Although the prices of fuels have greatly increased over the last decade or two, it is argued that further increases in fuel prices are the only way to reduce world consumption of fuel and lessen pressure on the world’s fuel resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In today's world, many argue that the global population increases all over the world, which brings to many problems and creates global emergency. Others suggest that population growth is essential and advantageous as it helps the development of increasingly economically and socially. While both viewpoints have their own merits, I personally advocate for population growth which has a positive impact on the global.
On the one hand, it is clear that population growth occurs majorly in underdeveloped countries and developing countries, which creates an economic and social burden for countries all over the world. In particular, poverty and deprivation lead to a high rate of criminals because of lack of education and awareness of social life. For example, India is the country with the largest population in the world accompany with high crime rate such as robbery and rape as well as the illiterate rate in this country more than thirty percent. As the result, the government is suffering the serious consequence of population explosion in their country.
On the other hand, in recent years, the proportion of the elderly population has increased significantly, along with the development of increasingly advanced modern technology. Thus, population growth is extremely important so that the young generation can continue and develop economically and socially. For instance, the success rate of young people is growing , thanks to their ability to absorb knowledge and learn very quickly that things can be difficult for older workers.
In conclusion, based on the cogent points above, I reckon that every individual should have family planning to ensure the development of the global as well as reduce burden for the government. In addition, the provision of education and opportunity for young people helps them a stepping stone for their future and support the global economy and society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"which brings to many problems and creates global emergency" -> "resulting in numerous issues and global emergencies"
Explanation: "Brings to many problems" lacks precision and formality. "Resulting in numerous issues and global emergencies" provides a more formal and clear expression of the consequences of population growth.
"Others suggest that population growth is essential and advantageous as it helps the development of increasingly economically and socially." -> "Others argue that population growth is essential and beneficial as it fosters economic and social development."
Explanation: "Advantageous" is less formal compared to "beneficial," and "increasingly economically and socially" is awkward phrasing. "Fosters economic and social development" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea.
"While both viewpoints have their own merits, I personally advocate for population growth which has a positive impact on the global." -> "While both viewpoints have their merits, I personally advocate for population growth, which I believe has a positive global impact."
Explanation: "Own merits" is somewhat informal. "I believe" adds clarity and conviction to the statement, and "positive global impact" is a more precise and formal expression.
"On the one hand, it is clear that population growth occurs majorly in underdeveloped countries and developing countries, which creates an economic and social burden for countries all over the world." -> "On one hand, it is evident that population growth is predominant in underdeveloped and developing countries, resulting in economic and social burdens globally."
Explanation: "Majorly" is colloquial; "predominant" is more formal. "Creates" is replaced with "resulting in," which is more precise and formal. "All over the world" is replaced with "globally" for conciseness.
"In particular, poverty and deprivation lead to a high rate of criminals because of lack of education and awareness of social life." -> "Poverty and deprivation, particularly due to lack of education and social awareness, contribute to high crime rates."
Explanation: "Lead to a high rate of criminals" is awkward and informal. "Contribute to high crime rates" is more formal and precise.
"For example, India is the country with the largest population in the world accompany with high crime rate such as robbery and rape as well as the illiterate rate in this country more than thirty percent." -> "For instance, India, the most populous country globally, contends with high crime rates, including robbery and rape, alongside an illiteracy rate exceeding thirty percent."
Explanation: "Accompany with" is incorrect; "contends with" is more precise. "Such as" is preferred over "as well as" in this context. "In this country more than thirty percent" is awkward; "an illiteracy rate exceeding thirty percent" is more concise and formal.
"As the result, the government is suffering the serious consequence of population explosion in their country." -> "As a result, the government is grappling with the serious consequences of population explosion."
Explanation: "The serious consequence" lacks specificity and formality. "Grappling with" is a more formal and precise expression.
"On the other hand, in recent years, the proportion of the elderly population has increased significantly, along with the development of increasingly advanced modern technology." -> "Conversely, in recent years, there has been a significant increase in the proportion of the elderly population, coinciding with the advancement of modern technology."
Explanation: "On the other hand" is replaced with "Conversely" for variety. "Along with" is replaced with "coinciding with" for clarity and precision.
"Thus, population growth is extremely important so that the young generation can continue and develop economically and socially." -> "Therefore, population growth is crucial to facilitate the continued economic and social development of the younger generation."
Explanation: "Extremely important" is less formal; "crucial" is more appropriate. "So that" is replaced with "to facilitate" for clarity and formality.
"For instance, the success rate of young people is growing, thanks to their ability to absorb knowledge and learn very quickly that things can be difficult for older workers." -> "For example, the success rate of young people is increasing, owing to their capacity to swiftly acquire knowledge, a challenge that may be more daunting for older workers."
Explanation: "Thanks to" is replaced with "owing to" for formality. "Learn very quickly that things can be difficult" is awkward; "swiftly acquire knowledge, a challenge that may be more daunting for older workers" is more formal and precise.
"In conclusion, based on the cogent points above, I reckon that every individual should have family planning to ensure the development of the global as well as reduce burden for the government." -> "In conclusion, considering the compelling points outlined above, I assert that universal access to family planning is essential for global development and to alleviate the burden on governments."
Explanation: "Based on" is replaced with "considering" for variety. "Reckon" is informal; "assert" is more appropriate. "Ensure the development of the global" is unclear; "essential for global development" is more precise. "Reduce burden for the government" is awkward; "to alleviate the burden on governments" is clearer and more formal.
"In addition, the provision of education and opportunity for young people helps them a stepping stone for their future and support the global economy and society." -> "Moreover, providing education and opportunities for young people not only serves as a stepping stone for their future but also bolsters the global economy and society."
Explanation: "Helps them a stepping stone for their future" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Serves as a stepping stone for their future" is more formal and correct. "Support the global economy and society" is vague; "bolsters the global economy and society" is more precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument, acknowledging the viewpoints that advocate for and against population growth. However, there is a lack of direct relevance to the given prompt about fuel prices and consumption reduction. Instead, the essay focuses solely on population growth.
- How to improve: To better fulfill this criterion, it’s crucial to directly engage with the prompt and ensure that all aspects of the question are addressed. In this case, discussing the relationship between fuel prices, consumption reduction, and population growth would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of population growth, which is stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, the clarity could be improved by providing more nuanced reasoning and addressing potential counterarguments.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, it’s advisable to offer more detailed explanations and evidence to support the chosen stance. Additionally, acknowledging opposing viewpoints and refuting them strengthens the argument’s coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and elaboration. For example, while discussing the negative impacts of population growth, it mentions poverty and crime rates without providing sufficient evidence or analysis. Similarly, the positive aspects are briefly mentioned without elaboration.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the essay should offer more detailed explanations, examples, and evidence to support each point. Providing statistics, case studies, or expert opinions can enhance the credibility and persuasiveness of the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay deviates significantly from the given prompt by focusing solely on population growth instead of addressing the issue of fuel prices and consumption reduction. This lack of relevance affects the overall coherence and effectiveness of the essay.
- How to improve: To ensure staying on topic, it’s essential to carefully analyze the prompt and maintain a clear connection between the arguments presented and the central theme. Integrating relevant examples or data related to fuel prices and consumption would strengthen the essay’s focus and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a coherent structure overall. It begins with an introduction that presents the two viewpoints, followed by body paragraphs discussing each perspective in turn. The writer transitions smoothly between paragraphs, using phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" to signal shifts in argumentation. However, there are moments where the logical progression is hindered by unclear connections between ideas. For instance, the transition from discussing population growth’s burden on underdeveloped countries to the importance of population growth for the younger generation could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between ideas to ensure a seamless flow of thought. Use transition words and phrases more consistently to guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid confusion and maintain clarity.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into three paragraphs: an introduction, a body paragraph discussing the drawbacks of population growth, and another addressing its benefits. Each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding statement. However, the body paragraphs could be further developed to provide more depth and coherence in argumentation. Additionally, the conclusion paragraph effectively summarizes the main points discussed.
- How to improve: Consider expanding each body paragraph to provide more nuanced arguments and evidence. Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear structure, with a topic sentence introducing the main idea, supporting details to bolster the argument, and a concluding sentence that reinforces the paragraph’s contribution to the overall thesis.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Transition words and phrases such as "On the one hand" and "In conclusion" help to guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Additionally, pronouns and demonstratives are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned concepts. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and sophistication of cohesive devices used.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, including conjunctions, adverbs, and pronouns, to add depth and sophistication to the essay’s coherence. Vary sentence structures and employ parallelism to create rhythm and flow in the writing. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to strengthen connections between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, covering various aspects of the topic such as population growth, economic development, social issues, and government policies. For instance, it utilizes terms like "population growth," "underdeveloped countries," "economic burden," "elderly population," "family planning," and "global economy." However, the essay could benefit from incorporating more diverse and nuanced vocabulary to enhance lexical richness and sophistication.
- How to improve: To improve lexical resource, the writer could integrate more precise and specialized vocabulary relevant to the topic. For example, instead of repeatedly using "population growth," they could employ synonyms like "demographic expansion" or "population surge." Additionally, incorporating domain-specific terminology related to economics, sociology, and public policy could elevate the sophistication of the essay’s vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates both precise and imprecise usage of vocabulary. Precise usage is evident in phrases like "population growth occurs majorly in underdeveloped countries" and "the success rate of young people is growing." However, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "global emergency" instead of "global challenges" or "population explosion" instead of "rapid population growth." These imprecisions slightly hinder the clarity and accuracy of the essay’s message.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, the writer should carefully select words that accurately convey their intended meaning. Consulting a thesaurus or specialized dictionaries can help find more precise alternatives. Additionally, paying attention to the context and connotations of words can aid in choosing the most appropriate vocabulary for expressing ideas clearly and effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate spelling throughout, with few noticeable errors. However, there are a couple of misspelled words, such as "accompany" instead of "accompanied" and "illiterate rate" instead of "illiteracy rate." These errors, though minor, slightly detract from the overall professionalism and readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, paying close attention to commonly misspelled words. Utilizing spell-checking tools and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can also help identify and correct spelling errors effectively. Additionally, practicing spelling through regular writing and reading can contribute to improved spelling proficiency over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency towards simpler sentence structures, which limits the variety and sophistication of expression. For instance, there is frequent use of basic subject-verb-object constructions without much variation.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence forms such as compound-complex sentences, which can add depth and nuance to your ideas. Additionally, experiment with rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion to create stylistic variation and engage the reader more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation usage. However, there are several instances of grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes throughout the essay. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("Others suggest that population growth is essential and advantageous as it helps the development…"), incorrect verb forms ("In particular, poverty and deprivation lead to a high rate of criminals…"), and missing or misused punctuation marks ("On the one hand, it is clear that population growth occurs majorly in underdeveloped countries and developing countries, which creates an economic and social burden for countries all over the world.").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure. Proofread your writing carefully to identify and correct errors in punctuation, ensuring that commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are used correctly to clarify meaning and enhance readability. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify recurring grammatical issues and address them systematically.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, there is a debate about global population growth, which some argue leads to numerous issues and global emergencies. Others contend that population growth is vital and beneficial as it fosters economic and social development. While both perspectives have their merits, I personally advocate for population growth, which I believe has a positive impact globally.

On one hand, it is evident that population growth is predominant in underdeveloped and developing countries, resulting in economic and social burdens globally. Poverty and deprivation, particularly due to lack of education and social awareness, contribute to high crime rates. For instance, India, the most populous country globally, contends with high crime rates, including robbery and rape, alongside an illiteracy rate exceeding thirty percent. Consequently, the government is grappling with the serious consequences of population explosion.

Conversely, in recent years, there has been a significant increase in the proportion of the elderly population, coinciding with the advancement of modern technology. Therefore, population growth is crucial to facilitate the continued economic and social development of the younger generation. For example, the success rate of young people is increasing, owing to their capacity to swiftly acquire knowledge, a challenge that may be more daunting for older workers.

In conclusion, considering the compelling points outlined above, I assert that universal access to family planning is essential for global development and to alleviate the burden on governments. Moreover, providing education and opportunities for young people not only serves as a stepping stone for their future but also bolsters the global economy and society.