All university students should do some voluntary work to help the local community. To what do you agree or disagree

In the era of modernization, some people commonly state that all college students should engage in voluntary work during their free time to contribute to the local community, while others contend that this work should not be mandatory. This essay will represent an elaborate debate of both sides.

On the one hand, doing many voluntary works could be of paramount importance to students to develop their study career. To give an explanation, it offers students the opportunity to improve their crucial skill such as teamwork, communication or leadership, which are highly assessed by employers in the future. Joining in voluntary activities might help students develop social responsibility, awareness, shaping them into more well-rounded citizens. Furthermore, voluntary works allow university students having chance to apply their knowledge which they are taught in school into real life situations, giving them a lot of experience to prepare for future jobs. It could be vividly exemplified by Ton Duc Thang university usually organize many voluntary programs for students, which give students more chance to contribute to communication and applying their knowledge, interestingly, Ton Duc Thang one of the most university have a significant number of students having jobs after graduate.

On the other hand, there are valid arguments against with opinion that college students should be engage in voluntary activities. Mainly because, during the university course many students may already have heavy academic workloads, part-time jobs, family responsibilities. Therefore, forcing students to participate in community service might lead to resentment and burnout, ultimately detracting from their overall well-being. Moreover, taking part in voluntary work should come from free will, not coercion.

In conclusion, students doing lots of voluntary activities have merit to their future career, in fact it could be shown that students are forced to join in this work may bring many conflicting opinions. To express my opinion, albeit an influx of important considerations, we should balance all modes to go further.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In the era of modernization" -> "In the context of modernization"
Explanation: "In the context of" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase than "in the era of," which can sound somewhat vague and colloquial in this context.
"some people commonly state" -> "many scholars argue"
Explanation: "Many scholars argue" is more specific and formal than "some people commonly state," which is too vague and informal for academic writing.
"engage in voluntary work" -> "participate in voluntary activities"
Explanation: "Participate in voluntary activities" is more formal and precise than "engage in voluntary work," which is somewhat informal and less specific.
"doing many voluntary works" -> "engaging in numerous voluntary activities"
Explanation: "Engaging in numerous voluntary activities" is more formal and avoids the awkward phrasing of "doing many voluntary works."
"could be of paramount importance" -> "is crucial"
Explanation: "Is crucial" is a more direct and assertive statement than "could be of paramount importance," which is somewhat tentative and less forceful.
"such as teamwork, communication or leadership" -> "such as teamwork, communication, and leadership"
Explanation: Adding "and" before "leadership" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances the formal tone.
"Joining in voluntary activities" -> "Participating in voluntary activities"
Explanation: "Participating" is more formal and precise than "Joining in," which is colloquial.
"having chance to" -> "having the opportunity to"
Explanation: "Having the opportunity to" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "having chance to."
"giving them a lot of experience" -> "providing them with extensive experience"
Explanation: "Providing them with extensive experience" is more formal and precise than "giving them a lot of experience," which is informal and vague.
"It could be vividly exemplified by" -> "This can be exemplified by"
Explanation: "This can be exemplified by" is more concise and formal than "It could be vividly exemplified by," which is overly dramatic and less precise.
"usually organize" -> "typically organize"
Explanation: "Typically" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing than "usually."
"give students more chance to" -> "provide students with more opportunities to"
Explanation: "Provide students with more opportunities to" is more formal and precise than "give students more chance to."
"Ton Duc Thang one of the most university have" -> "Ton Duc Thang University, one of the most prominent universities, has"
Explanation: This correction addresses grammatical errors and enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.
"valid arguments against with opinion" -> "valid arguments against the opinion"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the structure of the sentence.
"college students should be engage in voluntary activities" -> "college students should engage in voluntary activities"
Explanation: Removes the unnecessary "be" for grammatical correctness and formality.
"forcing students to participate in community service" -> "requiring students to participate in community service"
Explanation: "Requiring" is more formal and precise than "forcing," which can imply coercion in a negative light.
"students doing lots of voluntary activities" -> "students engaging in numerous voluntary activities"
Explanation: "Engaging in numerous voluntary activities" is more formal and avoids the informal "doing lots of."
"have merit to their future career" -> "benefit their future careers"
Explanation: "Benefit their future careers" is grammatically correct and more formal than "have merit to their future career."
"in fact it could be shown" -> "in fact, it can be demonstrated"
Explanation: "In fact, it can be demonstrated" is more formal and precise than "in fact it could be shown," which is less assertive and less formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether all university students should engage in voluntary work. However, it does not clearly state the writer’s position on the matter until the conclusion, which may lead to confusion about the overall stance. The introduction introduces the debate but lacks a definitive thesis statement that indicates the writer’s agreement or disagreement with the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should include a clear thesis statement in the introduction that explicitly states their position on the issue. This would guide the reader and provide a framework for the argument. Additionally, each paragraph should connect back to this position to ensure that all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay discusses both sides of the argument, the position of the writer is not consistently clear throughout the essay. The conclusion attempts to express a personal opinion, but it is vague and does not reinforce a strong stance. Phrases like "we should balance all modes to go further" lack clarity and do not effectively communicate the writer’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: The writer should maintain a clear position throughout the essay by explicitly stating their agreement or disagreement in the introduction and reiterating this stance in the conclusion. Using clear language and definitive statements will help convey a consistent viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits of voluntary work, such as skill development and social responsibility. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For instance, the mention of Ton Duc Thang University is not well-integrated into the argument and does not clearly illustrate the point being made. Additionally, the counterarguments are presented but could be further developed to provide a more balanced view.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. This could include specific instances of how voluntary work has benefited students or statistics that support the claims. Expanding on counterarguments with examples will also create a more nuanced discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the merits and drawbacks of voluntary work for university students. However, some sentences are convoluted and may distract from the main argument. For example, the phrase "students having chance to apply their knowledge which they are taught in school into real life situations" could be more concise and directly related to the topic.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on clarity and conciseness in their writing. Each sentence should directly contribute to the argument being made. Reviewing and revising sentences for clarity will help maintain focus and ensure that all content is relevant to the topic at hand.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score for Task Response, the writer should clarify their position, provide more detailed support for their ideas, and ensure that all content remains focused on the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the topic and states the intention to discuss both sides. Each paragraph addresses a distinct viewpoint, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of voluntary work, while the second body paragraph presents counterarguments. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, particularly in the second body paragraph where the shift from discussing academic workloads to the importance of voluntary work feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," at the beginning of paragraphs can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the first body paragraph is somewhat lengthy and could benefit from being split into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the skills gained from voluntary work and another on the application of knowledge in real-life situations.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single clear idea and is not overly long. Aim for a balance between the length of paragraphs, ensuring that they are neither too short nor too long. This will enhance readability and allow for more focused discussions within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "furthermore," "on the one hand," and "on the other hand," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "to give an explanation" could be replaced with a more cohesive transition that ties the idea back to the previous sentence more effectively.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "however," "for instance," and "consequently." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain the flow of ideas. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can also help in becoming more comfortable with their application.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, there are areas for improvement, particularly in enhancing logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices. Focusing on these aspects will help elevate the overall quality of the writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "voluntary work," "social responsibility," and "well-rounded citizens." However, the use of phrases such as "doing many voluntary works" and "the opportunity to improve their crucial skill" indicates a lack of variety and sophistication in word choice. Additionally, the phrase "elaborate debate of both sides" is somewhat vague and could be expressed more clearly.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more varied synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "voluntary work," alternatives like "community service," "charitable activities," or "philanthropic efforts" could be used. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary, such as "engagement" instead of "doing," would elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "valid arguments against with opinion" which is awkwardly phrased. The phrase "having chance to apply their knowledge" is also unclear and could be more effectively articulated. Furthermore, the term "paramount importance" is somewhat exaggerated in this context, as it could imply an absolute necessity rather than a beneficial opportunity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. For example, "valid arguments against the opinion" would be clearer than "valid arguments against with opinion." Additionally, using phrases like "provides an opportunity to apply their knowledge" instead of "having chance to apply" would enhance clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, including "voluntary works" (should be "voluntary work" when referring to the concept in general), "interesting" (which is misplaced in the context), and "one of the most university" (which should be "one of the universities"). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, possibly using tools like spell checkers or grammar checkers. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards for commonly misspelled words can be beneficial. Reading more academic texts can also help reinforce correct spelling and usage in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, ensuring precise word usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the writer employs complex sentences such as “In the era of modernization, some people commonly state that all college students should engage in voluntary work during their free time to contribute to the local community.” However, there is a tendency to rely on similar structures throughout the essay, which limits the overall variety. For example, phrases like “voluntary works could be of paramount importance” and “voluntary works allow university students having chance” show a repetitive use of the noun “voluntary works” and similar sentence beginnings.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, using introductory phrases or clauses can add variety. Instead of repeating “voluntary works,” synonyms such as “community service” or “charitable activities” could be used. Additionally, varying the sentence length and structure will enhance the essay’s readability and engagement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase “voluntary works allow university students having chance” is grammatically incorrect; it should be “to have the chance.” Additionally, the sentence “It could be vividly exemplified by Ton Duc Thang university usually organize many voluntary programs for students” lacks proper subject-verb agreement and punctuation. The correct form would be “Ton Duc Thang University usually organizes many voluntary programs for students.” Furthermore, the use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement rules and practice constructing sentences that maintain this agreement. Regularly proofreading for common errors, such as incorrect verb forms and punctuation misuse, will also be beneficial. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and correct mistakes before submission. Additionally, focusing on sentence clarity and ensuring that each sentence conveys a complete thought will enhance overall coherence.

By addressing these areas, the writer can improve the grammatical range and accuracy of their essay, potentially raising their band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

On the one hand, participating in numerous voluntary activities could be of paramount importance to students in developing their academic careers. To explain, it offers students the opportunity to improve their crucial skills such as teamwork, communication, and leadership, which are highly valued by employers in the future. Engaging in voluntary activities might help students develop social responsibility and awareness, shaping them into more well-rounded citizens. Furthermore, voluntary work allows university students to have the chance to apply the knowledge they are taught in school to real-life situations, providing them with extensive experience to prepare for future jobs. This can be exemplified by Ton Duc Thang University, which typically organizes many voluntary programs for students, giving them more opportunities to contribute to the community and apply their knowledge. Interestingly, Ton Duc Thang University, one of the most prominent universities, has a significant number of students who secure jobs after graduation.

On the other hand, there are valid arguments against the opinion that college students should engage in voluntary activities. Mainly because, during their university courses, many students may already have heavy academic workloads, part-time jobs, and family responsibilities. Therefore, requiring students to participate in community service might lead to resentment and burnout, ultimately detracting from their overall well-being. Moreover, taking part in voluntary work should come from free will, not coercion.

In conclusion, while participating in numerous voluntary activities has merits for students’ future careers, it can be demonstrated that forcing students to join in this work may lead to conflicting opinions. To express my opinion, albeit with important considerations, we should balance all modes to move forward.