Advertising discourages people from being different individuals by making us want to be and to look the same. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Advertising discourages people from being different individuals by making us want to be and to look the same.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some argue that advertising discourages people from being different individuals by promoting conformity and influencing our desire to be and look the same. While there is some validity to this viewpoint, I believe that advertising can also celebrate individuality and diversity.

On one hand, it is true that advertising often promotes certain standards of beauty, fashion, and lifestyle that can create a sense of conformity. Advertisements frequently feature models or celebrities who embody an idealized image of beauty, leading individuals to aspire to look like them. For instance, beauty advertisements often emphasize flawless skin, slim figures, and symmetrical features, which can create unrealistic expectations and pressure individuals to conform to these narrow standards. Similarly, fashion advertisements showcase trends and styles that may encourage people to follow the crowd rather than express their unique fashion sense.

However, it is important to note that advertising can also celebrate individuality and diversity. Many brands have recognized the importance of inclusivity and have started featuring diverse models of different races, body types, and abilities in their advertisements. These campaigns promote the idea that everyone is beautiful and encourage individuals to embrace their unique qualities. For example, the "Dove for Real Beauty" campaign challenged traditional beauty standards and celebrated the beauty of women of all shapes, sizes, and ages.(Ex) Such initiatives empower individuals to be confident in their own skin and embrace their individuality.

Moreover, advertising can also provide a platform for niche products and services that cater to specific interests and preferences. Through targeted advertising, individuals can discover products and brands that align with their unique tastes and values. For instance, advertisements for eco-friendly or cruelty-free products appeal to individuals who prioritize sustainability and ethical consumption. By catering to diverse needs and preferences, advertising can actually encourage people to embrace their individuality rather than conforming to societal norms.

In conclusion, while it is true that advertising can sometimes promote conformity and discourage individuality, it is not the sole purpose or effect of advertising. By featuring diverse models and promoting niche products, advertising can encourage people to express their individuality and make choices that align with their personal values and preferences.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some argue that" -> "There is contention regarding the notion that"
Explanation: Replacing "Some argue that" with "There is contention regarding the notion that" adds a more formal tone and avoids the use of the informal term "some."
"I believe that" -> "I contend that"
Explanation: Replacing "I believe that" with "I contend that" introduces a more assertive and formal expression of the author’s opinion.
"On one hand" -> "One perspective posits"
Explanation: Substituting "On one hand" with "One perspective posits" enhances the formality and academic style of presenting contrasting viewpoints.
"it is true that" -> "it holds merit that"
Explanation: Replacing "it is true that" with "it holds merit that" elevates the language and conveys a sense of validity in a more formal manner.
"create a sense of conformity" -> "instill a sense of conformity"
Explanation: Changing "create" to "instill" provides a more sophisticated and formal choice of words, aligning with academic language.
"leading individuals to aspire to look like them" -> "prompting individuals to aspire to emulate their appearance"
Explanation: Substituting "leading" with "prompting" and "look like them" with "emulate their appearance" enhances the precision and formality of the statement.
"embrace their unique qualities" -> "embrace their distinctive attributes"
Explanation: Replacing "unique qualities" with "distinctive attributes" maintains the meaning while introducing a more formal and refined vocabulary.
"provide a platform for niche products" -> "serve as a platform for specialized products"
Explanation: Substituting "provide" with "serve as" and "niche" with "specialized" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.
"discover products and brands" -> "explore products and brands"
Explanation: Changing "discover" to "explore" maintains the meaning while offering a more formal alternative in academic writing.
"encourage people to embrace their individuality" -> "promote the embracement of individuality"
Explanation: Substituting "encourage people to embrace" with "promote the embracement of" introduces a more formal and nuanced expression of the idea.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Quoted text: "While there is some validity to this viewpoint, I believe that advertising can also celebrate individuality and diversity."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your introduction effectively presents your stance on the topic. However, it would be beneficial to provide a brief roadmap of the main ideas you will discuss in the essay. This will enhance the clarity of your essay’s structure, aiding readers in following your argument.
- Improved example: "While acknowledging some validity in the argument that advertising promotes conformity, I firmly believe that it also plays a crucial role in celebrating individuality and diversity. In the subsequent paragraphs, I will delve into both perspectives to present a comprehensive view."
Quoted text: "For instance, beauty advertisements often emphasize flawless skin, slim figures, and symmetrical features, which can create unrealistic expectations and pressure individuals to conform to these narrow standards."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your argument here is well-articulated, highlighting how beauty advertisements can contribute to societal pressures. To strengthen this point, consider providing a specific example or personal anecdote related to this issue. Sharing a real-life scenario will make your argument more relatable and convincing.
- Improved example: "For instance, beauty advertisements frequently showcase models with flawless skin, slim figures, and symmetrical features, fostering unrealistic beauty standards. I vividly recall a friend who felt immense pressure to conform to these ideals, illustrating the real impact of such advertising on individuals."
Quoted text: "Such initiatives empower individuals to be confident in their own skin and embrace their individuality."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This statement is impactful, but it could be strengthened by providing a concrete example or personal experience related to a specific advertising campaign. This would add depth to your argument and make it more persuasive.
- Improved example: "The ‘Dove for Real Beauty’ campaign, for example, empowered individuals to be confident in their own skin by featuring diverse women. I personally know someone who, inspired by this campaign, embraced her unique qualities and became a vocal advocate for self-acceptance."

Overall, your essay effectively addresses the task and presents a clear position on the topic. Enhancing the introduction with a brief overview of main points and incorporating specific examples or personal anecdotes throughout would elevate the depth of your argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with clear progression throughout. Cohesive devices are used appropriately, although there is some minor overuse in certain instances. The essay effectively presents a clear central topic within each paragraph. Paragraphing is generally logical, though there is room for improvement in a few instances.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider refining the use of cohesive devices to avoid occasional overuse. Ensure that referencing and substitution are consistently clear and appropriate. Additionally, strive for further improvement in paragraphing logic, maintaining a consistent flow between ideas to strengthen overall cohesion. Overall, maintaining the current level of organization while fine-tuning these aspects will contribute to a more polished essay in terms of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, employing words effectively to present ideas clearly. It incorporates less common lexical items, showcasing an awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice and spelling, but they don’t significantly impede comprehension.

The essay effectively uses vocabulary related to advertising, conformity, individuality, beauty standards, and inclusivity. It employs phrases such as "idealized image of beauty," "narrow standards," "embrace their unique qualities," and "cater to specific interests and preferences" to convey nuanced meanings. The candidate demonstrates an understanding of diverse lexical items relevant to the topic, although there are minor inaccuracies in word choice and occasional spelling errors.

How to Improve: To enhance the lexical resource further, focus on refining word choice and ensuring precision. Review and revise to eliminate occasional errors in spelling and word choice, aiming for a more consistent and accurate usage of less common vocabulary items. Practicing collocations and varied expressions related to the topic can also elevate the lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a wide range of grammatical structures with a high level of flexibility and accuracy. The majority of sentences are error-free, and any errors that do occur are rare and can be considered minor ‘slips.’ The writer effectively employs complex sentence structures to convey nuanced ideas and arguments. The control of grammar and punctuation is strong throughout the essay.

How to improve: To elevate the essay to a Band 9, ensure that the rare errors are entirely eliminated. While the essay maintains a sophisticated use of language, consistently applying complex structures without any lapses would contribute to achieving the highest band score. Additionally, continue to focus on precision in vocabulary and maintaining a cohesive flow between ideas to enhance overall coherence.

Note: The essay has been scored an 8.0 as it meets the Band 8 criteria but does not fully meet the Band 9 standards due to the presence of rare minor errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

However, it is important to note that advertising can also celebrate individuality and diversity. Many brands have recognized the importance of inclusivity and have started featuring diverse models of different races, body types, and abilities in their advertisements. These campaigns promote the idea that everyone is beautiful and encourage individuals to embrace their unique qualities. For example, the “Dove for Real Beauty” campaign challenged traditional beauty standards and celebrated the beauty of women of all shapes, sizes, and ages. Such initiatives empower individuals to be confident in their own skin and embrace their individuality.