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Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?

It is true that while art can be regarded as a crucial symbol of various countries in the world. However, in contemporary society, a majority of people are becoming more interested towards science, technology and business instead of artworks. There are several reasons behind this tendency and certain methods should be taken by governments to navigate people’s attention to the art.
There is a compelling factor explaining for the decline of preference of people towards the art. For more illustrations, it is caused by the imbalance in distributing art subjects taught in the education system. For instance, according to the statistic in a workshop of the Faculty of Arts at Hanoi National University of Education, there is a severe shortage of teachers for subjects such as music and art, which is especially the case in overall high schools and schools in general in mountainous and rural areas. This results in a sharp decline in students participating in these classes. In addition to this, the workforce in the art industry might reduce, making way for the development of other professionals, such as science, technology and business.
In order to alleviate this situation, some effective measures should be imposed by the government. First of all, there should be policies in supplementing instructors to teach art subjects. For example, by giving scholarships to students studying Pedagogical University or increasing teachers’salaries, educational resources can be focused on all subjects, therefore may attract more people to the art. Furthermore, the government should invest in art museums or projects. As a result, this reaffirm the artistic value and draws inhabitants’ attention to this field.
In conclusion, some factors contributing to the appreciation of people towards other fields instead of the art despite of its vital role in demonstrating cultural value of any nations. Fortunately, certain measures should be taken by the government that I have presented in this essay.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "It is true that while art can be regarded as a crucial symbol of various countries in the world." -> "It is acknowledged that art serves as a significant symbol of various countries worldwide."
    Explanation: The phrase "It is true that while" is redundant and informal. "It is acknowledged that" is more concise and formal. Additionally, "crucial symbol" is replaced with "significant symbol" to maintain a neutral tone suitable for academic writing.

  2. "a majority of people are becoming more interested towards science, technology and business instead of artworks." -> "a majority of people are increasingly interested in science, technology, and business rather than in artworks."
    Explanation: "becoming more interested towards" is awkward and incorrect. "increasingly interested in" is more natural and correct. Also, "instead of artworks" is replaced with "rather than in artworks" to improve the grammatical structure.

  3. "There is a compelling factor explaining for the decline of preference of people towards the art." -> "There is a compelling factor explaining the decline in people’s preference for art."
    Explanation: "explaining for" is grammatically incorrect. "explaining the decline in people’s preference for art" corrects this and uses the possessive form "people’s" to enhance formality.

  4. "For more illustrations, it is caused by the imbalance in distributing art subjects taught in the education system." -> "For example, this imbalance in the distribution of art subjects in the education system is a cause."
    Explanation: "For more illustrations" is informal and unclear. "For example" is more appropriate and clear. Also, rephrasing to "this imbalance in the distribution of art subjects in the education system is a cause" clarifies the sentence structure and improves formality.

  5. "there is a severe shortage of teachers for subjects such as music and art" -> "there is a severe shortage of teachers for subjects like music and art"
    Explanation: "such as" is replaced with "like" to maintain a more conversational tone suitable for academic writing.

  6. "making way for the development of other professionals, such as science, technology and business." -> "enabling the development of other professionals, such as those in science, technology, and business."
    Explanation: "making way for" is informal and vague. "enabling the development of" is more precise and formal. Also, "such as" is replaced with "those in" to specify the type of professionals.

  7. "some effective measures should be imposed by the government." -> "certain effective measures should be implemented by the government."
    Explanation: "imposed" is incorrect in this context; "implemented" is the correct term for putting measures into action.

  8. "educational resources can be focused on all subjects, therefore may attract more people to the art." -> "educational resources can be allocated to all subjects, thereby attracting more people to the arts."
    Explanation: "focused on" is vague; "allocated to" is more specific and formal. "therefore" is replaced with "thereby" for a smoother transition, and "the art" is changed to "the arts" to encompass a broader range of artistic disciplines.

  9. "reaffirm the artistic value and draws inhabitants’ attention to this field." -> "reaffirm the artistic value and draw inhabitants’ attention to this field."
    Explanation: "reaffirm" should be "reaffirm" for grammatical correctness. Also, "draws" should be "draw" for subject-verb agreement, and "inhabitants’" should be "inhabitants’" for possessive form consistency.

  10. "despite of its vital role in demonstrating cultural value of any nations." -> "despite its vital role in demonstrating the cultural values of various nations."
    Explanation: "despite of" is grammatically incorrect; "despite" is the correct preposition. "cultural value of any nations" is awkward and unclear; "the cultural values of various nations" is more precise and grammatically correct.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt: it discusses the reasons for the decline in appreciation for art and suggests measures to encourage interest in the arts. The reasons provided, such as the shortage of art teachers and the focus on other professional fields, are relevant and supported with examples. However, the explanation could be more thorough, particularly in exploring additional factors that contribute to this trend.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include more diverse reasons for the decline in interest in art, such as societal values prioritizing STEM fields or the influence of digital media. Additionally, elaborating on the suggested measures with specific examples or case studies could strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that emphasizes the importance of art and the need for government intervention. However, the phrasing in some sections, such as “navigate people’s attention to the art,” could be clearer. The conclusion reiterates the main points but lacks a strong, definitive statement that reinforces the writer’s stance.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should use more straightforward language and ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the central argument. A more impactful conclusion that summarizes the key points and reiterates the importance of art would also strengthen the position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the decline of art appreciation and government measures, but some points lack depth. For instance, the mention of scholarships and increased salaries for art teachers is a good start, but the writer could further explore how these measures would lead to increased interest in the arts. The examples provided are relevant but could be more detailed.
    • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, discussing successful art education programs in other countries or citing statistics on art participation could provide stronger support for the arguments made.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the decline of art appreciation and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly convoluted, which may distract from the main points. For example, the phrase “despite of its vital role in demonstrating cultural value of any nations” could be more succinctly expressed.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the main argument. Simplifying complex phrases and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence can help keep the writing on track. Additionally, avoiding unnecessary jargon will make the essay more accessible and focused.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments. By addressing the areas for improvement outlined above, the writer can enhance the clarity, depth, and overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. Each body paragraph addresses a specific point related to the decline in appreciation for art and potential solutions. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the educational imbalance, while the second focuses on government measures. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, particularly between the reasons for the decline and the proposed solutions.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. The first paragraph discusses the decline in appreciation for art, while the second suggests government interventions. However, the conclusion could be more developed to summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs and reinforce the overall argument.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by briefly reiterating the main points discussed in the body paragraphs. This not only reinforces the argument but also provides a satisfying closure to the essay. Consider using a final thought or call to action that encourages further reflection on the importance of art.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "for instance," and "in addition." These devices help connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "this results in a sharp decline" could be better linked to the previous sentence to clarify the cause-and-effect relationship.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "therefore," "consequently," "on the other hand," and "as a result." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to enhance clarity and coherence. For instance, revising sentences to explicitly state the relationship between ideas can improve the overall flow of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, there is room for improvement in the logical organization of ideas, the development of paragraphs, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument, potentially raising their band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms such as "crucial symbol," "contemporary society," and "art industry." However, the use of vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "science, technology and business," which appears multiple times. Additionally, the phrase "navigate people’s attention to the art" is somewhat awkward and lacks variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "science, technology and business," the writer could use "STEM fields" or "commercial sectors" to add variety. Furthermore, exploring more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the essay, such as using "cultural heritage" instead of just "art."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "explaining for the decline of preference of people towards the art," which could be more clearly stated as "explaining the decline in people’s preference for art." The phrase "supplementing instructors" is also vague; it would be clearer to say "providing additional instructors."
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. Practicing rephrasing sentences for clarity can help. For example, instead of "navigate people’s attention to the art," a more precise phrase could be "redirect people’s focus towards the arts." Additionally, using a thesaurus to find more suitable words can help avoid ambiguity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "teachers’salaries" (should be "teachers’ salaries") and "the art" (should be "the arts"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully or use spell-check tools available in word processors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and keeping a list of frequently confused terms can be beneficial. Reading the essay aloud may also help catch errors that are overlooked during silent reading.

Overall, while the essay achieves a competent level of lexical resource, focusing on expanding vocabulary, improving precision, and ensuring correct spelling will help elevate the score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For example, the phrase "In addition to this, the workforce in the art industry might reduce, making way for the development of other professionals, such as science, technology and business" showcases the use of a complex structure with an embedded clause. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of variety in the types of clauses used. For instance, the frequent use of "there is" and "there are" can make the writing feel monotonous.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could experiment with different ways to start sentences, such as using adverbial phrases or participial phrases. For example, instead of beginning with "There is a compelling factor explaining for the decline of preference of people towards the art," the writer could start with "A compelling factor that explains the decline in people’s preference for art is…" This approach would enhance the variety and flow of the essay.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "explaining for the decline of preference of people towards the art" is awkward and incorrect; it should be "explaining the decline in people’s preference for art." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the missing comma in "teachers’salaries," which should be "teachers’ salaries." The use of "the art" in some contexts is also awkward; "art" without the article is more appropriate when discussing the concept in general.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly in prepositions and article usage. It may be beneficial to review rules regarding possessives and plurals, as seen in the error with "teachers’salaries." Furthermore, practicing sentence restructuring can help avoid awkward phrasing. Reading the essay aloud can also assist in catching punctuation errors and improving overall fluency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in sentence variety and grammatical precision. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that art can be regarded as a crucial symbol of various countries around the world. However, in contemporary society, a majority of people are increasingly turning their focus towards science, technology, and business rather than artworks. There are several reasons behind this tendency, and certain methods should be implemented by governments to redirect people’s attention to the arts.

There is a compelling factor explaining the decline in people’s preference for art. For example, this imbalance in the distribution of art subjects taught in the education system is a significant cause. According to statistics from a workshop at the Faculty of Arts at Hanoi National University of Education, there is a severe shortage of teachers for subjects such as music and art, particularly in high schools and schools in mountainous and rural areas. This results in a sharp decline in student participation in these classes. In addition to this, the workforce in the art industry may diminish, enabling the development of other professionals, such as those in science, technology, and business.

In order to alleviate this situation, certain effective measures should be taken by the government. First of all, there should be policies to supplement instructors for teaching art subjects. For example, by providing scholarships to students studying at Pedagogical Universities or increasing teachers’ salaries, educational resources can be allocated to all subjects, thereby attracting more people to the arts. Furthermore, the government should invest in art museums and projects. As a result, this would reaffirm the artistic value and draw inhabitants’ attention to this field.

In conclusion, there are several factors contributing to the shift in people’s appreciation towards other fields instead of the arts, despite its vital role in demonstrating the cultural values of various nations. Fortunately, certain measures should be implemented by the government, as I have presented in this essay.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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