As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?
These days, there is a common belief that job satisfaction is a crucial element of individual wellbeing as people have sacrificed their adult life for their career. From my perspective, salary and working environment are essential factors when evaluating job satisfaction. This essay would delve into discussing my opinion about these factors and whether they are realistic or not.
In terms of job satisfaction, payment must be one of the most fundamental factors that need considering. This is because when working, most people would think whether their contribution is adequate to the money they earn. If the salary is not on par with their work, they will be disappointed, which negatively affects their productivity. Besides, working environment is another factor need considering when talking about job satisfaction. This is because the environment including employers and colleagues largely affects an individual's wellbeing. Should the boss be sympathetic and co-workers be friendly, it will be beneficial for individual behaviours when going to the workplace as it provides a healthy and comfortable environment to complete the tasks.
Considering two aforementioned factors, it is realistic for a worker to earn enough money for their work and have a healthy working environment. This is largely due to the fact that if the job is badly paid, the employees will no longer work hard. However, should the payment be too high, which means the workers have to work in a stressful and demanding environment, they will have to sacrifice most of their adult life for their career. In addition, having a comfortable and healthy working environment is not too unrealistic these days. Take Google or Apple company for example, in addition to providing a fully equipped workplace for their employees, they also spend money on building some areas for recreational purposes. This is beneficial because everyone is happier to work which can effectively boost individual productivity and the company's revenue.
In conclusion, salary and environment are two crucial factors contributing to job satisfaction and it is not too far-fetched to receive an adequate amount of money for the amount work one carry out and have a healthy working environment
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"These days" -> "Currently"
Explanation: Replacing the informal expression "These days" with "Currently" gives a more formal and precise introduction to the topic, aligning with academic style.
"From my perspective" -> "In my view"
Explanation: Substituting "From my perspective" with "In my view" maintains a personal touch while using a more formal expression, enhancing the academic tone.
"would delve into" -> "will explore"
Explanation: Replacing "would delve into" with "will explore" is a more direct and formal way to convey the intention of discussing one’s opinion, aligning with academic writing standards.
"payment must be" -> "remuneration is"
Explanation: Changing "payment must be" to "remuneration is" introduces a more sophisticated term, "remuneration," which is academically appropriate when discussing salary.
"not on par with" -> "commensurate with"
Explanation: Substituting "not on par with" with "commensurate with" introduces a more formal and precise term, maintaining the meaning while elevating the vocabulary.
"need considering" -> "needs to be considered"
Explanation: Changing "need considering" to "needs to be considered" provides a more formal structure, adhering to the grammatical conventions of academic writing.
"beneficial for individual behaviors" -> "favorable for individual conduct"
Explanation: Replacing "beneficial for individual behaviors" with "favorable for individual conduct" uses a more formal term, "conduct," and enhances the academic tone.
"not too unrealistic" -> "not overly improbable"
Explanation: Substituting "not too unrealistic" with "not overly improbable" introduces a more formal and precise expression, aligning better with academic language standards.
"Take Google or Apple company for example" -> "For instance, consider companies like Google or Apple"
Explanation: Changing "Take Google or Apple company for example" to "For instance, consider companies like Google or Apple" provides a more formal and structured way to present examples in academic writing.
"which means" -> "implying that"
Explanation: Substituting "which means" with "implying that" introduces a more formal and precise phrase, enhancing the clarity and academic style of the sentence.
"have to sacrifice" -> "may need to make sacrifices"
Explanation: Changing "have to sacrifice" to "may need to make sacrifices" introduces a more nuanced and formal expression, aligning with the academic tone.
"not too far-fetched" -> "not unreasonable"
Explanation: Substituting "not too far-fetched" with "not unreasonable" maintains the meaning while using a more formal and precise term, suitable for academic writing.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
Detailed explanation: The essay successfully addresses both aspects of the question, discussing the factors contributing to job satisfaction (salary and working environment) and evaluating the realism of job satisfaction for all workers. Relevant sections include the consideration of salary and working environment as fundamental factors, and the exploration of the realistic expectations for workers in terms of pay and working conditions.
How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing more nuanced perspectives or alternative factors that contribute to job satisfaction. Expanding on the potential challenges or exceptions to the realistic expectation of job satisfaction for all workers could add depth to the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance, primarily asserting the significance of salary and working environment in determining job satisfaction. The stance is evident throughout the essay, with phrases such as "salary and environment are two crucial factors" reinforcing the position.
How to improve: While the essay maintains clarity, incorporating more sophisticated language and varied sentence structures could enhance the overall quality of expression and engagement with the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, developing the discussion around salary and working environment. Instances include the explanation of the importance of salary, the impact of a comfortable working environment, and examples like Google and Apple to support the points made.
How to improve: To further improve, consider providing more in-depth analysis or exploring additional examples to strengthen the overall argument. Expanding on the consequences of dissatisfaction or offering contrasting perspectives could enrich the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
Detailed explanation: The essay generally adheres to the topic, discussing factors contributing to job satisfaction and the realism of expectations for all workers. However, some sections could be more concise, and the essay occasionally repeats points.
How to improve: To enhance focus, ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to the main argument. Also, avoid unnecessary repetition and strive for greater clarity and conciseness in expressing ideas.
In conclusion, the essay effectively addresses the given prompt with a clear stance, supported ideas, and relevant examples. To improve, it can benefit from a more nuanced exploration of factors influencing job satisfaction and a more concise expression of ideas. Overall, a well-constructed response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction sets the stage by introducing the importance of job satisfaction and the factors to be discussed. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect (salary, working environment), contributing to a clear flow. However, there is room for improvement in the development of ideas within paragraphs, as the transitions between sentences could be more explicit to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding transition phrases or sentences at the beginning or end of each paragraph to guide the reader from one point to the next. For example, using phrases like "Moreover," or "Additionally" can help to connect ideas seamlessly.
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of job satisfaction. However, some paragraphs could benefit from a more structured approach, particularly in terms of the development of ideas within each paragraph. The coherence within paragraphs could be strengthened by ensuring that each sentence contributes directly to the main idea of the paragraph.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear topic sentence and that every subsequent sentence supports and expands upon that main idea. This will enhance the overall effectiveness of each paragraph and contribute to a more cohesive essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a reasonable range of cohesive devices. Transition words and phrases such as "this is because," "besides," and "in addition" are used to connect ideas. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the range of cohesive devices. Some sentences feel disconnected, and more varied transitions could strengthen the overall cohesion.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices, including pronouns, parallel structures, and synonyms, to add variety and precision to the connections between sentences. For instance, replacing repetitive phrases like "this is because" with alternatives such as "thus" or "therefore" can enhance cohesion.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, focusing on explicit transitions between ideas, improving the structure within paragraphs, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more refined and polished piece of writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating terms related to job satisfaction, payment, working environment, and individual wellbeing. There is an attempt to convey ideas using varied vocabulary, but the range could be expanded for a higher score. For instance, the repetition of phrases such as "job satisfaction," "working environment," and "adequate money" could be addressed for more diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider employing synonyms and exploring more nuanced expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "job satisfaction," alternatives like "work contentment" or "career fulfillment" could be integrated. Thesaurus tools may assist in discovering appropriate synonyms.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision. However, there are instances where word choices could be more exact. For example, the phrase "sacrificed their adult life for their career" might benefit from a more precise term than "sacrificed" to convey the nuanced relationship between work and personal life.
- How to improve: Aim for more precision in word choices. In this case, a term like "dedicated" or "devoted" might better capture the positive commitment to a career. Review sentences for opportunities to use terms that precisely convey intended meanings.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally satisfactory, with no glaring errors observed. However, attention to minor issues like inconsistent spacing (e.g., "moneythey" instead of "money they") and punctuation could enhance overall clarity.
- How to improve: Proofread carefully for consistency in spacing and ensure proper punctuation. Additionally, consider using spell-check tools to catch minor errors. Developing a systematic proofreading routine can contribute to improved spelling and punctuation accuracy.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range and precision. Diligent proofreading and a conscious effort to diversify vocabulary will contribute to an enhanced lexical resource, potentially raising the band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory range of sentence structures. It employs a mix of simple and complex sentences, contributing to overall coherence. However, there is room for improvement in sentence variety. The essay tends to rely on straightforward structures, and more complex constructions, such as compound-complex sentences, could be incorporated for greater sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider introducing compound-complex sentences. Vary sentence lengths and structures strategically to add nuance to your expression. For instance, integrate subordinate clauses or use inversion to create more diverse sentence patterns.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonably accurate use of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "should the payment be too high"), and minor punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas before introductory phrases). These instances, while not pervasive, slightly impact the essay’s clarity.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring consistency throughout the essay. Additionally, review and refine the use of commas, particularly before introductory phrases. A thorough proofreading process focusing on these aspects will enhance grammatical accuracy.
In summary, the essay effectively conveys the writer’s perspective on job satisfaction, supported by adequate sentence structures. To elevate the writing, incorporating more varied sentence patterns and addressing minor grammatical errors will contribute to a smoother and more polished essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
These days, there is a prevailing belief that job satisfaction plays a pivotal role in individual wellbeing, given the significant portion of adult life devoted to one’s career. From my perspective, remuneration and the working environment stand out as pivotal factors when assessing job satisfaction. This essay will explore my viewpoint on these factors and evaluate their realism.
Regarding job satisfaction, remuneration emerges as one of the most fundamental factors requiring consideration. This is because individuals often ponder whether their efforts align adequately with the compensation received. If the salary falls short of reflecting their contributions, it leads to disappointment, adversely impacting productivity. Additionally, the working environment, encompassing both employers and colleagues, significantly influences an individual’s wellbeing. A sympathetic boss and friendly coworkers create a conducive atmosphere, promoting a healthy and comfortable environment for task completion.
Considering these two crucial factors, it is realistic for workers to expect fair compensation for their efforts and a positive working environment. This is primarily due to the understanding that inadequate pay diminishes employees’ motivation, affecting their commitment to the job. Conversely, excessively high salaries may necessitate working in a stressful and demanding setting, requiring individuals to make substantial sacrifices in their adult lives for their careers. Furthermore, achieving a comfortable and healthy working environment is not an overly improbable expectation in contemporary times.
Take, for instance, companies like Google or Apple. Not only do they offer well-equipped workplaces, but they also invest in recreational areas, contributing to a positive atmosphere. This approach is advantageous as it fosters a happier workforce, effectively boosting individual productivity and the company’s overall revenue.
In conclusion, remuneration and the working environment are pivotal factors influencing job satisfaction. It is not unreasonable to expect adequate compensation for one’s work and a conducive working environment, as these elements are integral to individual wellbeing and overall career satisfaction.