Advantages and disadvantages of technology

On the one hand, one significant advantage of technology is that it has revolutionized the way people communicate. To be more specific, thanks to modern devices and applications, humans nowadays can connect with others more quickly and more easily than in the past. For instance, overseas students instead of booking tickets to come back to their hometown and meet relatives or friends, they can use some apps like: Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat,….which may help them keep in touch with others easily even out of the country. It seems that state of the art equipment has helped everyone to stay connected with others more conveniently.
Everything has both a good side and bad one, technology also has its own disadvantages if we don’t use it in the right way. Modern devices becoming popular is the same as causing people to become passive. In more detail, because of gadget’s abilities and benefits, everyone is gradually relying on devices in almost all situations. To illustrate, the majority of students especially who fall behind with study tend to use electronic devices: smartphones or laptops,…to look up answers when doing homework. Besides, many people say they feel virtual interactions seem better than face to face. However, it'll make them more self-conscious when speaking in public and unable to develop necessary skills like: communication skill, teamwork skill,…Clearly, if everyone doesn't know how to control themself when using technology, it can reduce inherent human abilities.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"On the one hand" -> "On the other hand"
Explanation: The phrase "On the one hand" is typically used to introduce the first point in a contrast, whereas "On the other hand" is more appropriate for introducing the second point in a contrast, which is more natural in this context.
"thanks to modern devices and applications" -> "owing to modern devices and applications"
Explanation: "Owing to" is a more formal and precise alternative to "thanks to," which is more commonly used in academic writing.
"humans nowadays" -> "people today"
Explanation: "Humans" is somewhat informal and can be replaced with "people" for a more neutral and formal tone. "Today" is also more commonly used in academic writing than "nowadays."
"overseas students instead of booking tickets" -> "overseas students instead of booking flights"
Explanation: "Flights" is a more specific and precise term than "tickets," which is more commonly used in formal contexts.
"they can use some apps like: Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat,…." -> "they can utilize applications such as Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat"
Explanation: "Utilize" is more formal than "use," and "applications" is more precise than "apps." Also, using "and" instead of "…" improves readability and formality.
"state of the art equipment" -> "state-of-the-art technology"
Explanation: "State-of-the-art technology" is the correct phrase, as "equipment" is too broad and less specific in this context.
"Everything has both a good side and bad one" -> "Everything has both advantages and disadvantages"
Explanation: "Advantages and disadvantages" is a more formal and precise way to describe the positive and negative aspects of something.
"Modern devices becoming popular is the same as causing people to become passive" -> "The increasing popularity of modern devices is tantamount to making people passive"
Explanation: "Tantamount to" is a more formal expression that implies equivalence, and "making people passive" is a clearer and more direct description than "causing people to become passive."
"because of gadget’s abilities and benefits" -> "due to the capabilities and benefits of gadgets"
Explanation: "Due to" is more formal than "because of," and "the capabilities and benefits of gadgets" is grammatically correct and more precise.
"everyone is gradually relying on devices in almost all situations" -> "people are increasingly relying on devices in most situations"
Explanation: "Increasingly" is more formal than "gradually," and "most" is a more precise quantifier than "almost all."
"the majority of students especially who fall behind with study" -> "many students, particularly those who are struggling academically"
Explanation: "Many students, particularly those who are struggling academically" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "the majority of students especially who fall behind with study."
"it’ll make them more self-conscious" -> "this may make them more self-conscious"
Explanation: "This may" is more tentative and formal than "it’ll," which is too informal for academic writing.
"unable to develop necessary skills like: communication skill, teamwork skill,…" -> "inadequate to develop essential skills such as communication and teamwork skills"
Explanation: "Inadequate to develop" is more formal and precise than "unable to develop," and "essential skills such as" is grammatically correct and more formal than "necessary skills like."
"if everyone doesn’t know how to control themself" -> "if individuals do not learn to control their use"
Explanation: "Individuals do not learn to control their use" is more formal and avoids the awkward and informal "themself."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of technology. However, it lacks depth in exploring the disadvantages. The advantages are presented clearly, but the discussion of disadvantages is somewhat superficial. For instance, while the essay mentions that technology can make people passive and affect communication skills, it does not delve into other potential drawbacks such as privacy concerns or the impact on mental health.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should include a more balanced exploration of both sides. This could involve adding more examples and elaborating on the disadvantages to ensure that they are as thoroughly examined as the advantages. Additionally, the essay should aim to meet the word count requirement to provide a fuller response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges both the positive and negative aspects of technology. However, the position could be clearer. The transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages feels abrupt, and the conclusion does not reinforce a clear stance on whether technology is ultimately beneficial or detrimental.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position throughout the essay, the writer should use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. A concluding statement that summarizes the main points and clearly states the writer’s overall opinion on technology would also enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, particularly regarding communication and reliance on technology. However, the support for these ideas is limited. For example, while the essay mentions that students rely on devices for homework, it does not provide statistics or studies to back up this claim, nor does it explore the implications of this reliance in depth.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should include more detailed examples and evidence. This could involve citing studies or statistics related to technology use and its effects, as well as providing more personal anecdotes or hypothetical scenarios that illustrate the points being made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of technology. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the impact on communication skills without clearly linking it back to technology’s role. The use of phrases like "it seems" and "many people say" can also detract from the authoritative tone of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the advantages or disadvantages of technology. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that all statements are backed by clear reasoning will also help keep the essay on topic.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim for a more balanced exploration of both advantages and disadvantages, maintain a clearer position throughout, provide more substantial support for ideas, and ensure that all content remains relevant to the prompt. Additionally, meeting the word count requirement is crucial for a better evaluation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with a balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of technology. The introduction sets the stage for the argument, and the body paragraphs are dedicated to each side of the argument. For instance, the first paragraph effectively discusses the advantages of technology in communication, while the second paragraph transitions to its disadvantages. However, the logical flow could be improved as some ideas feel slightly disjointed, particularly in the transition between examples and the main points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the main argument. Additionally, ensure that each example provided directly supports the point being made. Using linking phrases such as "In addition," or "Conversely," can help to clarify the relationship between ideas and improve the overall flow.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The first paragraph discusses the advantages, while the second addresses the disadvantages. However, within the paragraphs, the internal structure could be more refined. For example, the second paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better organized into separate sentences or even sub-paragraphs for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea followed by supporting details. Consider breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences and ensuring that each sentence logically follows the previous one. This will help maintain clarity and coherence within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "for instance," "however," and "clearly." These devices help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive at times. For example, the use of "besides" and "however" could be diversified to include other connectors that indicate contrast or addition.
- How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, consider using "on the contrary," "furthermore," or "in contrast" to add variety and depth to the connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to enhance clarity rather than distract from the main argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on the organization of ideas, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing the advantages of technology. Phrases such as "revolutionized the way people communicate" and "state of the art equipment" show an attempt to use varied language. However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in the second half of the essay where terms like "devices" and "technology" are used frequently without variation. This limits the overall lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "devices," alternatives like "gadgets," "tools," or "technological innovations" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could add depth to the writing, such as describing technology as "transformative" or "innovative."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "gadget’s abilities and benefits" could be clearer if rephrased to specify what abilities and benefits are being referenced. Additionally, the phrase "feel virtual interactions seem better than face to face" is awkward and could be more clearly articulated.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity. Instead of vague terms, they should aim to define what they mean more explicitly. For example, instead of saying "gadget’s abilities," they could specify "the convenience and accessibility offered by modern gadgets." Furthermore, restructuring sentences for clarity can enhance understanding, such as changing "feel virtual interactions seem better than face to face" to "believe that virtual interactions are more convenient than face-to-face communication."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only minor errors present. However, there are a few instances that could lead to confusion, such as "gadget’s" which should be "gadgets" in the context used. Additionally, the use of ellipses ("…") in lists is not standard and can be seen as informal.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on common spelling rules and checking for grammatical errors. Utilizing spell-check tools or apps can also be beneficial. Moreover, avoiding informal punctuation like ellipses in formal essays will contribute to a more polished presentation.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and attempts to use a variety of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating synonyms, enhancing clarity, and ensuring correct spelling and punctuation, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "thanks to modern devices and applications, humans nowadays can connect with others more quickly and more easily than in the past." However, there is a tendency to rely on similar structures, particularly in the second paragraph where many sentences begin with "because" or "to illustrate," which can lead to a monotonous rhythm. Additionally, the use of phrases like "it seems that" and "everything has both a good side and bad one" indicates some level of repetitiveness in expression.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider varying the beginnings of sentences and incorporating more transitional phrases. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "because," try using "due to," "as a result of," or "in light of." Additionally, integrating more complex structures, such as conditional sentences ("If technology is misused, it can lead to…"), would enhance the overall range. Experimenting with different ways to express similar ideas can also help maintain reader interest.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of grammatical accuracy, with most sentences being clear and understandable. However, there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, "gadget’s abilities and benefits" should be "gadgets’ abilities and benefits" to indicate plural possession. Furthermore, the phrase "to look up answers when doing homework" could be improved for clarity by specifying "while doing homework." Punctuation issues are also present, such as the incorrect use of colons and ellipses in lists (e.g., "apps like: Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat,…."). The ellipses are unnecessary and should be replaced with commas or omitted entirely.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, particularly in possessive forms and pluralization. Familiarizing oneself with punctuation rules, especially regarding lists and the use of colons, will also aid in improving clarity. Additionally, practicing writing complex sentences with correct punctuation will help solidify understanding. Using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can provide further insights into recurring mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will significantly enhance the quality and effectiveness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

On the one hand, one significant advantage of technology is that it has revolutionized the way people communicate. To be more specific, owing to modern devices and applications, people today can connect with others more quickly and easily than in the past. For instance, overseas students, instead of booking flights to come back to their hometown and meet relatives or friends, can utilize applications such as Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat, which may help them keep in touch with others easily, even when they are out of the country. It seems that state-of-the-art technology has helped everyone stay connected with others more conveniently.

Everything has both advantages and disadvantages; technology also has its own drawbacks if we don’t use it in the right way. The increasing popularity of modern devices is tantamount to making people passive. In more detail, due to the capabilities and benefits of gadgets, people are increasingly relying on devices in most situations. To illustrate, many students, particularly those who are struggling academically, tend to use electronic devices, such as smartphones or laptops, to look up answers when doing homework. Besides, many people say they feel virtual interactions seem better than face-to-face ones. However, this may make them more self-conscious when speaking in public and inadequate to develop essential skills such as communication and teamwork skills. Clearly, if individuals do not learn to control their use of technology, it can reduce inherent human abilities.