All university students should do some voluntary work to help the local community.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is sometimes argued that every undergraduate had better contribute to the society by taking part in volunteering activities. I completely agree with this idea as these contributions are necessary and beneficial for the participants themselves and society as a whole, although excessive involment might detract them from their study.
Supporters of this claim could point out that such activities are crucial for both personal and societary development. From an individual perspective, doing so can help develp their practical skills, which are essential for both academic pursuits and careers. According to recent studies, many university students who are members of charitable organisations have a better performance at school, which might be as a consequence of the enhancement in time management skills and critical thinking. From a societal perspective, more impoverished and disadvantaged people can be helped with the support of these young people, such as teaching children in remote areas or building schools and hospitals.
Despite the aforementioned obvious benefits, ineffective priority may have detrimental impacts on their learning results. In other words, participation in these activities is recommended as long as they know how to allocate time effectively. It is true that teachers often expect their students to complete assignments, revise for exams, and attend lessons. Meanwhile, engaging in voluntary activities also requires a certain amount of time for meetings, preparation, and the events themselves. If they fail to use time wisely, it might be overwhelming and demanding for them to do well. Consequently, such pressures might prompt some to drop off school or even at worst suffer from mental disorders.
In conclusion, I admit that university students should be encouraged to work on a volunteer basis, because this approach is obviously advantageous for them and the society. Nevertheless, it is important to take its possible dangers concerning their learning into account.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"every undergraduate had better" -> "every undergraduate should"
Explanation: "Had better" is an informal and somewhat archaic expression. "Should" is more direct and appropriate for formal academic writing.
"contribute to the society" -> "contribute to society"
Explanation: "The society" is redundant; "society" is sufficient and more concise in this context.
"volunteering activities" -> "volunteer activities"
Explanation: "Volunteering activities" is grammatically incorrect. "Volunteer activities" is the correct form.
"I completely agree with this idea" -> "I strongly support this perspective"
Explanation: "Completely agree" is somewhat informal and can be replaced with "strongly support" for a more formal tone.
"these contributions are necessary and beneficial" -> "these contributions are essential and advantageous"
Explanation: "Necessary and beneficial" is a common combination, but "essential and advantageous" provides a slightly more formal and precise alternative.
"excessive involment" -> "excessive involvement"
Explanation: "Involment" is a typographical error; "involvement" is the correct word.
"might detract them from their study" -> "might distract them from their studies"
Explanation: "Study" should be pluralized to "studies" to match the context of multiple academic pursuits.
"doing so can help develp" -> "doing so can help develop"
Explanation: "Develp" is a typographical error; "develop" is the correct spelling.
"which might be as a consequence of" -> "which may be a consequence of"
Explanation: "Might be as a consequence of" is awkward and unclear. "May be a consequence of" is clearer and more formal.
"more impoverished and disadvantaged people" -> "more disadvantaged individuals"
Explanation: "Impoverished" is somewhat redundant when used with "disadvantaged." "Individuals" is a more formal term than "people" in academic writing.
"teaching children in remote areas or building schools and hospitals" -> "teaching children in remote areas, building schools, and establishing hospitals"
Explanation: Adding commas and changing "and" to "establishing" improves the sentence structure and clarity.
"ineffective priority" -> "ineffective prioritization"
Explanation: "Priority" is not the correct term here; "prioritization" is the appropriate noun form.
"detrimental impacts" -> "adverse effects"
Explanation: "Detrimental impacts" is a bit awkward; "adverse effects" is a more commonly used and understood phrase in academic writing.
"know how to allocate time effectively" -> "learn how to manage their time effectively"
Explanation: "Know" is too absolute; "learn" is more accurate in describing the process of developing time management skills.
"engage in voluntary activities" -> "participate in volunteer activities"
Explanation: "Engage in" is less specific; "participate in" is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts.
"at worst suffer from mental disorders" -> "at worst, suffer from mental disorders"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "at worst" improves the grammatical structure of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position of agreement with the idea that university students should engage in voluntary work. The author discusses both the benefits of volunteering for personal and societal development and acknowledges potential drawbacks related to academic performance. This dual perspective demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic. However, while the essay mentions the need for balance, it could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement, as the prompt asks for a degree of agreement.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could explicitly state how strongly they agree with the necessity of volunteering. For instance, they could quantify their agreement (e.g., "I strongly believe that…") or provide a more nuanced view that explores varying degrees of volunteering based on different circumstances.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that supports voluntary work for university students. The author consistently reinforces this stance throughout the essay, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. However, the transition into discussing the potential downsides could be clearer to ensure that the reader understands that the primary position remains supportive, albeit with caution.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author could use transitional phrases that explicitly link the acknowledgment of potential drawbacks back to their main argument. For example, stating, "While I recognize the challenges, I believe the benefits outweigh them" would help maintain a clear position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the personal benefits of volunteering (skill development, improved academic performance) and societal benefits (supporting disadvantaged communities). These points are supported by examples and studies, which strengthens the argument. However, the essay could benefit from more detailed examples or statistics to further substantiate claims, particularly regarding societal impacts.
- How to improve: The author should consider including specific examples of volunteering projects or initiatives that have had a measurable impact on communities or personal development. Additionally, citing a specific study or providing quantitative data could enhance the credibility of the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of voluntary work and its implications for university students. There are no significant deviations from the main topic, and the arguments presented are relevant. However, the mention of "mental disorders" could be seen as a deviation if not adequately contextualized within the broader discussion of academic pressures.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central thesis. If discussing mental health, it would be beneficial to tie this back to how volunteering can potentially alleviate stress or provide support systems for students, thereby reinforcing the main argument rather than introducing a tangential issue.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a strong argument in favor of voluntary work for university students, with room for improvement in clarity, depth of examples, and explicit connection to the prompt’s requirements.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument supporting the idea that university students should engage in voluntary work. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs logically follow this assertion. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of volunteering from both personal and societal perspectives, while the second body paragraph addresses potential drawbacks. This organization helps the reader follow the argument. However, the transition between the benefits and drawbacks could be smoother to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the benefits to the drawbacks. For example, after discussing the benefits, a sentence like "However, while these advantages are significant, it is also crucial to consider the potential challenges that volunteering may pose to students’ academic commitments" would create a more seamless transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, the first body paragraph elaborates on the positive aspects of volunteering, and the second body paragraph discusses the potential negative consequences. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it somewhat blends into the final body paragraph rather than summarizing the key points.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion is clearly delineated and summarizes the main arguments without introducing new ideas. A strong concluding sentence that reiterates the importance of balancing volunteering with academic responsibilities could reinforce the essay’s overall message.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "although," "despite," and "in conclusion," which help to connect ideas and maintain coherence. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For instance, the phrase "from an individual perspective" is repeated, which can make the writing feel somewhat formulaic.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases to introduce new points. Instead of repeatedly using "from an individual perspective," you could use "from a personal standpoint" or "on a personal level." Additionally, incorporating more linking words such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "conversely" can enhance the flow and richness of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By refining transitions, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms like "volunteering activities," "impoverished," and "detract." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice. For example, the phrase "voluntary work" is used in the prompt but could have been paraphrased in the essay to avoid redundancy. Additionally, phrases like "necessary and beneficial" could be enhanced with synonyms to show a broader lexical range.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "beneficial," alternatives like "advantageous" or "favorable" could be used. Engaging with a thesaurus while drafting could help in identifying diverse vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "critical thinking" and "time management skills." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "societary development," which is not a standard term; "societal" would be more appropriate. Additionally, "drop off school" is an incorrect phrase; the correct expression would be "drop out of school."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should review vocabulary choices and ensure they align with standard usage. Utilizing resources like dictionaries or academic writing guides can help clarify the correct terms. Moreover, proofreading for common phrases and idiomatic expressions can prevent such errors.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "involment" (should be "involvement") and "develp" (should be "develop"). These mistakes detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a systematic approach to proofreading. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors, as can using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "Although excessive involvement might detract them from their study," and compound sentences like "I completely agree with this idea as these contributions are necessary and beneficial for the participants themselves and society as a whole." However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and developed. For example, the phrase "from an individual perspective" is used multiple times, which can lead to a monotonous reading experience.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider varying the introductory phrases and using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "from an individual perspective," you could alternate with phrases like "on a personal level" or "individually speaking." Additionally, incorporating more varied conjunctions and transitional phrases can enhance the flow and complexity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall quality. For example, "had better contribute" is awkward and should be revised to "should contribute." The term "societary" is incorrect and should be replaced with "societal." There are also spelling errors, such as "involment" instead of "involvement" and "develp" instead of "develop." Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are areas where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which might be as a consequence of the enhancement in time management skills and critical thinking."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully or use grammar-checking tools. Focus on common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of vocabulary. Additionally, practicing writing exercises that emphasize different grammatical structures can help solidify understanding. For punctuation, reviewing rules regarding comma usage, particularly in complex sentences, will enhance clarity and readability.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, attention to detail in grammar, spelling, and sentence variety will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is sometimes argued that every undergraduate should contribute to society by participating in volunteer activities. I completely agree with this perspective, as these contributions are essential and advantageous for both the participants themselves and society as a whole, although excessive involvement might distract them from their studies.

Supporters of this claim could point out that such activities are crucial for both personal and societal development. From an individual perspective, doing so can help develop practical skills, which are essential for both academic pursuits and future careers. According to recent studies, many university students who engage in charitable organizations perform better academically, which may be a consequence of the enhancement in their time management skills and critical thinking. From a societal perspective, more disadvantaged individuals can benefit from the support of these young people, such as through teaching children in remote areas, building schools, and establishing hospitals.

Despite the aforementioned benefits, ineffective prioritization may have adverse effects on their academic performance. In other words, participation in these activities is recommended as long as students learn how to manage their time effectively. It is true that teachers often expect their students to complete assignments, revise for exams, and attend lessons. Meanwhile, engaging in volunteer activities also requires a certain amount of time for meetings, preparation, and the events themselves. If students fail to use their time wisely, it might become overwhelming and demanding for them to excel. Consequently, such pressures might prompt some to drop out of school or, at worst, suffer from mental disorders.

In conclusion, I strongly support the idea that university students should be encouraged to participate in volunteer activities, as this approach is clearly beneficial for both them and society. Nevertheless, it is important to consider the potential dangers regarding their academic performance.