Children should always follow their parents’ advice. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Children should always follow their parents' advice.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is widely asserted that children should adhere strictly to their parents' guidance. I hold the view that while parental advice is crucial in the early stages of development, children should gradually gain more independence as they progress through life's stages.

On the one hand, it is acknowledged that parental advice can play a vital role in shaping young minds. Firstly, young children's cognitive development is not fully mature, and they may struggle to discern between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. Consequently, they may make ill-advised decisions with potential long-term consequences. For instance, young children may not fully grasp the dangers of crossing a busy street without looking both ways, potentially leading to accidents. Therefore, parental guidance is essential for teaching children about safety and appropriate behavior. In addition, parents, having accumulated a wealth of life experiences, can offer valuable insights that aid their children in decision-making. For example, parents who have faced financial difficulties can impart valuable lessons to their children about responsible money management, helping them avoid similar pitfalls in their own lives.

However, as children grow older and become more mature, fostering independence and critical thinking becomes paramount. For example, allowing children to make their own decisions about what to wear or what activities to participate in can help them develop a sense of autonomy and self-confidence. It is also essential to recognize that parental counsel may not always align with the child's emerging ambitions. For instance, a child who is passionate about pursuing a career in the arts may face resistance from parents who prioritize financial stability and encourage a more traditional career path. This conflict can lead to tension and hinder the child's personal growth and fulfillment. While parents may want the best for their children, allowing them the autonomy to make decisions becomes vital for their independence and resilience in adulthood.

In conclusion, while acknowledging the significant value of parental advice grounded in experience and wisdom, I advocate for children to gradually assume greater autonomy as they progress through life's stages. This ensures their personal development and self-realization.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is widely asserted" -> "It is widely accepted"
   Explanation: "Asserted" implies a claim made without evidence or widespread agreement, whereas "accepted" indicates a general agreement or recognition of a commonly held belief, which is more suitable for academic writing.

2. "adhere strictly" -> "adhere rigorously"
   Explanation: "Rigorously" adds a layer of precision and formality, enhancing the academic tone and emphasizing the strict adherence to parental guidance.

3. "I hold the view that" -> "I contend that"
   Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and assertive term often used in academic discourse to introduce a viewpoint or argument.

4. "Consequently, they may make ill-advised decisions" -> "Consequently, they may make unwise decisions"
   Explanation: "Ill-advised" is slightly informal, while "unwise" maintains formality without sacrificing clarity.

5. "they may not fully grasp the dangers" -> "they may not fully comprehend the dangers"
   Explanation: "Comprehend" is a more formal synonym for "grasp," suitable for academic writing.

6. "For example" -> "For instance"
   Explanation: "For instance" is a more formal alternative to "For example," commonly used in academic writing.

7. "young children" -> "youngsters"
   Explanation: "Youngsters" is a concise and slightly more formal term for "young children," aligning better with academic style.

8. "accumulate" -> "amass"
   Explanation: "Amass" is a more formal and sophisticated synonym for "accumulate," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

9. "valuable insights" -> "valuable perspectives"
   Explanation: While "insights" is suitable, "perspectives" adds variety and depth to the language, maintaining the formality of the sentence.

10. "fostering independence and critical thinking becomes paramount" -> "fostering independence and cultivating critical thinking becomes paramount"
    Explanation: "Cultivating" emphasizes the deliberate nurturing of critical thinking, enhancing the precision and formality of the statement.

11. "allowing children to make their own decisions" -> "permitting children to exercise autonomy in decision-making"
    Explanation: "Exercise autonomy" is a more formal and precise phrase, enhancing the academic quality of the sentence.

12. "a sense of autonomy" -> "a sense of self-determination"
    Explanation: "Self-determination" is a formal term commonly used in academic contexts, emphasizing independence and decision-making capability.

13. "This conflict can lead to tension" -> "This conflict may engender tension"
    Explanation: "May engender tension" is a slightly more formal construction, fitting for academic writing.

14. "While parents may want the best for their children" -> "Although parents may seek the best for their children"
    Explanation: "Although" is a more formal alternative to "While," commonly used in academic writing to introduce a contrasting viewpoint.

15. "In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
    Explanation: "To conclude" is a more concise and formal transition commonly used in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all components of the prompt. It discusses the idea of children following parental advice, presents a clear stance on the issue, and provides reasons to support the position.
  • How to improve: While the essay adequately covers all parts of the question, to enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing a brief overview or roadmap of the main points in the introduction to guide the reader through the essay’s structure.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance throughout, arguing that while parental advice is important, children should gradually gain independence. This position is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.
  • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the central argument and avoids any ambiguity or contradictory statements.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas with relevant examples and logical reasoning. Each body paragraph develops a distinct aspect of the argument, providing detailed explanations and examples.
  • How to improve: To enhance the depth of analysis, consider incorporating additional examples or counterarguments to further illustrate the points made and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the importance of parental advice and the gradual transition to independence. There are no significant deviations from the central theme.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main argument and avoids tangential discussions or irrelevant information.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively articulates a coherent argument supported by relevant examples and reasoning. To improve further, consider refining the structure to provide a clearer roadmap for the reader and enhancing the depth of analysis by incorporating additional examples or counterarguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction stating the writer’s stance, followed by well-structured body paragraphs that present balanced arguments. The first body paragraph discusses the importance of parental guidance for young children’s safety and decision-making, while the second paragraph transitions smoothly to the necessity of fostering independence as children mature. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the author’s position. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, especially between the two body paragraphs where the shift in focus from young children to older children’s autonomy could be more explicitly connected.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer transition words or phrases to connect ideas more explicitly between paragraphs. For instance, using phrases like "building on this idea" or "transitioning to the next aspect" can help guide the reader through the essay’s progression of thought.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to structure ideas, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, and the body paragraphs each focus on distinct phases of children’s development and corresponding parental roles. The conclusion neatly summarizes the key points discussed.
  • How to improve: To further enhance paragraph structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details or examples. For example, in the body paragraphs, explicitly state the focus of each paragraph at the outset to aid readability and coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as linking words ("however," "for example," "while"), pronouns ("this," "these"), and repetition of key ideas ("parental guidance," "children’s autonomy"). These devices generally help in maintaining coherence and connecting ideas within and between sentences.
  • How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating more advanced connectors like "moreover," "nevertheless," "consequently," etc., to add sophistication to the essay’s structure. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and references are used consistently to avoid ambiguity.

Overall, while the essay effectively organizes its content and utilizes cohesive devices, there is room for improvement in enhancing the explicit connection between ideas and refining the use of transitional phrases for smoother transitions. Strengthening these elements can elevate the essay’s coherence and cohesion, potentially achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating a variety of words and phrases to express ideas effectively. For instance, terms such as "adhere strictly," "crucial," "ill-advised decisions," "potential long-term consequences," "wealth of life experiences," "financial difficulties," "responsible money management," "pitfalls," "autonomy," "self-confidence," "emerging ambitions," "fulfillment," and "resilience" contribute to the richness and depth of expression.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the breadth of vocabulary, consider integrating more nuanced synonyms or exploring alternative phrasings where appropriate. Additionally, incorporating specialized vocabulary related to specific aspects of the topic, such as child development or parental guidance, can add depth to the essay’s lexical range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying intended meanings. For example, phrases like "parental advice is crucial," "valuable insights," "sense of autonomy," and "personal growth and fulfillment" are used accurately to articulate concepts. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "financial difficulties" could be elaborated upon with more specific terms such as "financial hardships" or "economic challenges" to provide a clearer picture.
  • How to improve: Continuously strive for precision by selecting words that precisely convey intended meanings without ambiguity. Consult a thesaurus or reference materials to explore alternative terms that offer more specificity or clarity in expression. Additionally, aim to avoid overgeneralization by using precise vocabulary tailored to the context of the essay.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of spelling accuracy, with minimal instances of misspelled words detracting from readability. Spelling errors are notably absent, indicating a strong command of orthography. Overall, the essay maintains consistency in spelling throughout.
  • How to improve: Maintain the current standard of spelling accuracy by continuing to review and revise written work for any potential errors. Consider utilizing spelling and grammar checkers as tools for identifying and correcting any overlooked mistakes. Additionally, regular reading and exposure to written materials can reinforce spelling conventions and contribute to overall proficiency in spelling.

Overall, the essay exhibits a commendable level of lexical resource, characterized by a wide range of vocabulary, generally precise usage, and correct spelling. To further enhance lexical proficiency, consider diversifying vocabulary with nuanced synonyms, striving for precision in word choice, and maintaining consistency in spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and subordinate clauses. There is effective use of transitional phrases and conjunctions to connect ideas logically throughout the essay. For instance, the essay employs introductory phrases ("On the one hand," "However") to introduce contrasting viewpoints, enhancing the coherence of the argument. Furthermore, the writer utilizes rhetorical devices such as parallelism ("allowing children to make their own decisions," "develop a sense of autonomy") to emphasize key points and maintain reader engagement.
  • How to improve: While the essay showcases a strong command of sentence structures, further diversity could be introduced by incorporating occasional use of rhetorical questions, participial phrases, or inverted sentence structures to add variety and sophistication to the writing. Additionally, integrating occasional short, punchy sentences for emphasis or dramatic effect can enhance the overall rhythm and impact of the essay.
• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors scattered throughout the text. Sentence structures are generally well-constructed, and verb tense consistency is maintained. Punctuation is used effectively to clarify meaning and guide the reader through the essay. However, there are a few instances where commas could be used more judiciously to improve clarity or to separate items in a list more clearly. For example, in the sentence "Firstly, young children’s cognitive development is not fully mature, and they may struggle to discern between appropriate and inappropriate behavior," a comma after "mature" would enhance readability.
  • How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, it would be beneficial for the writer to review the rules governing the use of commas, particularly in complex sentences with multiple clauses. Additionally, paying close attention to subject-verb agreement, pronoun-antecedent agreement, and the correct use of articles can help eliminate any remaining minor errors and polish the overall clarity and precision of the writing. Continuing to practice writing and proofreading with a focus on grammar and punctuation will also contribute to ongoing improvement in this area.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely accepted that children should adhere rigorously to their parents’ guidance. However, I contend that while parental advice is crucial in the early stages of development, permitting children to exercise autonomy in decision-making becomes paramount as they mature.

On the one hand, parental advice is invaluable in shaping young minds. Firstly, youngsters’ cognitive development may not be fully mature, and they may not fully comprehend the dangers of certain situations. Consequently, they may make unwise decisions with potential long-term consequences. For instance, young children may not fully grasp the dangers of crossing a busy street without looking both ways, potentially leading to accidents. Therefore, parental guidance is essential for teaching children about safety and appropriate behavior. In addition, parents, having accumulated a wealth of life experiences, can offer valuable perspectives that aid their children in decision-making. For example, parents who have faced financial difficulties can impart valuable lessons to their children about responsible money management, helping them avoid similar pitfalls in their own lives.

However, as children grow older and become more mature, fostering independence and cultivating critical thinking becomes paramount. For instance, allowing children to make their own decisions about what to wear or what activities to participate in can help them develop a sense of self-determination and self-confidence. It is also essential to recognize that parental counsel may not always align with the child’s emerging ambitions. For example, a child who is passionate about pursuing a career in the arts may face resistance from parents who prioritize financial stability and encourage a more traditional career path. This conflict may engender tension and hinder the child’s personal growth and fulfillment.

Although parents may seek the best for their children, permitting children to exercise autonomy in decision-making becomes vital for their independence and resilience in adulthood.

To conclude, while acknowledging the significant value of parental advice grounded in experience and wisdom, I advocate for children to gradually assume greater autonomy as they progress through life’s stages. This ensures their personal development and self-realization.