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All children must stay at school until 18. Do you agree or disagree?

All children must stay at school until 18. Do you agree or disagree?

There is an opinion that not until the age of eighteen should children be allowed to leave school. Personally, I disagree with this school of thought given its impracticality and the stultifying effects it has on many young people.

Granted, one might argue that forcing every child to finish high school education confers substantial benefits, on both personal and societal levels. On the individual level, learning at school for a longer period can provide them with more educational opportunities and increase their chances of acquiring knowledge and skills for future success. On the societal level, this obligation also can enhance overall educational attainment. This is because the drop-out rates are reduced, which can lead to a more educated personnel and workforce.

However, forcing children who are not interested or motivated to continue their education will not yield optimal outcomes and potentially increase disengagement.

In addition to the questions regarding the efficacy and plausibility of this proposal, I note that children with special abilities and passions should be permitted to leave school earlier. Some children may have other talents and skills in specific areas such as sports, art or music, thus attending a specialized training outside the traditional school setting at early age is more beneficial for them. Furthermore,there are some circumstances such as financial hardship, family obligation and health issues that can hinder these individuals from staying at school until the age of 18.

In conclusion, forcing everyone to stay at school until 18 years of age would simply be impractical and could hinder the development of many children. Therefore, I strongly feel that such a proposal should not be adopted.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "school of thought" -> "viewpoint"
    Explanation: Replacing "school of thought" with "viewpoint" maintains formality in the language. It eliminates a slightly informal phrase to convey the same meaning in a more academically appropriate manner.

  2. "Granted" -> "Admittedly"
    Explanation: "Admittedly" is a more formal transition that conveys the same acknowledgment as "Granted," aligning better with an academic style.

  3. "confers substantial benefits" -> "offers significant advantages"
    Explanation: The phrase "offers significant advantages" provides a more formal and precise description, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

  4. "On the individual level" -> "From an individual perspective"
    Explanation: The alteration to "From an individual perspective" maintains formality and clarity while presenting the same idea in a more academically appropriate manner.

  5. "This is because" -> "This occurs as"
    Explanation: "This occurs as" is a more formal construction that better suits academic writing, providing a clearer transition between ideas.

  6. "yield optimal outcomes" -> "produce the best results"
    Explanation: The replacement with "produce the best results" maintains formality while expressing the same idea more directly.

  7. "passions should be permitted to leave" -> "passions should have the option to exit"
    Explanation: The revised phrase offers a more formal and nuanced expression, avoiding the colloquial "leave" in favor of a slightly more sophisticated structure.

  8. "thus attending a specialized training" -> "thus pursuing specialized training"
    Explanation: The change to "pursuing specialized training" maintains formality and clarity in expressing the idea, making it more suitable for academic writing.

  9. "Furthermore,there are some circumstances" -> "Furthermore, there exist circumstances"
    Explanation: The alteration corrects the spacing and provides a more formal structure using "there exist" instead of "there are."

  10. "would simply be impractical" -> "would prove to be impractical"
    Explanation: The addition of "prove to be" adds a level of certainty and formality to the statement, aligning better with academic language.

  11. "I strongly feel" -> "I firmly believe"
    Explanation: "I firmly believe" is a more formal and stronger expression, maintaining the assertion while enhancing the academic tone of the statement.

These alterations aim to maintain or improve the clarity and formality of the essay while replacing or refining certain phrases for better academic suitability.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "There is an opinion that not until the age of eighteen should children be allowed to leave school. Personally, I disagree with this school of thought given its impracticality and the stultifying effects it has on many young people."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your introduction is clear in presenting your disagreement with the idea of keeping children in school until 18. However, it would be helpful to briefly outline the main reasons supporting your stance. This could provide a roadmap for the reader and enhance the overall organization of your essay.
    • Improved example: "There is an ongoing debate about whether children should be required to stay in school until the age of eighteen. I strongly disagree with this proposition due to its impracticality and potential negative impact on young individuals. In the following paragraphs, I will elucidate my reasons for opposing this view."
  2. Quoted text: "Granted, one might argue that forcing every child to finish high school education confers substantial benefits, on both personal and societal levels…"

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This paragraph acknowledges the opposing view, which is good. However, it lacks specific examples or personal experiences to support the argument. Strengthen your response by providing concrete examples or personal anecdotes to illustrate the potential benefits of extended education.
    • Improved example: "Granted, one might argue that forcing every child to finish high school education confers substantial benefits, on both personal and societal levels. For instance, my own experience demonstrates how staying in school beyond the basic requirements opened up opportunities for advanced learning and skill acquisition, ultimately shaping my future career prospects."
  3. Quoted text: "In addition to the questions regarding the efficacy and plausibility of this proposal, I note that children with special abilities and passions should be permitted to leave school earlier…"

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This paragraph introduces a valid point about considering individual abilities and passions. However, it lacks specific examples or personal experiences to strengthen the argument. To enhance your response, provide concrete instances or personal stories illustrating cases where early departure from school benefitted individuals with unique talents.
    • Improved example: "In addition to the questions regarding the efficacy and plausibility of this proposal, I note that children with special abilities and passions should be permitted to leave school earlier. Take, for instance, a prodigious young artist who might flourish more outside the traditional school setting, honing their craft through specialized training programs tailored to their unique talents."

Overall, while your essay addresses the task and presents a relevant position, the improvement suggestions aim to enhance clarity, organization, and the persuasive power of your arguments by incorporating specific examples or personal experiences.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. There is effective use of cohesive devices, though there are some instances of under-/over-use. The central topic within each paragraph is presented clearly. Paragraphing is generally sufficient and appropriate.
How to improve: To enhance cohesion, ensure a more consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to the balance of their usage to avoid occasional under-/over-use. Additionally, strengthen paragraphing by ensuring a seamless flow of ideas within and between paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, including some less common lexical items. There is an attempt to convey precise meanings, and the writer shows awareness of style and collocation. The essay discusses the individual and societal benefits of staying in school until 18, presenting arguments against the proposal. There is effective use of transitional phrases, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. Some errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present, but they do not significantly impede communication. For example, "school of thought" and "stultifying effects" showcase a sophisticated vocabulary. However, there are instances like "school setting at early age," where the preposition usage is slightly awkward.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, focus on refining word choice and ensuring more precise usage of less common vocabulary. Pay attention to collocations to enhance fluency. Proofread the essay to address minor errors in spelling and word formation, ensuring a higher level of accuracy. Additionally, consider restructuring sentences where prepositions may affect clarity to achieve a more polished result.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy. It effectively utilizes a variety of complex structures, showcasing a good range of sentence types. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to clear communication of ideas. There is evident control of grammar and punctuation, with only occasional errors or minor inaccuracies throughout the essay. The essay maintains coherence and clarity in its expression.

The writer adeptly employs a mix of sentence structures, incorporating both simple and complex forms to convey ideas. Although there are a few instances where sentence structure complexity could be heightened for greater variety, overall, the essay displays a satisfactory range of structures.

How to improve:
To enhance the essay’s grammatical range and accuracy further, consider integrating more diverse sentence structures. Introduce a broader variety of complex sentence forms, such as relative clauses or conditional sentences, to add depth and sophistication to the writing. Be cautious of minor errors or inaccuracies, aiming for consistent precision in expression throughout the essay. Additionally, strive for a more balanced utilization of simple and complex sentence structures to elevate the overall fluency and coherence of the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation, yet a greater infusion of diverse sentence structures could elevate its sophistication and overall quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is an opinion that children should stay in school until the age of eighteen. Personally, I disagree with this idea due to its impracticality and potential negative effects on young people.

Certainly, one might argue that requiring every child to complete high school education brings significant benefits, both personally and for society. On an individual level, a more extended period of learning in school can offer additional educational opportunities, increasing their chances of gaining knowledge and skills for future success. On a societal level, this obligation can contribute to higher overall educational attainment by reducing dropout rates, resulting in a more educated workforce.

However, compelling children who lack interest or motivation to continue their education may not yield optimal outcomes and could potentially lead to disengagement.

Additionally, it’s important to consider that children with special abilities and passions should be allowed to leave school earlier. Some children excel in areas such as sports, art, or music, and attending specialized training outside the traditional school setting at an early age may be more beneficial for them. Moreover, circumstances such as financial hardship, family obligations, and health issues can be obstacles that prevent individuals from staying in school until the age of 18.

In conclusion, making it mandatory for everyone to stay in school until the age of 18 would be impractical and could hinder the development of many children. Therefore, I strongly believe that such a proposal should not be adopted.

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