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As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the class roôm

As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the class roôm

Some people might argue that students use computers more and more because of their advantages in education, so there will be soon no teacher’s appearing in classrooms. In my view, I strongly disagree with that opinion and I will discuss my ideas in this essay.
Firstly, there is no denying that computers are very useful nowadays cause of multiple positive aspects given to users, especially for students. Without writing a chalk on a blackboard, a computer can show lessons on its screen with eye-catching colors, active motions and exciting sounds. In the past, “simple learning” made students bored and got knowledge hardly. It was not easy to imagine any lessons such as Biology that has lively pictures of biosystems or Geography, a subject showing the beauty of our country or other areas in the world. In addition, computers are like a tool helping students search anything on the Internet and join online classes without going to school. In Covid-19 epidemic, students did a distance social of government so they had not to go to offline classes and choosing learning with computers is a suitable solution at that time.
Besides lots of advantages of using computers, teachers appearing is not less important and of course, there is no choice which can replace that position. Unlike computers, teachers not only show and communicate their major knowledge but also give students a sense, comment, encourage and help students find ways to solve their unknown problem. It means teachers get the big blame for children and their families because in a lesson that must be learned with the right attitude like Ethics subject, learning just does not pack in some lines or pictures on computer screens.
In my opinion, computers just gives learners a face to face view, while a teacher can send an in-depth look despites having or not having technology.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "cause of" -> "due to"
    Explanation: Replacing "cause of" with "due to" enhances the formality of the expression and aligns with academic language standards.

  2. "Without writing a chalk on a blackboard" -> "Without chalk on a blackboard"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. Removing "writing" and simplifying the structure improves the clarity of the sentence.

  3. "lessons on its screen with eye-catching colors, active motions and exciting sounds" -> "lessons on its screen featuring vibrant colors, dynamic animations, and engaging sounds"
    Explanation: Substituting "eye-catching" with "vibrant," "active motions" with "dynamic animations," and "exciting" with "engaging" provides a more sophisticated and precise description, aligning with academic style.

  4. "simple learning" -> "traditional learning methods"
    Explanation: "Simple learning" may sound dismissive, while "traditional learning methods" is a more neutral and appropriate term for comparison.

  5. "made students bored and got knowledge hardly" -> "resulted in student boredom and made acquiring knowledge challenging"
    Explanation: The original expression is informal. Replacing "made students bored" with "resulted in student boredom" and "got knowledge hardly" with "made acquiring knowledge challenging" maintains formality.

  6. "It was not easy to imagine any lessons such as Biology that has lively pictures of biosystems or Geography, a subject showing the beauty of our country or other areas in the world." -> "It was challenging to envision lessons like Biology, which incorporates lively pictures of biosystems, or Geography, a subject showcasing the beauty of our country and other global regions."
    Explanation: The revised sentence improves clarity and formality, restructuring the expression for a more academic tone.

  7. "computers are like a tool" -> "computers serve as a tool"
    Explanation: Replacing "are like a tool" with "serve as a tool" provides a more precise and formal expression.

  8. "distance social of government" -> "government-mandated social distancing"
    Explanation: "Distance social of government" is unclear. Substituting it with "government-mandated social distancing" clarifies the context in the time of the Covid-19 pandemic.

  9. "a suitable solution at that time" -> "an appropriate solution during that period"
    Explanation: The term "suitable" is replaced with "appropriate," aligning with a more formal and precise expression.

  10. "teachers appearing is not less important" -> "the presence of teachers is equally important"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward. Restructuring it with "the presence of teachers is equally important" maintains clarity and formality.

  11. "teachers not only show and communicate their major knowledge" -> "teachers not only impart and communicate their specialized knowledge"
    Explanation: The replacement enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

  12. "give students a sense" -> "instill in students a sense"
    Explanation: "Give" is substituted with "instill," providing a more formal and appropriate verb in an academic context.

  13. "comment, encourage and help students find ways" -> "provide commentary, encouragement, and assist students in finding solutions"
    Explanation: The revised phrase uses more specific verbs and maintains a formal tone.

  14. "It means teachers get the big blame for children and their families" -> "This implies that teachers bear a significant responsibility for children and their families."
    Explanation: The phrase "get the big blame" is replaced with a more formal and precise expression, improving the overall tone of the sentence.

  15. "learning just does not pack in some lines or pictures on computer screens" -> "learning cannot be confined to mere lines or pictures on computer screens"
    Explanation: The replacement adds formality and clarity to the sentence, avoiding the informal use of "just."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the advantages of computers in education and strongly disagreeing with the idea that teachers will have no role in the classroom. Relevant sections are cited to support these points, such as the benefits of computers in presenting lessons and the importance of teachers in providing a deeper understanding.
    • How to improve: While the essay does address both parts of the question, providing more specific examples and expanding on the role of teachers could strengthen the response. Encourage the writer to delve deeper into the potential consequences of excluding teachers from the classroom.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by strongly disagreeing with the notion that teachers will have no role in the classroom. Specific examples, such as the unique qualities of teachers in giving a sense, comments, encouragement, and help, help support and clarify the stance.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, advise the writer to explicitly state their position in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, maintaining a consistent tone throughout will further strengthen the overall argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, elaborating on the advantages of computers and the irreplaceable role of teachers. Specific instances, such as the lively pictures of biosystems in Biology or the role of teachers in Ethics, are well-supported.
    • How to improve: To further extend ideas, suggest providing more examples or real-world scenarios. This can enhance the depth of the argument and provide a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the role of computers and teachers in education. However, there is a slight deviation in mentioning the COVID-19 epidemic and online learning. While relevant, it could be more directly tied to the main argument.
    • How to improve: Recommend maintaining a tighter focus on the main topic throughout the essay. If including additional elements, ensure they are seamlessly integrated into the central argument without distracting from the main point.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt, effectively presenting arguments and supporting them with relevant examples. Strengthening specific points and maintaining a consistent focus will contribute to further improvement.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction expressing the author’s disagreement with the idea that teachers will have no role due to increased computer usage. The body paragraphs present distinct arguments supporting this view, and the conclusion summarizes the stance. However, there are instances where the connection between ideas could be strengthened for a more seamless flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider refining transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph builds upon the previous one, creating a smooth progression of ideas. Additionally, provide a clearer roadmap for the reader by using topic sentences to introduce each main point.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness could be improved. Some paragraphs are lengthy, making it challenging for readers to identify distinct ideas. The organization within paragraphs could be tightened for a more cohesive presentation.
    • How to improve: Break down lengthy paragraphs into smaller, focused ones, each addressing a specific point. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, providing a concise preview of the content. Ensure a logical flow within paragraphs by connecting sentences logically and avoiding abrupt shifts in focus.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs basic cohesive devices, such as transitional words and phrases, to connect ideas. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used and their strategic placement.
    • How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices beyond simple transitions. Experiment with pronouns, synonyms, and parallel structures to create a more varied and engaging text. Be mindful of the placement of cohesive devices to reinforce the relationships between ideas. Additionally, consider employing more advanced connectors for a nuanced expression of relationships between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, refining the organization, paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and effective piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. For instance, it utilizes words such as "advantages," "eye-catching," "biosystems," and "epidemic." However, there is room for improvement as certain words are repeated, and the vocabulary lacks sophistication in some instances.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider incorporating more diverse synonyms and expressions. Instead of repeating words like "advantages," explore alternatives like "benefits," "merits," or "positive aspects." Additionally, introduce more nuanced vocabulary to elevate the overall quality of language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays imprecise vocabulary usage in several instances. For example, the phrase "simple learning" could be more precisely expressed as "traditional teaching methods." Also, there are instances where word choices may not fully convey the intended meaning, such as the use of "distance social" instead of "social distancing."
    • How to improve: Strive for precision in language by using terms that precisely convey your intended meaning. Replace vague expressions with specific and accurate terms. In the case of "simple learning," opt for a more precise phrase like "conventional teaching approaches." Also, ensure that terms like "distance social" are accurately phrased as "social distancing."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a noticeable level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors. Instances like "cause" instead of "because" and "Covid-19 epidemic" instead of "COVID-19 epidemic" are noted. Overall, though, spelling errors are not pervasive.
    • How to improve: Maintain the current level of attention to spelling accuracy. Proofread your work carefully to catch minor errors, ensuring consistent and correct spelling. For instance, always use "because" instead of "cause" for clarity, and ensure proper capitalization for terms like "COVID-19 epidemic."

This essay demonstrates a solid understanding of vocabulary use, but there is room for improvement in terms of lexical variety, precision, and meticulous spelling. By incorporating a more extensive range of vocabulary, using terms precisely, and ensuring consistent spelling, the essay could achieve an even higher score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used, contributing to overall coherence. However, the essay tends to rely on basic structures, and there is room for improvement in incorporating more complex sentence types, such as conditional or inverted sentences.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider introducing complex sentence constructions, such as using conditional clauses or employing inversion for emphasis. For instance, instead of exclusively using straightforward statements, experiment with sentence structures that engage the reader and showcase a more sophisticated command of language.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are instances of minor errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "computers are very useful nowadays cause" should be "computers are very useful nowadays because") and punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas before introductory phrases). While these errors do not significantly hinder comprehension, addressing them would enhance overall grammatical precision.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully review subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation rules, such as using commas before introductory phrases or clauses. Proofreading the essay before submission can help catch and rectify such minor errors, ensuring a more polished and accurate final product.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that as computers become increasingly prevalent in education, teachers will soon have no role in the classroom. In my perspective, I vehemently disagree with this notion, and I will elaborate on my thoughts in this essay.

Initially, it is undeniable that computers offer numerous advantages in education, particularly for students. By displaying lessons on their screens featuring vibrant colors, dynamic animations, and engaging sounds, computers eliminate the need for traditional methods like writing on a chalkboard. In the past, adhering to “simple learning” methods resulted in student boredom and made acquiring knowledge challenging. It was challenging to envision lessons like Biology, which incorporates lively pictures of biosystems, or Geography, a subject showcasing the beauty of our country and other global regions. Additionally, computers serve as a tool that helps students search for information on the Internet and participate in online classes without the need to physically attend school. During the Covid-19 epidemic and the government-mandated social distancing measures, learning through computers proved to be an appropriate solution.

Despite the myriad advantages of using computers, the presence of teachers is equally important, and there is no alternative that can replace their role. Unlike computers, teachers not only impart and communicate their specialized knowledge but also instill in students a sense of understanding, provide commentary, encouragement, and assist students in finding solutions to their problems. This implies that teachers bear a significant responsibility for children and their families. In subjects such as Ethics, where the right attitude is crucial, learning cannot be confined to mere lines or pictures on computer screens.

In conclusion, while computers provide learners with a face-to-face view, a teacher offers an in-depth perspective, irrespective of the presence or absence of technology. The integration of both computers and teachers is essential for a comprehensive and effective educational experience.

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