Advertising discourages people from being different individuals by making us want to be and look the same. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The notion of advertisements steering individuals from being different by encouranging people to look identical is holding belief. However, I do not agree with this viewpoint due to the misconception about the chief purpose of advertising and many renowned brands have launched campaigns to promote individuality.
One essential point to discuss about is the misunderstanding of the purpose of advertisements. A majority of users frequently lack clarity about the message conveyed and persuasive techniques used in adverts, which could lead to the common misconception that they ought to dress and consume the same products. Contrary to their belief, advertisers target at customers with the same interest and promote suitable products to them without forcing to look identical. Hence, the allure of being the same with other individuals derives from common users' misunderstanding which contradicts with the actual aim of advertising.
Another reason to address is that many advertisers have launched campaigns to encourage customers to be different and unique. Having realised the utmost importance of individuality and ego in this modern era, many brands took them into account and decided to prompt users to act differently and avoid assimilation and intimidation from other individuals. To illustrate this point, Faris & Kane, a globally renowned fashion brand, has started the challenge "UniqueSelf", in which any person can partake in by posting their favorite outfits on social media and sharing customed outfits with other participants. This has received massive favourable praise and compliments from fashion experts and worldwide users, let alone having been a pioneer for elevating individuality.
In conclusion, I posit that advertising does not prompt people to look the same. The facts that this belief is misintepreted widely and several campaigns have been operated to promote individuality are two key factors challenging this statement.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The notion of advertisements steering individuals from being different by encouranging people to look identical" -> "The notion that advertisements discourage individuals from being different by encouraging uniformity"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"holding belief" -> "widely believed"
Explanation: "Holding belief" is an awkward and less common expression. "Widely believed" is more precise and commonly used in academic discourse.
"I do not agree with this viewpoint" -> "I disagree with this perspective"
Explanation: "Disagree" is a more direct and formal alternative to "do not agree," and "perspective" is a more academic term than "viewpoint."
"One essential point to discuss about is" -> "One crucial point to discuss is"
Explanation: "To discuss about" is grammatically incorrect. "To discuss" is the correct preposition, and "crucial" is a more formal synonym for "essential."
"A majority of users frequently lack clarity" -> "Many users often lack clarity"
Explanation: "A majority of users" is redundant with "many users," and "frequently" is less formal than "often," which is suitable for academic writing.
"target at customers" -> "target customers"
Explanation: "Target at" is an incorrect prepositional phrase. "Target" is sufficient and correct in this context.
"forcing to look identical" -> "forcing them to conform to a uniform appearance"
Explanation: "Forcing to look identical" is awkward and unclear. The revised phrase is more precise and formal, specifying the action and its effect.
"allure of being the same with other individuals" -> "allure of conformity with others"
Explanation: "Being the same with other individuals" is verbose and awkward. "Conformity with others" is concise and maintains the intended meaning.
"Having realised the utmost importance" -> "Recognizing the paramount importance"
Explanation: "Having realised" is less formal and slightly awkward. "Recognizing" is more direct and formal, and "paramount" is a more precise adjective than "utmost" in this context.
"prompt users to act differently and avoid assimilation and intimidation from other individuals" -> "encourage users to adopt distinct styles and resist assimilation and intimidation from others"
Explanation: "Prompt" is less formal than "encourage," and "act differently" is vague. "Adopt distinct styles" is more specific and formal, and "resist" is a stronger, more academic term than "avoid."
"customed outfits" -> "customized outfits"
Explanation: "Customed" is not a word; "customized" is the correct term.
"massive favourable praise" -> "widespread acclaim"
Explanation: "Massive favourable praise" is informal and awkward. "Widespread acclaim" is more formal and precise.
"has started the challenge" -> "has initiated the challenge"
Explanation: "Started" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "Initiated" is more formal and suitable for the context.
"partake in by posting" -> "participate by posting"
Explanation: "Partake in" is less common and slightly informal. "Participate" is the standard term in formal writing.
"favourable praise" -> "favorable praise"
Explanation: "Favourable" is the British English spelling, whereas "favorable" is the American English spelling, which is more commonly used in academic texts that aim for global readability.
"challenging this statement" -> "contradicting this assertion"
Explanation: "Challenging" is somewhat informal and vague. "Contradicting" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic tone better.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the statement that advertising discourages individuality. The writer discusses misconceptions about advertising and provides examples of campaigns that promote uniqueness. However, the response could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which would strengthen the argument by showing a deeper engagement with the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer could include a brief discussion of the arguments for the opposing view, acknowledging that some advertisements may indeed promote conformity. This would demonstrate a more balanced analysis and provide a stronger foundation for the writer’s position.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the idea that advertising promotes uniformity. The writer consistently supports this stance throughout the essay, using relevant examples to back up their claims. However, the introduction could be clearer in stating the position upfront, as the phrase "is holding belief" is somewhat vague.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should refine the introduction to explicitly state their disagreement with the prompt. A more direct thesis statement would enhance the overall coherence of the essay and guide the reader more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas logically, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. The use of an example from a well-known brand effectively supports the argument for individuality. Nevertheless, the development of ideas could be more thorough; some points, such as the misunderstanding of advertising’s purpose, could benefit from additional elaboration or examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should consider providing more detailed examples or statistics that illustrate the impact of advertising on individuality. Additionally, expanding on the implications of the "UniqueSelf" campaign could provide a more robust argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the prompt directly and avoiding irrelevant tangents. The points made are relevant to the discussion of advertising and individuality. However, there are minor instances of vague phrasing, such as "the allure of being the same," which could be clarified to maintain focus.
- How to improve: To ensure maximum relevance, the writer should strive for precision in language and avoid ambiguous terms. Clearer definitions of key concepts, such as "allure," would help maintain focus and enhance the reader’s understanding of the argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer can further elevate the quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that advertising discourages individuality. The introduction effectively sets up the thesis, and the body paragraphs provide distinct points supporting the argument. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the misunderstanding of advertising’s purpose, while the second emphasizes campaigns promoting individuality. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for instance, the connection between the misunderstanding of advertising and the campaigns promoting individuality could be more explicitly stated to enhance logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "Furthermore" or "In addition" can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of the argument, which aids in understanding. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from a more defined structure, as it introduces multiple ideas without fully developing each one before moving on to the next.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. For instance, in the first body paragraph, consider breaking down the explanation of the misunderstanding into two distinct points: one focusing on the lack of clarity in advertising and the other on the misconception of uniformity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "another reason," and "to illustrate this point," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the transition from discussing the misunderstanding of advertising to the campaigns promoting individuality could be more fluid.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "on the other hand" to contrast ideas or "for instance" to introduce examples. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help in maintaining coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "misunderstanding," "persuasive techniques," and "individuality." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "look identical" and "being the same," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language. Additionally, the use of "chief purpose" and "utmost importance" is somewhat formal but lacks the variety that could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "identical," alternatives such as "uniform," "homogeneous," or "similar" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enhance the overall expression. For instance, instead of "massive favourable praise," consider "overwhelmingly positive feedback."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "holding belief," which is awkward and unclear. The phrase "target at customers" should be "target customers," and "prompt users to act differently" could be more effectively expressed as "encourage users to embrace their uniqueness." These inaccuracies can lead to confusion and detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This involves revisiting phrases that sound awkward or are grammatically incorrect. For example, instead of "the allure of being the same with other individuals," a clearer expression would be "the appeal of conformity among individuals." Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and seeking feedback on word choice can also help improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "encouranging" (should be "encouraging"), "misintepreted" (should be "misinterpreted"), and "customed" (should be "custom"). These errors not only affect the professionalism of the writing but can also lead to misunderstandings of the text.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a systematic approach to proofreading. This could include reading the essay aloud to catch errors, using spell-check tools, and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or apps can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "Having realised the utmost importance of individuality and ego in this modern era" showcases an attempt at a more sophisticated structure. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more advanced structures, such as inversion or varied clause placements, which could enhance the overall complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Another reason to address is," the writer could use transitions like "Furthermore," or "In addition," to create a smoother flow. Additionally, experimenting with different types of sentences, such as using conditional clauses (e.g., "If advertisers focused solely on conformity, they would…") could also enhance the range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy; however, there are several noticeable errors. For example, "encouranging" should be "encouraging," and "misintepreted" should be "misinterpreted." There are also issues with punctuation, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences or confusion. For instance, in the sentence "which could lead to the common misconception that they ought to dress and consume the same products," a comma before "which" would clarify the sentence structure.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay to catch spelling errors and ensure that all words are correctly spelled. Additionally, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences and ensuring that clauses are properly separated can enhance clarity. A useful strategy would be to read the essay aloud to identify any awkward phrasing or grammatical mistakes that might be overlooked during silent reading.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on enhancing the variety of sentence structures and ensuring grammatical accuracy will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

The notion that advertisements discourage individuals from being different by encouraging uniformity is widely believed. However, I disagree with this perspective due to a misunderstanding of the primary purpose of advertising, as well as the fact that many renowned brands have launched campaigns to promote individuality.

One crucial point to discuss is the misconception surrounding the purpose of advertisements. Many users often lack clarity about the messages conveyed and the persuasive techniques employed in adverts, which can lead to the common belief that they should dress and consume the same products as others. Contrary to this belief, advertisers target customers with similar interests and promote suitable products to them without forcing them to conform to a uniform appearance. Hence, the allure of conformity with others stems from a misunderstanding among consumers, which contradicts the actual aim of advertising.

Another reason to consider is that many advertisers have initiated campaigns to encourage customers to embrace their uniqueness. Recognizing the paramount importance of individuality in this modern era, numerous brands have taken this into account and decided to inspire users to act differently and resist assimilation and intimidation from others. For instance, Faris & Kane, a globally renowned fashion brand, has launched the challenge “UniqueSelf,” where individuals can participate by posting their favorite outfits on social media and sharing customized looks with other participants. This initiative has received widespread acclaim and favorable praise from fashion experts and users worldwide, not to mention its role as a pioneer in elevating individuality.

In conclusion, I assert that advertising does not compel people to look the same. The facts that this belief is widely misinterpreted and that several campaigns have been launched to promote individuality are two key factors that challenge this assertion.