Causes and effects of deforestation

Thirty percent of our planet used to be covered with trees, but sadly, that number has been recorded to decrease simultaneously through the years. Deforestation is causing a massive scale of destruction to the forests, which hold an essential role in creating biodiversity.
Firstly, agriculture and deforestation are the sources of greenhouse gas emissions to the atmosphere, which sum up to twenty-fourth percent of the cause of global warming. When people cut down trees, they can not continue to absorb the carbon dioxide, and these substances float into the atmosphere and cause global warming. For instance, people expand their farming area, exploit forests for crops, and also cut down trees that will be used for paper products. Secondly, deforestation devastates habitats and puts some species on the verge of extinction. The impact is so severe that approximately six thousand animals and plants go extinct. The hunt for rare and exotic species is the main cause leading to the reduction of biodiversity, and if we continue to demolish forests this way, humans that depend on forests will suffer from the loss of food sources or shelter.
Thirdly, the fact that forests are destroyed just for growing urban sprawl, as land is developed for dwellings. Some areas are being turned into treeless areas, in which landslides occur more frequently. After a heavy rain, the lower area will get flooded, causing a lot of casualties.
In conclusion, deforestation significantly alters the planet badly; hence, the destruction is huge, but it is still irreversible. Organizations, individuals, and the government are fighting for the environment in an attempt to prevent further loss of nature.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"used to be covered" -> "was once covered"
Explanation: "Was once covered" is a more precise and formal expression, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"sadly" -> "regrettably"
Explanation: "Regrettably" is a more formal synonym for "sadly," which is more suitable for academic writing.
"simultaneously through the years" -> "concurrently over the years"
Explanation: "Concurrently" is more precise and formal than "simultaneously," and "over the years" is a more common phrase in academic contexts.
"massive scale of destruction" -> "substantial scale of destruction"
Explanation: "Substantial" is a more measured and academically appropriate term than "massive," which can be seen as overly dramatic.
"hold an essential role" -> "play a crucial role"
Explanation: "Play a crucial role" is a more standard phrase in formal writing, emphasizing the importance of the role more effectively.
"twenty-fourth percent" -> "twenty-four percent"
Explanation: "Twenty-four percent" is the correct numerical expression, avoiding the unnecessary "th" in "twenty-fourth."
"can not" -> "cannot"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the standard form in formal writing, avoiding the contraction "can not."
"float into the atmosphere" -> "enter the atmosphere"
Explanation: "Enter the atmosphere" is a more precise and scientifically accurate term than "float into the atmosphere."
"expand their farming area" -> "expand their agricultural areas"
Explanation: "Agricultural areas" is a more specific and formal term than "farming area."
"exploit forests for crops" -> "cultivate forests for crops"
Explanation: "Cultivate" is a more precise term for the process of growing crops in forests, avoiding the negative connotation of "exploit."
"cut down trees that will be used for paper products" -> "harvest trees for paper production"
Explanation: "Harvest trees for paper production" is a more formal and accurate description of the process.
"devastates habitats" -> "degrades habitats"
Explanation: "Degrades" is a more precise term in ecological contexts, indicating a gradual decline rather than complete devastation.
"puts some species on the verge of extinction" -> "brings some species to the brink of extinction"
Explanation: "Brings to the brink of extinction" is a more formal and scientifically accurate phrase.
"hunt for rare and exotic species" -> "pursue rare and exotic species"
Explanation: "Pursue" is a more formal and neutral term than "hunt," which can carry negative connotations.
"demolish forests" -> "clear forests"
Explanation: "Clear forests" is a more neutral and precise term, avoiding the strong negative connotation of "demolish."
"lands are developed for dwellings" -> "land is developed for residential purposes"
Explanation: "For residential purposes" is a more formal and specific phrase than "for dwellings."
"treeless areas" -> "areas devoid of trees"
Explanation: "Areas devoid of trees" is a more formal and precise description.
"landslides occur more frequently" -> "landslides occur more frequently"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "landsides" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.
"the destruction is huge" -> "the destruction is significant"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more measured and academically appropriate term than "huge," which can be seen as overly colloquial.
"it is still irreversible" -> "it remains irreversible"
Explanation: "Remains" is a more formal and precise verb choice than "is still," enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the causes and effects of deforestation, touching on key points such as agriculture, habitat destruction, and urban sprawl. However, while it mentions several causes, it could benefit from a more structured approach to clearly delineate between causes and effects. For example, the transition from discussing causes (agriculture, urban sprawl) to effects (biodiversity loss, increased flooding) could be more explicit.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could be organized into distinct sections for causes and effects. This would allow for a clearer presentation of each aspect. For instance, starting with a paragraph dedicated to causes followed by a paragraph on effects would improve clarity and comprehensiveness.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position on the negative impacts of deforestation. However, the conclusion introduces a somewhat ambiguous statement about the irreversibility of destruction without adequately linking it back to the main arguments presented. This could confuse the reader regarding the overall stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points made in the essay and reinforce the negative implications of deforestation. Additionally, using consistent terminology throughout the essay would help in maintaining clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to deforestation, such as its contribution to greenhouse gas emissions and its impact on biodiversity. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration. For instance, while the mention of "six thousand animals and plants" going extinct is striking, it could be supported with more context or examples to illustrate the severity of the issue.
- How to improve: To effectively present and extend ideas, the essay could include specific examples or statistics that illustrate the consequences of deforestation more vividly. For instance, discussing specific species affected or providing data on the rate of deforestation would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on deforestation and its consequences. However, the mention of "urban sprawl" could be more directly tied to deforestation rather than being presented as a separate issue. This could lead to a slight deviation from the main topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, each point made should directly relate back to deforestation. When discussing urban sprawl, it would be beneficial to explicitly connect it to deforestation by explaining how urban development leads to tree removal and habitat loss. This would enhance coherence and relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in structure, elaboration, and clarity would elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with a logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion on deforestation, and each body paragraph addresses a specific cause or effect. For example, the transition from discussing greenhouse gas emissions to habitat destruction is smooth and maintains the reader’s understanding of the topic. However, the connection between the points could be strengthened; for instance, linking the effects of urban sprawl more explicitly to the previous points would enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, at the end of the second paragraph, a sentence could summarize the impact of habitat destruction and lead into the discussion of urban sprawl, such as, "In addition to habitat loss, urban sprawl further exacerbates the consequences of deforestation."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of deforestation, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument. However, the conclusion could be more robust; it briefly summarizes the main points but lacks a strong closing statement that reinforces the urgency of the issue.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by reiterating the main arguments and emphasizing the importance of addressing deforestation. A more impactful closing could include a call to action or a thought-provoking statement about the future of the planet, such as, "If we do not take immediate action, the consequences of deforestation will not only threaten biodiversity but also jeopardize human existence."
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Thirdly," which help to structure the argument clearly. Additionally, phrases like "for instance" and "in conclusion" guide the reader through the text. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded; the essay relies heavily on a few transitional phrases, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Thirdly," consider using alternatives like "In addition," "Moreover," or "Furthermore" to introduce new points. Additionally, using phrases like "Consequently" or "As a result" can help to better connect ideas, especially when discussing the effects of deforestation.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, further enhancing its overall effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary related to the topic of deforestation. Terms such as "biodiversity," "greenhouse gas emissions," and "urban sprawl" are appropriately used, showing an understanding of relevant terminology. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "cut down trees" is repeated, which could be replaced with synonyms such as "fell," "harvest," or "clear."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should actively seek synonyms and alternative phrases. Utilizing a thesaurus can help identify different words that convey similar meanings. Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives and adverbs could enrich the text. For instance, instead of "massive scale of destruction," consider "widespread devastation."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes relevant vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "sum up to twenty-fourth percent" is awkward and should be "amounts to twenty-four percent." Additionally, the term "casualties" in the context of landslides could be misleading, as it typically refers to human loss rather than property damage or ecological consequences.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on context and ensure that terms are used correctly. Reading more academic texts on environmental issues can help familiarize the writer with precise language. It would also be beneficial to revise sentences for clarity, ensuring that the intended meaning is conveyed without ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. The phrase "twenty-fourth percent" is incorrect; it should be "twenty-four percent." Additionally, "demolish" is used correctly, but the context could be clearer if replaced with "destroy" or "clear," which are more commonly associated with deforestation.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch any errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing common spelling patterns can also be beneficial. Furthermore, keeping a list of commonly misspelled words can help the writer become more aware of their frequent mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs relevant vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and carefully proofreading, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "When people cut down trees, they can not continue to absorb the carbon dioxide" effectively combine clauses to convey cause and effect. However, there are instances where the sentence structure is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the use of straightforward declarative sentences. For example, the sentence "Deforestation is causing a massive scale of destruction to the forests" could be rephrased to incorporate more varied structures.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses or participial phrases. For example, instead of saying "Some areas are being turned into treeless areas," you could say, "As urban development expands, some areas are increasingly transformed into treeless landscapes." This not only adds variety but also improves the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "which sum up to twenty-fourth percent" should be corrected to "which sums up to twenty-four percent." Additionally, punctuation is mostly correct, but there are places where commas could improve clarity, such as before "which hold an essential role in creating biodiversity" to separate the clauses more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that phrases are correctly punctuated. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors can help. Moreover, reading more academic essays can provide insight into correct punctuation usage and help internalize grammatical structures. Consider revising sentences for clarity and correctness, such as changing "the destruction is huge, but it is still irreversible" to "the destruction is significant, and its effects may be irreversible," which clarifies the intended meaning and improves grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

### Causes and Effects of Deforestation

Thirty percent of our planet was once covered with trees, but regrettably, that number has been recorded to decrease concurrently over the years. Deforestation is causing a substantial scale of destruction to the forests, which play a crucial role in creating biodiversity.

Firstly, agriculture and deforestation are significant sources of greenhouse gas emissions that enter the atmosphere, contributing to twenty-four percent of the causes of global warming. When people cut down trees, they cannot continue to absorb carbon dioxide, allowing these substances to float into the atmosphere and exacerbate global warming. For instance, people expand their agricultural areas, cultivate forests for crops, and also harvest trees for paper production.

Secondly, deforestation degrades habitats and brings some species to the brink of extinction. The impact is so severe that approximately six thousand animals and plants go extinct each year. The pursuit of rare and exotic species is a primary cause leading to the reduction of biodiversity. If we continue to clear forests in this manner, humans who depend on forests will suffer from the loss of food sources and shelter.

Thirdly, forests are being destroyed to accommodate urban sprawl, as land is developed for residential purposes. Some areas are becoming devoid of trees, leading to increased occurrences of landslides. After heavy rain, lower areas can become flooded, resulting in significant casualties.

In conclusion, deforestation significantly alters the planet in detrimental ways; hence, the destruction is considerable, and it remains irreversible. Organizations, individuals, and governments are striving to protect the environment in an attempt to prevent further loss of nature.