Advertisements are becoming common in everyday life. Do you think advertisements bring more advantages or disadvantages?

Nowadays, we are surrounded by advertisements, from various mean of media transports such as television, smartphone, social platform. From my perspective, the advertising benifits exceed the drawbacks. In this essay, there will be reasons for this.

On the one hand, advertisements might be benificial. Firstly, this trend can have a positive impact on informing to consumers. The reason is that messages, adverts, public television are being made to create a electronic high-way transporter to bring information to potential buyers. To illustrate this, if a person has an intention to buy a computer, information from advertisement can inform about the detail of product and the location where this computer available, therefore leaflets may helps consumers saving time. As a result, consumers can make better and faster purschasing decisions. Secondly, other benefits of the development of advertisements is that it helps goverments have a wide of choice for implenting projects. To be more specific, goverments may use advertisement as tool to transfer message so that the civillian can absor the information. For instance, encourage people rasing enviromental protection through advertising may have a significant outcome as its attractive. Hence, advertisements can be a tool for communicating used by upside goverments purpose.

However, there are some disadvantages. Advertisements can be annoying, it seems impossible to enjoy media products without interruptions. In more detail, online platform may profit from advertise about products to users by emerge while people scrolling on website. This may be frustrating and interupt the viewer’s experience.

In conclusion, while advertising has its disadvantages, the advantages outweigh the drawback.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"various mean of media transports" -> "various means of media transport"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error by changing "mean" to "means" and "media transports" to "media transport" to maintain consistency in plural form.
"smartphone, social platform" -> "smartphones and social platforms"
Explanation: Adds "and" for grammatical correctness and pluralizes "smartphone" and "social platform" to match the plural context.
"the advertising benifits" -> "the benefits of advertising"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "benefits" and rephrases to "the benefits of advertising" for clarity and grammatical correctness.
"benificial" -> "beneficial"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "beneficial."
"informing to consumers" -> "informing consumers"
Explanation: Removes the preposition "to" after "informing" to correct the grammatical structure.
"messages, adverts, public television are being made to create a electronic high-way transporter" -> "messages, advertisements, and public television are being used to create an electronic highway transporter"
Explanation: Corrects "adverts" to "advertisements" for formality, removes the unnecessary "a" before "electronic," and changes "high-way" to "highway" for correct spelling.
"leaflets may helps consumers saving time" -> "leaflets may help consumers save time"
Explanation: Corrects "helps" to "help" for subject-verb agreement and "saving" to "save" for grammatical correctness.
"purschasing" -> "purchasing"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "purchasing."
"other benefits of the development of advertisements is that it helps goverments" -> "another benefit of the development of advertising is that it assists governments"
Explanation: Changes "other" to "another" for grammatical correctness and "goverments" to "governments" for spelling correction, and "helps" to "assists" for a more formal tone.
"wide of choice" -> "wide range of choices"
Explanation: Corrects the phrase to "wide range of choices" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"implenting" -> "implementing"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "implementing."
"civillian" -> "citizens"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "citizens."
"absor the information" -> "absorb the information"
Explanation: Corrects the verb form "absor" to "absorb."
"encourage people rasing enviromental protection" -> "encourage people to raise environmental protection"
Explanation: Corrects "rasing" to "raise" and "enviromental" to "environmental" for spelling and grammatical accuracy.
"advertisements can be annoying, it seems impossible to enjoy media products without interruptions" -> "advertisements can be annoying, making it seem impossible to enjoy media products without interruptions"
Explanation: Adds "making it seem" to improve the sentence structure and clarity.
"emerge while people scrolling on website" -> "emerge while people scroll through websites"
Explanation: Corrects "scrolling" to "scroll" and "on website" to "through websites" for grammatical correctness and pluralization.
"interupt the viewer’s experience" -> "interrupt the viewer’s experience"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "interrupt."
"the advantages outweigh the drawback" -> "the advantages outweigh the disadvantages"
Explanation: Corrects "drawback" to "disadvantages" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating that advertisements bring more advantages than disadvantages, which is a clear response to the question. However, while the advantages are discussed in detail, the disadvantages are only briefly mentioned. The essay does not fully explore the negative aspects of advertisements, which could provide a more balanced view. For example, the mention of advertisements being annoying is valid but lacks depth and specific examples to illustrate the point.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should include a more comprehensive discussion of the disadvantages. This could involve providing specific examples of negative impacts, such as the potential for misleading information or the psychological effects of advertisements on consumers. A more balanced examination of both sides would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the benefits of advertisements outweigh the drawbacks. This position is stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, the clarity of the position could be undermined by the lack of depth in discussing the disadvantages, which might lead readers to question the strength of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are presented with equal weight. This can be achieved by clearly stating the disadvantages in a structured manner and linking them back to the overall argument. Additionally, reinforcing the main thesis throughout the body paragraphs would help in maintaining clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the advantages of advertisements, such as informing consumers and aiding government communication. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the explanation of how advertisements inform consumers could be expanded with more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. The supporting details for the disadvantages are minimal, which weakens the overall argument.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing more detailed examples, including statistics or studies that support the claims made about advertisements. Additionally, the writer should ensure that each idea is fully developed before moving on to the next, which will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of advertisements. However, there are moments where the argument strays slightly, particularly in the discussion of government use of advertisements, which could be more directly tied back to the main question. The phrase "upside governments purpose" is unclear and detracts from the overall focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of advantages versus disadvantages of advertisements. Clarifying ambiguous phrases and ensuring that all examples are relevant to the topic will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, a clear structure with topic sentences for each paragraph can guide the reader and reinforce the main argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, there is room for improvement in depth, clarity, and coherence. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance that the advantages of advertisements outweigh the disadvantages, which is a strong foundation for logical organization. However, the flow of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of advertisements to the disadvantages is somewhat abrupt. The first paragraph introduces the topic well, but the second paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly connect back to the thesis statement. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "However" indicates an attempt to structure the argument, but the lack of clear connections between points can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs and within paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits, a transitional sentence summarizing the points before introducing the disadvantages could help. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that reflects the main idea of that section, reinforcing how it relates to the overall argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more developed. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits, but it contains several ideas that could be better organized into separate paragraphs. For example, the discussion about informing consumers and the role of government advertisements could each be distinct paragraphs, allowing for deeper exploration of each point.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, aim for one main idea per paragraph. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. This will not only enhance clarity but also provide a more structured argument. For instance, the second body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on consumer benefits and the other on governmental uses of advertisements.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "However," which help in guiding the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some transitions are not used effectively. For instance, phrases like "this trend can have a positive impact" could be more clearly linked to the previous sentence to improve cohesion. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "a electronic high-way transporter," which detracts from clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "In addition," "Conversely," and "On the contrary." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used in a contextually appropriate manner to enhance clarity. Reviewing sentence structures for clarity and coherence will also help; for example, rephrasing complex sentences can improve readability.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument. However, by focusing on improving logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic of advertisements. Phrases such as "positive impact," "informing consumers," and "communicating used by upside governments purpose" show an effort to incorporate relevant terms. However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetition (e.g., "advertisements" is used frequently without synonyms).
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "advertisements," alternatives such as "ads," "commercials," or "promotional content" could be employed. Additionally, using more varied adjectives and adverbs (e.g., "beneficial," "informative," "intrusive") would enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "electronic high-way transporter" is unclear and does not accurately convey the intended meaning. Similarly, "goverments may use advertisement as tool to transfer message" lacks clarity and precision, as it should read "as a tool to transfer messages."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. It would be beneficial to revise vague phrases and ensure that terms are used in their correct context. For instance, instead of "high-way transporter," a more precise term could be "digital platform" or "media channel." Additionally, reviewing the essay for grammatical accuracy can help clarify meaning.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "benifits" (benefits), "benificial" (beneficial), "goverments" (governments), "implenting" (implementing), "civillian" (civilian), "absor" (absorb), "rasing" (raising), "enviromental" (environmental), "interupt" (interrupt), and "purschasing" (purchasing). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools that focus on commonly misspelled words. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check software can help catch errors before submission. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use relevant vocabulary, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that could enhance the argument. For example, phrases like "this trend can have a positive impact on informing to consumers" and "advertisements can be annoying" are straightforward but do not showcase varied grammatical forms. The use of complex sentences is minimal, which restricts the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences that combine independent and dependent clauses. For instance, instead of saying "advertisements might be beneficial," the writer could say, "While advertisements might be beneficial in informing consumers, they can also lead to information overload." Additionally, using a variety of sentence beginnings and structures, such as starting with adverbial phrases or using relative clauses, can enhance the essay’s complexity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "mean of media transports" should be "means of media transport," and "benifits" is a misspelling of "benefits." The phrase "informing to consumers" is awkward; it should simply be "informing consumers." Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect conjunction usage, lead to run-on sentences, as seen in "advertisements can be annoying, it seems impossible to enjoy media products without interruptions."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and spelling mistakes. Engaging in grammar exercises that target specific areas of difficulty, such as verb tenses and sentence structure, can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will help clarify the writing. Reading more academic texts can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation in context.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, enhancing grammatical range and accuracy through varied sentence structures and careful proofreading will significantly improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, we are surrounded by advertisements, from various means of media transport such as television, smartphones, and social platforms. From my perspective, the benefits of advertising exceed the drawbacks. In this essay, I will outline the reasons for this.

On the one hand, advertisements can be beneficial. Firstly, this trend can have a positive impact on informing consumers. The reason is that messages, advertisements, and public television are being used to create an electronic highway to bring information to potential buyers. To illustrate this, if a person intends to buy a computer, information from advertisements can provide details about the product and the location where this computer is available; therefore, leaflets may help consumers save time. As a result, consumers can make better and faster purchasing decisions. Secondly, another benefit of the development of advertising is that it assists governments in having a wide range of choices for implementing projects. To be more specific, governments may use advertisements as a tool to transfer messages so that citizens can absorb the information. For instance, encouraging people to raise awareness about environmental protection through advertising may have a significant impact as it is attractive. Hence, advertisements can serve as a tool for communication used by governments for beneficial purposes.

However, there are some disadvantages. Advertisements can be annoying, making it seem impossible to enjoy media products without interruptions. In more detail, online platforms may profit from advertisements about products that emerge while people scroll through websites. This can be frustrating and interrupt the viewer’s experience.

In conclusion, while advertising has its disadvantages, I believe that the advantages outweigh the drawbacks.