fbpx

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. Some people believe that school should teach children soft skills for their future life. However, other people claim that having a range of academic subjects is better for a child’s future. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. Some people believe that school should teach children soft skills for their future life. However, other people claim that having a range of academic subjects is better for a child’s future.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is often said that a large number of parents all over the world are drawing attention to educate their children. In fact, there are some who hold firmly to their belief that school should teach children soft skill for their future life. However, others argue convincingly that children should having a range of academic subject. Therefore, some major points both for and against the above issue will be addressed in the following paragraphs.
On the one hand, there are two primary points for people to defend the former argument teach student soft skill. First of all, it is a well-documented fact that student should have a soft skill. The most obvious example to prove is that children can adapt community rapidly by doing group so they can improve their communication, emotional intelligence and critical thinking. Furthermore, there is no doubt that soft skill is very important in our life. This is supported by the fact that many soft skills, such as time management, focus, and self-discipline, directly impact academic performance. Children who can manage their time effectively, set goals, and stay motivated are more likely to succeed academically.
On the other hand, there are two main points for people to support the latter argument the children should having a range of academic subject. First and foremost, it is commonly accepted that academic subject provide lots of important knowledge. A clear example being found to prove is that science, all of things in the world are created by matter or literature help student improve their awareness in our life. Moreover, there is no denying that academic subject help them for career preparation. For instance, when you want to be a good doctor, you have to study for six years with a lot of knowledge like surgery, biochemistry in university and two years to pursue specialization.
To conclude, it is my strong belief that both of these have true perspective when parents know how to combine soft skill with academic subject. Accordingly, I highly recommend that parents should enhance about children curious like joining activities, reading books. If this recommendation is carried out, the comprehensive development of our generation will be ensured.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "It is often said that" -> "It is commonly acknowledged that"
    Explanation: "It is commonly acknowledged that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a general statement, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

  2. "drawing attention to educate" -> "focusing on educating"
    Explanation: "Focusing on educating" is more direct and clearer, avoiding the awkward construction of "drawing attention to educate," which is grammatically incorrect.

  3. "hold firmly to their belief" -> "firmly believe"
    Explanation: "Firmly believe" is a more concise and natural way to express strong conviction, improving the flow and formality of the sentence.

  4. "soft skill for their future life" -> "soft skills for their future lives"
    Explanation: "Soft skills" is a plural noun and should be used with the plural verb "are" and the plural noun "lives" to maintain grammatical accuracy and consistency.

  5. "children should having a range of academic subject" -> "children should study a range of academic subjects"
    Explanation: "Should study" is grammatically correct and clearer than "should having," which is incorrect. Also, "academic subjects" should be plural to match the context.

  6. "teach student soft skill" -> "teach students soft skills"
    Explanation: "Teach students soft skills" corrects the grammatical error and pluralizes "student" and "skills" to match the context.

  7. "can adapt community rapidly" -> "can adapt to communities rapidly"
    Explanation: "To communities" is the correct prepositional phrase, indicating the ability to adapt to various communities, not just one.

  8. "doing group" -> "working in groups"
    Explanation: "Working in groups" is a more precise and natural phrase than "doing group," which is unclear and grammatically incorrect.

  9. "soft skill is very important" -> "soft skills are very important"
    Explanation: "Soft skills are very important" corrects the grammatical error and pluralizes "skill" to match the context.

  10. "academic subject provide lots of important knowledge" -> "academic subjects provide a wealth of important knowledge"
    Explanation: "A wealth of important knowledge" is a more formal and precise expression than "lots of important knowledge," enhancing the academic tone.

  11. "all of things in the world are created by matter or literature" -> "all things in the world are created by matter or literature"
    Explanation: Removing "of" before "things" corrects the grammatical error and improves the flow of the sentence.

  12. "help them for career preparation" -> "help them prepare for their careers"
    Explanation: "Help them prepare for their careers" is grammatically correct and more direct, improving clarity and formality.

  13. "you have to study for six years with a lot of knowledge like surgery, biochemistry in university and two years to pursue specialization" -> "you must study for six years, acquiring knowledge in subjects such as surgery and biochemistry, and then spend two years pursuing specialization"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the sequence of study and uses more formal language, enhancing the academic tone.

  14. "enhance about children curious" -> "encourage children’s curiosity"
    Explanation: "Encourage children’s curiosity" is grammatically correct and more precise, replacing the awkward and incorrect "enhance about children curious."

  15. "If this recommendation is carried out" -> "If this recommendation is implemented"
    Explanation: "Implemented" is a more formal and precise term than "carried out," fitting better in an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the importance of soft skills versus academic subjects. It presents arguments for each side, mentioning the benefits of soft skills such as adaptability and emotional intelligence, as well as the necessity of academic subjects for knowledge and career preparation. However, the discussion could be more balanced, as the argument for soft skills is somewhat stronger than that for academic subjects, which may lead to an incomplete exploration of the topic.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that both sides are given equal weight in terms of depth and detail. This could involve providing more examples or elaborating on the benefits of academic subjects, ensuring that the discussion is comprehensive and well-rounded.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer states a clear opinion in the conclusion, advocating for a combination of both soft skills and academic subjects. However, the position could be more explicitly stated throughout the essay. Phrases like "some major points both for and against the above issue will be addressed" are vague and do not clearly indicate the writer’s stance until the conclusion.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the body paragraphs. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" at strategic points can help reinforce the writer’s viewpoint throughout the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of soft skills and academic subjects, but the support for these ideas is sometimes lacking in depth. For instance, while the essay mentions that soft skills impact academic performance, it does not provide specific examples or data to substantiate this claim. Similarly, the argument for academic subjects could benefit from more detailed examples.
    • How to improve: To improve this area, the writer should aim to provide specific examples, statistics, or studies that support their claims. This could involve citing real-world scenarios or research findings that illustrate the benefits of both soft skills and academic subjects.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of both soft skills and academic subjects. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper. For example, the phrase "all of things in the world are created by matter" is vague and does not clearly relate to the argument being made about academic subjects.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all statements are directly relevant to the prompt. Avoiding vague or overly broad statements and instead providing concise, targeted arguments will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint will enhance coherence and relevance.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow can be improved. For instance, the transition from the introduction to the first body paragraph could be smoother. The phrase "some major points both for and against the above issue will be addressed" is somewhat vague and does not clearly indicate what the reader can expect. Additionally, the points made in the body paragraphs could be better linked to the overall argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Ensure that each point directly relates back to the thesis statement. For example, instead of saying "some major points," specify what these points are right in the introduction. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific viewpoint (soft skills vs. academic subjects). However, the internal structure of the paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph lacks a clear topic sentence and jumps directly into supporting details. This can confuse the reader about the main point of the paragraph.
    • How to improve: Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. For example, in the first body paragraph, you could begin with, "Proponents of teaching soft skills argue that these abilities are essential for children’s future success." This sets a clear direction for the paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each supporting detail is clearly linked to the main idea of the paragraph.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which help to contrast the two viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "the children should having a range of academic subject" are grammatically incorrect and disrupt the flow of the text.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "conversely," and "for instance." Additionally, pay attention to grammatical accuracy to ensure that cohesive devices do not detract from the overall coherence. For example, revise "the children should having" to "children should have" to maintain grammatical correctness.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "soft skills," "academic subjects," "communication," and "emotional intelligence." However, the range is somewhat limited and repetitive. For instance, the phrase "soft skill" appears multiple times without variation, and terms like "academic subject" could be diversified to include "academic disciplines" or "educational subjects."
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "soft skill," they could incorporate phrases like "interpersonal skills" or "non-cognitive skills." Additionally, varying sentence structures and incorporating more complex vocabulary can help elevate the overall lexical resource.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "children should having a range of academic subject" is grammatically incorrect, and "soft skill" should be pluralized to "soft skills" for accuracy. Additionally, the phrase "a large number of parents all over the world are drawing attention to educate their children" is vague and could be more directly stated.
    • How to improve: The writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and the correct form of words. For instance, changing "should having" to "should have" improves precision. Furthermore, using clearer phrases like "parents are increasingly focused on educating their children" can enhance clarity and impact.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailedexplanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For example, "skill" should be pluralized to "skills," and "subject" should be pluralized to "subjects" in various contexts. Additionally, "student" should be "students" to reflect the plural form correctly.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or use spell-check tools. Practicing spelling through writing exercises and focusing on commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Keeping a list of frequently used terms and their correct spellings can help reinforce learning.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use relevant vocabulary, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple and compound sentences. However, complex sentences are limited. For instance, the sentence "In fact, there are some who hold firmly to their belief that school should teach children soft skill for their future life" is a compound structure but lacks complexity. Additionally, phrases like "there are two primary points for people to defend the former argument" show a repetitive pattern in sentence construction.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that combine independent and dependent clauses. For example, instead of saying "children can adapt community rapidly by doing group," a more complex structure could be "children can rapidly adapt to their community by participating in group activities, which enhances their social skills." Practicing the use of subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, because, since) can also help in creating more varied sentence structures.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that impede clarity. For example, "children should having a range of academic subject" should be "children should have a range of academic subjects." The phrase "student soft skill" lacks an article and should be "students’ soft skills." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas, can be found in sentences like "First of all, it is a well-documented fact that student should have a soft skill," where a comma is needed after "first of all."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles (a, an, the). Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on these areas can be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading for punctuation errors can enhance clarity. Reading more academic texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay presents some valid points, improving the variety of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will significantly raise the overall quality of writing. Regular practice and seeking feedback can aid in these improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is often said that a large number of parents all over the world are drawing attention to educating their children. In fact, there are some who firmly believe that schools should focus on teaching children soft skills for their future lives. However, others argue convincingly that children should study a range of academic subjects. Therefore, some major points both for and against these views will be addressed in the following paragraphs.

On the one hand, there are two primary points that support the argument for teaching students soft skills. First of all, it is a well-documented fact that students should possess soft skills. The most obvious example is that children can adapt to communities rapidly by working in groups, which helps them improve their communication, emotional intelligence, and critical thinking. Furthermore, there is no doubt that soft skills are very important in our lives. This is supported by the fact that many soft skills, such as time management, focus, and self-discipline, directly impact academic performance. Children who can manage their time effectively, set goals, and stay motivated are more likely to succeed academically.

On the other hand, there are two main points that support the argument that children should study a range of academic subjects. First and foremost, it is commonly acknowledged that academic subjects provide a wealth of important knowledge. A clear example is that science and literature help students improve their awareness of the world around them. Moreover, there is no denying that academic subjects help prepare them for their careers. For instance, if you want to be a good doctor, you must study for six years, acquiring knowledge in subjects such as surgery and biochemistry, and then spend two years pursuing specialization.

To conclude, I firmly believe that both perspectives hold merit when parents know how to combine soft skills with academic subjects. Accordingly, I highly recommend that parents encourage children’s curiosity by engaging them in activities and promoting reading. If this recommendation is implemented, the comprehensive development of our generation will be ensured.

Bài viết liên quan

Task 2: You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Task 2: You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects…

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này