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All children should be made to wear uniforms. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

All children should be made to wear uniforms.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Wearing uniforms is a rule at school and all students must obey. Consequently, some people contend that all children should be made to wear uniforms.In my opinion, I completely agree with this assertion and provide several rationales to support my stance.

To begin with, the primary reason behind wearing uniforms is to help create consistency in appearance,fostering a sense of unity and discipline. For example, in my previous school, the introduction of uniforms reduced distractions and created a focused learning environment, as students were not preoccupied with fashion differences, allowing for better concentration during classes.

Another aspect to consider is wearing uniforms helps to promote equality. When students go to school,students are less likely to engage in social comparisons. For instance, during my high school years, the uniform policy minimized socioeconomic distinctions, creating a more harmonious environment where students collaborated without concerns about fashion disparities. Therefore, students will learn in a friendly environment and feel more equitable at school.

In conclusion, the practice of wearing uniforms offers numerous benefits.It can help consistency in appearance and help to promote equality


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "all children should be made to wear uniforms" -> "all students should be required to wear uniforms"
    Explanation: Replacing "all children should be made to wear uniforms" with "all students should be required to wear uniforms" maintains formality and avoids the colloquial tone of "made to," emphasizing the obligation in a more academically appropriate manner.

  2. "In my opinion, I completely agree with this assertion" -> "I wholeheartedly support this assertion"
    Explanation: Changing "In my opinion, I completely agree with this assertion" to "I wholeheartedly support this assertion" enhances the formality of expression by eliminating unnecessary words and using a stronger phrase, contributing to a more academic tone.

  3. "To begin with, the primary reason" -> "First and foremost, the principal reason"
    Explanation: Substituting "To begin with, the primary reason" with "First and foremost, the principal reason" adds sophistication to the transition and introduces the main point more formally, aligning with academic writing conventions.

  4. "For example, in my previous school" -> "For instance, at my former educational institution"
    Explanation: Changing "For example, in my previous school" to "For instance, at my former educational institution" elevates the language, replacing the casual "school" with the more formal "educational institution" and contributing to a more polished academic style.

  5. "distractions and created a focused learning environment" -> "distractions, fostering a focused learning environment"
    Explanation: Adjusting "distractions and created a focused learning environment" to "distractions, fostering a focused learning environment" streamlines the sentence and uses a gerund form, enhancing the formal structure and flow.

  6. "students were not preoccupied with fashion differences" -> "students were not preoccupied with sartorial distinctions"
    Explanation: Replacing "students were not preoccupied with fashion differences" with "students were not preoccupied with sartorial distinctions" introduces a more formal term ("sartorial") while maintaining the original meaning, contributing to a higher level of vocabulary.

  7. "Another aspect to consider is wearing uniforms helps to promote equality." -> "Another aspect to consider is that the adoption of uniforms contributes to the promotion of equality."
    Explanation: Modifying "wearing uniforms helps to promote equality" to "the adoption of uniforms contributes to the promotion of equality" adds clarity and formality to the statement by specifying the action and emphasizing its role in promoting equality.

  8. "students go to school, students are less likely" -> "students attend school, they are less likely"
    Explanation: Changing "students go to school, students are less likely" to "students attend school, they are less likely" improves sentence structure by avoiding repetition and employing a more formal expression ("attend" instead of "go").

  9. "minimized socioeconomic distinctions" -> "mitigated socioeconomic disparities"
    Explanation: Substituting "minimized socioeconomic distinctions" with "mitigated socioeconomic disparities" employs a more advanced term, enhancing the precision and formality of the language.

  10. "creating a more harmonious environment where students collaborated without concerns" -> "establishing a more harmonious environment conducive to collaboration among students without concerns"
    Explanation: Modifying "creating a more harmonious environment where students collaborated without concerns" to "establishing a more harmonious environment conducive to collaboration among students without concerns" improves clarity and formality by specifying the impact on collaboration and using a more elaborate expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. While it discusses the reasons supporting the idea of children wearing uniforms, it lacks depth in analyzing the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The response could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of both sides of the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance task response, consider explicitly addressing both sides of the argument in more detail. Provide a balanced analysis, discussing potential counterarguments to strengthen the overall response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position supporting the idea that all children should wear uniforms. The stance is maintained consistently throughout the essay, with the author expressing complete agreement.
    • How to improve: Maintain this clarity of position but consider anticipating and addressing potential counterarguments to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in extending and supporting them. For instance, it mentions fostering a sense of unity and discipline and promoting equality but could benefit from providing more specific examples or evidence to strengthen these points.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on each rationale with concrete examples, statistics, or anecdotes to add depth and credibility to the argument. This will enhance the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the benefits of wearing uniforms, but it lacks thorough exploration of potential counterarguments or addressing the "to what extent" aspect of the prompt.
    • How to improve: Ensure that the essay addresses the "to what extent" component by exploring various perspectives and presenting a more comprehensive analysis. Also, consider incorporating a brief acknowledgment of potential opposing views to strengthen the overall argument.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively maintains a clear position supporting the idea of children wearing uniforms, improvements in addressing all aspects of the prompt, providing more extensive support for ideas, and staying on topic will contribute to a more well-rounded and persuasive response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction provides a clear stance, and each body paragraph presents a distinct supporting point. However, the overall progression lacks depth, and transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the transition from the first to the second paragraph could be improved for a more seamless flow of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing a more nuanced development of ideas within paragraphs. Additionally, work on improving transitions between paragraphs by using connecting phrases or sentences that guide the reader through the progression of the argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different ideas, but the structure within paragraphs could be more refined. Each paragraph focuses on a single aspect, which is good, but some paragraphs lack detailed development. For example, the first paragraph could benefit from further elaboration on the importance of consistency in appearance.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports it with specific examples or explanations. Consider expanding on supporting points within paragraphs to provide a more comprehensive exploration of each idea.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices to connect ideas to some extent. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and effectiveness of these devices. While there are some transitions (e.g., "To begin with," "Another aspect to consider"), the essay could benefit from a wider range of cohesive devices for a more sophisticated connection of ideas.
    • How to improve: Experiment with a broader set of cohesive devices, including pronouns, transitional adverbs, and conjunctions. Ensure that these devices not only connect sentences but also contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. For example, use pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas and guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonably organized structure, but refining logical progression, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices can contribute to a more cohesive and coherent piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fair range of vocabulary, incorporating words such as "consistency," "fostering," "preoccupied," "harmonious," and "disparities." However, there is room for improvement as some ideas are expressed with repetitive vocabulary, and certain phrases lack variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance your vocabulary range, consider introducing synonyms or alternative expressions for frequently used words. For instance, instead of repetitively using "uniforms," you might use terms like "attire" or "dress code." Additionally, explore more sophisticated synonyms to convey your ideas with nuance.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary with precision, such as "socioeconomic distinctions" and "fashion disparities." However, there are instances where words are somewhat imprecise or could be replaced with more accurate alternatives, such as "rationales" instead of "reasons."
    • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to word choice to ensure precision. Instead of broad terms like "reasons," consider specifying with words like "justifications" or "grounds." This will add clarity and depth to your expression, making your arguments more compelling.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few errors, such as "students go to school,students" (missing space) and "attire,uniforms" (missing space), which slightly affect the overall impression.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, thoroughly proofread your work, paying attention to spacing and ensuring consistency. Utilize spelling and grammar tools available in word processors for additional assistance. Establishing a habit of revising written pieces meticulously will contribute to improved spelling precision.

In summary, while your essay demonstrates a commendable vocabulary range and overall spelling accuracy, refining precision in word choice and diversifying your vocabulary further would elevate the lexical resource score. Keep practicing and exploring new expressions to enhance the sophistication of your language use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. There is an attempt to incorporate complex structures, such as the use of introductory clauses. However, the variety is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more intricate sentence structures, such as complex sentences or varied sentence beginnings.
    • How to improve: To enhance the essay’s grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures. Experiment with the use of complex sentences that involve subordinate clauses, varied sentence lengths, and different sentence beginnings. This will add sophistication to your writing and engage the reader more effectively.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good grammar usage, with few errors. However, there are some instances where subject-verb agreement issues are present, such as in "students go to school, students are less likely to engage," where a parallel structure could improve clarity. Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are a few missing or misplaced commas.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure consistency in sentence structure. In the example mentioned, consider rephrasing to maintain parallelism. Additionally, review the use of commas, ensuring they are correctly placed to enhance readability. Practice proofreading to catch and correct any punctuation errors, enhancing the overall accuracy of your writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation, with room for improvement in sentence structure variety. By incorporating more complex sentence structures and addressing minor grammatical issues, you can elevate the overall quality of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Wearing uniforms is a standard rule in schools, and all students are expected to adhere to this regulation. Accordingly, some argue that all children should be required to wear uniforms. In my view, I wholeheartedly support this assertion and present several reasons to substantiate my position.

First and foremost, the principal reason behind wearing uniforms is to establish a consistent appearance, fostering a sense of unity and discipline. For instance, at my former educational institution, the adoption of uniforms significantly reduced distractions, fostering a focused learning environment. Students were not preoccupied with sartorial distinctions, allowing for better concentration during classes.

Another aspect to consider is that the adoption of uniforms contributes to the promotion of equality. When students attend school, they are less likely to engage in social comparisons. For instance, during my high school years, the uniform policy mitigated socioeconomic disparities, establishing a more harmonious environment conducive to collaboration among students without concerns about fashion disparities. Therefore, students learn in a friendly environment and feel more equitable at school.

In conclusion, the practice of wearing uniforms offers numerous benefits. It can help maintain consistency in appearance and contribute to the promotion of equality.

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