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As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the class room.

As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the class room.

Some people might argue that students use computers more and more because of their advantages in education, so there will soon be no teacher’s appearing in classrooms. In my view, I strongly disagree with that opinion and I will discuss my ideas in this essay.
Firstly, there is no denying that computers are very useful nowadays because of multiple positive aspects given to users, especially for students. Without writing a chalk on a blackboard, a computer can show lessons on its screen with eye-catching colors, active motions and exciting sounds. In the past, “simple learning” made students bored and hard to get knowledge. For example, when I studied in secondary and high school, it was not easy to imagine any lessons such as Biology that has lively pictures of biosystems or Geography, a subject showing the beauty of our country or other areas in the world. In addition, computers are like a tool helping students search anything on the Internet and join online classes without going to school.
Besides lots of advantages of using computers, teachers appearing is not less important and of course, there is no choice which can replace that position. Unlike computers, teachers not only show and communicate their major knowledge but also give students a sense, comment, encourage and help students find ways to solve their unknown problem. It means teachers get the big blame for children and their families because in a lesson that must be learned with the right attitude like Ethics subject, learning just does not pack in several lines or pictures on computer screens. Furthermore, if learners hit a book without trainers, they only can gain knowledge with a passive attitude since teachers have more ways to support them. As an illustrative instance, when showing a formula of Maths on a blackboard or a computer screen, students are hard to imagine how to apply this specifically or when learning about a poem, that is not easy to feel without teachers appearing.
In my opinion, computers just give learners a face to face view, while a teacher can send an in-depth look despites having or not having technology. Thus, while computers are developing day by day, the value of teachers in education is still unchanged.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Some people might argue that students use computers more and more because of their advantages in education, so there will soon be no teacher’s appearing in classrooms." -> "Some argue that students increasingly rely on computers due to their educational advantages, suggesting a potential decline in the presence of teachers in classrooms."
    Explanation: The suggested revision rephrases the sentence to improve formality and clarity, using a more formal structure to present the argument.

  2. "In my view, I strongly disagree with that opinion and I will discuss my ideas in this essay." -> "I vehemently disagree with this viewpoint, and I will elaborate on my stance in the following essay."
    Explanation: The revised statement maintains formality while enhancing the expression of disagreement and providing a more academic tone.

  3. "Firstly, there is no denying that computers are very useful nowadays because of multiple positive aspects given to users, especially for students." -> "First and foremost, it is undeniable that computers are highly beneficial in the present day, offering numerous advantages to users, particularly students."
    Explanation: The revision introduces a more formal transition, "First and foremost," and replaces informal language with more precise and sophisticated terms to enhance the academic tone.

  4. "Without writing a chalk on a blackboard, a computer can show lessons on its screen with eye-catching colors, active motions and exciting sounds." -> "In contrast to chalk on a blackboard, a computer can present lessons on its screen with vibrant colors, dynamic animations, and engaging audio."
    Explanation: The improved version replaces informal language like "eye-catching" and "exciting" with more academic alternatives, maintaining clarity and formality.

  5. "In the past, ‘simple learning’ made students bored and hard to get knowledge." -> "Historically, traditional teaching methods led to student boredom and hindered effective knowledge acquisition."
    Explanation: The revision employs more formal language by replacing the colloquial "hard to get knowledge" with the more precise "hindered effective knowledge acquisition."

  6. "For example, when I studied in secondary and high school, it was not easy to imagine any lessons such as Biology that has lively pictures of biosystems or Geography, a subject showing the beauty of our country or other areas in the world." -> "During my secondary and high school years, envisioning lessons like Biology with vivid depictions of biosystems or Geography, which explores the beauty of our country and other regions worldwide, was challenging."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains a formal tone and clarifies the expression, avoiding the use of "not easy to imagine" with a more articulate structure.

  7. "Besides lots of advantages of using computers, teachers appearing is not less important and of course, there is no choice which can replace that position." -> "Despite the numerous advantages of using computers, the presence of teachers remains paramount. There is, indeed, no alternative that can replace their role."
    Explanation: The revision enhances formality by replacing "lots of" with "numerous," restructures the sentence for clarity, and employs more precise terms.

  8. "It means teachers get the big blame for children and their families because in a lesson that must be learned with the right attitude like Ethics subject, learning just does not pack in several lines or pictures on computer screens." -> "This implies that teachers bear significant responsibility for the education of children and their families. Subjects like Ethics require a nuanced approach that extends beyond mere lines or images on computer screens."
    Explanation: The improved version refines the language for formality and precision, avoiding colloquial phrases like "get the big blame" and providing a clearer expression of the idea.

  9. "As an illustrative instance, when showing a formula of Maths on a blackboard or a computer screen, students are hard to imagine how to apply this specifically or when learning about a poem, that is not easy to feel without teachers appearing." -> "To illustrate, when presenting a mathematical formula on a blackboard or computer screen, students may struggle to envision its specific application. Similarly, understanding a poem can be challenging without the guidance of teachers."
    Explanation: The revised statement maintains formality, replaces informal language with more precise terms, and clarifies the expression for better academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It discusses the role of computers in education and the potential elimination of teachers in the classroom. The introduction sets the stage for the essay’s stance, and each subsequent paragraph contributes to the overall response.
    • How to improve: While the essay is comprehensive, there is room to enhance the depth of analysis. Encourage the writer to explore the implications of the increasing use of computers in education and the potential consequences for both students and teachers.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The writer explicitly states their disagreement with the idea that there will be no role for teachers in the classroom and consistently supports this stance.
    • How to improve: Commend the clarity of the position and advise the writer to continue providing strong and relevant support for their viewpoint in each paragraph.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It gives examples of the advantages of computers in education, such as visual aids and online classes, and contrasts these with the unique role of teachers in providing guidance, comments, encouragement, and problem-solving assistance.
    • How to improve: Encourage the writer to further elaborate on specific examples and perhaps incorporate additional real-world scenarios to strengthen their argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the role of computers and teachers in education. However, there are moments where the writer delves into personal experiences that, while illustrative, slightly deviate from the central theme.
    • How to improve: Suggest maintaining a balance between personal anecdotes and general arguments to ensure a more focused and directly relevant discussion.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, maintains a clear position, effectively presents and supports ideas, and mostly stays on topic. To improve, the writer should deepen their analysis, provide more detailed examples, and maintain a balanced use of personal experiences to enhance the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction clearly presents the writer’s stance, and each paragraph follows a logical progression of ideas. The use of examples, such as the mention of lively pictures in Biology or the importance of teachers in subjects like Ethics, adds clarity to the arguments.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider refining the transition sentences between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly connects to the next, reinforcing the overall argument. Additionally, pay attention to the order of supporting points to create a more seamless progression.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: Paragraphs are generally well-structured, with each one focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, there are instances where the essay could benefit from more varied sentence structures within paragraphs to create a smoother flow.
    • How to improve: Introduce sentence variation within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Use a mix of short and complex sentences to convey ideas effectively. Also, be cautious of overly long sentences that may compromise clarity.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., "Firstly," "Besides," "Furthermore," "In addition") to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity of these devices.
    • How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices by incorporating a broader range of linking words (e.g., moreover, nevertheless, consequently) and ensuring their appropriate use. This will contribute to a more sophisticated and varied writing style, enhancing overall coherence.

Overall, while the essay effectively communicates its ideas, refining the transitions, incorporating more varied sentence structures, and diversifying cohesive devices can further elevate the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fairly good range of vocabulary, utilizing words such as "advantages," "lively," "biosystems," and "passive attitude." However, there is room for improvement as some ideas are expressed with repetitive vocabulary, and certain concepts could benefit from more nuanced expressions.
    • How to improve: To enhance your vocabulary range, consider incorporating more synonyms and alternative expressions. For instance, instead of frequently using "advantages," explore words like "benefits," "merits," or "positive aspects." Additionally, diversify your language when discussing concepts like learning methods or teacher-student interaction.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, but there are instances where words could be more precise. For example, the phrase "simple learning" might be refined to convey a clearer idea. Conversely, expressions like "big blame for children" could benefit from more precise language to articulate the responsibility of teachers.
    • How to improve: Aim for precision by choosing words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Instead of "simple learning," consider terms like "traditional education" or "conventional teaching methods." When discussing the role of teachers, use words like "responsibility," "guidance," or "mentoring" to articulate their impact more precisely.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few minor errors, such as "teacher’s" (should be "teachers") and "despites" (should be "despite").
    • How to improve: While the overall spelling is commendable, proofreading for minor errors is crucial. Pay attention to possessive forms ("teacher’s" should be "teachers") and be cautious about common mistakes like "despites" which should be "despite." Consider using spelling and grammar tools to assist in identifying and correcting such errors during the editing phase.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a reasonably strong lexical resource, but refinement in vocabulary range, precision, and careful proofreading for minor spelling errors will contribute to an even more effective and polished expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, but there is room for improvement in diversifying the structures further. For example, there is a tendency to use repetitive sentence patterns, such as starting multiple sentences with "In addition" or "For example."
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences with different clause structures. For instance, utilize subordinate clauses or employ varied sentence openings. Instead of relying on certain phrases repeatedly, experiment with diverse expressions to convey your ideas.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonably good level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, in the sentence "Without writing a chalk on a blackboard," the intended meaning is unclear. Additionally, there are a few punctuation errors, such as missing commas in sentences where they could enhance clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to sentence structure and clarity. Review sentences to ensure that the intended meaning is conveyed clearly. Proofread for punctuation errors, particularly the use of commas for clarity and proper sentence segmentation. Consider seeking feedback on specific instances where clarity may be improved or where grammatical structures could be refined.

In conclusion, the essay displays a competent level of grammatical range and accuracy, earning a band score of 7. To improve further, focus on enhancing sentence variety and addressing specific grammatical and punctuation issues.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some argue that students increasingly rely on computers due to their educational advantages, suggesting a potential decline in the presence of teachers in classrooms. I vehemently disagree with this viewpoint, and I will elaborate on my stance in the following essay.

First and foremost, it is undeniable that computers are highly beneficial in the present day, offering numerous advantages to users, particularly students. In contrast to chalk on a blackboard, a computer can present lessons on its screen with vibrant colors, dynamic animations, and engaging audio. Historically, traditional teaching methods led to student boredom and hindered effective knowledge acquisition. During my secondary and high school years, envisioning lessons like Biology with vivid depictions of biosystems or Geography, which explores the beauty of our country and other regions worldwide, was challenging.

Despite the numerous advantages of using computers, the presence of teachers remains paramount. There is, indeed, no alternative that can replace their role. This implies that teachers bear significant responsibility for the education of children and their families. Subjects like Ethics require a nuanced approach that extends beyond mere lines or images on computer screens. To illustrate, when presenting a mathematical formula on a blackboard or computer screen, students may struggle to envision its specific application. Similarly, understanding a poem can be challenging without the guidance of teachers.

In my view, computers may provide a face-to-face view for learners, but a teacher can offer an in-depth perspective, whether or not technology is involved. Thus, while computers are developing day by day, the value of teachers in education remains unchanged.

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