An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is true that more and more professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are relocating to wealthy nations to work. There are a number of reasons behind this situation, and several solutions should be taken into account to address it.

A range of problems resulting from the aforementioned situation are worth mentioning. First and foremost, the shortage of workforce is a direct consequence of this issue. The underlying reason is that the salary is commensurate with the effort they put in. As a result, professionals must look for other career opportunities in developed countries. Moreover, the phenomenon also brings about the loss of knowledge. Once they leave their home countries, the accummulated knowledge and expertise of these professionals are lost. Consequently, this hinders technological advancement and problem-solving skills.

To tackle this problem, several solutions should be implemented. The first way is to invest in aspects, including education and healthcare. The authorities should improve the facilities of healthcare and education systems and simplifying curriculum in public school. This can help to create a more attractive environment for employees. Another solution is enhancing economic opportunities. This can be achieved by creating a robust economy with competetive salaries and job prospects and offering incentives such as housing allowances or scholarships. Such an approach will have a positive effect on encouraging specialists to stay.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons for this problem, and several approaches should be adopted to solve it.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is true that" -> "It is evident that"
   Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and assertive way to introduce a statement in academic writing, enhancing the tone of certainty and authority.

2. "more and more professionals" -> "an increasing number of professionals"
   Explanation: "An increasing number of" is a more precise and formal expression, avoiding the colloquial tone of "more and more."

3. "relocating to wealthy nations" -> "migrating to affluent countries"
   Explanation: "Migrating" is a more specific term in the context of professional movement, and "affluent countries" is a more formal synonym for "wealthy nations."

4. "should be taken into account" -> "should be considered"
   Explanation: "Should be considered" is a more direct and formal way to suggest that something needs to be thought about or addressed.

5. "A range of problems resulting from the aforementioned situation" -> "Several issues arising from this phenomenon"
   Explanation: "Several issues arising from this phenomenon" is more concise and academically appropriate, avoiding the redundancy of "a range of problems resulting from."

6. "the salary is commensurate with the effort they put in" -> "their salaries are commensurate with their efforts"
   Explanation: "Their salaries are commensurate with their efforts" corrects the grammatical error and uses the plural form to generalize the statement.

7. "professionals must look for other career opportunities" -> "professionals seek alternative career opportunities"
   Explanation: "Seek" is a more formal verb than "look for," and "alternative" is more precise than "other."

8. "the accummulated knowledge" -> "the accumulated knowledge"
   Explanation: Corrects the spelling error in "accumulated."

9. "Once they leave their home countries" -> "Upon their departure from their home countries"
   Explanation: "Upon their departure from their home countries" is a more formal and precise way to describe the action of leaving.

10. "simplifying curriculum in public school" -> "streamlining curricula in public schools"
    Explanation: "Streamlining curricula" is a more precise term, and "public schools" should be plural to match the generalization.

11. "enhancing economic opportunities" -> "enhancing economic prospects"
    Explanation: "Prospects" is a more formal term than "opportunities" in this context, fitting better in an academic discussion.

12. "competetive salaries" -> "competitive salaries"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error in "competitive."

13. "offering incentives such as housing allowances or scholarships" -> "offering incentives, including housing allowances and scholarships"
    Explanation: Adding "including" and commas improves the clarity and formality of the list.

14. "Such an approach will have a positive effect on encouraging specialists to stay" -> "This approach will likely encourage specialists to remain"
    Explanation: "This approach will likely encourage specialists to remain" is more direct and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "have a positive effect on encouraging."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by identifying problems caused by the emigration of professionals and suggesting solutions. However, it lacks depth in discussing the problems. For instance, while it mentions a shortage of workforce and loss of knowledge, it does not elaborate on the broader implications of these issues, such as the impact on public services or societal development. Additionally, the solutions provided are somewhat generic and do not directly connect to the problems outlined.
  • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should expand on the problems by discussing specific consequences, such as how the loss of professionals affects healthcare outcomes or educational quality. Furthermore, the solutions should be more tailored to the identified problems, providing specific examples of how investment in education and healthcare could directly mitigate the issues.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position that the emigration of professionals is problematic and that solutions are necessary. However, the position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For example, the introduction states that there are "a number of reasons," but it does not clearly articulate the writer’s stance on whether the benefits of professionals leaving outweigh the drawbacks.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Using phrases such as "This is detrimental because…" or "Therefore, it is crucial that…" can help solidify the argument and guide the reader through the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat underdeveloped. While the writer mentions problems and solutions, they do not provide sufficient examples or evidence to support their claims. For instance, the statement about the loss of knowledge lacks specific examples of how this impacts the home country.
  • How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should include specific examples or case studies that illustrate the problems and solutions. For example, citing a country that has successfully improved its healthcare system to retain professionals could strengthen the argument. Additionally, using statistics or expert opinions can provide more weight to the claims made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic; however, some sections are vague and could lead to misinterpretation. For instance, the phrase "invest in aspects, including education and healthcare" is too broad and lacks clarity about what specific investments are necessary.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates to the problems and solutions outlined in the prompt. Avoiding vague language and providing specific details will help keep the essay on track and enhance overall clarity.

In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt, it falls short in depth and clarity. By expanding on the problems and solutions, maintaining a clear position, providing specific examples, and avoiding vague language, the writer can significantly improve their Task Response score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the main points to be discussed. The body paragraphs are organized effectively, with the first paragraph addressing the problems caused by professionals leaving their home countries and the second paragraph focusing on potential solutions. Each point is introduced clearly, and the progression from problems to solutions is smooth and logical. For instance, the transition from discussing workforce shortages to the loss of knowledge is well-articulated, indicating a clear connection between the issues.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow further, the writer could consider using more explicit linking phrases between points within paragraphs. For example, when transitioning from the shortage of workforce to the loss of knowledge, a phrase like "In addition to this issue, another significant consequence is…" could strengthen the connection and guide the reader more clearly through the argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which contributes to its overall coherence. Each paragraph has a clear focus: the first discusses the problems, while the second outlines solutions. However, the paragraphs could be more developed, particularly the solutions section, which feels slightly rushed and could benefit from more detailed explanations or examples.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, the writer should aim to expand on each solution with specific examples or elaborations. For instance, when mentioning the need to improve healthcare facilities, the writer could provide an example of how such improvements have successfully retained professionals in other countries. This would not only enhance the depth of the argument but also provide clearer support for the claims made.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "moreover," and "consequently," which help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the essay. These devices effectively guide the reader through the argument. However, there is a slight over-reliance on certain phrases, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Moreover," alternatives like "Additionally," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand" could be employed to introduce new ideas or counterarguments. This would enhance the essay’s cohesiveness and make the writing feel more dynamic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, achieving a high band score. With minor adjustments in linking phrases, paragraph development, and the variety of cohesive devices, the essay could reach an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "relocating," "wealthy nations," "shortage of workforce," and "technological advancement." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "professionals" and "developed countries," which appear multiple times. This limits the lexical variety and can detract from the overall quality of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "professionals," alternatives like "skilled workers," "experts," or "qualified individuals" could be used. Additionally, varying the term "developed countries" with phrases like "industrialized nations" or "advanced economies" would enrich the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "salary is commensurate with the effort they put in" is somewhat vague; it could be interpreted in different ways. Furthermore, "the phenomenon also brings about the loss of knowledge" lacks specificity regarding what kind of knowledge is lost.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to clarify and specify their vocabulary. For instance, instead of saying "the loss of knowledge," the writer could specify "the loss of skilled medical expertise and educational methodologies." This would provide clearer insights into the implications of professionals leaving their home countries.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "accummulated" (which should be "accumulated") and "competetive" (which should be "competitive"). These errors can detract from the professionalism of the writing and may confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further reduce mistakes. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them before writing could also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By addressing these issues, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "The underlying reason is that the salary is commensurate with the effort they put in" effectively conveys a cause-and-effect relationship. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, which contributes to the overall fluency. However, there are moments where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "A range of problems resulting from the aforementioned situation are worth mentioning" could be rephrased to enhance engagement and complexity.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied introductory phrases. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "The first way is to…" consider using phrases like "One effective approach could be…" or "Another potential solution involves…". This will not only enhance the variety but also improve the overall flow of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar, but there are some notable errors that detract from its clarity. For example, the phrase "the accummulated knowledge" contains a spelling error ("accummulated" should be "accumulated"). Additionally, the sentence "the authorities should improve the facilities of healthcare and education systems and simplifying curriculum in public school" has a grammatical inconsistency; "simplifying" should be "simplify" to maintain parallel structure. Furthermore, the use of commas could be improved for clarity, particularly in complex sentences.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully to catch spelling mistakes and ensure that all verbs are in the correct form. Additionally, practicing the use of parallel structure in lists and ensuring consistent verb forms will improve clarity. For punctuation, reviewing rules regarding comma usage, especially in complex sentences, will help in creating clearer and more effective sentences. Consider revising sentences to ensure that each part is grammatically aligned, such as changing "and simplifying curriculum" to "and simplify the curriculum."

By focusing on these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that more and more professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are relocating to wealthy nations to work. There are a number of reasons behind this situation, and several solutions should be considered to address it.

A range of problems resulting from the aforementioned situation are worth mentioning. First and foremost, the shortage of workforce is a direct consequence of this issue. The underlying reason is that the salaries are commensurate with the efforts they put in. As a result, professionals must seek alternative career opportunities in developed countries. Moreover, the phenomenon also brings about the loss of knowledge. Upon their departure from their home countries, the accumulated knowledge and expertise of these professionals are lost. Consequently, this hinders technological advancement and problem-solving skills.

To tackle this problem, several solutions should be implemented. The first way is to invest in aspects, including education and healthcare. The authorities should improve the facilities of healthcare and education systems and streamline curricula in public schools. This can help to create a more attractive environment for employees. Another solution is enhancing economic opportunities. This can be achieved by creating a robust economy with competitive salaries and job prospects and offering incentives, including housing allowances and scholarships. Such an approach will likely encourage specialists to remain.

In conclusion, it is evident that there are various reasons for this problem, and several approaches should be adopted to solve it.