Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in schools. to what extent do you agree or disagree? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In this present time, children tend to live a sedentary lifestyle and spend time playing games, watching television, and using more electronic devices. So, there are many opinions that sports lessons are obligatory in schools to make them more active. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give my own view.
The main reason is athletics activities help kids improve their physical health. Sports include physical workouts like football, badminton, basketball… will benefit their bodies. Because it boosts their immune systems, keeps their bodies fit and balanced, and prevents obesity risks. Another reason is sports time benefits the development of children's mental health. Study can make students feel exhausted and tired, meanwhile sports activities can help them have free time to relax and get out of stress and depression. Finally, sports can develop other skills for kids. Many students can't study well Math, English, Chemistry… but they can be good at sports and oriented towards the sports fields in the future. In addition, sports lessons also help promote teamwork, cooperation, self-confidence, and discipline.
On the other hand, some children don't enjoy sports activities, or their bodies are inappropriate to participate in these activities. Thus, let students choose optional sports for themselves. Moreover, children need spend a lot of money to buy sports items such as trainers, balls, rackets… and these are not low-cost.
To sum up, sports lessons bring positive impact to mental and physical health. Nevertheless, these should unforced subjects in order to feel enjoyable when they join in

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this present time" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this present time" is redundant and informal. "Currently" is more concise and appropriate for academic writing.
"children tend to live a sedentary lifestyle" -> "children often lead sedentary lifestyles"
Explanation: "Tend to live" is somewhat vague and informal; "often lead" is more direct and precise, and "lifestyles" is plural to reflect the general trend.
"spend time playing games, watching television, and using more electronic devices" -> "spend time engaging in gaming, watching television, and utilizing electronic devices"
Explanation: "Engaging in" and "utilizing" are more formal and precise than "playing" and "using," respectively, enhancing the academic tone.
"there are many opinions that" -> "there are numerous opinions that"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal and precise than "many," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"sports lessons are obligatory" -> "sports education is mandatory"
Explanation: "Sports education" is a more formal term than "sports lessons," and "mandatory" is more specific than "obligatory."
"athletics activities help kids" -> "athletic activities benefit children"
Explanation: "Benefit" is more formal than "help," and "children" is more appropriate than "kids" in academic writing.
"physical workouts like football, badminton, basketball…" -> "physical activities such as football, badminton, and basketball"
Explanation: "Physical activities" is more encompassing than "physical workouts," and using "such as" with a comma after it is more formal.
"boosts their immune systems" -> "enhances their immune systems"
Explanation: "Enhances" is a more precise and formal term than "boosts" in this context.
"Study can make students feel exhausted and tired" -> "Academic pursuits can lead to student exhaustion and fatigue"
Explanation: "Academic pursuits" is more formal than "study," and "fatigue" is a more precise term than "tired."
"sports time benefits the development of children’s mental health" -> "participation in sports benefits children’s mental health"
Explanation: "Participation in sports" is more specific and formal than "sports time."
"Study can help them have free time" -> "Academic pursuits can provide them with free time"
Explanation: "Academic pursuits" is more formal than "study," and "provide them with" is more precise than "help them have."
"get out of stress and depression" -> "relieve stress and depression"
Explanation: "Relieve" is a more formal and precise verb than "get out of," which is colloquial.
"Many students can’t study well Math, English, Chemistry…" -> "Many students struggle with subjects such as mathematics, English, and chemistry"
Explanation: "Struggle with" is more formal and precise than "can’t study well," and "such as" is more appropriate than "Math, English, Chemistry…"
"oriented towards the sports fields in the future" -> "oriented towards future careers in sports"
Explanation: "Future careers in sports" is more specific and formal than "the sports fields in the future."
"sports lessons also help promote" -> "sports education also fosters"
Explanation: "Fosters" is a more formal and precise verb than "help promote," and "education" is more specific than "lessons."
"unforced subjects" -> "optional subjects"
Explanation: "Optional" is the correct term for subjects that are not required, whereas "unforced" is incorrect and unclear in this context.
"children need spend a lot of money" -> "children need to spend a significant amount of money"
Explanation: "Need to spend" is grammatically correct, and "a significant amount of money" is more formal and precise than "a lot of money."
"these are not low-cost" -> "these are costly"
Explanation: "Costly" is a more direct and formal way to express the high expense of sports items.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of making sports lessons compulsory in schools. However, the response lacks a clear stance on the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. While the author mentions that sports lessons bring positive impacts, the nuanced exploration of the topic feels incomplete, as it does not clearly articulate a definitive position on whether they should be compulsory or not.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, they could provide a more balanced discussion by weighing the pros and cons more evenly, ultimately leading to a clearer conclusion that reflects their stance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position. The introduction suggests a discussion of both sides, but the conclusion implies that the author supports sports lessons while also suggesting they should not be compulsory. This inconsistency can confuse readers about the author’s true viewpoint.
- How to improve: The author should maintain a consistent position throughout the essay. They could achieve this by clearly stating their opinion in the introduction and ensuring that all arguments presented support this viewpoint. If the author believes that sports lessons should be compulsory, they should focus on reinforcing this idea throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits of sports, such as physical health, mental health, and skill development. However, these points are not sufficiently developed or supported with specific examples or evidence. For instance, while the author mentions that sports can prevent obesity, they do not provide statistics or real-life examples to substantiate this claim.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should elaborate on each point with specific examples or data. For instance, they could include statistics on childhood obesity rates or studies linking physical activity to improved mental health. This would provide a more robust argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of sports lessons in schools. However, the mention of financial concerns regarding sports equipment feels somewhat tangential and could distract from the main argument about the necessity of sports lessons.
- How to improve: The author should ensure that all points made directly relate to the central question of whether sports lessons should be compulsory. They could either integrate the financial aspect more directly into the argument or omit it altogether if it does not serve the main thesis. This would help maintain focus and coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents relevant points, clarity and depth in argumentation are needed to achieve a higher band score. By refining their position, supporting their ideas with evidence, and maintaining focus on the topic, the author can improve their Task Response score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by stating the current issue and the writer’s intent. However, the organization within the body paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the points about the benefits of sports are somewhat jumbled together without clear transitions between them, which may confuse the reader. The mention of mental health benefits is abruptly placed after physical health benefits without a smooth transition.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clear topic sentences for each paragraph that outline the main idea. Additionally, ensure that each point flows logically into the next by using transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely") to guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with distinct sections for the introduction, benefits of sports, counterarguments, and the conclusion. However, the body paragraphs could be more clearly delineated. For example, the paragraph discussing the benefits of sports could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on physical health and the other on mental health and skill development. This would provide a clearer structure and allow each point to be elaborated upon in more detail.
- How to improve: Adopt a more structured approach to paragraphing by ensuring that each paragraph covers a single main idea. Use clear topic sentences and supporting details to elaborate on that idea. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "In addition," "On the other hand," and "To sum up." However, the range and effectiveness of these devices are limited. Some sentences feel disjointed, and the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of sports to the counterargument lacks a cohesive device that would signal this shift clearly.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Moreover" to add information, "Conversely" to present opposing views, and "Consequently" to show results. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to enhance the flow of the essay rather than disrupt it.

Overall, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the writer can enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of sports and children’s health. Phrases like "sedentary lifestyle," "physical workouts," and "mental health" indicate an understanding of the subject matter. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, with terms like "sports" and "activities" appearing frequently without much variation. For example, the phrase "sports lessons" is used multiple times, which could be substituted with synonyms such as "physical education classes" or "athletic training."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "sports," they could use "athletics," "games," or "physical activities." Additionally, introducing more complex vocabulary related to health and education could elevate the essay’s sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "obligatory in schools" could be more accurately expressed as "mandatory" or "compulsory." Additionally, the term "inappropriate" in "bodies are inappropriate to participate" is vague; it would be clearer to specify "not physically suited" or "not fit." The phrase "positive impact to mental and physical health" should be "positive impact on mental and physical health."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They could benefit from reviewing common collocations and phrases in English, ensuring that they use words in contexts that reflect their standard usage. Practicing paraphrasing sentences can also help in developing a more precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally good level of spelling accuracy, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "unforced" should be "unforced" or "optional," and "Math, English, Chemistry…" should be "math, English, chemistry…" to maintain consistency in capitalization. The ellipsis usage is also inconsistent and should be replaced with commas or periods for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and ensuring consistent formatting. Utilizing spell-check tools or writing practice applications can also help identify and correct spelling errors before submission. Regular reading can improve spelling skills by familiarizing the writer with correct word forms and usages.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and a reasonable command of vocabulary, improvements in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "The main reason is athletics activities help kids improve their physical health" showcases a straightforward structure, while "Another reason is sports time benefits the development of children’s mental health" introduces a more complex idea. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "Another reason is" or "In addition," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using different introductory phrases or clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Another reason is," you could start sentences with phrases like "Additionally," "Furthermore," or "Moreover." Incorporating more complex sentences that combine ideas could also improve the range, such as, "While sports can enhance physical health, they also play a crucial role in developing teamwork and self-discipline."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "athletics activities" should be corrected to "athletic activities." Additionally, the sentence "Sports include physical workouts like football, badminton, basketball… will benefit their bodies" is grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased to "Sports include physical workouts like football, badminton, and basketball, which benefit their bodies." Punctuation errors, such as the misuse of ellipses and inconsistent comma usage, also detract from the overall quality.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage. Practicing sentence restructuring can help clarify meaning and improve grammatical correctness. For punctuation, ensure that lists are punctuated correctly (e.g., using commas instead of ellipses) and that sentences are complete. A thorough review of punctuation rules, especially concerning lists and clauses, will enhance clarity and coherence in writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will help elevate the overall quality and potentially increase the band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this present time, children tend to live sedentary lifestyles and spend time playing games, watching television, and utilizing more electronic devices. Therefore, there are numerous opinions that sports lessons should be compulsory in schools to make them more active. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give my own view.

The main reason is that athletic activities help kids improve their physical health. Sports include physical workouts like football, badminton, and basketball, which will benefit their bodies. This is because it boosts their immune systems, keeps their bodies fit and balanced, and prevents obesity risks. Another reason is that sports time benefits the development of children’s mental health. Academic pursuits can lead to student exhaustion and fatigue; meanwhile, sports activities can help them have free time to relax and relieve stress and depression. Finally, sports can develop other skills for kids. Many students struggle with subjects such as mathematics, English, and chemistry, but they can excel in sports and be oriented towards future careers in sports. In addition, sports lessons also foster teamwork, cooperation, self-confidence, and discipline.

On the other hand, some children do not enjoy sports activities, or their bodies may not be suitable for participation in these activities. Thus, it may be better to let students choose optional sports for themselves. Moreover, children need to spend a significant amount of money to buy sports items such as trainers, balls, and rackets, and these can be costly.

To sum up, sports lessons bring a positive impact on mental and physical health. Nevertheless, these should be optional subjects in order for students to feel enjoyable when they participate.