A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness, and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It seems that in today's world, material possessions and social standing are used to determine a person's value rather than traits like kindness, honor, and trust. Even though these contemporary standards are quite relevant, I believe that traditional values continue to remain crucial, although in a more subtle sense

The focus on external indicators of success has increased as a result of social media and consumer culture. It is common to exhibit and celebrate wealth, luxury, and social standing, which may overshadow qualities like compassion and integrity. The widespread adoption of this materialistic viewpoint leads to a shallow perception of one's own value, since people may experience pressure to present an image of wealth or social standing in order to win others' respect or admiration

But it's necessary to acknowledge that traditional values are still present. In both personal and professional relationships, honor, kindness, and trust continue to be essential components. For instance, long-lasting friendships and successful collaborations both depend on trustworthiness. Kindness and community building are fostered by acts of kindness, demonstrating the importance of these principles for genuine human connection and social cohesiveness. Furthermore, a growing number of institutions and people support morality and integrity, exhibiting a continued regard for these ageless qualities

In summary, traditional values still serve as the foundation for relationships and personal integrity, regardless of how wealth and social standing may shape public opinion. Even if they aren't as obvious as financial wealth, they are nonetheless vital

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It seems that" -> "It appears that"
Explanation: "It appears that" is a more formal and precise alternative to "It seems that," which enhances the academic tone of the sentence.
"used to determine a person’s value" -> "used to assess a person’s worth"
Explanation: "Assess" is more specific and formal than "determine," and "worth" is a more precise term than "value" in this context, aligning better with academic language.
"quite relevant" -> "highly relevant"
Explanation: "Highly relevant" is a more precise and formal adverbial phrase than "quite," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"continue to remain crucial" -> "remain crucial"
Explanation: The phrase "continue to remain" is redundant; "remain crucial" is sufficient and maintains the formal tone.
"has increased as a result of" -> "has arisen from"
Explanation: "Has arisen from" is a more formal and precise phrase than "has increased as a result of," which is somewhat colloquial.
"It’s" -> "It is"
Explanation: In formal writing, contractions like "It’s" should be avoided in favor of the full form "It is" to maintain a professional tone.
"since people may experience pressure" -> "since individuals may face pressure"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "face" is a more precise verb than "experience" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.
"to present an image of wealth or social standing" -> "to project an image of affluence or social status"
Explanation: "Project" is more formal than "present," and "affluence" and "social status" are more precise and formal terms than "wealth" and "social standing," respectively.
"But it’s necessary" -> "However, it is necessary"
Explanation: "However" is a more formal transitional phrase than "But," and "it is" avoids the contraction "it’s" for formality.
"are still present" -> "remain present"
Explanation: "Remain" is a more formal synonym for "are still," which is slightly informal and less precise in this context.
"both depend on trustworthiness" -> "both rely on trustworthiness"
Explanation: "Rely on" is a more precise verb choice than "depend on" in this context, emphasizing the active nature of the relationship.
"Kindness and community building are fostered by acts of kindness" -> "Kindness and community building are fostered through acts of kindness"
Explanation: "Through" is more precise than "by" in this context, indicating the means by which kindness fosters community building.
"a growing number of institutions and people support morality and integrity" -> "an increasing number of institutions and individuals support moral integrity"
Explanation: "Increasing" is more formal than "growing," and "individuals" is more precise than "people" in this context, and "moral integrity" is a more formal and cohesive phrase than "morality and integrity."
"Even if they aren’t as obvious as financial wealth" -> "Even though they may not be as apparent as financial wealth"
Explanation: "Even though" is a more formal conjunction than "Even if," and "may not be as apparent" is a more precise and formal way to express uncertainty than "aren’t as obvious."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both contemporary values related to material possessions and traditional values such as kindness, honor, and trust. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "I believe that traditional values continue to remain crucial" suggests a partial agreement but lacks a clear stance on whether the author believes these values are overshadowed entirely or if they coexist with modern values. The essay fails to explicitly state a definitive position on the extent of agreement or disagreement, which is crucial for a higher band score.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly articulate their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction and reiterate this stance throughout the essay. A more explicit statement, such as "I strongly disagree that traditional values are no longer important," would provide clarity and direction.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay presents a viewpoint that traditional values are still important, the position is not consistently reinforced throughout the text. The initial assertion about the relevance of contemporary standards is somewhat overshadowed by the subsequent emphasis on traditional values, leading to a lack of clarity regarding the author’s overall stance. The conclusion reiterates the importance of traditional values but does not tie back effectively to the initial claim about the overshadowing of these values by materialism.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph explicitly connects back to the main argument. Using transitional phrases that refer back to the thesis can help maintain focus. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the argument in a way that reinforces the initial position taken.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the impact of social media and consumer culture on perceptions of worth, as well as the importance of traditional values. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the essay mentions that "long-lasting friendships and successful collaborations both depend on trustworthiness," it does not provide specific examples or evidence to illustrate this point. The argument could benefit from more detailed examples or statistics to substantiate claims.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the writer should include specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the points made. For instance, citing studies that show the impact of social media on self-esteem or providing real-life examples of how kindness has positively influenced relationships would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the contrast between materialism and traditional values. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For instance, the mention of "a growing number of institutions and people support morality and integrity" introduces a new idea that could distract from the main argument without sufficient elaboration or connection to the thesis.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the question posed in the prompt. Avoiding tangential ideas and ensuring that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument will help keep the essay on topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt but requires clearer articulation of the position, more substantial support for ideas, and tighter focus to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the value of traditional values versus material possessions. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument. For example, the second paragraph discusses the impact of social media and consumer culture on perceptions of worth, while the third paragraph counters this by emphasizing the importance of traditional values. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother; for instance, the shift from discussing materialism to traditional values could benefit from a more explicit linking sentence to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The structure is generally effective, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the first body paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the societal impact of materialism and the other discussing the consequences on individual self-worth. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant examples. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance readability and focus. This will also allow for more detailed exploration of each point, making the argument stronger.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices effectively, such as "even though," "for instance," and "furthermore," which help to connect ideas and provide examples. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the transition between discussing the pressure to present an image of wealth and the importance of traditional values could be more explicitly connected.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a broader range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "however," "consequently," and "therefore." This will not only enhance the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a higher level of linguistic proficiency. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence in the argument.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By improving the logical flow of ideas, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively utilizing terms related to the topic such as "material possessions," "social standing," "compassion," "integrity," and "morality." The writer employs varied expressions to convey their ideas, which enhances the overall quality of the essay. For example, phrases like "external indicators of success" and "shallow perception of one’s own value" showcase the ability to articulate complex thoughts clearly.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical range, the writer could incorporate more synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "kindness," they might consider alternatives like "benevolence" or "generosity." Additionally, integrating idiomatic expressions or collocations could enrich the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The vocabulary used is largely precise, with terms like "traditional values," "social media," and "consumer culture" accurately reflecting the essay’s themes. However, there are moments where the precision could be improved. For instance, the phrase "contemporary standards are quite relevant" could be interpreted ambiguously; "relevant" might not fully capture the intended meaning of being influential or dominant.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should consider the context in which certain words are used. For example, instead of "relevant," they could use "dominant" or "prevalent" to clarify the idea that these standards are not just relevant but are significantly shaping societal views. Additionally, ensuring that all terms used are the best fit for the context will strengthen the clarity of the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the spelling of key vocabulary. Words such as "honour," "integrity," and "cohesiveness" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a strong command of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While the spelling is accurate, the writer should continue to practice spelling, especially for more complex or less common words. Regular reading and writing exercises can help reinforce correct spelling. Additionally, utilizing tools like spell checkers or engaging in peer reviews can provide extra layers of assurance against potential errors in future essays.

Overall, the essay reflects a strong command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can further elevate their writing to achieve even higher scores in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Even though these contemporary standards are quite relevant, I believe that traditional values continue to remain crucial, although in a more subtle sense" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "since people may experience pressure to present an image of wealth or social standing," adds depth to the argument. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence patterns, particularly in the second and third paragraphs, which could limit the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, starting sentences with adverbial clauses (e.g., "Although traditional values are often overlooked, they remain crucial…") can create a more dynamic flow. Additionally, using rhetorical questions or exclamatory sentences could engage the reader more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For instance, the phrase "the focus on external indicators of success has increased" is correctly structured, and punctuation is mostly used effectively to separate clauses and ideas. However, there are minor issues, such as the comma splice in the sentence "I believe that traditional values continue to remain crucial, although in a more subtle sense," where a semicolon or a period could be more appropriate to separate the two independent clauses. Additionally, the phrase "honor, kindness, and trust" could benefit from consistent spelling (e.g., "honour" vs. "honor") depending on the chosen variant of English.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, review the rules for complex sentences and ensure that independent clauses are properly punctuated. Practicing with exercises focused on avoiding comma splices and run-on sentences can be beneficial. Furthermore, maintaining consistency in spelling (British vs. American English) throughout the essay will enhance clarity and professionalism.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a thoughtful argument, but focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will further elevate the writing quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

It appears that in today’s world, material possessions and social standing are often used to assess a person’s worth rather than traits like kindness, honor, and trust. Even though these contemporary standards are highly relevant, I believe that traditional values continue to remain crucial, albeit in a more subtle sense.

The focus on external indicators of success has arisen from social media and consumer culture. It is common to exhibit and celebrate wealth, luxury, and social standing, which may overshadow qualities like compassion and integrity. The widespread adoption of this materialistic viewpoint leads to a shallow perception of one’s own value, since individuals may face pressure to project an image of affluence or social status in order to win others’ respect or admiration.

However, it is necessary to acknowledge that traditional values remain present. In both personal and professional relationships, honor, kindness, and trust continue to be essential components. For instance, long-lasting friendships and successful collaborations both rely on trustworthiness. Kindness and community building are fostered through acts of kindness, demonstrating the importance of these principles for genuine human connection and social cohesiveness. Furthermore, an increasing number of institutions and individuals support moral integrity, exhibiting a continued regard for these ageless qualities.

In summary, traditional values still serve as the foundation for relationships and personal integrity, regardless of how wealth and social standing may shape public opinion. Even though they may not be as apparent as financial wealth, they are nonetheless vital.