As part of education, students should spend a period of time living in another country to learn its language and culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary society, it is generally believed that living abroad can help international students learn another language and lifestyle. While this view is valid to a certain extent, I totally hold that learners can be fluent in a new language and understand clearly culture even though they live in their own country.

On the one hand, it is understandable why some people are fervent opponents of spending a long time living overseas to study language and culture. The obvious reason is prohibitive cost and financial difficulties. This is mainly because when you settle in another country, you are likely to encounter many expenses that could put a dent in your finances. For example, housing rent, school tuition, monthly utilities, food, transportation, health care and a lot of up-front costs such as pre-departure advising, visa and residency applications that not everyone has ability to afford. In addition, learners may experience challenges in adapting to a new environment when living in another country. Due to the fact that there are many differences between the new culture and the way students were accustomed to living. If they cannot adapt to that environment, this may lead to feelings of stress and discomfort.

On the other hand, I still vehemently hold that there are various better methods to learn a new language and the way of life without moving to another country. Firstly, learners can participate in exchange culture events at their school or local. This helps them have a better insight into diverse cultures by communicating with students from different countries. If learners partake in those regularly, they can improve their language skills, have better knowledge of cultures and enhance their social relationships. The second way is to use means that can enrich their language and culture. This is because students can approach and access them easily in their country instead of living abroad at an expensive cost. For example, watching films, listening to music, reading books in another language or following foreigners’ accounts on social media can help learners boost their language and cultural understanding.

Taking everything abovementioned into consideration, this reinforces my perspective that learning another language and lifestyle can be cultivated in their own country without living abroad.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"it is generally believed" -> "it is commonly accepted"
Explanation: "Commonly accepted" is a more precise and formal term that enhances the academic tone of the statement.
"I totally hold" -> "I firmly believe"
Explanation: "I firmly believe" is a more formal and academically appropriate expression than "I totally hold," which sounds overly emphatic and informal.
"learners can be fluent in a new language and understand clearly culture" -> "learners can become fluent in a new language and gain a clear understanding of the culture"
Explanation: "Become fluent" and "gain a clear understanding of the culture" are more precise and formal, improving the academic tone and clarity of the statement.
"fervent opponents" -> "strong opponents"
Explanation: "Strong opponents" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term compared to "fervent," which carries an emotional connotation that is less suitable for formal writing.
"prohibitive cost and financial difficulties" -> "prohibitive costs and financial challenges"
Explanation: "Costs" is the correct plural form, and "challenges" is a more formal synonym for "difficulties."
"put a dent in your finances" -> "affect your financial situation"
Explanation: "Affect your financial situation" is a more formal and precise way to describe the impact on finances, avoiding the colloquial expression "put a dent in."
"a lot of up-front costs" -> "numerous upfront costs"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal and precise than "a lot," and "upfront" is the correct adverbial form.
"not everyone has ability to afford" -> "not everyone has the ability to afford"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "ability" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"I still vehemently hold" -> "I still strongly maintain"
Explanation: "Strongly maintain" is a more formal and less emotional alternative to "vehemently hold," which is too strong for academic writing.
"better methods" -> "more effective methods"
Explanation: "More effective methods" is a clearer and more academically appropriate term than "better methods," which is vague and informal.
"participate in exchange culture events" -> "participate in cultural exchange events"
Explanation: "Cultural exchange events" is a more specific and formal term than "exchange culture events."
"have a better insight into diverse cultures" -> "gain a deeper understanding of diverse cultures"
Explanation: "Gain a deeper understanding" is a more precise and formal expression than "have a better insight."
"use means that can enrich their language and culture" -> "utilize resources that can enhance their language and cultural understanding"
Explanation: "Utilize resources that can enhance their language and cultural understanding" is more specific and formal, improving the academic tone.
"watching films, listening to music, reading books in another language or following foreigners’ accounts on social media" -> "viewing films, listening to music, reading books in another language, and following foreign social media accounts"
Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the list of activities, making it more suitable for academic writing.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument that living abroad is not the only way to learn a new language and culture. The author acknowledges the opposing view, which is essential for a balanced response. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the idea of living abroad for educational purposes. The phrase "to a certain extent" is vague and does not clearly define the author’s position.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clearly state their position regarding the extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This could involve specifying whether they believe living abroad is entirely unnecessary or simply less effective than other methods.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that learners can achieve fluency and cultural understanding without living abroad. However, the use of phrases like "to a certain extent" and "I still vehemently hold" creates some ambiguity. The position is somewhat diluted by the acknowledgment of the opposing view without a strong counter-argument.
- How to improve: The author should strive for a more definitive stance. They could strengthen their position by providing a more robust rebuttal to the opposing viewpoint, perhaps by discussing specific scenarios where living abroad may not be beneficial compared to the suggested alternatives.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as financial constraints and alternative methods for learning languages and cultures. These ideas are supported with examples, like participating in cultural events and consuming media in the target language. However, the development of these ideas could be more thorough; for instance, the benefits of cultural events could be elaborated further to show how they specifically enhance language skills.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the author should include more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, they could discuss how specific cultural events have helped individuals learn languages or how certain media types can effectively teach cultural nuances.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the discussion of living abroad versus learning in one’s own country. However, some sections, particularly the discussion about financial difficulties, could be more tightly linked to the main argument. While financial constraints are relevant, the author should ensure that every point directly supports their stance on the effectiveness of learning without living abroad.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph directly ties back to the central argument. They could achieve this by explicitly linking the challenges of living abroad to the overall thesis, perhaps by discussing how these challenges detract from the learning experience.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, it would benefit from clearer positioning, more thorough development of ideas, and tighter adherence to the topic. By addressing these areas, the author can aim for a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, stating both sides of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the reasons against living abroad, while the second presents alternative methods for language and cultural learning. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the shift from discussing the challenges of living abroad to the benefits of staying in one’s own country feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two opposing views. For example, after discussing the challenges of living abroad, a sentence like "Conversely, there are effective alternatives that can achieve similar outcomes without the need to relocate" could help bridge the two ideas more cohesively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph addresses the drawbacks of living abroad, while the second outlines the advantages of alternative methods. However, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that succinctly summarize the main idea of the paragraph.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences in each paragraph to clearly reflect the main point. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with, "Despite the potential benefits of living abroad, several significant challenges make this option less feasible for many students." This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader and reinforce the focus of the paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," and "Firstly," which help to structure the argument. However, there is a reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, and some sentences could be better connected to improve overall flow. For instance, the phrase "Due to the fact that" is somewhat clunky and could be simplified.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of "Due to the fact that," consider using "Because" or "As a result of." Additionally, using more advanced cohesive devices, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In contrast," can enhance the sophistication of the writing and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are areas for improvement in the logical organization of ideas, the clarity of paragraphing, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By addressing these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "fervent opponents," "prohibitive cost," and "cultural events" showcasing the writer’s ability to use varied language. However, some phrases are repetitive, such as "living abroad" and "learners," which could be substituted with synonyms or rephrased to enhance variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related phrases to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "learners," alternatives like "students," "individuals," or "language learners" could be used. Additionally, varying expressions for "living abroad" such as "residing overseas" or "experiencing life in another country" would enhance lexical diversity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of precise vocabulary, such as "financial difficulties" and "adapting to a new environment." However, there are moments of imprecision, particularly in phrases like "put a dent in your finances," which, while idiomatic, may not convey the seriousness of financial strain effectively in an academic context. The phrase "the way of life" could also be more precisely articulated as "cultural practices" or "lifestyle."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should consider the context and appropriateness of idiomatic expressions. Instead of "put a dent in your finances," a more formal phrase like "significantly impact one’s financial situation" would be clearer. Additionally, refining phrases like "the way of life" to more specific terms would improve clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, "up-front costs" is correctly spelled, but "have ability to afford" should be "have the ability to afford." The phrase "pre-departure advising" is also correctly spelled, showcasing attention to detail.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully to catch minor errors. Utilizing spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud can help identify mistakes. Additionally, practicing spelling of commonly used academic vocabulary can further improve overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Lexical Resource, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider variety of terms, ensuring precise language use, and maintaining careful attention to spelling, the writer can elevate their score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like, "This is mainly because when you settle in another country, you are likely to encounter many expenses that could put a dent in your finances." However, the essay occasionally relies on similar sentence patterns, which can make the writing feel repetitive. The use of phrases like "I still vehemently hold that" and "this helps them have a better insight" shows some variety, but there are opportunities to incorporate more varied structures, such as conditional sentences or more sophisticated clauses.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could experiment with different types of clauses (e.g., using more conditional clauses, relative clauses, or participial phrases). For example, instead of saying "learners can participate in exchange culture events at their school or local," they could say, "By participating in exchange culture events at their school or local community, learners not only enhance their understanding of diverse cultures but also improve their language skills." This would add complexity and variety to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "not everyone has ability to afford" should be corrected to "not everyone has the ability to afford." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences (e.g., "Due to the fact that there are many differences between the new culture and the way students were accustomed to living"), can lead to confusion. The use of "the way of life" is somewhat awkward and could be phrased more naturally as "lifestyle."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with articles (e.g., "the ability") and punctuation (e.g., adding commas where necessary). Practicing sentence combining to create more complex sentences could also help improve fluency and accuracy. Additionally, reviewing grammar rules related to sentence structure and punctuation can reinforce correct usage in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical structures and generally accurate usage, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence types and enhancing grammatical precision. By focusing on these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, it is commonly accepted that living abroad can help international students learn another language and lifestyle. While this view is valid to a certain extent, I firmly believe that learners can become fluent in a new language and gain a clear understanding of the culture even though they live in their own country.

On the one hand, it is understandable why some people are strong opponents of spending a long time living overseas to study language and culture. The obvious reason is prohibitive costs and financial challenges. This is mainly because when you settle in another country, you are likely to encounter numerous upfront costs that could affect your financial situation. For example, housing rent, school tuition, monthly utilities, food, transportation, health care, and many other expenses such as pre-departure advising, visa, and residency applications that not everyone has the ability to afford. In addition, learners may experience challenges in adapting to a new environment when living in another country due to the many differences between the new culture and the way students are accustomed to living. If they cannot adapt to that environment, this may lead to feelings of stress and discomfort.

On the other hand, I still strongly maintain that there are more effective methods to learn a new language and the way of life without moving to another country. Firstly, learners can participate in cultural exchange events at their school or locally. This helps them gain a deeper understanding of diverse cultures by communicating with students from different countries. If learners partake in these events regularly, they can improve their language skills, gain better knowledge of cultures, and enhance their social relationships. The second way is to utilize resources that can enhance their language and cultural understanding. This is because students can easily access these resources in their country instead of living abroad at an expensive cost. For example, viewing films, listening to music, reading books in another language, or following foreign social media accounts can help learners boost their language and cultural understanding.

Taking everything abovementioned into consideration, this reinforces my perspective that learning another language and lifestyle can be cultivated in their own country without living abroad.