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BAI 13 When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

BAI 13 When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people argued that if given the choice, individuals would prefer a life free from work over spending time for the majority of their time working. From my perspectives, I strongly disagree with this view as work environments not only foster a sense of achievement but also play a vital role in maintaining one’s mental health and society well-being.

A significant reason why people still choose to work is the sense of achievement and self-worth it provides. For example, entrepreneurs who set up successful corporations often feel immense pride in their accomplishments, as they see the results of their hard work and dedication. This sense of achievement can be highly motivating and provides a purpose beyond financial gain. Without the opportunity to work, people might feel unfulfilled and lack direction, which can diminish their overall quality of life.

Moreover, jobs allow individuals to find colleges who have the same interests, leading to enabling them to socialize, build contacts and find support. Increasing relationships in a company or society not only helps each person be more sociable but also gains more knowledge from people around them. As a result, without work social skills, people would make challenges in connecting and communicating socially, leading to being alone and not having more opportunities to work. In addition, jobs provide income to support daily life for human beings. Without the opportunity to work, individuals would not have food to eat or clothing to wear, they face financial predicaments. Besides, they use a significant amount of money to deal with issues to pass life smoothly.

In Conclusion, though working most of the time keeps people busy, it challenges and gives them the means to develop themselves. They will make progress on their knowledge and improve life to meet other people.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Some people argued" -> "Some individuals contend"
    Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "argued," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

  2. "From my perspectives" -> "From my perspective"
    Explanation: "Perspectives" should be singular when referring to a single viewpoint, correcting the grammatical error and aligning with formal writing standards.

  3. "work environments" -> "work environments"
    Explanation: The word "environments" is already plural, so "environments" is redundant and should be removed for grammatical correctness.

  4. "play a vital role in maintaining one’s mental health and society well-being" -> "play a vital role in maintaining both one’s mental health and societal well-being"
    Explanation: Adding "both" clarifies that the role is dual, and "societal well-being" is a more precise term than "society well-being," which is awkward and unclear.

  5. "people still choose to work" -> "individuals still opt to work"
    Explanation: "Opt" is a more formal synonym for "choose," and "individuals" is preferred over "people" in academic writing for its specificity and formality.

  6. "sense of achievement and self-worth" -> "sense of accomplishment and self-worth"
    Explanation: "Accomplishment" is a more precise term than "achievement" in this context, as it specifically refers to the act of completing something successfully.

  7. "entrepreneurs who set up successful corporations" -> "entrepreneurs who establish successful businesses"
    Explanation: "Establish" is a more formal verb than "set up," and "businesses" is a more general term than "corporations," which may be too specific and formal for this context.

  8. "feel immense pride" -> "experience immense pride"
    Explanation: "Experience" is a more formal verb than "feel" in this context, aligning better with academic style.

  9. "Without the opportunity to work" -> "Without the option to work"
    Explanation: "Option" is a more precise term than "opportunity" in this context, as it specifically refers to a choice or alternative.

  10. "find colleges who have the same interests" -> "find colleagues with similar interests"
    Explanation: "Colleagues" is the correct term for people who work together, and "similar" is more precise than "the same" in describing shared interests.

  11. "enabling them to socialize" -> "enabling them to socialize"
    Explanation: This is a typographical error; the word "socialize" should not be repeated.

  12. "gains more knowledge from people around them" -> "gains knowledge from their peers"
    Explanation: "Peers" is a more formal and precise term than "people around them," which is vague and informal.

  13. "Without work social skills" -> "Without social skills acquired through work"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies that the social skills are acquired through work, rather than suggesting that work itself is a social skill.

  14. "make challenges in connecting" -> "face challenges in connecting"
    Explanation: "Face" is the correct verb to use in this context, indicating the difficulty or obstacle in connecting socially.

  15. "not having more opportunities to work" -> "fewer opportunities to work"
    Explanation: "Fewer" is the correct comparative form for countable nouns like "opportunities," whereas "more" is used with uncountable nouns.

  16. "they face financial predicaments" -> "they encounter financial difficulties"
    Explanation: "Encounter" is a more formal and precise term than "face" in this context, and "difficulties" is a more appropriate term than "predicaments" for everyday financial struggles.

  17. "they use a significant amount of money to deal with issues to pass life smoothly" -> "they allocate a significant amount of money to address various issues and navigate life smoothly"
    Explanation: "Allocate" is more precise than "use," and "address various issues and navigate life smoothly" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea of managing challenges in life.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a disagreement with the notion that people would prefer a life without work. The introduction sets the stage for this position, and the body paragraphs provide reasons supporting this stance. The author discusses the sense of achievement derived from work, the social benefits of employment, and the financial necessity of working. However, while the essay covers the main aspects of the prompt, it could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint to strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider briefly outlining the opposing view in the introduction and then refuting it in the body. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and provide a balanced perspective.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing against the preference for a life without work. The use of phrases like "I strongly disagree" in the introduction reinforces this stance. However, the conclusion could be clearer in summarizing the main arguments and reiterating the position, as it currently feels somewhat vague and less impactful.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by explicitly restating the main arguments and the position taken. A well-crafted concluding statement that ties back to the introduction can enhance the overall clarity and impact of the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the sense of achievement, social connections, and financial necessity. Each point is supported with examples, such as entrepreneurs feeling pride in their work. However, some arguments could be further extended. For instance, the discussion on social skills could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to illustrate the point more vividly.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, consider incorporating more specific examples or data to support claims. Additionally, elaborating on how these aspects contribute to overall well-being would provide a deeper analysis.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of work and the implications of a life without it. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly convoluted, particularly in the section discussing social skills, which may distract from the main argument. Phrases like "make challenges in connecting" could be clearer and more concise.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each point is clearly articulated and directly relates back to the main argument. Simplifying complex phrases and ensuring clarity in expression can help keep the reader engaged and focused on the topic.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-argued position. With some refinements in clarity, development, and structure, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against the idea that people would prefer a life without work. The arguments are organized into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a specific reason supporting the author’s viewpoint. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the sense of achievement derived from work, while the second addresses social connections and financial stability. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, particularly when moving from the discussion of social benefits to financial implications.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate the relationship between ideas. For example, after discussing social benefits, a phrase like "In addition to social fulfillment, financial stability is another critical aspect of work" could help bridge the two concepts more effectively.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the author attempts to develop these ideas with examples. However, the second body paragraph is somewhat convoluted, with sentences that could be clearer and more concise. For instance, the phrase "leading to enabling them to socialize" is awkward and could be simplified.
    • How to improve: Focus on clarity and conciseness within paragraphs. Ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the main idea of the paragraph. Consider breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones to enhance readability. For example, instead of "Increasing relationships in a company or society not only helps each person be more sociable but also gains more knowledge from people around them," you could say, "Building relationships in the workplace helps individuals become more sociable and gain knowledge from their peers."
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover" and "In addition," to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, the transition from discussing social skills to financial challenges lacks a cohesive device that would clarify the relationship between these two points.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore" to add information, "On the other hand" to present contrasting ideas, or "Consequently" to indicate results. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to enhance the clarity of the argument. For example, when transitioning between paragraphs, a phrase like "This leads to another important consideration: financial stability" could help clarify the connection between the ideas presented.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow, clarity within paragraphs, and the range of cohesive devices will help elevate the score further in the Coherence and Cohesion criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in expressing ideas related to work and its benefits. Phrases such as "sense of achievement," "self-worth," and "financial predicaments" indicate an attempt to use varied language. However, there are instances of repetition and limited lexical variety, such as the frequent use of "work" and "people" without synonyms or paraphrasing.
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "work," alternatives like "employment," "occupation," or "professional life" could be employed. Additionally, phrases like "individuals" or "workers" could replace "people" to diversify the vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are notable imprecisions that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "find colleges who have the same interests" seems to confuse "colleagues" with "colleges," which alters the intended meaning. The phrase "make challenges in connecting" is also awkward and unclear.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, ensure that vocabulary choices accurately reflect the intended meaning. Proofreading for common errors, such as the misuse of "colleges" instead of "colleagues," is essential. Additionally, phrases should be constructed more clearly; for example, "face challenges in connecting" would be a more precise way to express the idea.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "colleges" instead of "colleagues" and "human beings" which could be simplified to "people." These errors can lead to confusion and detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, regular practice with spelling exercises and utilizing tools such as spell check can be beneficial. Additionally, reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts. It is also advisable to allocate time for proofreading the essay before submission to catch any spelling mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "From my perspectives, I strongly disagree with this view as work environments not only foster a sense of achievement but also play a vital role in maintaining one’s mental health and society well-being" shows an attempt to combine ideas effectively. However, the essay relies heavily on simple and compound sentences, which limits the overall grammatical range. For example, phrases like "jobs allow individuals to find colleges who have the same interests" and "they face financial predicaments" are straightforward and could benefit from more complex constructions.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex and compound-complex sentences. For instance, they could combine ideas by using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., "Although jobs can be demanding, they provide essential social connections"). Additionally, varying the sentence openings and using different grammatical forms (e.g., gerunds, infinitives) can create a more dynamic writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "individuals would prefer a life free from work over spending time for the majority of their time working" is awkwardly constructed and could be simplified for clarity. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and word choice, such as "society well-being," which should be "societal well-being." Punctuation errors include a lack of commas in compound sentences, making some sentences difficult to read, such as "Without the opportunity to work, individuals would not have food to eat or clothing to wear, they face financial predicaments," which should be separated into two sentences or connected with a semicolon.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and proper word forms. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help clarify meaning. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance the overall readability of the essay. Engaging in grammar exercises and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can further aid in identifying and correcting persistent errors.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and relevant examples, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help the writer achieve a higher band score in the IELTS assessment.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that if given the choice, people would prefer a life free from work rather than spending the majority of their time working. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with this view, as work environments not only foster a sense of accomplishment but also play a vital role in maintaining both one’s mental health and societal well-being.

A significant reason why individuals still opt to work is the sense of accomplishment and self-worth it provides. For example, entrepreneurs who establish successful businesses often experience immense pride in their achievements, as they witness the results of their hard work and dedication. This sense of accomplishment can be highly motivating and offers a purpose beyond financial gain. Without the option to work, people might feel unfulfilled and lack direction, which can diminish their overall quality of life.

Moreover, jobs allow individuals to find colleagues with similar interests, enabling them to socialize, build connections, and find support. Increasing relationships in a workplace or community not only helps each person become more sociable but also allows them to gain knowledge from their peers. As a result, without the social skills acquired through work, individuals may face challenges in connecting and communicating socially, leading to feelings of isolation and fewer opportunities to work. In addition, jobs provide income to support daily life. Without the opportunity to work, individuals would struggle to afford basic necessities, such as food and clothing, and they would encounter financial difficulties. Furthermore, they would allocate a significant amount of money to address various issues and navigate life smoothly.

In conclusion, although working most of the time keeps people busy, it also challenges them and provides the means to develop themselves. They can make progress in their knowledge and improve their lives while connecting with others.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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