"
Explanation: "Criminals" is a more specific and formal term than "malefactors," and "engage in illegal activities" is a clearer and more direct expression than "carry out their illegal activities."
"it boosts and develops the tourism industry" -> "it enhances and develops the tourism industry"
Explanation: "Enhances" is a more precise and formal verb than "boosts" in this context, aligning better with academic language.
"Thanks to this change, the rate of unemployment reduces dramatically" -> "As a result, unemployment rates decrease significantly"
Explanation: "As a result, unemployment rates decrease significantly" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "Thanks to this change" and "reduces dramatically."
"it also lowers government social welfare costs by decreasing jobless rates" -> "it also reduces government social welfare expenditures by decreasing unemployment rates"
Explanation: "Reduces government social welfare expenditures" and "unemployment rates" are more precise and formal terms, improving the academic tone and clarity of the sentence.
"Tourists have a tendency to take photos or record videos to share their experiences on social networking platforms" -> "Tourists often take photographs or record videos to share their experiences on social media platforms"
Explanation: "Often" is a more precise adverb than "have a tendency to," and "social media platforms" is a more specific and current term than "social networking platforms."
"This trend will make tourist destinations more widely known" -> "This trend will increase the global recognition of tourist destinations"
Explanation: "Increase the global recognition" is a more formal and precise way to describe the impact of tourism on the visibility of destinations, enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of tourism. The author acknowledges the problems associated with tourism, such as pollution and safety concerns, which are relevant to the disadvantages mentioned in the prompt. However, the essay could have provided a more balanced exploration of both sides. For instance, while the disadvantages are mentioned, they are not as thoroughly developed as the advantages. The advantages, such as job creation and cultural promotion, are well articulated and supported with examples.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should aim for a more balanced discussion by elaborating on the disadvantages with specific examples or statistics. This could involve discussing the long-term environmental impacts of tourism or providing examples of destinations that have suffered due to mismanaged tourism. A more comprehensive analysis would strengthen the argument and provide a clearer comparison between the advantages and disadvantages.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the advantages of tourism outweigh the disadvantages. This stance is consistently maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. The use of phrases like "I firmly hold the view" and "it seems to me" reinforces the author’s position. However, the transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity and coherence, the author could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the discussion of disadvantages to the advantages. For example, after discussing the drawbacks, the author could introduce the benefits with a phrase like, "Despite these challenges, the benefits of tourism are significant." This would help the reader follow the argument more easily.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of tourism, such as job creation and cultural promotion. These ideas are extended with explanations and examples, making them clear and understandable. However, the support for the disadvantages is less robust, with only brief mentions of pollution and safety concerns without further elaboration.
- How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence for both advantages and disadvantages. For instance, citing specific countries or regions that have successfully managed tourism to highlight the benefits, or discussing case studies of places that have suffered from tourism-related issues, would add depth to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the prompt regarding the advantages and disadvantages of tourism. The author does not deviate from the main question, which is commendable. However, there are minor instances where the phrasing could be clearer, such as "the developed that tourism brings," which is somewhat vague and could confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the author should ensure that all phrases are precise and directly related to the topic. Revising unclear phrases and ensuring that each sentence contributes to the overall argument will help maintain a strong focus throughout the essay. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy would enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that tourism has more advantages than disadvantages. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized to first address the disadvantages followed by the advantages. However, the transition between points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing pollution to safety concerns lacks a clear linking statement that would help the reader follow the argument more seamlessly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing pollution, a phrase like "In addition to environmental issues, safety concerns also arise" could help connect the two points more clearly. Furthermore, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easy for the reader to follow. However, the conclusion could be better integrated with the preceding paragraphs. It introduces a new idea about the benefits of tourism without summarizing the key points discussed in the body.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by briefly summarizing the main points made in the essay. For instance, you could restate the key advantages and disadvantages before concluding with your overall opinion. This will reinforce the argument and provide a more cohesive ending to the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "However," which help to structure the argument. Nevertheless, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "Thanks to this change" could be better clarified to show how job creation directly relates to tourism.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "On the other hand," or "In contrast" to create clearer distinctions between points. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of ideas. For example, instead of repeating "tourism," you could use "this sector" or "the industry" in subsequent references.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving transitions, enhancing the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of tourism. Terms like "pollution," "visual attractiveness," "malefactors," and "cultural heritage" indicate an attempt to use topic-specific language. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the overuse of "tourism" and "tourists," which can limit the perceived range of vocabulary. For example, the phrase "the travel industry" could have been varied with synonyms or related terms like "hospitality sector" or "tourist economy."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "tourism," they could use "travel sector" or "tourist activities." Additionally, integrating more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text, such as "environmental degradation" instead of just "pollution."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are moments where word choice is imprecise or awkward. For example, the phrase "the drawbacks pale in comparison with the benefits" is a strong expression, but the use of "there" in "the visual attractiveness of there" is incorrect and unclear. The phrase "the enhancement of tourism" is also somewhat vague; it could be more accurately described as "the increase in tourist activity" or "the growth of the tourism sector."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. They should review sentences to ensure that each word conveys the intended meaning. For instance, replacing "there" with "them" in the context of "the visual attractiveness of them" would clarify the sentence. Furthermore, using more specific verbs can enhance clarity, such as "contributes to" instead of "brings about."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with few errors noted. However, there is a notable error in the phrase "the developed that tourism brings," which should be "the development that tourism brings." This error affects the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing writing and reviewing common spelling patterns can help reinforce correct spelling. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them before submitting work can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy can help elevate the Lexical Resource score. Engaging in targeted vocabulary exercises, careful proofreading, and expanding the use of synonyms will contribute to a stronger performance in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Nevertheless, I firmly hold the view that the drawbacks pale in comparison with the benefits that this trend provides" showcases an ability to convey nuanced ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the second paragraph where phrases like "the pollution in tourist areas is the result of the enhancement of tourism" and "residents may feel unsafe when there are numerous domestic and international visitors" follow a similar pattern. This could limit the overall impact of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases, using conditional clauses, or employing participial phrases. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "The first benefit is that…" or "Secondly," try using phrases like "One significant advantage is…" or "In addition to this, it is important to note that…". This will enhance the flow and complexity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, in the phrase "the visual attractiveness of there," the word "there" should be "them" to correctly refer to the tourist areas. Additionally, the sentence "Because of a lot of visitors, the authorities cannot control it strictly" could be improved for clarity; "it" is vague and could be replaced with "the situation" for better understanding. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "therefore" in "Many visitors throw trash carelessly, therefore, it both pollutes…"
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly in pronoun usage and vague references. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing or unclear references. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding conjunctions and transitional phrases, will enhance clarity. Consider revising sentences for clarity and grammatical correctness, such as changing "the developed that tourism brings to our country" in the conclusion to "the development that tourism brings to our country."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the highlighted weaknesses will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are many reasons why people think that the travel industry can cause serious problems when not properly regulated. Firstly, the pollution in tourist areas is the result of the growth of tourism. Many visitors throw trash carelessly; therefore, it both pollutes the environment and diminishes the visual attractiveness of the area. Excessive waste can also place significant pressure on the government to address this issue. Secondly, residents may feel unsafe when there are numerous domestic and international visitors. Due to the large number of visitors, the authorities find it challenging to maintain strict control. This situation presents opportunities for criminals to engage in illegal activities.

However, I believe that tourism has more benefits. The first benefit is that by leveraging the large number of tourists, it enhances and develops the tourism industry, subsequently creating more job opportunities. Thanks to this change, unemployment rates decrease significantly, and the unemployed can earn an income to make a living. Besides, it also reduces government social welfare expenditures by decreasing jobless rates. The second benefit is that tourism contributes to showcasing the cultural heritage and natural attractions of a nation. Tourists often take photographs or record videos to share their experiences on social media platforms. This trend will increase the global recognition of tourist destinations.

In conclusion, it seems to me that we gain more than we lose from the development that tourism brings to our country.