Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?

People have many different views about studying subjects such as painting and drawing positively affect children’s growth and should be obligatory in high school. While I believe art classes can bring to us many advantages, I think it should depend on student’t demand.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why art subjects are nessecery for children. First, art classes are a breaktime for students in high school after a busy day with many other logical subjects. It help students relax and release stress so that they can focus more on the main subjects and have a better studying results. In addition, art subjects not only improve their creativity but also update their emotional inteligence. Art allows children to express their personality and thoughts beyond boring frameworks so that they can have many different pespective in life.
On the other hand, besides these benefits, there are still some drawbacks that I do not think it should be force to study art classes in high school. The first reason is when you participate in art classes, you have to prepare numerous kinds of art supplies which can cost a huge amount of money. Some family do not have an abilities to pay for the tuition fees and it can lead to financial difficulties. Futhermore, high school students are aware of what they want to do in the future. For some students that are not interested in art classes, studying art only lead to a waste of time and money for both teachers and students.
In conclusion, while I recognise the benefits of studying art classes for children’s development, I strongly believe every school should allow freedom in subject choices.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"positively affect" -> "positively impact"
Explanation: "Affect" can be ambiguous and is often used in psychological contexts. "Impact" is a clearer and more precise term in this context, aligning better with formal language.
"I think it should depend on student’t demand." -> "I believe it should depend on student demand."
Explanation: "Think" is less assertive than "believe" in academic writing. Also, "student’t" is a typographical error; it should be "student."
"breaktime" -> "break time"
Explanation: "Breaktime" is an informal term. Separating it into two words, "break time," makes it more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"logical subjects" -> "academic disciplines"
Explanation: "Logical subjects" is imprecise and doesn’t clearly convey the intended meaning. "Academic disciplines" is more precise and aligns better with formal language.
"studying results" -> "academic performance"
Explanation: "Studying results" is somewhat awkward and not the conventional phrase. "Academic performance" is a more formal and precise term for referring to students’ outcomes in their studies.
"emotional inteligence" -> "emotional intelligence"
Explanation: "Inteligence" is misspelled. "Intelligence" is the correct spelling, and "emotional intelligence" should be treated as a compound noun and spelled as such.
"beyond boring frameworks" -> "beyond rigid frameworks"
Explanation: "Boring frameworks" is subjective and somewhat informal. "Rigid frameworks" conveys the idea more objectively and fits better in academic writing.
"pespective" -> "perspective"
Explanation: "Pespective" is misspelled. "Perspective" is the correct spelling of the word.
"there are still some drawbacks that I do not think it should be force" -> "there are still some drawbacks that I do not believe should be enforced"
Explanation: "Think it should be force" is awkward and ungrammatical. "Believe should be enforced" is more concise and grammatically correct, conveying the intended meaning more effectively.
"some family" -> "some families"
Explanation: "Family" should be pluralized to match the plural noun "families" referring to more than one family.
"do not have an abilities" -> "do not have the ability"
Explanation: "An abilities" is grammatically incorrect. "The ability" is the correct form in this context.
"pespective" -> "perspective"
Explanation: "Pespective" is misspelled. "Perspective" is the correct spelling of the word.
"Futhermore" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "Futhermore" is misspelled. "Furthermore" is the correct spelling and aligns better with formal language.
"lead to a waste of time and money for both teachers and students" -> "result in wasted time and resources for both teachers and students"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality while using "wasted time and resources" instead of "a waste of time and money" to convey the idea more precisely.
"while I recognise the benefits" -> "while I acknowledge the benefits"
Explanation: "Recognise" is a British spelling, while "acknowledge" is more commonly used in academic writing. Both convey the same idea of understanding or realizing something.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses all parts of the question by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of making art classes compulsory in high school. It acknowledges the benefits of art classes for children’s development while also considering factors like student preferences and financial constraints.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that each point is thoroughly elaborated upon. Provide specific examples or evidence to support claims about the benefits and drawbacks of compulsory art classes.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, arguing that while art classes have benefits, they should not be mandatory in high school. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, reinforce the position with stronger language and more explicit statements of opinion. Additionally, ensure that every paragraph aligns with and reinforces the central argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the benefits and drawbacks of compulsory art classes and supports them with reasoning. However, some ideas could be further extended or elaborated upon for greater depth.
- How to improve: To extend ideas, provide more detailed explanations, examples, or anecdotes. Consider incorporating counterarguments to strengthen the overall argumentative strategy.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the relevance and necessity of art classes in high school. However, it briefly veers off topic when discussing the financial burden of art supplies.
- How to improve: To stay on topic more effectively, maintain focus on the relevance of art classes to children’s development and education. When discussing potential drawbacks, ensure they directly relate to the topic without straying into unrelated issues.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents arguments for and against compulsory art classes in high school, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed explanations, reinforcing the central argument, extending ideas, and staying strictly on topic. With further development in these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, providing a structured framework. However, the logical organization could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing the benefits and drawbacks of art classes could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider maintaining a consistent flow of ideas throughout the essay. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the essay prompt and the main argument. Ensure that transitions between paragraphs are seamless, guiding the reader from one point to the next in a logical progression.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, some paragraphs could be further developed for clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and contributes directly to the main argument. Provide ample supporting details and examples within each paragraph to strengthen the argument and maintain coherence. Consider revising paragraphs to improve clarity and cohesion, especially in transitions between ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("on the one hand," "on the other hand"). While these devices contribute to coherence to some extent, their usage is somewhat repetitive and could be more varied. Additionally, there is a lack of cohesive devices within paragraphs to connect ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance coherence, diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases. Utilize cohesive devices within paragraphs to establish connections between ideas and improve the flow of the essay. For example, employ pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional adverbs to signal relationships between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, consider using parallel structure and repetition strategically to reinforce key points and improve coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is some variety evident, such as "advantages," "perspective," "drawbacks," "financial difficulties," etc. However, the vocabulary lacks sophistication and depth. For instance, there’s repetition of basic terms like "subjects," "classes," and "students," which could be diversified for a richer expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more precise and nuanced terms. Instead of frequently repeating words like "classes" and "subjects," explore synonyms like "courses," "disciplines," or "academic pursuits." Additionally, introduce more specialized vocabulary related to art and education to add depth to your arguments.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary with precision, such as "logical subjects," "emotional intelligence," and "financial difficulties." However, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, like "logical subjects" could be substituted with "academic subjects," and "different perspective" could be enhanced with a more specific term or phrase.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that precisely conveys your intended meaning. Instead of vague terms like "different perspective," specify what kind of perspective is being referred to, whether it’s cultural, artistic, or social. Additionally, strive for accuracy in terminology related to academic discourse to strengthen your arguments.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few spelling errors present, such as "nessecery" (necessary), "inteligence" (intelligence), "pespective" (perspective), and "Futhermore" (Furthermore). While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools available in word processors or online platforms. Additionally, proofreading your work carefully before submission can help catch and correct spelling errors. Developing a habit of reviewing your writing for accuracy will contribute to better overall spelling proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, there are examples of simple sentences ("People have many different views about studying subjects such as painting and drawing"), compound sentences ("While I believe art classes can bring to us many advantages, I think it should depend on students’ demand"), and complex sentences ("The first reason is when you participate in art classes, you have to prepare numerous kinds of art supplies which can cost a huge amount of money").
- How to improve: To further enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as conditional sentences or sentences with embedded clauses. Additionally, varying sentence lengths can contribute to a more engaging writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies that affect clarity and coherence. For example, "People have many different views about studying subjects such as painting and drawing positively affect children’s growth and should be obligatory in high school" contains subject-verb agreement errors ("positively affect" should be "positively affecting") and lacks punctuation after "drawing." Additionally, there are issues with article usage ("the art classes" instead of "art classes") and possessive forms ("students’ demand" instead of "student’s demand").
- How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and possessive forms to ensure grammatical accuracy. Proofreading the essay carefully can help identify and correct punctuation errors, ensuring clarity and coherence. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to address areas of improvement in grammar and punctuation accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

People hold various opinions regarding whether subjects like painting and drawing positively impact children’s development and should be compulsory in high school. While I acknowledge the advantages that art classes can bring, I believe its inclusion should be based on student demand.

On one hand, there are several reasons why art subjects are beneficial for children. Firstly, art classes provide students in high school with a break after a busy day filled with other academic subjects. This helps them relax and alleviate stress, enabling them to focus better on their core subjects and achieve improved academic results. Additionally, art subjects not only foster creativity but also enhance emotional intelligence. Art enables children to express their personality and thoughts freely, allowing them to perceive life from various perspectives.

On the other hand, despite these benefits, there are still some drawbacks to mandating art classes in high school. Firstly, participation in art classes requires the procurement of various art supplies, which can incur significant costs. Some families may lack the financial means to afford these expenses, leading to financial strain. Furthermore, high school students often have a clear idea of their future aspirations. For students uninterested in art classes, compulsory participation may result in wasted time and resources for both teachers and students.

In conclusion, while I acknowledge the benefits of studying art classes for children’s development, I strongly advocate for schools to offer freedom in subject choices to students.

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?