Advertisements are becoming common in everyday life. Do you think advertisements bring more advantages or disavantages?

It is undeniable that advertisements play a paramount role in the society. It is true that nowadays, we are surrounded by advertisements from billboards, television commercials, to sponsored posts on the social media. From my perspective, while advertising may be beneficial, its drawbacks is significantly huger.
On the one hand, advertisements bring a great deal of benefits. When it comes to the popularity, they make consumers more well-informed. Due to the fact that promotional videos, commercials, and adverts are invented to inform prospective customers about the products, services, its features, and its advantages. For instance, if a person need to purchase a new smartphone, they easily compare different brands and models based on information in advertisements. Besides, in the past, there were not any tools which help customers to get access to products. Therefore, they had little knowledge to make a better buying decision than now. As a result, these promotional campaigns allow toincrease sales and revenue for businesses and boost the local economic growth. Moreover, advertising build consumer's loyalty and brand awareness thanks to the ability to establish a strong emotional bond between products and consumers. The reason is that it can deliver inspired messages to a number of people.
Moving on to the next point is the major reasons why advertisements have detrimental impacts on customers. Firstly, advertising techniques and gimmicks force people to make impulsive purchasing choices. In the light of the face that numerous advertisements are incredibly compelling and hold a great attraction that it can make people feel like they need to buy something immediately. According to my observation, a plethora of companies employ various tactics, such as: celebrity endorsements and hefty discounts to create demands of products, and their fans are blindly ready to purchase products that they are not necessary for them because of their favorite of their celebrities or idols. Consequently, people tend to overspend their budget, regret their originally buying decision and buy the products that they do not really expect. This leads to a huge loss and waste of money.
Secondly, advertisements can be irritating and annoying. The reason is that in the daily life, it is difficult to watch a video on the internet without interruption. People have to sit though multiple ads before the content they actually want to see starts. For instance, people must afford other fees to listen to music on Spotify without ads. This is one of the most crucial revenues of appliances on smartphones nowadays. As a result, It is easy to distract from appealing ads, instead of concentrating their tasks. These makes people frustrating and distracted, and interrupt user's experience.
In conclusion, although advertisements come with a number of beneficial things, I would argue that the disadvantages of this matter outweigh its advantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is undeniable that advertisements play a paramount role in the society." -> "It is undeniable that advertisements play a paramount role in society."
Explanation: Removing "the" before "society" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with formal writing standards by avoiding unnecessary articles when referring to abstract concepts like society.
"its drawbacks is significantly huger" -> "its drawbacks are significantly greater"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error by changing "is" to "are" to agree with the plural form "drawbacks," and replaces "huger" with "greater" for correct comparative adverb usage.
"make consumers more well-informed" -> "make consumers more informed"
Explanation: Removes the redundant adverb "well-" from "well-informed," as "informed" already conveys the intended meaning.
"promotional videos, commercials, and adverts" -> "promotional videos, commercials, and advertisements"
Explanation: Standardizes the terminology to "advertisements" for consistency and formality.
"if a person need to purchase" -> "if a person needs to purchase"
Explanation: Corrects the verb tense from "need" to "needs" to match the singular subject "person."
"allow toincrease" -> "allow to increase"
Explanation: Corrects the typo "toincrease" to "to increase" for grammatical accuracy.
"build consumer’s loyalty" -> "build consumer loyalty"
Explanation: Removes the possessive form "consumer’s" to correct the grammatical structure, as "loyalty" is a general term applicable to all consumers.
"deliver inspired messages to a number of people" -> "deliver inspiring messages to many people"
Explanation: Replaces "a number of" with "many" for a more natural and precise expression, and corrects "inspired" to "inspiring" for grammatical accuracy.
"Moving on to the next point is the major reasons" -> "Moving on to the next point, the major reasons"
Explanation: Corrects the punctuation to properly separate the introductory phrase from the list that follows.
"advertising techniques and gimmicks force people to make impulsive purchasing choices" -> "advertising techniques and gimmicks often force people to make impulsive purchasing decisions"
Explanation: Adds "often" for a more precise adverbial modifier and "decisions" for grammatical correctness.
"In the light of the face that" -> "Given that"
Explanation: Replaces the awkward and incorrect "In the light of the face that" with the more formal and correct "Given that."
"a plethora of companies employ various tactics" -> "many companies employ various tactics"
Explanation: Simplifies "a plethora of" to "many" for a more straightforward and formal tone.
"blindly ready to purchase products" -> "eager to purchase products"
Explanation: Replaces "blindly ready" with "eager" to correct the misuse of "blindly" and enhance the formal tone.
"buy the products that they do not really expect" -> "purchase products they do not truly need"
Explanation: Replaces "buy" with "purchase" for formality and corrects "expect" to "need" for a more accurate description of the situation.
"It is easy to distract from appealing ads" -> "It is easy to be distracted by appealing ads"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical structure to "be distracted by" for proper usage.
"These makes people frustrating and distracted" -> "This distracts people and frustrates them"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and rephrases for clarity and formality.
"interrupt user’s experience" -> "interrupt their experience"
Explanation: Removes the possessive "user’s" for grammatical correctness and clarity.

These changes enhance the academic tone and precision of the essay, aligning it with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the prompt by discussing advantages and disadvantages of advertisements. It acknowledges benefits such as consumer awareness and economic growth, while also highlighting drawbacks like impulsive buying and annoyance.
- How to improve: To enhance, ensure a more balanced exploration of advantages and disadvantages. For instance, expanding on how advertisements also contribute to cultural and societal trends or exploring specific examples where advertisements have had significant positive impacts would enrich the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position that advertisements have more disadvantages is clear throughout the essay. Each paragraph consistently reinforces this viewpoint, supported by examples like impulsive purchasing and irritation caused by ads.
- How to improve: Maintain clarity by avoiding ambiguous statements or overly general assertions. Provide stronger linkage between examples and the overall argument to strengthen the coherence of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented with some development, such as detailing how advertisements inform consumers and create emotional connections. Examples like celebrity endorsements and consumer loyalty are provided but could benefit from deeper analysis or statistical evidence.
- How to improve: Strengthen by providing specific data or studies that illustrate the economic impacts or psychological effects mentioned. Elaborate more on each point to fully explore the implications of both advantages and disadvantages.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the impacts of advertisements on society, consumer behavior, and economic aspects. However, there are minor digressions, such as mentioning Spotify fees, that are not directly related to the core arguments.
- How to improve: Focus more closely on the prompt by avoiding tangential details. Ensure that every point directly contributes to the discussion of whether advertisements bring more advantages or disadvantages.

In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt with a clear position and supports it with relevant examples, there is room for improvement in providing a more balanced exploration of both sides, ensuring clarity and coherence throughout, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic. Strengthening these areas would elevate the essay’s coherence and depth, potentially leading to a higher band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally clear organization with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion sections. The introduction introduces the topic and the author’s perspective clearly, setting up the essay effectively. The body paragraphs follow a structured approach, discussing advantages and disadvantages separately, which aids readability and comprehension.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its respective point (advantages or disadvantages). Avoid repetition and ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to improve coherence further. For instance, linking phrases like "On the one hand" and "Moving on to the next point" are helpful but could be more varied for better cohesion.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Each paragraph focuses on either the benefits or drawbacks of advertisements, which helps in clarity and organization.
- How to improve: Consider varying the lengths of paragraphs to prevent monotony. For instance, the second body paragraph is quite lengthy compared to others, which might affect readability. Aim for a balance in paragraph length while maintaining a clear structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition phrases ("Moving on to the next point", "In conclusion") and pronouns ("these", "its") to connect ideas within and between sentences.
- How to improve: Increase the variety and frequency of cohesive devices to strengthen coherence. Incorporate more advanced cohesive devices such as synonyms, parallel structures, and linking words (e.g., "moreover", "therefore") to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help to guide the reader through the argument more clearly.

Overall, while the essay effectively organizes its content into coherent sections and maintains a clear focus on the prompt, enhancing the variety and precision of cohesive devices and refining paragraph structure would elevate the coherence and cohesion score to a higher band.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, including terms like "paramount role," "promotional campaigns," "impulsive purchasing choices," and "detrimental impacts." These terms are appropriate and contribute to a clear expression of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource further, consider incorporating more nuanced vocabulary to express ideas with greater precision and sophistication. For instance, instead of "huge loss," use "significant financial setback," or replace "forced" with "compelled." This would elevate the lexical sophistication of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with adequate precision. For example, "impulsive purchasing choices" effectively conveys the idea of spontaneous buying decisions driven by advertisements.
- How to improve: To improve precision, aim to avoid repetitive use of certain words or phrases. For instance, instead of "advertising" throughout, vary with "marketing strategies" or "promotional techniques" where contextually appropriate.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling is generally accurate, but there are some errors such as "disavantages" (should be "disadvantages") and "appliances" (should be "applications" or "services").
- How to improve: Proofreading carefully before submitting can help catch these minor errors. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools can be beneficial to ensure accuracy in spelling.

Overall, the essay effectively utilizes vocabulary to convey ideas, but improvement can be made by refining precision and ensuring consistent accuracy in spelling. By incorporating these suggestions, the essay can potentially achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency towards basic structures, such as simple sentences, which are used repetitively throughout the essay ("It is true that…", "Moreover, advertising…", "In conclusion…"). The variety of structures could be improved by incorporating more complex sentences, using subordinate clauses, and varying sentence lengths to enhance readability and coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, aim to integrate more complex sentence types like compound sentences (using coordinating conjunctions like ‘and’, ‘but’, ‘or’), complex sentences (with subordinating conjunctions like ‘while’, ‘because’, ‘although’), and compound-complex sentences (combining elements of both). This will elevate the sophistication of your writing and provide a smoother flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy but exhibits some errors in subject-verb agreement ("advertisements play a paramount role", "its drawbacks is significantly huger"), verb tense consistency ("advertising build consumer’s loyalty"), and article usage ("a number of people", "an impulsive purchasing choices"). Punctuation is often misused or missing in complex sentences, affecting clarity ("…they make consumers more well-informed. Due to the fact that promotional videos…"). These errors occasionally hinder comprehension and distract from the main arguments.
- How to improve: Focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and article usage. Practice constructing sentences with correct punctuation, ensuring commas are used correctly to separate clauses and ideas. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors in complex sentences, aiming for clarity and coherence in your writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a competent level of grammatical accuracy and uses a range of structures, enhancing sentence variety and improving grammatical precision and punctuation consistency will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is undeniable that advertisements play a paramount role in society. It is true that nowadays, we are surrounded by advertisements from billboards, television commercials, to sponsored posts on social media. From my perspective, while advertising may be beneficial, its drawbacks are significantly greater.

On the one hand, advertisements bring a great deal of benefits. They make consumers more informed about products and services, their features, and advantages. For instance, if a person needs to purchase a new smartphone, they can easily compare different brands and models based on information in advertisements. In the past, there were fewer tools to help customers access products, resulting in less informed buying decisions. Consequently, these promotional campaigns help increase sales and revenue for businesses and boost local economic growth. Moreover, advertising builds consumer loyalty and brand awareness by delivering inspiring messages to many people.

Moving on to the next point, the major reasons why advertisements have detrimental impacts on customers. Firstly, advertising techniques and gimmicks often force people to make impulsive purchasing decisions. Many companies employ various tactics such as celebrity endorsements and hefty discounts to create demand for products, leading their fans to purchase products they do not truly need. Consequently, people overspend their budgets, regret their initial buying decisions, and waste money.

Secondly, advertisements can be irritating and annoying in daily life. It is difficult to watch a video on the internet without interruption by multiple ads. For example, people often have to pay additional fees to use ad-free music streaming services. This distraction frustrates people and interrupts their experience.

In conclusion, although advertisements come with a number of benefits, I would argue that the disadvantages of this matter outweigh its advantages.