Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now ‘one big traffic jam’. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?
Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now ‘one big traffic jam’.
How true do you think this statement is?
What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?
There has been a dramatic increase in car ownership over the past three decades, and this has transformed lots of cities into constant traffic jams. I strongly believe that the above statement is true, and governments should adopt some feasible measures to tackle this problem.
Over the years, there has been a tremendous increase in the purchasing of cars. Most people, including adults and youths, are obsessed with cars, and it has become a necessity in their day-to-day lives. The obvious factor for this rise is the liberty of commuting since they can be flexible in their schedules to opt for the most convenient travelling time. Also, cars offer absolute privacy when people often travel alone or with their friends or family compared to other public transportation, and this helps them to comfortably enjoy the trips. However, due to the easy affordability and availability of the four-wheelers, people become reliant on them even for a short distance. Hence, this ultimately leads to a significant increase in traffic congestion.
One of the major reasons is the high volume of private vehicles on the road and inadequate infrastructure. In order to improve the situation, governments should impose heavier taxes on private vehicles, especially for those owning multiple ones. Improving and making public transportation more appealing and accessible to the public is also another viable solution. Combining these two aforementioned methods probably prevents people from possessing new cars and encourages them to use more public transportation. For example, Singapore has introduced strict regulations and incentives to promote the use of public transport, and these have proven their success.
In conclusion, while increasing car ownership has made travelling easier for many people, it has also been the key factor contributing to worsening traffic problems in cities. I strongly believe governments play a vital role in alleviating these issues by implementing heavy taxes as well as encouraging people to opt for public transportation.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"dramatic increase" -> "significant increase"
Explanation: "Dramatic" can imply an emotional connotation, which is less suitable for academic writing. "Significant" is a more neutral and precise term that maintains the intended meaning without emotional bias. -
"transformed lots of cities" -> "transformed numerous cities"
Explanation: "Lots of" is informal and vague. "Numerous" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better. -
"I strongly believe" -> "It is evident"
Explanation: "I strongly believe" introduces a personal opinion, which is less formal in academic writing. "It is evident" presents a more objective, fact-based assertion, enhancing the formality of the statement. -
"the purchasing of cars" -> "the purchase of cars"
Explanation: "The purchasing of" is grammatically awkward and verbose. "The purchase of" is the correct and more concise form. -
"obsessed with cars" -> "fascinated with cars"
Explanation: "Obsessed" can imply an unhealthy or excessive interest, which may not be the intended meaning. "Fascinated" is neutral and appropriate for describing interest in a subject without negative connotations. -
"a necessity in their day-to-day lives" -> "an essential aspect of their daily lives"
Explanation: "A necessity in their day-to-day lives" is a bit informal and repetitive. "An essential aspect of their daily lives" is more formal and avoids redundancy. -
"absolute privacy" -> "complete privacy"
Explanation: "Absolute" can imply an unrealistic or extreme condition. "Complete" is more accurate and suitable for describing the level of privacy offered by cars. -
"comfortably enjoy the trips" -> "enjoy their trips comfortably"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured. Rearranging it to "enjoy their trips comfortably" improves readability and flow. -
"due to the easy affordability and availability" -> "due to their affordability and availability"
Explanation: "Easy" is redundant when used with "affordability" and "availability." Removing "easy" simplifies and clarifies the sentence. -
"people become reliant on them even for a short distance" -> "people rely on them even for short distances"
Explanation: "Become reliant on them even for a short distance" is awkwardly phrased. "Rely on them even for short distances" is more natural and grammatically correct. -
"impose heavier taxes" -> "impose higher taxes"
Explanation: "Heavier" is not typically used to describe taxes; "higher" is the correct term for increasing the amount of taxes. -
"Combining these two aforementioned methods probably prevents" -> "Implementing these two strategies likely prevents"
Explanation: "Combining" is vague and informal; "implementing" is more precise and formal. "Aforementioned" is also less commonly used in academic writing; "these strategies" is clearer and more direct. -
"I strongly believe governments play a vital role" -> "It is evident that governments play a crucial role"
Explanation: Replacing "I strongly believe" with "It is evident" maintains objectivity and formality, while "crucial" is a stronger, more academic term than "vital."
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It acknowledges the truth of the statement regarding increased car ownership leading to traffic congestion and provides measures that governments can take to discourage car use. The introduction clearly states the author’s belief in the statement’s validity, and the subsequent paragraphs explore the reasons behind increased car ownership and suggest practical solutions. For instance, the mention of taxes on private vehicles and improvements to public transport directly responds to the second part of the question.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could include a broader range of government measures, such as promoting carpooling, implementing congestion charges, or developing cycling infrastructure. This would provide a more comprehensive view of potential solutions and demonstrate deeper engagement with the topic.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently supporting the idea that increased car ownership is problematic and that government intervention is necessary. The author’s stance is evident from the introduction and is reinforced in the conclusion. Phrases like "I strongly believe" and "I strongly believe governments play a vital role" help to emphasize this position.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could benefit from more explicit transitions between points to reinforce the argument. For example, using phrases like "Furthermore" or "In addition" when introducing new ideas would help to guide the reader and strengthen the connection between the author’s beliefs and the proposed solutions.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented clearly, with some extension and support. The essay discusses the reasons for increased car ownership, such as convenience and privacy, and provides a specific example of Singapore’s successful public transport initiatives. However, the support for the claims could be more robust; for instance, statistics or studies could be cited to strengthen the argument about the impact of car ownership on traffic congestion.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the author could include more detailed examples or data to substantiate claims. For instance, discussing specific statistics about traffic congestion in cities with high car ownership or citing studies that show the effectiveness of public transport improvements would enhance the credibility of the arguments.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays on topic throughout, focusing on the issues related to car ownership and the corresponding governmental measures. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument without deviating into unrelated areas. The structure is logical, with a clear progression from identifying the problem to suggesting solutions.
- How to improve: While the essay is focused, the author should ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the prompt. For example, when discussing the reasons for increased car ownership, it could be beneficial to tie these reasons back to how they contribute to traffic congestion more explicitly, reinforcing the connection between the problem and the proposed solutions.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates the author’s position. With some enhancements in the areas of supporting evidence and the breadth of proposed solutions, it could achieve an even higher score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets up the argument that car ownership has led to traffic congestion, and the subsequent paragraphs build on this premise. The first body paragraph discusses the reasons for increased car ownership, while the second body paragraph transitions smoothly into potential government measures to address the issue. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points, reinforcing the argument. However, there could be a more explicit connection between the reasons for increased car ownership and the proposed solutions, which would enhance the overall logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using topic sentences that clearly link the content of each paragraph back to the main argument. For example, explicitly stating how the reasons for car ownership lead to traffic congestion before introducing solutions would create a stronger connection between ideas.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly delineated. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer internal structure, as it combines multiple solutions without distinct separation, which may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, consider breaking the second body paragraph into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the taxation of private vehicles and the other on improving public transportation. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each solution and improve clarity.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "also," and "for example," which help to connect ideas and provide clarity. The use of cohesive devices contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is a reliance on a limited range of devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more varied linking phrases and transitions. For instance, using phrases like "in addition," "consequently," or "on the other hand" can enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, using synonyms or rephrasing can help avoid repetition and maintain reader engagement.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By making the suggested improvements, the essay can achieve an even higher level of clarity and logical flow.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of car ownership and traffic congestion. Phrases such as "dramatic increase," "constant traffic jams," and "high volume of private vehicles" are effective in conveying the writer’s points. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "increase" and "public transportation" could be substituted with synonyms or related terms to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or alternative phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "increase," terms like "surge," "rise," or "escalation" could be used. Additionally, varying the expression of "public transportation" with phrases like "mass transit systems" or "communal transport options" would enrich the vocabulary.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where precision could be improved. For instance, the phrase "absolute privacy" may not fully capture the intended meaning, as it suggests a level of privacy that might not be entirely accurate when traveling in a car with others. Moreover, the term "four-wheelers" is somewhat informal and may not be the best choice in an academic context.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should consider the context and connotations of the words chosen. Instead of "absolute privacy," a more precise phrase could be "enhanced privacy." Additionally, replacing "four-wheelers" with "automobiles" or "private vehicles" would maintain formality and clarity.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no significant errors that detract from the overall readability. Words like "dramatic," "necessity," and "congestion" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a solid grasp of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue proofreading their work carefully. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or engaging in regular reading can also help reinforce correct spelling patterns. Additionally, practicing writing exercises focused on commonly misspelled words could further enhance spelling skills.
Overall, the essay reflects a strong command of lexical resource, achieving a Band Score of 7. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving an even higher score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence, "There has been a dramatic increase in car ownership over the past three decades, and this has transformed lots of cities into constant traffic jams," effectively combines two independent clauses with a coordinating conjunction. Additionally, the use of phrases like "one of the major reasons is" and "in order to improve the situation" showcases an understanding of varied sentence beginnings and structures. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the second paragraph, where phrases like "due to the easy affordability and availability of the four-wheelers" could be rephrased for variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "Most people, including adults and youths, are obsessed with cars," you could say, "Many individuals, both adults and youths, have developed an obsession with cars, which they view as essential to their daily lives." Additionally, varying the use of transition words and phrases can help create a more dynamic flow in the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. However, there are minor issues with punctuation and sentence clarity. For instance, the phrase "the liberty of commuting since they can be flexible in their schedules to opt for the most convenient travelling time" could be clearer with better punctuation, perhaps by breaking it into two sentences or using a semicolon. Furthermore, the phrase "the four-wheelers" is somewhat informal and could be replaced with "private vehicles" for a more academic tone.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, pay close attention to sentence length and complexity. Ensure that longer sentences are punctuated correctly to avoid run-on sentences. Practicing the use of commas, semicolons, and periods can help clarify complex ideas. Additionally, reviewing the essay for informal language and replacing it with more formal equivalents can enhance the overall academic tone. For example, instead of "four-wheelers," consider using "automobiles" or "private vehicles."
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, but with targeted improvements in sentence variety and punctuation, it could achieve an even higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
There has been a **significant increase** in car ownership over the past three decades, and this has **transformed numerous cities** into constant traffic jams. I strongly believe that the above statement is true, and governments should adopt some feasible measures to tackle this problem.
Over the years, there has been a **tremendous increase in the purchase of cars**. Most people, including adults and youths, are **fascinated with cars**, and they have become an **essential aspect of their daily lives**. The obvious factor for this rise is the **liberty of commuting**, as individuals can be flexible in their schedules to choose the most convenient travelling time. Additionally, cars offer **complete privacy** when people often travel alone or with their friends or family, which allows them to **enjoy their trips comfortably**. However, **due to their affordability and availability**, people rely on them even for short distances. Hence, this ultimately leads to a **significant increase** in traffic congestion.
One of the major reasons for this issue is the high volume of private vehicles on the road and inadequate infrastructure. To improve the situation, governments should **impose higher taxes** on private vehicles, especially for those owning multiple cars. Improving and making public transportation more appealing and accessible to the public is also another viable solution. **Implementing these two strategies likely prevents** people from purchasing new cars and encourages them to use public transportation more. For example, Singapore has introduced strict regulations and incentives to promote the use of public transport, and these measures have proven successful.
In conclusion, while increasing car ownership has made travelling easier for many people, it has also been a key factor contributing to worsening traffic problems in cities. It is evident that governments play a crucial role in alleviating these issues by implementing heavy taxes as well as encouraging people to opt for public transportation.