A person's worth nowadays, seems to be judged according to social statues and material possession. Old-fashion values such as honor, kindness and trust no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In this contemporary world, an individual’s value has been solely commented relying on their public figures, as well as their financial status, rather than based on personality traits, which is similar to the old-school way. Personally, I totally disagree with the statement.
Granted, it is understandable that in this materialistic era, some people highly value the social statue and dignity, as they are the most convincing and realistic measures to take one’s success in comparison with others. This is predicated on opponents’ assumptions that for several decades, the pursuit of wealth and fame has outweighed others moral factors, making young generations blindedly chase for them to seek public’s recognition. The implication of this is the ascending rate of young workers who are focusing merely on their careers that they have forgotten to enhance other virtues, such as compassion and morality. On the one hand, they might eventually achieve the success they desire; on the other hand, they would not be able to fully understand personalities that foster our souls, which are trust and kindness.
In contrary to the aforementioned concept, I would contend that while it is reasonable to some extent, one’s financial status or public appearance cannot outweigh old-fashioned and profound characteristics, including honor and kindness. The mental values hold a sentimental impact on fostering their sense of humanity, which encourage them to care about external factors apart from their work. For instance, they can concern of environmental problems, which take a heavy toll on natural habitat, or the rate of literacy in rural areas and found donations for those concerns. It not only broadens the influence of an individual towards the community, but it also widens their range of decisions in terms of spending budgets. As the trend of celebrities volunteering money for social purposes is increasing, the goes to prove that the public has recognized their kindness more nowadays.
In summary, while focusing on one’s material possessions and public appearance can be reasonable, it should not be the top priorities to evaluate one’s success. It should be a combination of both career achievements and admirable personalities traits, as well as their contributes to the planet in general.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this contemporary world" -> "In the contemporary world"
Explanation: Removing "this" before "contemporary world" corrects the grammatical structure, aligning with formal academic style by avoiding unnecessary articles before adjectives modifying nouns.
"solely commented relying on" -> "solely reliant on"
Explanation: "Solely commented relying on" is awkward and incorrect. "Solely reliant on" is the correct phrase, improving the sentence’s clarity and grammatical accuracy.
"old-school way" -> "traditional approach"
Explanation: "Old-school way" is colloquial and informal. "Traditional approach" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"Personally, I totally disagree" -> "I strongly disagree"
Explanation: "Personally, I totally disagree" is informal and redundant. "I strongly disagree" is concise and maintains a formal tone.
"social statue" -> "social status"
Explanation: "Statue" is a noun referring to a sculpture, whereas "status" is the correct term for social position or standing.
"the most convincing and realistic measures" -> "the most effective measures"
Explanation: "Convincing and realistic" is vague and redundant. "Effective" is a more precise and academically appropriate term.
"blindedly chase" -> "blindly pursue"
Explanation: "Blindedly chase" is incorrect; "blindly pursue" is the correct idiom, enhancing the formal tone.
"young workers who are focusing merely on their careers" -> "young professionals who focus primarily on their careers"
Explanation: "Focusing merely" is awkward and informal. "Focus primarily" is more natural and formal.
"ascend the rate" -> "increase the rate"
Explanation: "Ascend the rate" is incorrect. "Increase the rate" is the correct phrase.
"they would not be able to fully understand personalities" -> "they may not fully comprehend the importance of personal qualities"
Explanation: "Personalities" is vague and incorrect in this context. "Personal qualities" is more specific and appropriate.
"In contrary to" -> "In contrast to"
Explanation: "In contrary to" is grammatically incorrect. "In contrast to" is the correct phrase.
"old-fashioned and profound characteristics" -> "traditional and profound characteristics"
Explanation: "Old-fashioned" can imply outdated or negative connotations. "Traditional" is neutral and more suitable for formal writing.
"concern of environmental problems" -> "concern for environmental issues"
Explanation: "Concern of" is grammatically incorrect. "Concern for" is the correct preposition usage.
"the goes to prove" -> "this serves as evidence"
Explanation: "The goes to prove" is grammatically incorrect. "This serves as evidence" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"their contributes" -> "their contributions"
Explanation: "Contributes" is a verb, whereas "contributions" is the noun form needed here, correcting the grammatical error.
"admirable personalities traits" -> "admirable personality traits"
Explanation: "Personalities traits" is grammatically incorrect. "Personality traits" is the correct form.
"their contributes to the planet" -> "their contributions to the planet"
Explanation: Similar to point 15, "contributes" should be "contributions" to maintain grammatical accuracy.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay acknowledges the prompt by discussing the contemporary trend of valuing individuals based on social status and material possessions versus old-fashioned values like honor, kindness, and trust. It argues against this trend, asserting that these traditional values are still crucial despite the materialistic focus of society.
- How to improve: While the essay broadly addresses both sides of the argument, it could strengthen its analysis by providing more specific examples or counterarguments. It should explicitly address how honor, kindness, and trust are currently undervalued and why they remain important.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that opposes the idea of solely judging individuals by social status and material possessions. This stance is evident throughout the essay, particularly in statements like "I totally disagree with the statement" and "while it is reasonable to some extent, one’s financial status or public appearance cannot outweigh old-fashioned and profound characteristics."
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay could reinforce its position with stronger transitions and topic sentences that clearly guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph consistently supports this main position would strengthen coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the societal shift towards valuing material wealth over traditional values and argues against this shift. It extends these ideas by discussing the impact on individuals’ personal development and community contributions, supported by examples like environmental concerns and charitable donations.
- How to improve: To further develop ideas, the essay could delve deeper into specific consequences or societal implications of valuing materialism over traditional values. Providing more nuanced examples and perhaps contrasting perspectives would enrich the argument and demonstrate a broader understanding.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the prompt’s central theme of societal values and contrasting contemporary materialism with traditional virtues. However, there are moments where the connection to the prompt could be more explicitly tied, especially when discussing societal impacts.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, each paragraph should directly relate back to how societal values have shifted and the implications of these shifts. Avoiding tangential discussions and ensuring every point directly supports the thesis would strengthen coherence and relevance.

In summary, while the essay effectively argues against the societal trend of valuing social status and material possessions over traditional values, there is room for improvement in clarity, specificity of examples, and maintaining direct relevance to the prompt throughout the essay. Strengthening these aspects would elevate the coherence and depth of the argument, potentially increasing the task response score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally clear organization with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that present contrasting views, and a conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument clearly, stating disagreement with the prompt. Body paragraphs effectively present arguments against valuing social status and material possessions over traditional values like honor and kindness, using examples to support these points. The conclusion succinctly restates the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical flow, ensure each paragraph’s topic sentence clearly relates back to the thesis and effectively transitions to the next point. This could involve refining topic sentences to better encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph and using transitional phrases where needed to guide the reader through the essay’s progression.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to organize ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, whether discussing contemporary views on social status, contrasting with traditional values, or emphasizing the importance of moral traits. Paragraphs are adequately developed with supporting details and examples.
- How to improve: Consider varying the length and structure of paragraphs slightly to maintain reader engagement. For instance, balancing longer paragraphs with shorter, more impactful ones can help create a dynamic rhythm in the essay. Ensure that each paragraph contributes distinctly to the overall argument and avoids repetition or unnecessary detail.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as linking words (e.g., ‘granted’, ‘in contrary’, ‘in summary’) and reference words (‘this’, ‘it’) to connect ideas within and between sentences. These devices generally contribute to coherence and help maintain the flow of argumentation.
- How to improve: To further enhance cohesion, consider incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices such as synonyms, pronouns, and parallel structures. This can make connections between ideas more explicit and help the essay flow more smoothly from one point to the next. Additionally, ensure that the use of cohesive devices remains consistent throughout the essay to avoid abrupt shifts or disjointed transitions.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong coherence and cohesion level suitable for a band score of 7. To potentially reach a higher band score, focus on refining paragraph structure for optimal clarity and reinforcing logical connections between ideas with a richer array of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with varied expressions such as "solely commented," "predicated on," "ascending rate," "sentimental impact," and "broadens the influence." These phrases contribute to the complexity and depth of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical variety, consider integrating more specific academic or domain-specific vocabulary related to societal values and ethics. For instance, using terms like "moral compass," "ethical integrity," or "philanthropic endeavors" could enrich the discussion on virtues and societal priorities.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately but occasionally relies on imprecise expressions, such as "commented" instead of "judged" and "predicated on opponents’ assumptions" which could be refined to clarify the point more precisely.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by choosing words that precisely convey the intended meaning without ambiguity. For example, replace general terms like "aspect" with more specific terms like "facet" or "element," ensuring each word choice contributes clearly to the argument’s coherence and depth.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay, with minor exceptions such as "dignity" (should be "status") and "blindedly" (should be "blinded").
- How to improve: Proofreading carefully to catch minor errors like the ones mentioned will help maintain consistent spelling accuracy. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools or practicing with focus on commonly misspelled words could further improve accuracy.

Overall, the essay effectively employs a diverse range of vocabulary to discuss complex ideas about societal values and materialism. To improve, focus on precision in vocabulary use and ensure thorough proofreading to maintain spelling accuracy. These adjustments will enhance clarity and coherence, thereby strengthening the overall presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly varied range of sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout. For example, simple sentences like "Personally, I totally disagree with the statement" are used alongside more complex structures such as "The implication of this is the ascending rate of young workers who are focusing merely on their careers that they have forgotten to enhance other virtues."
- How to improve: To enhance sentence variety further, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures where appropriate, such as using conditional sentences (e.g., "If people prioritize material wealth over integrity, society may lose its moral compass"), or employing rhetorical questions to engage the reader. This will add depth and sophistication to your arguments.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays generally accurate grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances where errors slightly affect clarity, such as: "making young generations blindedly chase for them to seek public’s recognition." Here, "blindedly chase for them to seek" should be revised for clarity and correctness.
- How to improve: Focus on reviewing sentence structure and grammar during the revision process. Pay particular attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles (e.g., "the pursuit of wealth and fame"). Additionally, proofread for punctuation errors, especially commas and apostrophes, to ensure they are used correctly and consistently throughout your essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and a commendable range of sentence structures. With continued attention to sentence variety and grammatical accuracy, you can further refine your writing and aim for an even higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, an individual’s value has often been judged solely by their public image and financial status, rather than their personal qualities, akin to the traditional approach. Personally, I strongly disagree with this viewpoint.

Admittedly, in today’s materialistic era, many people place significant emphasis on social status and financial success as the most effective measures of one’s achievements compared to others. Critics argue that over the past few decades, the pursuit of wealth and fame has overshadowed moral values, leading young professionals to pursue these goals blindly in pursuit of societal recognition. Consequently, there has been a noticeable increase in the number of young professionals who focus primarily on their careers, neglecting the importance of personal qualities such as compassion and integrity. While they may achieve professional success, they may not fully comprehend the importance of these fundamental traits that nurture our humanity.

In contrast to this perspective, I firmly believe that traditional and profound characteristics such as honor, kindness, and trust hold enduring significance. These values not only enrich individuals personally but also foster a genuine concern for important societal issues. For example, individuals who prioritize such values often show concern for environmental issues or support initiatives aimed at improving literacy in underserved communities. This serves as evidence that their contributions to society extend beyond their professional achievements.

In conclusion, while there is merit in considering material success and public recognition, these should not overshadow the importance of admirable personality traits and contributions to the planet. True success should encompass a balance of career accomplishments and values that enrich both individuals and their communities.