All large companies should provide sports and social facilities in the local community. Agree or disagree?

In contemporary discourse, the issue of whether large corporations should establish sports and social amenities within their local community or not remains a contentious subject, warranting a thorough examination of its implications. From my perspective, this essay aims to critically evaluate the extent, offering a well-rounded perspective.
Initially, it is undoubtedly that physical-related and social facilities could enhance the quality of life and foster a sense of belonging, which undeniably contribute to the company’s public image. For the former, by providing such amenities, the company could promote social interactions, mental and physical health among its workforce and society as a whole, subsequently leading to better and greater productivity. Regarding the latter, investing in such facilities allows the company to improve their public self-image and strengthen the relationship with stakeholders.
Furthermore, it is essential to consider the financial implications and government’s liability, as it underscores the multifaceted nature of this debate. The financial burden of requiring all large corporations to build and maintain sport and social amenities could not be ignored. These costs could be substantial, potentially attributing resources away from a company's projects, development plan, job creation, etc. Beside that, it is evident to question where those corporations are best-equipped in order to manage those facilities. As authorities and other local councils might be better positioned to provide the afore-mentioned services through taxation and funding.
In conclusion, having examined the various perspectives, it seems to me that either well-known companies or the leaders should be liable for providing sports and social facilities presents a nuanced challenge that requires careful consideration.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In contemporary discourse" -> "In current academic and societal discourse"
Explanation: Adding "academic and societal" specifies the context, enhancing the formality and precision of the phrase, aligning it better with academic writing standards.
"the issue of whether" -> "the question of whether"
Explanation: "Question" is more precise and formal than "issue" in this context, as it directly relates to the inquiry being discussed.
"warranting a thorough examination of its implications" -> "requiring a comprehensive analysis of its implications"
Explanation: "Comprehensive analysis" is more specific and academically appropriate than "thorough examination," emphasizing the depth and breadth of the evaluation.
"it is undoubtedly that" -> "it is undoubtedly true that"
Explanation: Adding "true" clarifies the statement, making it more formal and precise, which is essential in academic writing.
"physical-related and social facilities" -> "physical and social facilities"
Explanation: Removing "related" corrects the awkward phrasing and enhances clarity, as "physical and social facilities" is a more natural and direct expression.
"could promote social interactions, mental and physical health" -> "could promote social interaction, mental, and physical health"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "interaction" corrects the grammatical structure, and using "mental, and physical health" aligns with the formal style of listing multiple items.
"subsequently leading to better and greater productivity" -> "ultimately leading to enhanced productivity"
Explanation: "Ultimately" is more precise than "subsequently," and "enhanced" is a more formal synonym for "better and greater," which is redundant.
"investing in such facilities allows the company to improve their public self-image" -> "investing in such facilities enables the company to enhance its public image"
Explanation: "Enables" is more formal than "allows," and "its public image" is grammatically correct and more formal than "their public self-image," which is awkwardly phrased.
"Beside that" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Beside that."
"it is evident to question" -> "it is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is grammatically correct and more formal, avoiding the awkward construction "it is evident to question."
"those corporations are best-equipped in order to manage those facilities" -> "these corporations are better equipped to manage these facilities"
Explanation: "These" and "these" are more precise and formal than "those," and "better equipped to manage" is grammatically correct and clearer than "best-equipped in order to manage."
"having examined the various perspectives" -> "having considered the various perspectives"
Explanation: "Considered" is more appropriate in this context, as it implies a thoughtful evaluation rather than a simple examination, which is more suitable for academic discourse.
"either well-known companies or the leaders should be liable" -> "either well-known companies or their leaders should be responsible"
Explanation: "Responsible" is more precise and formal than "liable," which can imply legal accountability, which is not the intended meaning here.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding whether large companies should provide sports and social facilities in their local communities. However, it lacks a definitive stance on the issue, which is crucial for a clear response to the question. The introduction suggests an evaluation of the topic, but the conclusion does not clearly state whether the author agrees or disagrees with the proposition. This ambiguity affects the overall effectiveness of the response.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and consistently support that stance throughout the essay. A clear thesis statement outlining whether they agree or disagree with the prompt would help guide the reader and provide a stronger foundation for the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents various arguments for and against the provision of sports and social facilities by large companies. However, the lack of a clear position makes it difficult for the reader to understand the author’s viewpoint. Phrases like "it seems to me" in the conclusion indicate uncertainty rather than a strong opinion, which detracts from the overall clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: The writer should adopt a more assertive tone by clearly stating their position early in the essay and reiterating it in the conclusion. Using definitive language such as "I believe" or "I strongly agree/disagree" can help convey a more confident stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some relevant ideas, such as the benefits of social facilities for community well-being and the potential financial burdens on companies. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with specific examples or evidence. For instance, while the essay mentions improved public image and productivity, it does not provide concrete examples or data to substantiate these claims.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should include specific examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the benefits or drawbacks of companies providing these facilities. Expanding on each point with detailed explanations and real-world applications will strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of large companies providing sports and social facilities. However, some sections veer into tangential discussions, such as the role of local authorities, which may dilute the focus on the companies themselves. The mention of government liability and local councils, while relevant, could be more tightly integrated into the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points directly relate to the central question of whether large companies should provide these facilities. It may be helpful to outline the main arguments before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to the thesis.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should clarify their position, develop and support their ideas more thoroughly, and maintain a focused discussion on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the responsibilities of large corporations in providing sports and social facilities. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs each tackle different aspects of the argument. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of such facilities for public image and employee well-being, while the second body paragraph addresses the financial implications and the role of local authorities. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, particularly when shifting from the benefits to the financial burdens.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" when introducing contrasting ideas would help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct point, which helps in organizing the information. However, the second body paragraph is somewhat lengthy and could be split into two separate paragraphs to better delineate the discussion on financial implications and the role of local authorities.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should aim for a more balanced length across paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, which can be supported by examples or further explanation. For instance, the discussion about financial implications could be one paragraph, while the considerations regarding local authorities could be another, allowing for a more focused exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "initially," "furthermore," and "in conclusion," which help to connect ideas and signal the progression of the argument. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "additionally," "moreover," "in contrast," and "for instance." This would not only enhance the flow of the essay but also make the argument more engaging. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help reduce redundancy and improve cohesion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the writer can enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of their essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, utilizing terms such as "contentious subject," "thorough examination," and "multifaceted nature." These choices reflect an ability to convey complex ideas effectively. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "facilities" and "company" could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of using "facilities" multiple times, you could use "amenities," "resources," or "infrastructure." Additionally, varying sentence structures can help showcase a broader vocabulary range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "it is undoubtedly that physical-related and social facilities" should be revised to "it is undeniable that physical and social facilities." The term "public self-image" is somewhat vague; a more precise term like "corporate reputation" could enhance clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choices to ensure they convey the intended meaning clearly. Review phrases for grammatical accuracy and clarity. For example, rephrasing "the financial burden of requiring all large corporations to build and maintain sport and social amenities could not be ignored" to "the financial burden of mandating that all large corporations build and maintain sports and social amenities cannot be overlooked" would improve precision and clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors such as "sport" instead of "sports" when referring to "sport and social amenities." The overall spelling is consistent and does not detract from the essay’s readability.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is beneficial to proofread the essay carefully or use spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and familiarizing oneself with the correct forms of terms used in the essay can help prevent such errors.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their Lexical Resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "From my perspective, this essay aims to critically evaluate the extent, offering a well-rounded perspective" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "by providing such amenities, the company could promote social interactions," showcases an understanding of hypothetical scenarios. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the way sentences are introduced (e.g., "it is essential to consider," "it seems to me that"), which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using "it is essential to consider," alternatives like "One must also take into account" or "Another critical aspect to examine is" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more compound sentences and varying the placement of clauses would contribute to a richer grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that impact clarity. For example, the phrase "it is undoubtedly that physical-related and social facilities could enhance" should be corrected to "it is undeniable that physical-related and social facilities could enhance." The use of commas is mostly appropriate, yet there are moments where punctuation could be improved, such as in the sentence "Beside that, it is evident to question where those corporations are best-equipped in order to manage those facilities," where a comma before "where" would enhance readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on common grammatical structures and their correct usage. Reviewing subject-verb agreement and ensuring that phrases are complete and correctly formed will help. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. A thorough proofreading process could catch these errors before submission, ensuring that the essay communicates ideas more effectively.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the noted weaknesses will elevate the writing quality and potentially improve the band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary discourse, the issue of whether large corporations should establish sports and social amenities within their local community remains a contentious subject, warranting a thorough examination of its implications. From my perspective, this essay aims to critically evaluate the extent of this responsibility, offering a well-rounded perspective.

Initially, it is undoubtedly true that physical and social facilities could enhance the quality of life and foster a sense of belonging, which undeniably contributes to the company’s public image. By providing such amenities, the company could promote social interaction, mental and physical health among its workforce and society as a whole, subsequently leading to enhanced productivity. Furthermore, investing in such facilities enables the company to improve its public self-image and strengthen its relationship with stakeholders.

It is essential to consider the financial implications and the government’s liability, as this underscores the multifaceted nature of this debate. The financial burden of requiring all large corporations to build and maintain sports and social amenities cannot be ignored. These costs could be substantial, potentially diverting resources away from a company’s projects, development plans, job creation, and more. It is evident to question whether those corporations are best equipped to manage these facilities, as authorities and other local councils might be better positioned to provide the aforementioned services through taxation and funding.

In conclusion, having considered the various perspectives, it seems to me that either well-known companies or their leaders should be responsible for providing sports and social facilities, which presents a nuanced challenge that requires careful consideration.