An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to
improve their appearance. Why do people have operations to change the way they
look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

The decision to undergo cosmetic surgery is increasingly prevalent as individuals seek to
enhance their aesthetic appeal. This essay explores the rationale behind this growing
trend and considers whether this is a positive or negative development.

The primary motivation leading individuals to consider cosmetic surgery is the quest to
boost their self-confidence. In contemporary society, the media and societal norms
heavily emphasize the importance of physical appeal, driving many to modify their
appearance in order to meet these established benchmarks. For example, an individual
may decide to have rhinoplasty if they have spent years feeling insecure about their nose.
The outcome of the surgery could provide them with an elevated sense of self-assurance,
thus improving their overall life satisfaction.

Notwithstanding these factors, the surge in cosmetic surgery might be met with doubt.

While it offers people the liberty to change their bodies, possibly enhancing their self-
assurance, it is also a double-edged sword. The societal emphasis on physical

attractiveness could erode self-esteem, particularly for those who lack the financial
means for such procedures. Besides, surgeries inherently involve health hazards, like
complications after the operation or discontent with the outcome, which could aggravate
the mental health issues they intended to address.

In conclusion, while cosmetic surgery may offer a pathway to enhanced self-confidence,
it's crucial to weigh these benefits against the potential drawbacks. Fostering a more
inclusive perception of beauty, one that celebrates diversity in appearances, would be a
healthier approach. Cosmetic surgery should not be seen as the ultimate remedy to
issues related to self-esteem, and due care should be taken to assess the potential risks
involved.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"increasingly prevalent" -> "increasingly common"
Explanation: "Increasingly common" is a more straightforward and commonly used term in academic writing, making it more suitable for formal contexts.
"aesthetic appeal" -> "physical appearance"
Explanation: "Physical appearance" is a more precise term in the context of discussing the visual aspects of a person, aligning better with academic language.
"boost their self-confidence" -> "enhance their self-confidence"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal synonym for "boost," which is typically used in academic writing to describe improvements or increases.
"modify their appearance" -> "alter their physical appearance"
Explanation: "Alter their physical appearance" is more specific and formal, emphasizing the direct impact on the body.
"meet these established benchmarks" -> "conform to these societal standards"
Explanation: "Conform to these societal standards" is more precise and formal, highlighting the societal pressures involved.
"elevated sense of self-assurance" -> "enhanced self-assurance"
Explanation: "Enhanced self-assurance" is a more concise and academically appropriate term, avoiding the colloquial tone of "elevated."
"double-edged sword" -> "complex issue"
Explanation: "Double-edged sword" is an idiom that may be considered too informal for academic writing. "Complex issue" is a more neutral and formal alternative.
"liberty to change their bodies" -> "freedom to modify their bodies"
Explanation: "Freedom to modify their bodies" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the slightly informal connotation of "liberty."
"double-edged sword" -> "complex issue"
Explanation: As mentioned earlier, "double-edged sword" is an idiom that may be too informal for academic writing. "Complex issue" is more appropriate.
"lack the financial means" -> "are financially constrained"
Explanation: "Are financially constrained" is a more formal and precise way to express financial limitations.
"surgeries inherently involve health hazards" -> "surgeries inherently carry health risks"
Explanation: "Carry health risks" is a more precise and formal expression, suitable for academic writing.
"complications after the operation" -> "post-operative complications"
Explanation: "Post-operative complications" is a more technical and formal term, commonly used in medical and academic contexts.
"discontent with the outcome" -> "dissatisfaction with the outcome"
Explanation: "Dissatisfaction" is a more formal term than "discontent," aligning better with the academic style.
"it’s" -> "it is"
Explanation: In formal writing, "it is" should be used instead of the contraction "it’s" to maintain grammatical correctness and formality.
"a healthier approach" -> "a more constructive approach"
Explanation: "A more constructive approach" is a more precise and formal way to suggest a positive and beneficial strategy.
"due care should be taken" -> "caution should be exercised"
Explanation: "Caution should be exercised" is a more formal expression, commonly used in academic and professional contexts to advise careful consideration.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It first discusses the reasons why individuals opt for cosmetic surgery, highlighting self-confidence and societal pressures as key motivators. The second part is addressed in the conclusion, where the author evaluates the implications of this trend, suggesting that it has both positive and negative aspects. The use of examples, such as rhinoplasty, supports the rationale well.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the reasons for seeking surgery and the evaluation of whether this trend is positive or negative. For instance, integrating a discussion on how societal pressures could lead to negative outcomes could provide a more nuanced view.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that acknowledges both sides of the cosmetic surgery debate. The author suggests that while cosmetic surgery can boost self-confidence, it also poses risks and reflects societal issues. This dual perspective is articulated well, particularly in the conclusion, which emphasizes the need for a broader understanding of beauty.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the essay could explicitly state the author’s overall stance earlier in the introduction. For example, clearly indicating whether the author leans more towards the positive or negative aspects could guide the reader’s understanding throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, particularly in the discussion of self-confidence and societal pressures. The example of rhinoplasty serves to illustrate the point well. However, the discussion of negative aspects, such as health risks and financial barriers, could be further developed to provide a more balanced view.
- How to improve: To improve, the author could include more specific examples or statistics regarding the negative consequences of cosmetic surgery. Additionally, discussing alternative perspectives or solutions, such as promoting self-acceptance, could enrich the argument and provide a more comprehensive view.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with each paragraph contributing to the overall discussion of cosmetic surgery and its implications. The structure is logical, moving from motivations to evaluations, which helps maintain relevance.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensuring that each point made directly ties back to the central question can enhance coherence. The author should regularly refer back to the prompt to ensure that all ideas directly contribute to answering the question posed.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-rounded discussion. To achieve an even higher band score, the author should work on explicitly linking points to the prompt, developing ideas further, and ensuring a clear stance is communicated from the outset.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, starting with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intention. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the issue, such as motivations for cosmetic surgery and the potential drawbacks. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively discusses self-confidence as a primary motivation, while the second body paragraph introduces counterarguments, maintaining a balanced view. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and offers a thoughtful perspective on the issue.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could consider using more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs. For example, transitioning from the discussion of motivations to the drawbacks could be strengthened with a phrase like "However, it is important to consider the potential downsides of this trend." This would help guide the reader more smoothly through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs, each serving a distinct purpose. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs explore different facets of the topic, and the conclusion wraps up the discussion. Each paragraph is well-developed, with clear topic sentences that indicate the main idea. For instance, the first body paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that introduces the motivation for cosmetic surgery, followed by supporting details and examples.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the writer could enhance clarity by ensuring that each paragraph remains focused on a single main idea. For example, the second body paragraph could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the societal pressures and another on the health risks associated with cosmetic surgery. This would provide a clearer structure and allow for more in-depth exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "notwithstanding," "besides," and "for example," which help to connect ideas and provide clarity. The use of these devices contributes to the overall coherence of the essay, allowing the reader to follow the argument easily. The writer also employs some effective transitions, such as "In conclusion," which signals the end of the discussion and summarizes the main points.
- How to improve: To further diversify the range of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate more varied linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "consequently," and "on the other hand." This would enhance the sophistication of the writing and create more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used appropriately and not overused will maintain the essay’s fluidity and readability.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, meriting a band score of 8. With targeted improvements in linking phrases, paragraph focus, and the variety of cohesive devices, the writer can elevate the quality of their writing even further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively employing terms such as "aesthetic appeal," "self-confidence," "societal norms," and "double-edged sword." These choices reflect a sophisticated understanding of the topic and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. The use of phrases like "quest to boost" and "liberty to change" showcases the writer’s ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, while the vocabulary is varied, there are moments where more precise synonyms or less common vocabulary could enhance the richness of the text.
- How to improve: To further elevate the lexical range, consider incorporating more advanced vocabulary or idiomatic expressions. For instance, instead of "enhance their aesthetic appeal," alternatives like "refine their physical appearance" or "augment their visual allure" could be used. Additionally, integrating terms from psychology or sociology related to self-image could deepen the analysis.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with a high degree of precision. Terms like "rhinoplasty" are used correctly in context, and the phrase "societal emphasis on physical attractiveness" accurately captures the societal pressures influencing cosmetic surgery decisions. However, there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "could erode self-esteem" might imply a more definitive outcome than intended, as the impact of societal pressures can vary significantly among individuals.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, consider using qualifiers or more specific language. Instead of saying "could erode self-esteem," you might say "may contribute to a decline in self-esteem for some individuals." This adjustment acknowledges variability in experiences and strengthens the argument’s nuance.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words such as "complications," "discontent," and "assurance" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of English orthography. This accuracy contributes positively to the overall impression of the essay and aids in clear communication.
- How to improve: While spelling is already strong, it is beneficial to maintain this level of accuracy by regularly practicing writing and proofreading. Engaging with vocabulary-building exercises that include spelling drills can also help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, reading extensively can expose the writer to correct spelling in context, further solidifying their understanding.

In summary, this essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By incorporating more advanced vocabulary, refining precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can further enhance their performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is prevalent, such as in the phrase, "In contemporary society, the media and societal norms heavily emphasize the importance of physical appeal, driving many to modify their appearance in order to meet these established benchmarks." This showcases an effective use of subordinate clauses and participial phrases. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, which helps maintain reader engagement. However, there are instances where the sentence structure could be further diversified. For example, the phrase "the surge in cosmetic surgery might be met with doubt" could be rephrased to include more varied introductory clauses or transitional phrases to enhance flow.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases, such as "Despite the benefits," or "In light of these concerns," to begin sentences. Additionally, using more rhetorical questions or exclamatory sentences could add emphasis and variety. Practicing the integration of different sentence types, such as conditional sentences or using inversion for emphasis, could also enhance the overall complexity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "the societal emphasis on physical attractiveness could erode self-esteem" is grammatically correct and effectively conveys the intended meaning. Punctuation is also used effectively, with commas appropriately placed to separate clauses and enhance readability. However, there are a few instances where punctuation could be improved for clarity, such as in the sentence, "Notwithstanding these factors, the surge in cosmetic surgery might be met with doubt." The phrase "might be met with doubt" could benefit from a more explicit subject to clarify the sentence’s meaning.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on ensuring that all clauses are clearly connected and that subjects are explicitly stated when necessary. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can help avoid any potential ambiguity. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of tenses, can also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation usage. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The decision to undergo cosmetic surgery is increasingly common as individuals seek to enhance their aesthetic appeal. This essay explores the rationale behind this growing trend and considers whether this is a positive or negative development.

The primary motivation leading individuals to consider cosmetic surgery is the quest to boost their self-confidence. In contemporary society, the media and societal norms heavily emphasize the importance of physical appearance, driving many to alter their appearance in order to conform to these societal standards. For example, an individual may decide to have rhinoplasty if they have spent years feeling insecure about their nose. The outcome of the surgery could provide them with an enhanced sense of self-assurance, thus improving their overall life satisfaction.

Notwithstanding these factors, the surge in cosmetic surgery might be met with doubt. While it offers people the freedom to modify their bodies, possibly enhancing their self-confidence, it is also a double-edged sword. The societal emphasis on physical attractiveness could erode self-esteem, particularly for those who are financially constrained and cannot afford such procedures. Besides, surgeries inherently carry health risks, like post-operative complications or dissatisfaction with the outcome, which could aggravate the mental health issues they intended to address.

In conclusion, while cosmetic surgery may offer a pathway to enhanced self-confidence, it is crucial to weigh these benefits against the potential drawbacks. Fostering a more constructive approach to beauty, one that celebrates diversity in appearances, would be a healthier strategy. Cosmetic surgery should not be seen as the ultimate remedy to issues related to self-esteem, and caution should be exercised to assess the potential risks involved.