Advertising influence people to buy things such as clothes and shoes. What are the problems caused by that? What solution should be given?

Advertising influence people to buy things such as clothes and shoes.

What are the problems caused by that? What solution should be given?

In our contemporary era, thanks to various technological innovations, our lives have been significantly changed more than ever before. This affects all aspects of society, including the way we buy things through advertisements. In this essay, I will first indicate the reasons why this is a harsh phenomenon and also offer the optimum solution to treat with that.
It is obvious that the popularity of product advertising in the retail market has made it easier for people to access a wide range of products today. While product advertising significantly contributes to economic growth, it also poses a potential issue by encouraging impulsive buying behavior without careful consideration of price resulting in the inadequate of money for another purpose like self-improvement, paying for school-fee,.. For instance, many adults, particularly metropolitan residents, are increasingly accumulating debt due to this spending habit. If this trend continues unchecked, bankruptcy rates will soar.
In term of solutions to treat with problem, government must have poses some policies to minimize the negative affect of advertiserment which is a primary reason leading to this dilemma. Furthermore, individuals must adjust appropriately their buying habits and consider affordability. For example, if they have a tight budget, spending on extravagant products is unnecessary. Instead, purchasing essential items should be prioritized.
In summary, we can oviously observe that advartising considrably attribute to the ways how individuals shopping. As aformentioned statement, buying without any judgement of cost is an potential issue that we face currently therefore the change in attitudes towards shopping routine of each person is crucial.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In our contemporary era" -> "In the contemporary era"
Explanation: Removing "our" simplifies the phrase and aligns better with formal academic style, which tends to avoid possessive pronouns in generalizations.
"thanks to various technological innovations" -> "owing to various technological innovations"
Explanation: "Owing to" is a more formal and precise alternative to "thanks to," which is more commonly used in academic writing.
"our lives have been significantly changed more than ever before" -> "our lives have undergone significant changes more than ever before"
Explanation: "Undergone significant changes" is a more precise and formal way to express the extent of change, improving the academic tone.
"a harsh phenomenon" -> "a significant phenomenon"
Explanation: "Harsh" is an emotional and informal term that does not fit the objective tone of academic writing. "Significant" is neutral and appropriate for formal analysis.
"optimum solution to treat with that" -> "optimal solution to address this"
Explanation: "Optimal" is the correct form for "optimum" in this context, and "address" is more precise and formal than "treat with," which is colloquial.
"the popularity of product advertising" -> "the proliferation of product advertising"
Explanation: "Proliferation" is a more precise term that conveys the widespread nature of advertising in a formal academic context.
"made it easier for people to access" -> "facilitated access to"
Explanation: "Facilitated access to" is a more concise and formal way to express the ease of access.
"the inadequate of money" -> "insufficient funds"
Explanation: "Insufficient funds" is a more precise and formal term than "the inadequate of money," which is grammatically incorrect and awkward.
"paying for school-fee" -> "paying school fees"
Explanation: "School fees" is the correct term, and removing the hyphen corrects the grammatical error.
"In term of solutions" -> "In terms of solutions"
Explanation: "Terms" should be plural to match the plural noun "solutions."
"government must have poses some policies" -> "the government must implement certain policies"
Explanation: "Implement" is the correct verb for putting policies into action, and "certain" is more precise than "some."
"minimize the negative affect" -> "mitigate the negative effects"
Explanation: "Mitigate" is the correct verb for reducing the severity of an effect, and "effects" is the plural form needed here.
"advartising considrably attribute to" -> "advertising significantly contributes to"
Explanation: Corrects spelling errors and uses "contributes to" for a more formal and accurate expression.
"the ways how individuals shopping" -> "the ways in which individuals shop"
Explanation: "In which" is the correct prepositional phrase for describing the manner of shopping, and "shop" should be the base form.
"buying without any judgement of cost" -> "purchasing without considering the cost"
Explanation: "Considering the cost" is a more formal and precise way to express the lack of cost evaluation.
"is an potential issue" -> "is a potential issue"
Explanation: "A" is the correct article before "potential issue."
"the change in attitudes towards shopping routine of each person" -> "a shift in attitudes towards individual shopping habits"
Explanation: "A shift" is more precise than "the change," and "individual shopping habits" is a more formal and specific term than "shopping routine of each person."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the problems caused by advertising, such as impulsive buying and increased debt, and suggesting solutions like government policies and personal budgeting. However, the explanation of the problems could be more nuanced, and the solutions could be more specific. For instance, while the essay mentions government policies, it does not elaborate on what those policies might entail.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more detailed examples of the problems caused by advertising, such as specific psychological effects on consumers or societal impacts. Additionally, the solutions could be expanded to include more concrete strategies, such as educational campaigns about responsible spending or regulations on advertising practices.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that advertising has negative effects on consumer behavior, which is consistently reflected throughout the text. However, the phrasing in some areas, such as "this is a harsh phenomenon," could be more precise to strengthen the argument. The conclusion reiterates the main points but could be more assertive in stating the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should avoid vague language and instead use definitive terms that clearly convey their position. Strengthening the conclusion with a more emphatic restatement of the main argument would also help reinforce the essay’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the negative impact of advertising and potential solutions. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For example, the mention of "accumulating debt" is a strong point, but it could be supported with statistics or studies to provide more weight. The solutions mentioned are somewhat generic and lack depth.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to include specific examples, data, or case studies that illustrate the points made. Additionally, expanding on the solutions with practical examples or potential outcomes would provide a more comprehensive view of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the influence of advertising on consumer behavior. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly tangential, such as the mention of "self-improvement" without a clear connection to the main argument. This could confuse readers about the relevance of certain points.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence directly relates to the main argument. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that all points are relevant and contribute to the overall discussion. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements that stray from the main topic will enhance coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in specificity, depth of argumentation, and clarity of expression.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing problems and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the problems of advertising to proposing solutions is somewhat abrupt. The introduction states that the essay will indicate reasons and solutions, but the connection between these sections lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "In contrast" can help guide the reader through the shifts in discussion from problems to solutions.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, which is essential for readability. However, the second paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the problems caused by advertising and the other on the implications of these problems. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each issue and provide a clearer structure.
- How to improve: Implementing a more defined paragraph structure can enhance clarity. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, supported by examples and explanations. For instance, the first paragraph could discuss the impulsive buying behavior caused by advertising, while the second could address the resulting financial issues, followed by a separate paragraph for solutions.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "For instance" and "In summary," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is limited, and some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as "treat with that" and "the inadequate of money for another purpose." This can disrupt the flow and clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "Additionally" to add information, and "Consequently," "As a result," or "Thus" to indicate cause and effect. Additionally, ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and clearly convey the intended meaning. For example, instead of "the inadequate of money," use "the inadequacy of funds."

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, such as "contemporary era," "technological innovations," and "impulsive buying behavior." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks variety. For example, the phrase "buying habits" is used multiple times without synonyms or variations. Additionally, terms like "harsh phenomenon" could be replaced with more precise alternatives such as "negative trend" or "adverse effect."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "buying habits," they could use "consumer behavior," "purchasing patterns," or "shopping tendencies." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help expand lexical choices.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the inadequate of money for another purpose," which should be phrased as "the inadequacy of funds for other purposes." Additionally, the phrase "treat with that" is awkward and should be revised to "address this issue." The use of "affect" instead of "effect" in "negative affect of advertiserment" further demonstrates a lack of precision.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They can practice by writing sentences with new vocabulary and checking their meanings in context. Additionally, proofreading for word choice and clarity can help eliminate awkward phrases.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "advertiserment" (should be "advertisement"), "self-improvement, paying for school-fee,.." (should be "self-improvement, and paying for school fees"), and "oviously" (should be "obviously"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a consistent proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Regular writing practice, coupled with a focus on spelling, will lead to gradual improvement.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "In our contemporary era, thanks to various technological innovations, our lives have been significantly changed more than ever before" showcases an attempt at variety. However, the essay predominantly relies on simple and compound sentences, which limits the overall complexity. The phrase "government must have poses some policies" is an example of a less effective structure that detracts from the overall quality.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and varied clauses. For example, using relative clauses ("which encourage impulsive buying behavior") or conditional sentences ("If consumers were more mindful, they would avoid unnecessary purchases") can add depth. Additionally, integrating more transitional phrases and varied sentence beginnings can help create a more engaging and sophisticated writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "the inadequate of money for another purpose" should be corrected to "the inadequacy of money for other purposes." The use of "school-fee,.." is incorrect; it should be "school fees." Furthermore, the sentence "In term of solutions to treat with problem" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "In terms of solutions to address this problem." Punctuation errors, such as the misuse of commas and ellipses, also detract from the overall readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and proper noun forms. Practicing sentence restructuring and reviewing grammar rules related to articles and prepositions can also be beneficial. Additionally, using tools such as grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and correct mistakes before submission. Regular practice with writing prompts can also aid in reinforcing correct grammatical structures.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use a variety of structures, there are significant areas for improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy. Focusing on these aspects will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In our contemporary era, owing to various technological innovations, our lives have undergone significant changes more than ever before. This affects all aspects of society, including the way we buy things through advertisements. In this essay, I will first indicate the reasons why this is a significant phenomenon and also offer the optimal solution to address this.

It is obvious that the popularity of product advertising in the retail market has facilitated access to a wide range of products today. While product advertising significantly contributes to economic growth, it also poses a potential issue by encouraging impulsive buying behavior without careful consideration of price, resulting in insufficient funds for other purposes like self-improvement and paying school fees. For instance, many adults, particularly metropolitan residents, are increasingly accumulating debt due to this spending habit. If this trend continues unchecked, bankruptcy rates will soar.

In terms of solutions to address this problem, the government must implement certain policies to mitigate the negative effects of advertising, which is a primary reason leading to this dilemma. Furthermore, individuals must appropriately adjust their buying habits and consider affordability. For example, if they have a tight budget, spending on extravagant products is unnecessary. Instead, purchasing essential items should be prioritized.

In summary, we can obviously observe that advertising significantly contributes to the ways in which individuals shop. As mentioned earlier, purchasing without considering the cost is a potential issue that we face currently; therefore, a shift in attitudes towards individual shopping habits is crucial.