All university students should do some voluntary work to help the local community. Do you agree or disagree?

It is asserted that whether university students should engage in some voluntary work to support their local community. Although I believe that it may develop personal growth and community cohesion, this shift can adversely impact students’ mental health.
To begin with, the most rationale for my endorsement of students becoming volunteers lies in the skills that they acquire. By actively participating in some voluntary programs, students have an opportunity to interact and collaborate with those who come from diverse backgrounds as well as develop essential skills such as teamwork, communication, and problem-solving, which are invaluable for their future careers. Moreover, voluntary work allows students to gain practical experience and apply theoretical knowledge acquired in the classroom to real-life situations, thereby enhancing their understanding of societal issues and fostering a sense of civic responsibility. From the perspective of the local community, the contribution of university students through voluntary work can address pressing social needs, promote social inclusion, and strengthen community bonds. For instance, every year, there are a lot of university students who go to poverty regions, especially mountainous areas where infrastructure and facilities are not completely undeveloped to support the poverty. By becoming a volunteer, students have an opportunity to become a responsible person in the future as well as develop their society inclusively.
On the other hand, implementing compulsory community service may pose a challenge on students' mental health. This is because higher education becomes more complicated, university students dedicate a lot of time to study and understand comprehensively. In addition, there are a number of undergraduates who have to do part-time jobs to earn an additional budget when studying to alleviate the financial burden on family. Therefore, participating in charitable projects is not an optimal approach because it increases students' stress levels. As a result, they tend to struggle to balance academic responsibilities, part-time works, and volunteer commitments.
In conclusion, while participating in voluntary work provides students real-life skills that are useful for personal growth and community cohesion, the noteworthy drawback encompasses mental health that can not be underestimated. Therefore, I believe that some educational institutions should be flexible in planning volunteering programs to accommodate diverse students’ schedules. undergraduates should strike a balance between studying and doing voluntary work to decrease the feelings of depression as well as have a full awareness about the society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is asserted that" -> "It is argued that"
Explanation: "It is argued that" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase, as it directly indicates the presence of an argument or opinion, which is more suitable for academic discourse.
"engage in some voluntary work" -> "participate in various volunteer activities"
Explanation: "Participate in various volunteer activities" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone by specifying the type of engagement and using more formal vocabulary.
"to support their local community" -> "to benefit their local communities"
Explanation: "To benefit their local communities" is more precise and inclusive, suggesting a broader impact beyond just support, which aligns better with the context of community development.
"the most rationale for my endorsement" -> "the primary rationale for my support"
Explanation: "The primary rationale for my support" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"have an opportunity to interact and collaborate" -> "have opportunities to interact and collaborate"
Explanation: Changing "have an opportunity" to "have opportunities" corrects the grammatical structure and pluralizes the verb to match the plural subject "students," improving the sentence’s grammatical accuracy and formality.
"come from diverse backgrounds" -> "come from diverse backgrounds"
Explanation: This is a typographical error correction, ensuring the proper capitalization of the first word in the phrase.
"every year, there are a lot of university students" -> "each year, numerous university students"
Explanation: "Each year, numerous university students" replaces the informal "a lot of" with "numerous," which is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"poverty regions" -> "poverty-stricken regions"
Explanation: "Poverty-stricken regions" is a more accurate and formal term that better describes areas affected by poverty, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"not completely undeveloped" -> "largely underdeveloped"
Explanation: "Largely underdeveloped" is a more precise and formal way to describe the state of infrastructure and facilities in these areas, aligning better with academic language standards.
"implementing compulsory community service" -> "mandating community service"
Explanation: "Mandating community service" is a more precise and formal term that better captures the idea of making community service obligatory, which is more appropriate for academic discourse.
"pose a challenge on students’ mental health" -> "pose challenges to students’ mental health"
Explanation: "Pose challenges to students’ mental health" corrects the preposition and uses a more formal structure, enhancing the grammatical accuracy and formality of the sentence.
"dedicate a lot of time to study and understand comprehensively" -> "devote considerable time to studying and comprehending"
Explanation: "Devote considerable time to studying and comprehending" replaces the informal "a lot of" with "considerable" and "understand comprehensively" with "comprehending," which are more precise and formal terms suitable for academic writing.
"participating in charitable projects is not an optimal approach" -> "participation in charitable projects may not be the optimal approach"
Explanation: "Participation in charitable projects may not be the optimal approach" corrects the grammatical structure and uses "may not be" instead of "is not," which is more tentative and appropriate for academic discussions.
"can not be underestimated" -> "should not be underestimated"
Explanation: "Should not be underestimated" corrects the grammatical error and shifts the tone to a more assertive and formal recommendation, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"strike a balance between studying and doing voluntary work" -> "balance their academic responsibilities with their volunteer commitments"
Explanation: "Balance their academic responsibilities with their volunteer commitments" uses more formal vocabulary and a clearer structure, enhancing the precision and formality of the recommendation.
"decrease the feelings of depression" -> "reduce the risk of depression"
Explanation: "Reduce the risk of depression" is a more precise and medically appropriate term, replacing the vague and less formal "decrease the feelings of depression."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting both sides of the argument regarding whether university students should engage in voluntary work. The author agrees with the idea, citing benefits such as skill development and community cohesion. However, the essay also acknowledges the potential negative impact on students’ mental health, which is a critical aspect of the discussion. The response effectively covers the two main components of the prompt: the advantages and disadvantages of voluntary work for students.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide a more explicit statement of agreement or disagreement at the beginning of the essay. Additionally, including more specific examples or statistics related to the benefits of voluntary work or the mental health challenges faced by students could strengthen the argument and provide a more comprehensive answer.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that supports voluntary work while recognizing its drawbacks. However, the phrasing in the introduction ("I believe that it may develop personal growth and community cohesion") could be more assertive. The conclusion reiterates the main points but could more strongly emphasize the author’s overall stance.
- How to improve: The author should aim for a more definitive statement of their position in the introduction and maintain this clarity throughout the essay. Using phrases like "I strongly agree" or "I firmly believe" could enhance the assertiveness of the position. Additionally, summarizing the main argument in the conclusion with a clear restatement of the position would reinforce the essay’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the benefits of voluntary work, such as skill acquisition and community impact. However, the development of these ideas could be more robust. For instance, while the author mentions skills like teamwork and communication, they could provide specific examples of how these skills are applied in volunteer settings. The mention of mental health issues is relevant but could be expanded with more detail or examples.
- How to improve: To improve the support and extension of ideas, the author should incorporate specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the points made. For instance, discussing a particular volunteer program and its impact on students or the community could provide a stronger foundation for the argument. Additionally, elaborating on the mental health aspect with statistics or studies could enhance the credibility of the claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the prompt’s discussion of voluntary work for university students. However, there are moments where the argument could be more tightly focused. For example, the section discussing students’ mental health, while relevant, could be more directly tied to the implications of compulsory volunteering rather than presenting it as a separate concern.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the central argument regarding voluntary work. It may be helpful to explicitly connect the mental health discussion to the potential consequences of mandatory volunteering, reinforcing how this aspect impacts the overall argument. Additionally, using clear topic sentences for each paragraph can help guide the reader and maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of voluntary work for university students, followed by a counterargument regarding its potential negative impact on mental health. The organization is generally logical, with a clear progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs and conclusion. However, the transition between points could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the benefits of volunteering to the drawbacks lacks a clear linking phrase that would help the reader follow the argument more seamlessly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate shifts in argument, such as "Conversely," or "On the contrary," when moving from the benefits to the drawbacks. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea, which will help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the advantages of volunteering, while the second addresses the potential downsides. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For instance, the first paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better organized into separate sentences or even sub-points to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, supported by evidence or examples. Consider breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences and using bullet points or lists where appropriate to enhance readability. This will not only clarify the argument but also make it easier for the reader to follow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "On the other hand," and "For instance," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "this shift can adversely impact students’ mental health" could be better linked to the preceding sentence for clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Additionally," "Furthermore," "Consequently," and "In contrast." This will enhance the flow of ideas and make the argument more cohesive. Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one, using cohesive devices to clarify relationships between ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "voluntary work," "community cohesion," "practical experience," and "civic responsibility" effectively used to convey complex ideas. The writer also employs phrases like "pressing social needs" and "strengthen community bonds," which show an ability to articulate nuanced arguments. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the frequent use of "voluntary work" and "students," which could be varied to enhance the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should consider using synonyms or related phrases to avoid redundancy. For example, instead of repeatedly using "voluntary work," alternatives like "community service" or "charitable activities" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary or idiomatic expressions could elevate the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where word choice could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "the most rationale for my endorsement" could be better expressed as "the primary reason for my support." Furthermore, the term "poverty regions" is somewhat awkward; "impoverished areas" would be a more standard expression. The phrase "not completely undeveloped" is also confusing and could be simplified to "underdeveloped."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and conciseness in word choice. Reviewing vocabulary for appropriateness and ensuring that phrases convey the intended meaning without ambiguity will strengthen the overall argument. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building resources can aid in finding more suitable terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. Words like "asserted," "essential," and "comprehensively" are spelled correctly, showcasing the writer’s command of standard English spelling. However, there are some typographical errors, such as "undergraduates should strike a balance between studying and doing voluntary work to decrease the feelings of depression as well as have a full awareness about the society," where "the society" should simply be "society."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully to catch any typographical errors or awkward phrases. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify mistakes that might be overlooked during silent reading. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises can further solidify this skill.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource with a band score of 7, there are clear opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the clarity and impact of their arguments in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and varied clause types. For example, the use of phrases such as "Although I believe that it may develop personal growth and community cohesion" and "By actively participating in some voluntary programs" showcases the writer’s ability to construct complex sentences effectively. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the phrase "the most rationale for my endorsement" could be rephrased for clarity and engagement.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound and complex sentences, as well as use different sentence openings. For example, starting some sentences with adverbial clauses or phrases (e.g., "While some may argue that…") can add variety. Additionally, using inversion or different conjunctions can help diversify the sentence structures further.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a good level of grammatical accuracy, with most sentences being correctly structured. However, there are several grammatical errors that detract from the overall clarity. For example, the phrase "the most rationale for my endorsement" should be "the main rationale for my endorsement." Additionally, the sentence "where infrastructure and facilities are not completely undeveloped to support the poverty" is awkwardly phrased and could be clearer. Punctuation is generally correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as after introductory phrases.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors and awkward phrasing. Paying attention to subject-verb agreement and ensuring that phrases are clearly articulated will enhance clarity. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will improve the overall flow of the writing. For instance, revising sentences to ensure they are concise and clear will help avoid confusion and improve coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is asserted that university students should engage in some voluntary work to support their local community. Although I believe that it may develop personal growth and community cohesion, this shift can adversely impact students’ mental health.

To begin with, the primary rationale for my support of students becoming volunteers lies in the skills that they acquire. By actively participating in various volunteer activities, students have opportunities to interact and collaborate with those who come from diverse backgrounds, as well as develop essential skills such as teamwork, communication, and problem-solving, which are invaluable for their future careers. Moreover, voluntary work allows students to gain practical experience and apply theoretical knowledge acquired in the classroom to real-life situations, thereby enhancing their understanding of societal issues and fostering a sense of civic responsibility. From the perspective of the local community, the contribution of university students through voluntary work can address pressing social needs, promote social inclusion, and strengthen community bonds. For instance, each year, numerous university students go to poverty-stricken regions, especially mountainous areas where infrastructure and facilities are largely underdeveloped to support those in need. By becoming volunteers, students have the opportunity to become responsible individuals in the future and develop their society inclusively.

On the other hand, implementing compulsory community service may pose challenges to students’ mental health. This is because higher education becomes more complicated, and university students devote considerable time to studying and comprehending their coursework. In addition, there are a number of undergraduates who have to do part-time jobs to earn extra income while studying to alleviate the financial burden on their families. Therefore, participation in charitable projects may not be the optimal approach because it increases students’ stress levels. As a result, they tend to struggle to balance their academic responsibilities with their volunteer commitments and part-time work.

In conclusion, while participating in voluntary work provides students with real-life skills that are useful for personal growth and community cohesion, the noteworthy drawback encompasses mental health, which should not be underestimated. Therefore, I believe that some educational institutions should be flexible in planning volunteering programs to accommodate diverse students’ schedules. Undergraduates should strike a balance between studying and doing voluntary work to reduce the risk of depression and have a full awareness of society.