A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honor, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In today’s society, there is a growing perception that a person’s worth is increasingly judged by their social status and material possessions. The allure of wealth and social standing often seems to overshadow traditional values such as honor, kindness, and trust. However, while it is undeniable that social status and material wealth can bring certain advantages, I firmly disagree with the notion that old-fashioned values have lost their importance. These values continue to be vital in fostering respect and genuine human connection.

It is true that in many cases, individuals with higher social status and greater wealth tend to enjoy more privileges. They often have access to better living conditions, educational opportunities, and the ability to travel extensively. For example, when shopping, those dressed in expensive attire are often treated with more courtesy and enthusiasm by salespeople. Furthermore, with the rise of social media, people are increasingly judged by the luxurious lifestyle they project online. Since many people do not have the chance to interact face-to-face, they often form opinions based solely on the ostentatious displays of wealth and status they see on these platforms. This has led to a culture where flaunting wealth and a lavish lifestyle is often rewarded with more followers and greater online engagement.

Despite the increasing focus on materialism, old-fashioned values like honor, kindness, and trust remain deeply significant. These values are intrinsic to human dignity and serve as a moral compass. On social media, for instance, there are countless stories of ordinary people performing acts of kindness or heroism, which are widely celebrated by others, regardless of the individuals’ social standing or wealth. Furthermore, no matter how wealthy or powerful a person may be, if they lack these core values, they are unlikely to earn true respect. For example, a person who dresses elegantly but behaves poorly by littering or engaging in unethical behavior will be met with scorn rather than admiration.

In conclusion, while social status and material wealth can provide certain benefits, they should not be the sole measures of a person’s worth. Old-fashioned values such as honor, kindness, and trust are still highly relevant and crucial in today’s society. They represent the true essence of humanity and continue to command respect and admiration far beyond the superficial allure of wealth.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In today’s society" -> "In contemporary society"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and formal term than "today’s," which can sound somewhat colloquial and vague in academic writing.
"growing perception" -> "increasingly prevalent perception"
Explanation: "Increasingly prevalent" is a more formal and precise term that better captures the ongoing nature of the trend being discussed.
"judged by their social status and material possessions" -> "evaluated by their social status and material possessions"
Explanation: "Evaluated" is a more formal synonym for "judged," aligning better with academic language.
"often seems to overshadow" -> "frequently appears to overshadow"
Explanation: "Frequently appears" is a more formal expression than "often seems," enhancing the academic tone.
"I firmly disagree" -> "I strongly disagree"
Explanation: "Strongly" is a more formal adverb than "firmly," which is slightly less common in academic writing.
"old-fashioned values" -> "traditional values"
Explanation: "Traditional" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "old-fashioned," which can carry a negative connotation.
"enjoy more privileges" -> "enjoy greater privileges"
Explanation: "Greater" is a more precise and formal adverb than "more," which is somewhat vague in this context.
"dressed in expensive attire" -> "attired in expensive clothing"
Explanation: "Attired in" is a more formal phrase than "dressed in," and "clothing" is a more precise term than "attire" in this context.
"luxurious lifestyle" -> "lavish lifestyle"
Explanation: "Lavish" is a more precise adjective for describing excessive or extravagant lifestyles, fitting the context better than "luxurious."
"flaunting wealth" -> "ostentatiously displaying wealth"
Explanation: "Ostentatiously displaying" is a more formal and precise phrase than "flaunting," which can be seen as too casual for academic writing.
"rewarded with more followers" -> "rewarded with increased followership"
Explanation: "Increased followership" is a more formal and precise term than "more followers," which is somewhat informal.
"old-fashioned values like honor, kindness, and trust" -> "traditional values such as honor, kindness, and trust"
Explanation: "Traditional" is a more neutral and formal term than "old-fashioned," which can carry a negative connotation.
"serve as a moral compass" -> "function as a moral compass"
Explanation: "Function" is a more formal verb than "serve" in this context, aligning better with academic style.
"no matter how wealthy or powerful a person may be" -> "regardless of a person’s wealth or power"
Explanation: "Regardless of" is a more formal and concise way to express the idea than "no matter how."
"dresses elegantly but behaves poorly" -> "dresses elegantly yet behaves poorly"
Explanation: "Yet" is a more formal conjunction than "but" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.

These changes refine the vocabulary to better suit an academic essay, ensuring precision, formality, and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by acknowledging the current societal trend of valuing social status and material possessions while simultaneously presenting a counterargument that emphasizes the importance of traditional values. The introduction clearly outlines the writer’s stance against the notion that old-fashioned values have lost their significance. Each paragraph contributes to this dual perspective, illustrating both the allure of materialism and the enduring relevance of values like honor, kindness, and trust.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could delve deeper into the implications of this societal shift. For instance, discussing the potential consequences of prioritizing material wealth over traditional values could provide a more comprehensive view. Additionally, integrating more examples or case studies could strengthen the argument and demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing against the idea that social status and material possessions are the sole determinants of a person’s worth. The writer’s stance is evident in both the introduction and conclusion, reinforcing the idea that old-fashioned values are still vital. The use of phrases like "I firmly disagree" establishes a strong personal viewpoint.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the writer could enhance the essay by occasionally reiterating this stance within the body paragraphs. This could be achieved by explicitly linking back to the main argument after presenting supporting evidence, ensuring that the reader remains aware of the overarching thesis.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, using relevant examples to illustrate the points made. For instance, the discussion about how individuals are treated based on their appearance and the role of social media in shaping perceptions of worth are pertinent and well-articulated. The counterexamples provided, such as the importance of kindness regardless of wealth, further reinforce the argument.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer could extend some ideas further by providing more detailed explanations or additional examples. For instance, elaborating on the consequences of a society that prioritizes materialism could deepen the analysis. Additionally, incorporating statistics or studies related to social behavior could lend further credibility to the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the prompt directly and avoiding any significant deviations. Each paragraph contributes to the central theme of evaluating the worth of individuals in relation to social status and traditional values, ensuring that the discussion remains relevant.
- How to improve: While the essay is largely on topic, the writer should be cautious of introducing tangential ideas that could distract from the main argument. For example, while discussing social media, it would be beneficial to tie back the discussion to the main thesis more explicitly, ensuring that every point made directly supports the overall argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates the writer’s perspective. By incorporating more depth in certain areas and ensuring a consistent reinforcement of the main argument, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the main argument and context. Each paragraph is dedicated to a specific aspect of the discussion, with the first paragraph addressing the influence of social status and material wealth, and the second paragraph countering this perspective by emphasizing the importance of traditional values. The progression of ideas is coherent, leading the reader through the argument effectively. For instance, the transition from discussing materialism to highlighting the significance of old-fashioned values is smooth and well-articulated.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to explicitly state the main idea. This would help guide the reader more effectively through the argument. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases at the beginning of paragraphs could strengthen the connections between ideas, making the flow even more seamless.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs explore contrasting views, and the conclusion summarizes the argument succinctly. Each paragraph is well-developed, containing relevant examples that support the main points. For instance, the examples of social media’s impact on perceptions of worth are particularly effective in illustrating the argument.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally strong, consider varying the length and complexity of the paragraphs to create a more dynamic reading experience. For example, the second body paragraph could be split into two shorter paragraphs: one focusing on the significance of old-fashioned values and the other on the consequences of lacking these values. This would provide a clearer distinction between the ideas and enhance readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions ("however," "despite"), and referencing ("these values," "they"). These devices help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The use of examples and anecdotes also serves as a cohesive element, linking the argument to real-world scenarios.
- How to improve: To diversify the range of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more varied linking phrases and transitions. For instance, using phrases like "in addition," "on the other hand," or "conversely" could enhance the complexity of the argument and provide clearer contrasts between ideas. Additionally, using synonyms or paraphrasing when referring back to previously mentioned concepts can help avoid repetition and maintain reader engagement.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a coherent argument. By implementing these suggestions, the writer can further refine their coherence and cohesion, potentially achieving an even higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively employing terms such as "allure," "ostentatious," and "moral compass." These choices not only convey meaning but also enhance the sophistication of the argument. For instance, the phrase "the allure of wealth and social standing" captures the seductive nature of materialism, while "ostentatious displays of wealth" vividly illustrates the superficiality of social media perceptions.
- How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource further, the writer could incorporate more varied synonyms and phrases. For example, instead of repeating "social status" and "wealth," alternatives like "economic standing" or "financial resources" could be used to avoid redundancy and enrich the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively communicating ideas without ambiguity. Phrases like "genuine human connection" and "intrinsic to human dignity" are well-chosen and convey the intended meaning clearly. However, the term "old-fashioned values" could be seen as slightly vague; it may benefit from a more specific descriptor, such as "traditional ethical values" or "timeless moral principles," to clarify the context.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should aim to define terms more clearly when they first appear. For example, elaborating on what constitutes "old-fashioned values" could provide clarity and depth to the argument. Additionally, ensuring that all terms used are contextually appropriate will further strengthen the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling throughout the essay is accurate, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "perception," "privileges," and "heroism" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of English spelling conventions. This accuracy contributes positively to the overall impression of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain and enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Engaging in regular reading and writing practice can also help reinforce correct spelling patterns. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or apps designed for language learners can provide additional support in identifying and correcting any potential errors in future essays.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of lexical resource, with effective vocabulary use and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider range of synonyms, enhancing precision in terminology, and maintaining careful proofreading practices, the writer can further improve their lexical resource in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases such as "In today’s society" and "Despite the increasing focus on materialism" effectively sets the context and contrasts ideas. Additionally, the essay employs relative clauses ("individuals with higher social status and greater wealth tend to enjoy more privileges") and conditional structures ("if they lack these core values, they are unlikely to earn true respect"), which enhance the depth of the argument. However, there are moments where the sentence structures could be more varied; for example, some sentences follow a similar pattern, which can lead to a monotonous rhythm.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and lengths. For instance, you might start some sentences with adverbial clauses (e.g., "Although social status can influence perception, true worth is determined by character") or use inversion for emphasis (e.g., "Rarely do we see genuine kindness in those who flaunt their wealth"). This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also keep the reader engaged.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of grammatical accuracy, with very few errors. Most sentences are correctly formed, and punctuation is used effectively to clarify meaning. For example, commas are appropriately placed to separate clauses and items in a list, as seen in the phrase "honor, kindness, and trust." However, there is a minor issue with punctuation in the phrase "However, while it is undeniable that social status and material wealth can bring certain advantages," where a semicolon could enhance clarity by linking two independent clauses more effectively.
- How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to the use of punctuation in complex sentences. Practicing the correct placement of semicolons and colons can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical structures that often lead to errors, such as subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency, can help maintain high accuracy throughout the essay. Regularly reading high-quality writing can also help reinforce correct usage and inspire more sophisticated grammatical choices.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates the argument, demonstrating a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. By incorporating more varied sentence structures and refining punctuation use, the essay could achieve an even higher level of sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s society, there is a growing perception that a person’s worth is increasingly judged by their social status and material possessions. The allure of wealth and social standing often seems to overshadow traditional values such as honor, kindness, and trust. However, while it is undeniable that social status and material wealth can bring certain advantages, I strongly disagree with the notion that old-fashioned values have lost their importance. These values continue to be vital in fostering respect and genuine human connection.

It is true that in many cases, individuals with higher social status and greater wealth tend to enjoy greater privileges. They often have access to better living conditions, educational opportunities, and the ability to travel extensively. For example, when shopping, those attired in expensive clothing are often treated with more courtesy and enthusiasm by salespeople. Furthermore, with the rise of social media, people are increasingly judged by the luxurious lifestyle they project online. Since many individuals do not have the chance to interact face-to-face, they often form opinions based solely on the ostentatiously displaying wealth and status they see on these platforms. This has led to a culture where flaunting wealth and a lavish lifestyle is frequently rewarded with more followers and greater online engagement.

Despite the increasing focus on materialism, old-fashioned values like honor, kindness, and trust remain deeply significant. These values are intrinsic to human dignity and function as a moral compass. On social media, for instance, there are countless stories of ordinary people performing acts of kindness or heroism, which are widely celebrated by others, regardless of a person’s wealth or power. Furthermore, no matter how wealthy or powerful a person may be, if they lack these core values, they are unlikely to earn true respect. For example, a person who dresses elegantly yet behaves poorly by littering or engaging in unethical behavior will be met with scorn rather than admiration.

In conclusion, while social status and material wealth can provide certain benefits, they should not be the sole measures of a person’s worth. Old-fashioned values such as honor, kindness, and trust are still highly relevant and crucial in contemporary society. They represent the true essence of humanity and continue to command respect and admiration far beyond the superficial allure of wealth.